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Fun with spring's small sample sizes

Alternate title: "Relax, it's only March."

Christian Petersen

I'll be honest: I don't really care about spring training.

It's fun to go (seriously, give it a shot at least once), and it's a great diversion on MLB Network from reruns of Friends on TBS. But if you find yourself looking at the numbers, and making serious predictions about the upcoming season based on them, maybe spend some time away from the sun.

A few days ago, I saw some tweeters concerned that Scott Sizemore was amiss because of his low batting average. Then I saw he had only taken 20-some at-bats. That's like worrying that your student is failing because he or she has a D a week into the semester.

So I wanted to have some fun with this.

Here are some snap Spring Training judgments!

Josh Horton (1.000 AVG, 1 RBI) — Forget the assorted minor league levels and Oakland, is there any way we can just get this guy a bust in Cooperstown now? Oh, there's no room? Just remove that Honus Wagner fellow. Like anyone knows who he is.

Eric Sogard (.423 AVG) — Naka-who? Billy should've known the shortstop of the future was already on the roster.

Jesse Chavez (1.80 ERA, .125 BAA) — I think we're looking a guy who could have 3, maybe 4, Cy Young awards before this season is done.

Jarrod Parker (0-2, 10.00 ERA) — It's nice that the A's are showing confidence in this kind of roster filler by letting him stay in big league camp this long.

Bartolo Colon (1.000 FPCT) — Pickin' machine!

Yoenis Cespedes (.194 BA, 6 K's) — Man, talk about a sophomore slump.

This was all in good fun and 100 percent sarcastic! The main point is that really, so long as no one gets hurt and Brett Anderson doesn't develop Rick Ankielitis, there's really no reason to get too worked up over Spring Training.