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Recap? Recap. Yankees Lose. Rest of Nation Rejoices.

So, um, there was a baseball game and the right team won.

Unless, you know, you're like a Yankees fan. Then the wrong team won. But you don't have a soul anyhow if you're rooting for the Yankees, so go away, you soulless moron. Your team just paid ~$207 million and lost in the first round of the playoffs. Sorry. You'll buy another championship next season, Yankees.

Jim Leyland, you cantankerous, leathery SOB--you reek of old cigarettes, vitamins and pee. But, damn it, I love you right now. You and your wonderfully soulful Kittens. Good job. The world salutes you. They love you. They might not show it, but a grateful nation salutes you. Thank you for cutting off the head.

I suppose the Yankees could cheat, like the Friday the 13th franchise did after they cut Jason's head off in the one where the little kid shaves half his head and pretends to be a little Jason Vorhees? That crazy little bastard cut Jason's head clean off. Next time through, some drunken teenagers dig up Jason's body and science and supernatural mix to reattach his head. Wait, no, it was greed and the need to continue on with a lucrative franchise.

I bet the Yankees come back next year.

As it is, the Yankees are through. The Red Sox are through. The Giants and Angels are both through. There are only two of the remaining six teams left that I do not want. One will be gunning for you, Jim Leyland. Please go and beat the crap out of the Rangers now. Please? Do it and the next pack of Camel straights is on me...