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Oakland A's 2016 Player Profile: John Axford

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Time to get to know some of the new guys! So, why not start with 2K16 nominee for Champion of King of Clubhouse Facial Hair? Who? John Axford, of course!

Personally, I am selfishly excited for the appearance of the 6'5" right-hander out of Ontario, Canada (and the keyword here is "selfishly"). Sure, I'm happy enough to have another fresh arm on the roster, but mostly because he brings with him the best nickname-and-mustache combo since the glory days.

John "The Ax Man" Axford -- who was signed to a two-year, $10mil contract on December 11th, 2015 -- does not simply come complete with funky whiskers, he's a regular aficionado. He lovingly crafts his facial hair into anything from mutton-chops to soul patches to handlebars that could compete with the greats. He's a pro, in every sense of the word.


He's also Canadian, which puts him up there with such A's Canadian Pitching Greats pitchers like Rich Harden and um ... well ... Ted Bowsfield, Vince Horsman ... oh boy. Vern Handrahan? Tom Harrison (who, according to Baseball Reference, pitched one inning for the Kansas City A's back in 1965, giving up one run and two hits before, presumably, dropping off the baseball world forever)?? ... Okay, okay. Not exactly the most All-Star stacked list, but a list nonetheless. A list that John Axford is now a part of. O Canada!

In addition to his heritage and facial hair extravaganza, as mentioned before, John Axford also brings in a pretty sweet nickname. A really sweet nickname. The kind of nickname you dream about. One that I have illustrated, to better support how awesome it is.

the ax man

Good? Good.

Axford also happens to be a film buff. And like everything else about Axford, he took his love of film to the next level, earning his Bachelor of Arts degree in Film and Television from Notre Dame in 2005. In fact, Axford has never lost his love of film. After the conclusion of the 2015 season, he unveiled to the world of the Hamilton Film Festival in Ontario, Canada, his documentary, If It's Not Something, It's Something Else -- following the story of Canadian rock band, The Reason.

While his pitching capabilities in Oakland have yet to be seen, Axford has already shown himself in as a fun and passionate character who should be a good addition to the clubhouse. And if nothing else, he gives me the joy of drawing mustaches in my spare time.

mustache power