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Bon Mots, Tater Tots, And Marge Schotts

My Aunt Bertha has always said, “If you have nothing to say, say a lot of it and then people will just naturally assume you’re probably saying something meaningful even if you’re not.” She will then cite “War & Peace” as an example before admitting that she has never actually read the book but did once use it as a coaster.

The A’s are not just news on the field these days. They are also news in the land development and construction realm and on the airwaves. Why? Because at the moment, two things the A’s don’t happen to have are a new stadium or a radio station. So currently they face the unenviable specter of fielding a team where you won’t hear what’s happening and won’t know exactly where the game is being played. (It’s ok, though, because the team doesn’t have a starting rotation either.)

So the last couple days, as I drink my morning tea and read my morning Chronicle — yes I still get my newspapers in print — the “not A’s” are in the news...

Am I Supposed To Have Sympathy?

In a shocking bit of news that no one, except everyone, could have seen coming, it seems that Peralta Community College is in fiscal crisis having received the lowest possible score on tests of fiscal health from the Accrediting Commission for Community and Junior Colleges.

Well gosh darnsies, if only Peralta had been offered some sort of great financial opportunity recently to boost its fiscal health right now. It sounds like Peralta could really use a huge influx of cash from someone looking to partner with them by giving them tens of millions of dollars.

Do I sound anti-education because I am quietly snickering at a board that oversees the essential offering of community colleges? I am not anti-education, just anti-moron. Sometimes you get what you deserve. The Accrediting Commission has given Peralta until December 14th to submit a plan for “improving your institution’s financial health”. Perhaps the board will come up with the brilliant idea of partnering with the Oakland A’s on a ballpark.

“The Antenna Has Taken Full Effect”

Then this morning’s Chronicle brings analysis of the A’s radio flagship situation, discussing the various options of returning to an old friend, e.g., KFRC, buying time on a station with a strong signal, e.g., KGO, buying its own station or perhaps eventually partnering with a streaming app, e.g., just shoot me now as I weep for society.

Which route the A’s will wind up going is one focus of the article, but another rests with what could be a “say it forget it, write it regret it” tweet sent out when the A’s broke up with KGMZ, aka “The Game”. Forever immortalized is the image of the A’s packing their bags to leave 95.7 with the tag line, “It’s not us, it’s you.” It was a public middle finger that reflected the acrimonious relationship between the A’s and 95.7, and if you’ve ever had a nasty breakup and an iPhone you know what a dangerous combination that can be.

As noted in the article, trouble is the broadcast industry is somewhat tight to where when you insult one frequency you insult all the others. “Oh noes!” cries 92.6. “Did you hear what was said about our neighbor updial?” “Oh I heard it,” replies 100.8. “I was just telling 103.4 about it.”

Further awkwardifying the situation (what???? “awkwardifying isn’t a word??? Well it totally should be), the eleventeen-gazillion radio stations currently on the dial are owned by a grand total of very-few-and-a-half conglomerates. You know, “iHeartRadio” and “Cumulus” and the like. So when you’re peddling your resume and sitting at that job interview and explaining why you left your last employer...and it turns out to be the same employer...Oops.

Cue Cher: “If I could turn back ti-ime...” (Note to self: one should always cue up Cher, even if there are no relevant lyrics.) Maybe the A’s best move would have been to say, “It wasn’t the ideal match long-term, but we’re thankful for the time we had.” Or some other stock statement that was mostly untrue but sounded fine publicly. But hell hath no fury like a team scorned with access to Twitter. I’m so glad I still have a rotary phone. (Except for dialing ‘0’ — that is such a pain.)

So will the A’s open at Howard Terminal first or will Peralta Community Colleges go bankrupt first? The race is on. And where do you think the A’s will wind up on your radio dial? And for the love of everything holy, when you tune in who will be the starting pitcher?