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My Cup Runneth Under

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MLB: Texas Rangers at Oakland Athletics
“I’m having a ball.”
Darren Yamashita-USA TODAY Sports

Update: Still no baseball news. Tune in next week for the same update. But I did realize something that made me smile: our new audio feature, in which a generic narrator turns whatever I type into a spoken version, offers a gold mine of comedic possibilities. Allow me to demonstrate, as I type a ridiculous paragraph the narrator will have to read and which you can enjoy.

As Eric Idle would point out, ham sandwich bucket of water plastic duralex rubber McFisheries underwear. But then again, goo goo gah gah I’m a bad girl and should be spanked because I just did a pee pee in my pants. Hey, have you ever had sex with a cranberry muffin while whistling “Yankee Doodle” backwards? Obviously, me neither. Finally, let me humiliate myself by attempting to pronounce these words: gaflarshingblude, mgFwamz, hrbekgwosdz, querfk2xmooooooo.

I can’t wait to listen.

Yes Rob Manfred and Tony Clark, this is what you have reduced your baseball writers to creating. Solve this dispute now!

If any A’s news is coming down the pike any time soon, it could be the hiring of a new manager. The front office has expressed no urgency, claiming they don’t need a skipper to be announced before February but at least they do have the option of moving forward as fast as they please.

To be candid I find myself somewhat indifferent, at the moment, as to which direction the team goes. But that is mostly because I don’t really know much about most of the candidates as relates to their managerial skills.

In contrast, if I were a Mets fan and heard that Buck Showalter is considered to be a front-runner, I would know that I felt strongly about preferring the other guy. But while I am familiar with Mark Kotsaay, and saw Will Venable play (ok I’m old — I also saw his dad play), I am not in any position to opine about Matt Quatraro’s communication skills or Joe Espada’s ability to manage a bullpen. And I don’t want Quartaro just because he comes from the Rays, nor do I want to avoid Espada just because he comes from the Cheating Astros. I just want the right guy.

I will offer these additional nuggets:

Marcus Jensen has been with the organization an awfully long time (14 years), and if he is considered to be the best candidate I am pleased at the idea of breaking a color barrier that still exists far too much amongst MLB’s managers.

If Darren Bush’s ability to get players to incorporate good teaching and translate it into action is reflecting in the A’s hitting approach, I’ll pass. I don’t know if he is considered to be a good, bad, great or awful hitting coach, but either he doesn’t say the right things or his players don’t listen and either is a problem. Closer to the season I will run a long and comprehensive piece on my philosophies of effective hitting — basically how I think a hitting coach should think and teach — and you will see ample differences in pedagogy.

What I invite you to do in the comments is to rank your choices from 1 to 6 and then give some explanation on the ‘whys’ (I hope Mr. Narrator knew how to pronounce that). I won’t offer my list, partly because I don’t want to bias anything before comments are posted and partly because I have no idea what I think.

I don’t even know what I think of Kotsay, with whom I feel the most familiar, because while he was a favorite player to watch I never found him to be especially warm or likeable and we have heard of him using his leadership to play clubhouse politics — maybe necessarily (thanks yet again, Brian Fuentes), maybe not — yet he also appears to command respect and endorsement from insiders who know a heck of a lot more than I do.

So please weigh in and let’s talk about the only A’s news that has any chance of reaching a conclusion any time soon. And please remember to tip your narrator.