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Friday Buffet O' Items

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We have three separate items to choose from this fine Friday. Pick any one you like to weigh in on--comment on all three and you get free egg roll!!!

Item 1: Selig Orders Ozzie Guillen To Attend Sensitivity Training

That's nice, but can you imagine these seminars? Ozzie Guillen, and a bunch of people like him, being taught that it's actually not nice to use hate-words to express your dislike for other people's behavior, all in the hopes they will go, "Oh yeah, huh? That is wrong. I should stop." Does this teacher have a thankless task? Walking in, as a bunch of people, who were forced to attend so they don't get fired, roll their eyes and give each other "Are we gonna be here all day?" looks, sizing up whether they can get away with doing a crossword puzzle if they sit behind the tall guy.

"Let's give you some words you can use without possibly offending anyone," I imagine the instructor beginning. "The, an, for, pillow, of, very, kumquat...Let's practice...Ozzie, can you make a statement that won't offend anyone?"

"The pillow an for kumquat?"

"Very good! You get one of our `I made an unoffensive sentence' stickers!'"

"Can you plant it on my ass, hot mama?"

"Ooh, sorry Ozzie, I'm afraid you just lost the sticker for making an `uh-oh sentence'. Ozzie just showed us all why it's so important to remember: just use the seven friendly words."

Item 2: Texas Is Finally About To Be Tested

I picked two possible dates for my predicted fade of the 2006 Rangers. They were "around mid-to-late June," otherwise known as "the usual," or when Texas suffered an injury to their already thin and suspect rotation. The two events have collided. Yesterday, Kameron Loe was placed on the DL, so I am keen to see what this 16-game stretch, from now till the All-Star Break, brings. Yesterday, John Rheinecker won, but the numbers tell a story that should have Ranger fans on edge: 5.1 IP, 11 hits, 2 BB, 0 K. Padilla and Koronka have been quite inconsistent, and the Rangers are about to add a spot-starter to fill out the rotation behind Kevin Millwood. If the Rangers go 8-8, I'll be unpleasantly surprised, but who knows? It should be interesting...

Item 3: Tim McCarver Actually Says Something That Makes Sense

The only intelligent thing Tim McCarver has ever said--when I've been listening, anyway--is the following...When there's a runner at third base and less than two outs, and you just want to make sure to get that runner home, here's what you should do: The hitter bunts the ball to the third baseman, and when the ball is bunted, the runner simply follows the third-baseman, by coming down the line exactly as far as the third baseman goes. If/When the third baseman throws to first, the runner can walk home. McCarver is right; so why don't teams ever do this? I'm looking at you, Jason Kendall...Or Marco Scutaro...Or Jay Payton pinch-hitting in the 10th on Wednesday...Seriously, why don't teams ever do this?