“Yeah can I ‘elp you?”
“Yis, I wish to complain.”
“Aye, whot’s the problem then, mate?”
“The problem is this So Cal Scruffy Shortstop I purchased not 4 years ago from you in this very shop.”
“Ah yes, the So Cal Scruffy Shortstop. Great swing, that athlete. Beautiful plumage.”
“The plumage don’t enter into it!”
“Whot’s the problem then?”
“The problem is, this athlete is daft! Look, he’s way too far from the plate.”
<bap> “No ‘e’s not.”
“You just moved him!”
“No I di’int.”
“You did, I just saw you! Look sir, I don’t know what kind of shop you’re running here, but I took the liberty of examining his contract and I found that the only reason he was listed as a ‘B’ prospect is that someone had taken whiteout and changed the ‘D’ to a ‘B’.”
“Wonderful athlete, the So Cal Scruffy Shortstop. Terrific potential.”
“PoTENtial? This athlete is completely daft! His swing is longer than it was when I got ‘im! If you hadn’t nailed him to the batter’s box he would have been pinch hit for by now! He doesn’t have potential—he’s getting worse!”
“No ‘e’s not. He’s just stunned.”
“Look, my lad, I’ve had just about enough of this. This athlete is definitely daft. And when I brought him back not a half hour ago you assured me that the lack of adjustments was due to the fact that he was tired and shagged from a long batting practice session.”
“He’s probably just pining for the stretch drive.”
“Peining for the stretch dreive??? This athlete’s potential has expired, passed on, gone to meet its maker! He’s a stiff! He has chased a bad slider and joined the OPS invisible! Bereft of IQ, his capacity to improve has ceased to be! This…is an EX-prospect!”
“Well I’d better replace him then.”
“Thank ‘ew.”
“Sorry guv, we’re right out of shortstops at the moment. But I’ve got a trainer…”
The quest for the holy grail known as win #45 continues tonight at 7:00pm. See you then.
