Best AN quotes of May...

Welcome to the May edition of Best Quotes. This month sucks. Hopefully this will help our collective mood. By the way, I had to combine `monkeyball' comments and just add him once on the poll. I could not pick just one comment. Congrats, you're funny.

So I guess vote for your favorite comment (or user) in the poll and then you can vote for your favorite monkeyball quote in the thread comments.

monkeyball -1
In response to WhiteElephantGuy:
"What is up with these baby names for Angel players?  Figgy, Vladdy, ERSTY!?  Eww."

Imagine how the Royals' broadcasters struggle ...
Mientkeiwiczy, Grudzielaneky

monkeyball -2

I can make myself feel like I'm at the ballpark! I just drape a green tarp over the top third of my cubicle, pee in a trough, and stand in line for 45 minutes before I eat my lunch.

monkeyball -3
In response to FireballerHARDEN:
who saw that Royals fan?
How can you let it hit you? Either he's blind or had his eyes closed.

the fan is now "day-to-day"

monkeyball -4
In response to rly723:
i have a bdfeeling aobut this series the hitting just isnt there and they make losy pitcher look like the next cy young. they'll do the same to garland who has over a 6 era

<fiddles with rabbit ears>
<bangs on tv>

monkeyball -5

Why is GameDay saying ....

monkeyball -6
 In response to Beanemyhero33, describing a Melhuse! pinch-hitting at-bat:
ADAM occasional pop, thats what the blue jays announcers said

`occasional pop'
You can also use the same phrase to describe Shawn Kemp.

In response to Sharon's:
regarding GameDay, I don't like that ball in play [icon]
Everytime it goes in the air I think, "OMG, it's a homerun!"

There are a lot of people sitting at the Coliseum ...who have the same problem while actually watching a game in person.

almost reggie
In response to the SportsCenter highlight of the guy knocking a little kid over and taking the ball

In case you thought Kennedy's relief appearance was the lowlight of the night, think again:

Guy Knocks Down Kid for Ball

Although I prefer to refer to it by its alternative title:

"Little Weasel Cheats Drunk Out of Ball"

regarding stadiums being named by corporations

It's actually really good branding.
The names of these stadiums get mentioned a million times a day on media across the world, and that's great name recognition potential.

Look at it this way, when you see a Coke billboard, do you suddenly get thirsty and rush out to buy a Coke? Of course not, but after you see it forty times, when you do find yourself thirsty, you might just choose that as the best option.

Same with McAfee Coliseum. When I needed virus software recently, whose did I illegally download using Bit Torrent? That's right - McAfee.


In response to an article about the untimely demise of a monkey at the zoo

It's hard out here for a chimp.

Regarding IM4Oakgal:
I really loved the lineup that they had on Wednesday. The only thing wrong with it was that Swish and Kots should've switched places.

And maybe Payton and Pujols.

During the Giants' game, those of us on the Giants' feed discovered they would cut away from the game every inning to show a roaming announcer named Kim who would conveniently be placed as far away from the on-field action as possible

Chavinator: Who is Kim? Don't have TV, not in on the joke...

Just imagine that you're driving down a highway listening to the game, but you keep going through tunnels which make you lose reception, and you can't listen to the game.

Tunnel = Kim

jeepers: Gameday alert
Be advised that Gameday may seem to freeze up today when the A's are batting, but really isn't.  The ball must have been hit to center or right, and it's just taking that long for Williams or Damon to throw the ball back to the infield.

monkeyball: and on balls hit to left ... it will be stuck on BALL IN PLAY, NO OUT RECORDED for lengthy periods of time while Melky Cabrera chases the ball like a golden retriever puppy after a butterfly.

jeepers: We shall see if Gameday has a BALL IN PLAY, OUTFIELDER COMING TO GRIPS WITH THAT response.


When will winexp become so advanced that it can create graphs out of the data by itself?

That it can automatically post these weekly diaries?

That it tries to take over the world and sends a terminator winexp back in time to kill joe morgan's parents?

In response to roscoe's comment about the A's jerseys: Do they still say "Oakland" or have they switched it to "Fremont" yet? ;)

no silly
they say DL RSVP

And Frank Thomas endears himself to the fans...


(Frank Thomas) You could blindfold him and surround him with alligators and hummingbirds, and he'd still take a 3-2 pitch on the outside corner.


I am rooting for a bases clearing single!

Even Kendall gets some props...

regarding Kendall's newfound defensive
Throwing out Figgins last night warranted a mighty bobble of JK's head when I arrived in the office this morning. I looked at him, head tilted, saying "Jason. Really. I just don't know you anymore."


On ESPN Gamecast...did the little yellow Jason Kendall dot at home plate bounce out to the mound?

In response to bbnewbie: "Lackey ejected and dejected says Vince. Huston warming up."

i'd be dejected too
if i got my ass kicked by jason kendall.


Got swatted down from the mound by Scrappy Doo.


Great hit by Melhuse
<Macha on the phone>

"Hey Bud, Ken here.  Just want you to know we support whatever you guys hand down for a suspension, 5, 10, 30, 100 games, whatever you think it takes"

In response to: That's the photo of the weapon an unknown assailant beat Melhuse on the knee with last night at a local ice rink. Kendall was quoted as saying "I was in Indiana when it happened. I have witnesses."

no alibi needed
The police said no one could convince a reasonable jury that Kendall could do that much damage with a bat anyway.

Still More...

In response to znk916: I'm lazy Can someone summarize the post for me?

I'm brilliant. ;)

Regarding Huston's extra-pearly whites

This came up before. I am still fearful that the next time we face the Angels, Mike Scioscia is going to ask him to take off his teeth.

In response to Bambi: Move Loazia to the pen! It's a way for him to work on improving his two best pitches.

Two best pitches?
You mean the 81mph fastball and the 79mph grand slam?

Yeah, they could use some work alright.

In response to signmebilly: Can someone near the ballpark provide a weather update please?

Beautiful day for long as you're a duck.

And some funny exchanges:

californiagirl: Barry Zito called me honey once

Kyli: Zito just glared at me. :-(

californiagirl: well I was wearing a tube top
[Editor's note: This takes on a whole different meaning if you remember that CA girl is Jay Witasick]

HollywoodOz: You know... I was on a plane just recently and could have sworn something ran past my foot. At the time I figured it was just me seeing shadows, because you just couldn't have mice on a plane... right?

McFood: That explains the 900 tiny oxygen masks that popped out of the ceiling when we lost cabin pressure!

HollywoodOz: And the tiny little packets of peanuts.

monkeyball: and the really, REALLY small bottles of scotch

And of course, the BEST DLD ever:

And if you haven't read Lookout Landing lately, start with this gem:

Have a good day, and a BETTER MONTH! :)