FanPost

A Day in the Life of an AthleticsNation Dissident

8:02 AM - Cat didn't get up and isn't begging for food. What's the deal?

8:04 AM - It's Daylight Savings Time. Gotta get a digital clock.

7:04 AM - Go back to bed.

7:05 - 8:02 AM - Can't sleep. Try to think of a CF candidate no one has thought of. Try to talk yourself into liking Kirk Nieuwenhuis. Nope can't do it.

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8:03 AM - Feed cat.

8:05 AM - Check AN, make sure your offseason plan still has no new comments. Yep.

8:30 AM - Go for a run. Spend most of the time trying to figure out Khris Davis' best landing spots. Red Sox and Nationals are no brainers. Indians are a fun idea with Mike Napoli in flux. Khrush for Greg Allen, Brady Aiken, and Rob Kaminsky is a pipe dream. Add that to the giant theme park of trade ideas currently occupying the temporal lobe. Realize you've been running for an hour.

9:30 AM - Get back home. Check www.mlbtraderumors.com. Carlos Gomez evidently wants a 5-year deal. Insane.

There is a large potion after this where I might visit a more adult site and at this point I'll direct the camera to the curtains, kind of like what they did in The Truman Show whenever Laura Linney and Jim Carrey got intimate.

10:57 AM - Work on player evaluations for Semien, Graveman, and Vogt. Try to convince myself I'm wrong and that we shouldn't trade them. Still can't.

12:15 PM - Read this article on Michael Kopech and Brent Honeywell. Enjoy the part about Honeywell's screwball and spend the next five minutes considering buying a throwback Jim Mecir jersey. After reading about Kopech's 101mph fastball, redirect my Khrush to Indians plan back to the Red Sox.

1:01 PM - Throw away clock.

1:44PM - Girlfriend calls after her class. Asks me what I've been doing. Lie and tell her I've been working on scripts. Talking to her while watching Brad Hand clips from 2016 on mute. Enjoyed this one in particular:

Feeling even better about the Semien for Jankowski/Hand proposal.

2 PM - Solid three-hour block of catching up on The Americans. Can't help but thinking about a TV show about baseball sign stealers. These guys: They can figure out the sign for a pickoff at 2nd base in five minutes. But can they pick up signals from the ladies? No way, they're all thumbs. Seems like a good vehicle to get Brendan Fraser's career back on track.

5:05PM: Happy hour at Las Cazuelas. $6 Pacifico pitchers and $4 dollar margaritas. Drunkenly pontificate to girlfriend that Forst/Beane have lost their mojo and that if I could only take them to Westworld, at least one of them would come back as the Man in Black. Try to explain to her that the maze in this analogy refers to the path to getting back to the 2011 offseason plan when we traded Cahill and Andrew Bailey. She reminds me she's 20 and doesn't know who those people are. She orders another margarita.

6:30 PM - Jump on AN, play defense on whatever-progressive idea I threw out last. Play defense on Travis Jankowski most of all. Watch this video on loop to lift my spirits.

7 PM - Maybe Khrush to the Blue Jays? Nah, they don't have the ammo for it. Although...Connor Greene could literally sell jeans.

7:01 PM - Girlfriend catches glimpse of picture of Connor Greene and suggests threesome. Want to be mad, but I get it.

7:34PM - Spend an inordinate amount of time on this Photoshop:

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9:21 PM - Look at Oakland Athletics job openings. Way out of my depth.

10:13 PM - Existential meltdown. I'm wasting my life trying to convince people that we need to cash in on Kendall Graveman. I'm expelling too much energy reading old Keith Law chats trying to get info on Grant Holmes. It's lonely out here trying to build a dynasty. If I have to read another trade proposal that assigns Raul Alcantara top 100 prospect value, I'm gonna truly lose it.

10:45 PM - Recover by watching the video of the dog losing his shit about Gumby.

11:59PM - Go to bed. Do it all over again.