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Jim Leyland Celebrates 112th Birthday By F&*%ing Over Josh Donaldson

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Please excuse my profane use of the ampersand. I'm a little heated right now, and this being a rant this post may not be my most eloquent. But seriously: HOW DO YOU NOT PUT JOSH DONALDSON ON THE ALL-STAR TEAM????

"Did I leave the iron on? And did I remember to completely f*** over Josh Donaldson?"
"Did I leave the iron on? And did I remember to completely f*** over Josh Donaldson?"
Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

Josh Donaldson is 10th in the American League in batting average, 9th in on base percentage, 10th in slugging percentage, 10th in total bases, 9th in doubles, 10th in RBIs, 9th in extra base hits, and 7th in OPS.

You prefer more advanced metrics? Josh Donaldson is also 7th in WAR, 7th in "runs created," and 3rd in WPA .

Oh, and he's widely considered to be having a "gold glove worthy" season at 3B. How is Donaldson a "top 10 at everything" player who can't quite crack the All-Star roster?

The only reasonable excuse Leyland had was that with Miguel Cabrera, Manny Machado, Evan Longoria, and Adrian Beltre also worthy, there were just not enough spots for all the 3Bmen who deserved to go. So you leave Longoria and Beltre off, and still overlook Donaldson so that you can make room for Brett Cecil, whose pitching delivery looks like an epileptic accidentally having sex with a coat rack? I know, I know -- his motion isn't relevant and I don't mean to offend coat racks. It's just...Leyland has actually managed to construct a roster that is, if anything, a tad short-handed at the deepest position in the American League.

Is it possible Leyland forgot about Donaldson? Was he too busy coughing up a lung to notice who was putting up a 1.189 OPS against the Tigers earlier this season?

If the A's only have one player worthy of the All-Star team, then how is it that they keeping winning to the tune of spending June and July with the 2nd best record in the American League? Perhaps it's on the back of their best player: The best player on the league's 2nd best team, the guy whose name can be found amongst the top 10 ... everything.

His name is Josh Donaldson, you nicotine-infested clusterf*** of a shriveled prune. And again, sorry, I'm upset -- I apologize to prunes.

The A's are coming to Detroit on August 26th. Mark your calendar, you "old-school" phlegm-fest of a Wrinkle Cream "Before" photo, because that week you will learn what an All-Star is.

HOW DO YOU NOT PUT JOSH DONALDSON ON THE ALL-STAR TEAM????