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AN Presents: 2014 Quotes of the Month: March - May

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Because talking about baseball sucks.

Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome to the first installment of Quotes of the Month for 2014! Back by popular demand, and the fact I'm looking for any distraction from A's baseball, let's start with March, April and May.

We were so young and innocent then....

(in response to the interesting acoustics for the National Anthem)
Pal Smurch: I never knew that this song was a round.

GreenNGoldSooner:
He'll tease you
He’ll unease you
Just to please ya
He’s got Bobby Crosby eyes

Here are some quotes to take you back. Remember when Jim Johnson was our biggest problem? Sigh...

Raider Daze: Frustrating as hell that we have a closer that no one fears. Can't live with a flat fastball.
Nico: Speak for yourself. I was terrified when he came in.

Mad Adams: Would currently rather see the following people on the mound in a close game than Jim Johnson*:
Jim Thome,
Jim Harbaugh,
Jim Palmer (circa 2014),
Jim Halpert,
Jim Carrey as the Riddler,
a BLT from Jimmy Johns
Jimbo Jones
Jim Rash as Dean Pelton as Vice Cobra Assistant Commander
Thankfully, there were plenty of other positives to take away from this game and we got a win. I’m glad I get to watch a good team.
*list not exhaustive.

Matt Verderame: To recap
Derek Norris perhaps Johnny Bench?
Jim Johnson perhaps nailed to the bench?
A’s win, A’s win.

We loved our players back in the day...

BWH: how does Jed Lowrie already have ELEVEN walks this season?
justANotherAsFan: Simple- he's a Jedi Warrior and he uses the Force to bend the pitches out of the strike zone.
ilikeike: these arent the strikes you're looking for
ilikeike: these aren't the strikes I'm looking for
ilikeike: you can take your base
ilikeike: I can take my base
ilikeike: move along
ilikeike: move along... move along

We loved baseball....

(After the ball bounces off the base into a glove for an out)
kc75: Great play by first base! I mean literally, first base.

Hit4TheCycle: This game was like going to Disneyland with all your favorite rides closed. Then reopened, closed while you’re in line, and finally reopened with you standing next to it.

And each other...

Juicy_Couture_39: I like you Gallo
gallo del cielo: /preens and struts/

And our players...

hotpuff415: Have we ever SEEN a Cespy Interview on CSN before?
I can’t remember seeing one myself.
MehranTheGreat: I remember seeing one in 2012
ariel prieto was translating.
Tutu-late: As the saying goes,...."Those who can't pitch,....Interpret"


And What would a QOTM-fest be without Daric Barton?

SF Geoff: I got in a fight with my girlfriend; we kinda broke up, but were really just mad at each other. I told Barton- and he called her that night and asked her out!
Jesse79: no worries
he has trouble getting to first base.

Billy Frijoles:
no, actually the most powerful response would have been to send in Daric Barton as a bat-wielding goon
have him take out a few Astros with the lumber and go out in a blaze of glory, redeeming himself from franchise whipping boy to all-time A’s LEGEND
Pal Smurch: Yeah, right. Like Daric Barton could hit an Astro.
He’d stand there until four of them ran by, then go to first base.



We have your Freudian slips...

MehranTheGreat: How'd my boo Pomeranz do?
MehranTheGreat: well that's weird. I meant to say boy...
hell who am I kidding..

There was singing...

Jonathan Livingston Smeagol: Recap in the form of a Careless Whisper parody plz?

Hit4TheCycle: A's feel so unsure
As they take the ball and hand it to Jim Johnson
As the music dies, something in your eyes
calls to mind the home opener and all its sad goodbyes.
I’m never gonna close again
Guilty arm have got no rhythm
Though it’s easy to pretend
I know fans not a fool

Jeremy F. Koo: Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish we actually had a crowd
Maybe it’s better this way
We’d hurt Jim Johnson with the boos we’d bray

Hit4TheCycle: We could have been so good together
We could have saved this game forever
But no one’s gonna cheer with me
Please DFA

McKara: They never should have put Johnson in
His head’s so screwed, don’t know where to begin
Though the fans booed in the end
Captain Doo came in and stole the show

Trainman: Doolittle save his and the team's ass
And this guy wonders why he gets booed.
Seriously, he deserves to be ripped because he is basically robbing the A’s blind and if a game is on the line he goes into destruction mode for some reason
I felt sorry for him way back but now it’s just sad that he fails
Have you ever heard of someone being pulled from an outing 4 times in a closing inning and it’s only May 12th

Jeremy F. Koo: This doesn't fit the lyrical pattern of the song.

We made fun of other announcers...

stormtown: So apparently tonight on the Royals broadcast Rex Hudler called the moon a beautiful planet

bta47: The White Sox will never dance again :(
AthleticShark: I bet Hawk wants to murder George Michael
Leopold Bloom: He gone.

And our own announcers, hi Ray...

bta47: This is what i'm imagining:
“So, when you’re catching, as you did for many years back in Oakland, as this is the organization that drafted you and brought you up through the minors and you spent many years here and were a fan favorite, how does it affect what you choose to do at the plate as far as your approach at the plate, as it is a very advanced approach and you take a lot of pitches and foul off some to make sure you have the right pitch, does that help you against an A’s pitching staff that is just as good as when you left the A’s, the organization you were drafted into?”

And other players...

ResopRock: Are we really acting this immature
alosersayswhat?
Jeremy F. Koo: "What?" - Joe Nathan

Juicy_Couture_39: When did Dexter Fowler wind up on the Astros?
Alex Hall: He got, like, REALLY drunk.
Woke up in an Astros uniform. Talk about a rough night.

Our recaps were written sober...

This game was over by the second inning, so today's recap will be presented as a series of limericks.

player20: Gamethread Recap
Roux
Doo(little’s excellent pitching)
Winnie the Pooh
Shoo(ty Babbitt complaints)
Booze (wine, gin)
Boos (for Jim Johnson)
Tomorrow we play two



Oh, the memories of when we used to sweep other teams...

player20: (Checks phone) Well, look at the time!
(Gets off couch) We must be going. Thanks for having us. Swish, G, Outman, good to see you. (Grabs bag; shakes hands) Jerry Layne, peace out. (Walks out door; whistles for cab) All right, thanks again. (Gets in cab) Call us! If you’re ever in Oakland- (closes door) Let’s roll.

Here's to better times ahead for us all. See you back with the next installment!