clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Presenting My MDT (Most Despicable Team)

Yeah, it's award season and no one is having fun predicting that A-Rod will win AL MVP or Jake Peavy will win the NL Cy Young. I mean, really, where's the drama in those decisions?

Instead, I wanted to give out my own special set of awards and it's for players that I can't stand. Hell, I was thinking about this the other day and realized I could field an entire team of these fellows. I then realized that I shouldn't really be spending so much negative energy on this, but I can't help it. I'm passionate about my team. And if Adam Morris from Lone Star Ball can inexplicably hate (and I do mean HATE) Nick Swisher, I'm allowed to have a team of players that I loathe.

So without further ado, I want to present my team of most hated players. Most of them will be fairly obvious to those of you who read AN regularly. I don't really keep it all that secret. My level of dislike for each of these players will naturally be rated on the Daffy scale. 1 Daffy means not so despicable. 4 means extremely despicable. If the player has two Daffys that means that it's more of a respect disliking because they're too damn good. Three means they are good and their behavior got them that extra Daffy.

Starting pitcher: Your starting pitcher for the MDT is a tough call. Curt Schilling won't shut up. He's mouthy, he's brash and I still think he poured some Fruit Punch Gatorade on that sock in 2004 to heighten his perceived "heroism". Then again, John Lackey is quite possibly the most annoying athlete on the planet. He's annoying to look at with his mouth slacking open all the time. He's also just as mouthy as Schilling and is constantly talking trash. Slingblade, as he's called around here, would have to get the nod over Schilling simply because he's physically tried to assault A's players and whined like a baby about Vlad getting hit to the newspapers. Schilling could be the team's long reliever (or number two starter). Kenny Rogers could be another option here.



Catcher: Catcher is a much easier call. Even though AssJack Pierzynski has moved to Chicago and the A's haven't seen him as much, he still is one of those players that makes my blood boil just looking at his smug ugly mug. Obviously it dates back to the whole boo-yah incident at home plate with Greg Myers in the playoffs a few years back, but Pierzynski was on that road regardless of the incident. Jason Varitek earns an honorable mention in this category.



First base: First base might be the first surprise. I'd probably say Jason Giambi if Giambi was still an effective first baseman. But instead I'm going to go with Kevin Youkilis. Yep, the Greek God of Walks that the A's management nearly stole away from the Sox several years back is someone that I wound up really, really disliking. There isn't really one thing I can point to with Youkilis other than he is flat-out annoying to look at with his bald head, goatee that is literally crying for a trim (I think Dustin Pedroia could probably hide in there if he wanted to), a batting stance that looks like he is trying to potty train a child and more sweat on that bald, ugly dome than pretty much any athlete not named Shaquille O'Neal.


Second base: Second base used to really belong to Adam Kennedy in this category but I'd probably have to go with Howie Kendrick. Kendrick hasn't done much to earn my ire other than being a prospect for the Angels that actually seems to be working out. He wears the Angel red and he's going to be damn good for years to come. That's enough for me to loathe the man. Honorable mention would've gone to both Placido Polanco and the former A's killer Ronnie Belliard here.


Third base: You'd think this would be a no brainer with A-Rod at the position, but he's too obvious. Everyone can't stand A-Rod. If you're human, you don't like him. No, instead third base would have to go to Adrian Beltre. Not only did Beltre break Eric Chavez's streak of gold gloves this offseason, but apparently he likes to hit against the A's more than any other team except the AL Central teams. His OPS was .891 against the A's and he hit some killer home runs this year against our green and gold.


Shortstop: Shortstop should go to the infamous Derek Jeter. No one is more annoying than Jeter fans who do nothing but send love out for him. I really don't think there is a more overrated player in sports than Jeter. But again that's the obvious choice. I'd have to say Michael Young here. I kind of long for the days of A-Rod in Texas whenever the A's play the Rangers because Young seems to be able to handle the A's much better than A-Rod did. Sometimes I just can't stand players because they repeatedly pull a Mola Ram on me and rip my heart out.

Michael Young:

Left field: Left field might be the most crowded category. You have Manny Ramirez. You have Barry Bonds. You have former Athletic Eric Byrnes (oh yeah, he's become obnoxious without green and gold on). Johnny Damon could even go into this category. But I'd have to go with the obvious picks on this one and say that Manny Ramirez earns the nod. Ramirez poses longer than anyone in sports at home plate even when his team is down by six runs. He has no concept of team outside of what it apparently means for Manny. I'm tired of the "Manny being Manny" crap. I don't like people getting a free pass to behave however they want just because they excel at something. I'm looking forward to the day his skills diminish and he has to capitulate to being a normal teammate.


Center field: Center field would have to be Johnny Damon. No one annoyed me more than this guy because of the fact that when he was in Oakland he did jack squat and he goes to Boston and becomes scruffy Jesus and then sells his soul to the team's arch rival. I don't like the Red Sox at all, but Damon has earned any and all venom shot his way.


Right field: Right field is an interesting one for me. It seems like a no brainer to go with Gary Sheffield on this one. He is annoying and thinks everyone in the world is out to get him. But I have to bring it back to the rivalry and say that I can't stand Vlad. It isn't really anything Vlad has done, it's more the incessant gushing about him by the Angels' brain-dead announcers. They literally played the Superman theme during one of Vlad's ABs this year. I mean, I know Angel fans are relatively new to the game and you need to do all you can to sell the sport in apathetic So Cal, but they get the fact that Vlad is good, gentlemen. I'd give the beachballers that much credit.


Designated hitter: Since this is an all-AL team, it also needs a DH. Designated hitter is a much easier one than it used to be. I want to know when David Ortiz turned into Derek Jeter. And by that I mean every single time someone calls a strike on him he gives the ump a look or bitches about it. I really used to actually have a fondness for David Ortiz, but it's gone out the window the last year or so as he's gotten more and more progressively whiny about strike calls. I can barely watch a game with him now without screaming "Shut up!" at the TV.


Closer and Manager: Finally, every team needs a closer and manager and who else to close than Mr. Goggle-Pen himself in Francisco Rodriguez. K-Rod is so obnoxious in his behavior on the mound that he resembles a clown out there. I appreciate enthusiasm, but every game isn't the World Series, dude. I'm not a fan of the Red Sox or Manny Ramirez, but that homer Manny hit off K-Rod had me on cloud nine for several days. And who else to manage this despicable crew other than Mr. Whiny himself, Mike Scioscia. I've never in my life seen a manager who cries on nearly every single call in a game. He argues everything and his pompous know-it-all behavior just rubs a lot of people, including folks like Frank Robinson, the wrong way.



There you have it. My MDT from top to bottom. Who is on your MDT? I'm guessing that some of our teams would be similar. Oh and obviously the set-up guys would be none other than Brendan Donnelly and Frank Francisco. D'uh.