That's right, folks, it's report writing season, that precious time of year when teachers write fiction designed to give just little enough information that no one gets sued. Remember, every report card you ever got was a lie--just a series of euphemisms designed to obscure the real picture. I know there are some young `uns on the site, so let me help you to understand your own report cards with a little "Report Card Vocabulary":
- "Veronica is creative" means "she has come up with at least 5 excuses for not doing her homework that even I've never heard before, and I've heard `em all."
- "Raoul can focus when he's interested in the discussion" means "They haven't designed a teacher who is fascinating enough, or a Ritalin that is strong enough, to capture this boy's attention for three consecutive seconds."
- "Sandra helps me to see the world in different ways" means "I attribute my nightly binges of alcohol and pot to the day I met this bundle of joy."
- "Gary is emerging as a speller" means "He izn't."
- "Cindi needs to apply herself more" means "For the last time, when I say `makeup exam' I am not referring to L'Oreal!"