UPDATE: Lance Berkman has signed a one-year deal with the St. Louis Cardinals.
On this rainy Saturday, we begin our twisted and sordid tale (disclaimer: your sordidness may vary) with news that the Boston Red Sox have reportedly acquired Adrian Gonzalez, pending a physical. One would think that once Gonzalez joins the Red Sox, Kevin Youkilis moves over to 3B, and Adrian Beltre is out of the picture.
Now I've done exhaustive research (translation: I'm exhausted just thinking about how tiring it would be for someone to actually do some research about something), and found that the historical odds of one player named Adrian impacting another player named Adrian is 1 in 3,428,292. But more to the point, if you're an A's fan: Does this mean Boston is officially out of the Beltre sweepstakes?
If so, it would now appear that Beltre's suitors are the A's and the Angels, which might give Oakland more legitimate reason to extend the extra dollar to bring him to Oakland -- the double-whammy of acquiring an impact player while simultaneously keeping him away from a division rival.
Now all this is speculative, but is there any place in Boston for Beltre besides the Nostalgia Chamber? Doesn't look like it.
Note: For "discussion so far" on this before the trade was finalized, see nocal81's fanpost. Thanks, nocal81!