Fact: The Texas Rangers have beaten the A's seven straight times.
Fact: The A's have laid down and allowed the Rangers to clean their boots upon them two days in a row, after returning from a fairly successful road trip.
Fact: The only red ass this team had, Dallas Braden, has been on the DL for almost four months now.
Fact: The closest thing this team has to a stopper now is number 18, James Richard Harden.
Fact: Rich Harden pitches today.
AN, let us pray.
Please, Lord, we're sorry for our sinful ways.
We're sorry for all those things we said about Bob Geren.
And mostly, we're sorry for all the hate and vitriol we've spread against your son.
God, we don't know why you continue to torture us, with these asshats like CJ Wilson, who surely deserves to be smited...er, smote...um, horribly maimed and disfigured in a freakish combine accident.
We don't know why you've taken Ray Ratto from his post, but have chosen to leave Lowell Cohn well-entrenched in his.
We have no clue why you seem to have bestowed upon every single one of our players the defensive prowess of Lucy van Pelt.
But we humbly supplicate ourselves to you, Lord, and beg of you: please, please let us beat these disgusting pig demons from hell.
Amen.
Here's something very cool if you're a stathead or you know someone who is, or perhaps you've read about them in magazine articles or while perusing through an Encyclopedia Britannica in your local library. Our very own elcroata was prominently featured on Tom Tango's website, which apparently is like cocaine over food to the lab rat statheads. Well, that analogy was vague and quite possibly insulting, but it's very awesome that EC is getting legitimate recognition from very legitimate sources. This seriously is a big deal and if you have not already, please congratulate him when next you see him.
But, um, yes, there's a baseball game gonna be played today! And you're all invited!
The Rangers are pitching someone named Matt Harrison, who apparently is not only a retired MMA fighter, he's also deaf! This is gonna be like taking candy from a ba...what's that? That's not Matt Harrison? That's Matt Hamill? Well, who the hell is Matt Harrison?
Baseball-reference.com tells me that, at age 24, Harrison is seventh most like...Arthur Rhodes. Now if the A's can't beat someone who reminds some random website of a pitcher who was completely horrible when he played for us seven years ago...well, I just don't want to live in that kind of world. If the A's can't beat a fairly close replica of a young TARE, well, they don't deserve to call themselves a professional sports franchise.
AN, I'm gonna level with you. The Rangers will probably kick the crap out of the A's again today. They've got a really good team, pretty good pitching and are playing with drive and focus right now. But there's a chance Harden nuts up and pitches lights out today. He's capable. And he...kind of has good reason to show the Rangers up. And when he's healthy, Rich Harden is really, really good. Will the real Rich Harden please stand up?
And, on a somewhat personal level, we may have really good news soon. There's something brewing! And I'll let you all in on it as soon as more vague, sketchy details come in. Just know that a nebulous plan is in the works, and that you all should be cautiously optimistic about our prospects.
Lineups, via Susan Slusser:
Texas Rangers:
1. Ian Kinsler 2B
2. Elvis Andrus SS
3. Josh Hamilton CF
4. Michael Young 3B
5. Nelson Cruz RF
6. Mike Napoli C
7. Mitch Moreland 1B
8. Yorvit Torrealba DH
9. David Murphy LF
Oakland A's:
1. Jemile Weeks 2B
2. Coco Crisp CF
3. Hideki Matsui DH
4. Josh Willingham LF
5. Scott Sizemore 3B
6. David DeJesus RF
7. Kurt Suzuki C
8. Brandon Allen 1B
9. Cliff Pennington SS
Auto tag hates Nelson Cruz! Who knew?!