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Warning: Important Post Ahead

First of all I’m sorry, bear with me—but the counselor in me really wants to see some important changes made in major league baseball. Wouldn’t it be more constructive, for example, if instead of arguing in each others’ faces unconstructively, umpires and managers were required to use “I-messages” with each other?

Geren: “Tim, when a ball hops right over the bag and you call it ‘foul’ I feel disappointed and frustrated.”

McClellan: “I hear you, Bob, but at the same time when you question my judgment it really leaves me feeling criticized and hurt.”

And if we give our learning disabled kids “time-and-a-half” on tests, why can’t we give Bobby Crosby "time-and-a-half" for his long swing? I mean those pitches often come, you know, really fast?

Fine, I’ll write a real column.

I’m mad at the Detroit Tigers for stealing a perfectly good post I had planned by trading Jair Jurrjens and Gorkys Hernandez to the Braves for Edgar Renteria. I was going to suggest that Bobby Crosby might be a perfect fit for the Tigers, and that a trade of Crosby for one of Detroit’s many minor league pitching prospects, could actually benefit both teams.

The Tigers could afford to absorb a “plus fielding / minus hitting” SS in their potent lineup and have needed a quality SS so they can move Carlos Guillen to 1B and shore up their infield defense. And if anyone could get Crosby to reach his offensive potential, it’s Mr. “old school, no nonsense, play the game right or I’ll tell you about it right now,” Jim Leyland. Under Leyland, I could actually see Crosby standing to attention, listening, and hitting .260 with 15 HRs and 15 SB.

And then the Braves ruined a great fantasy, and perfectly good post, by coughing up Renteria. And for what? Think about it: How many major league pitchers with a name as silly as Jair Jurrjens have ever excelled? Good pitchers are named Santana or Clemens or Smoltz. Anyone named Jair Jurrjens is, sadly, doomed to continue to post the 4.70 that is currently his career ERA. Not convinced? Gorman Heimueller: 4.67 career ERA. Virgil Cheeves: 4.73 ERA. Randy Choate: 4.71 ERA. Jerry Ujdur: 4.78 ERA. I’m telling you, it’s like clockwork.

Fine, I’ll write a real column. (Not today, obviously, but I will.) Meanwhile, um…Say stuff.