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AN Exclusive: Nico Sits Down With Miss Manners

Nico: First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to talk manners with us today.

Miss Manners: You're welcome. Having read your blog in anticipation of this interview, I can see I will be able to help quite a bit. Now you had some letters for me?

Dear Miss Manners,

I have a friend who insists on bunting in the 1st inning with his best hitter, but I was raised to believe that sentences should be free of expletives and as a result I can't think of anything to say.

-Miffed In Milpetas

Gentle Reader,

Miss Manners understands that while bunting is appropriate for almost every festive occasion, its overuse can be tiresome. However, Miss Manners knows that her readers do not wish to stoop to the level of the offender by using offensive language.

Instead, she recommends you strike a deal with the offending party: Each time bunting is used, your friend must wear one piece of bunting as part of his attire. Now if your friend overuses bunting, he will be identified as such, similar to wearing the Scarlet Letter, humiliated only by his own choices, and this may give him pause for thought to prevent careless breaches of etiquette.

Dear Miss Manners,

In an era already sullied by a preponderance of violence and tragedy, why do we continue to use phrases like "hit-and-run" and "suicide squeeze" to describe strategies in a recreational game?

- P.C. In Berkeley

Gentle Reader,

Miss Manners has too much confidence in your cognitive acumen to think you really mistake a base-stealing attempt for a vehicular felony. She recommends you confide in your vegan aromatherapist to help you reach enlightenment on this issue.

Dear Miss Manners,

Do you think the Rangers can really win the AL West?

- Nervous Nellie

Gentle Reader,

By the All-Star Break, CJ Wilson will already have thrown 100 innings for the first time in his career, Rich Harden will either be on the DL or will be continuing to walk hitters with 89MPH slop, an unraveling rotation will cause the bullpen to implode, and Texas will be trying to win games 9-7 in the oppressive Texas heat, with an abundance of away games against winning teams.

So to answer your question: Miss Manners really does not follow sports closely, other than to help gentle readers understand rules of social etiquette.

Thank you, Miss Manners! Join us at 4:00pm for Brett Anderson's return to the mound, against Rick Porcello. Anderson will go up to 75 pitches, likely backed by Vin Mazzaro. Hopefully, the A's can limit Miguel Cabrera to "2 HRs or fewer" tonight and end the evening back in first place.