/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/71790135/1432075355.0.jpg)
and all through the blog
not a creature was stirring
(except for the frog)
As the Yanks got their Judge back
Rodon shaved his face
While the Mets signed great players
the A’s added Jace
The spree was Aledmys
and then Trevor May
Now perhaps Drew Rucinski
will help save the day
On Fisher! On Kaval!
On Forst! (The new Beane)
Has ever such lame
parsimony been seen?
A haul for Sean Murphy!
We’ve nothing to worry!
Unless all our hopes are
some guy named Esteury
But Muller! And Sears!
Waldichuk and Kaprielian!
And an offense so bad
it’s downright Machiavellian
But perhaps Oakland’s fortunes
reversed by the Gelof
A young stud emerging
to offset the selloff
On Soderstrom! On Diaz!
(The one who can hit)
Perhaps soon this poor offense
won’t just look like sh— crap
Oh let Butler and Clarke
be those two stars on deck
we were once thinking might be
Lazaro and Beck
And remember there’s talent
in Pache and Smith
for whom competent hitting
is so far a myth
But there’s little Nick Allen
a shortstop gold glover!
If only around, say,
.250 he’d hover
No shifting! Seth Brown
could hit .294!
If they’d just ban the changeup
he’d hit even more
On Dany! Domingo!
On Jackson and Moll!
At the hands of our
journeyman bullpen you’ll stall
Cole Irvin! Our ace!
You’ll get tired of winning!
(Assuming he doesn’t
get shelled the 1st inning)
And Blackburn! Our All-Star
if owies don’t linger
How bad can it be
if it’s just one damn finger?
The same one I use
to salute the draft lottery
We so need a ballpark
that’s more “by the water”-y
Don’t worry! It’s happening!
The project’s alive!
With a ballpark to open in
3005
Don’t fret about now, though
we still have a dowry
that might let us sign
the fresh corpse of Jed Lowrie
But hey, they’re the A’s
and we’ll love them no matter
We bleed green and gold
and we’re mad as a hatter
Plus remember off-seasons
can always be worse
But enough about Carlos Correa
(Too terse?)
So let’s wait for spring training
then pray for a miracle
And remember bad baseball
is still downright lyrical
Go A’s! Now go try
not to miss your next flight
Or stay home with your loved ones —
and to all a good night
Disclaimer: All the characters in this poem are fictional. Any resemblance between John Fisher and a steaming pile of dung is purely coincidental
Merry Chriskwanzukah everybody! And Pedro Feliz Navidad to all!
Loading comments...