Best AN quotes of August...


This is getting harder and harder to do!! There are some very funny people here! :)

Here we go! Top quotes for August!!


Nick: Detroit TV comment after Swisher's double:
"All that time in big league clubhouses as a kid probably has helped his maturity."
A) No, and
B) Didn't I read somewhere that Steve had retired by the time Nick was born?

theblackpearl: Nick was 2 when his dad retired in 1982 with the Padres

Nick: Thanks. So the maturity acquired in the clubhouse probably amounted to, what, (a) how to use the potty (b) how not to smear bubblegum in your hair?

In response to the question: "Who's the best poker player on the A's right now? Who's the worst?"cirguegirl14 gives it a try..."Joe Blanton here.... The best is Kotsay. He always looks the same. The worst is Swisher. He can't keep a straight face to save his life and then he tells everybody what he has."

friendly amendment: The best is Kotsay. He always got his game face on and he never panics except for that time he got Swish in a headlock and his back seized up. The worst is Swisher of course. He can't keep a straight face to save his life and he's a big lying-ass bluffer that no one believes. I try to give his broke butt some playing tips, because he's lost all his rookie salary to Kendall and Kotsay, and my wife desperately wants his five-o-clock shadow butt off our couch and into his own apartment. It's called rent, Nick. Get an advance or stop betting on king high hands. Peace out, cupcake up!

In response to larrysgurl's comment: "this umpire needs to make up his mind on where his strikezone is"

Gotta give him a point for creativity
Calling a game using sonar can't be easy. He's booed now, but will be considered a revolutionary in a hundred years' time.

responding to Joe Morgan's "The jury is still out on the A's rotation"

Umm...Joe...I don't think you understand the concept of the phrase "the jury is still out on..." Yes, the jury is still out on or back half of the rotation...which means that like in a court of law, they are still deciding about whether they are good or not.  
But when you say "the jury isn't out on harden" that makes no sense.  It just means Harden was never tried and prosecuted for (in this case) being a good pitcher.  So what does that mean? Harden is "innocent" of being a good pitcher?  You crazy sob!  If you are going to take a well-known phrase and switch it around at least KNOW what it means.  If you have to say a backwards comment like that say, "The jury is BACK on harden, and they say he is good."  
Then again, why would you understand our judicial system.  You can't learn anything by studying or READING about law.  You'd have to be in a courtroom for 20 years and say "Now there's a lawyer who knows how to defend his case.  I don't care how many times he lost in the courtroom, if I wanted to plug numbers into video games, they would spit out things to say he's good.  If you're going to testify, you have to play smallball and sacrifice a few jury members to get the winning testimony across."


Dear Oakland A's,
Please score tonight.
Much Love,

Better yet,
score more than Detroit,
pretty please.

And we mean on the field.

an explanation of `Saintbermetrics'

After Mo-T's peak career year at age 27 (when she opened 16 orphanages, cured 67 of 71 lepers by laying on of hands, converted 171 of 172 saves (of heathens -- although the heathen-save rule, much like its MLB counterpart, is a highly overrated counting stat that ignores the crucial role of the lay ministry and the community in saving heathens from the fires of eternal damnation), and prevented the deaths of over 1.5 million spermatozoa, she became a free agent and was subject to an intense bidding war among the major religions. (Of course, saintbermetric analyst Chris Hitchens has argued that many of these counting stats are not only irrelevant, but possibly artificially inflated.)
Surprisingly enough, Zoroastrianism, under new ownership committed to spending money to win (converts) came in as a late underdog bidder and had a verbal agreement with Mo-T for a 25-year contract (with a prayer option for 2 aeons in the afterlife). Other high bids included offers from Scientology, Wicca, and a surprising but potentially lucrative incentive-laden contract offer from Madeleine Murray O'Hair.
But the Roman Catholic Church of Rome (yes, they changed their name to a geographical redundancy, too; perhaps where Arte Moreno got the idea) came back with an offer that included Mo-T's requested no-trade deal (re-renouncing indulgences) and she re-upped with the RC. Of course, after that, her performance metrics decreased dramatically, and the RC ended up paying for past performance. Mo-T ended up spending much of her later years on the DL, and whispers of performance-enhancing substance abuse (consecrated-wafer overdoses, high-altitude holy-water injections) dogged her til the end of her career.


I always find it funny, though, when folks say, "Save those runs for the next game/series/whatever." You know, as if runs are some non-renewable energy source or something that if we don't conserve now, we'll have infinite 0-0 games in the future. Do we want that for our grandchildren? :)

Nobody Girl
In response to vidabluefan's: "You know you're an A's fan when... you wore the giveaway A's tie to a job interview...not the Zito one though."

"Not the Zito one though"
Yes, it's best not to wear anything that would cause a prospective employer to have a seizure.

Athletics LAX

For those reading this who have not gone to an O's game: when the National Anthem is being sung, and the singer[s] get to the "Oh say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave..." part, everyone in the ball park, when the word "oh" is about to be sung, scream "O" cause the team is the O's. How cute...NOT. When this happens I want to turn around and start throwing people off of the upper tier.

After the now-famous "Walk-off drop"

The Baseball Purists Are Right... the Angels certainly do know how to manufacture runs.

Still more:

Best response to the Supreme Court vs. Oakland Athletics baseball game
Alien: Rehnquist wrote the majority opinion
The official rule says that due to the batters action the bat must "break the plane" of the plate. Its clear that at one point Kendalls bat was in front of the plate, and thus this violates the law, despite that he was falling forward to avoid the pitch.  
Ginsburg, in her impassioned dissent, quotes "While it's true that the bat broke the plane of the plate, it is unclear that Mr. Kendall had the necessary intent for the bat to move that far, and while there is no specific intent rule, my opinion is that charging Mr. Kendall with a swing violates the spirit of the law". She further stated "One could argue that because the ball had busted him inside, it was the location of the pitch that forced him to move his bat into zone, and not the batters action itself".

Best critique of Macha as a public speaker
emperor nobody:
Macha's postgame comments....
...are like the game recap for the folks in the nursing home: Harden pitched well <mumble> <mumble> Swisher Payton big hits <mumble> Street is huge for us <mumble> <mumble>.  When he's done managing he can replace the Monarch of Excitement Hank Greenwald on the TV broadcasts, with a side career in marketing the surefire cure for insomnia that is his speaking voice.

Predicting the future:
Nick: "In the future, everyone will get one start for the Yankees."    -- Andy Warhol

Worrying about steroids:
salarycap: oh crap... 8 players got tested???? uh oh...i have a bad feeling they're gonna find kendall's been juicing...

Jay: Where do you think all his power is coming from? Otherwise, he'd be hitting the ball negative forward.

Best announcer call:
After the Giants have imploded in the 8th inning (missing a suicide squeeze sign in the top half and giving up the tying run by muffing a routine grounder and a routine fly ball), Jon Miller with the call:

"Curveball, grounded to third, right to Alfonzo. He picks it up-- so far so good-- he throws to first-- nothing sort of bizarre happens-- it's caught by J.T. Snow, and the out is recorded. It's a game like this where you start realizing how many things you take for granted in a big league game."

Best quote from opposing blog (McCovey Chronicles):
And while the Keystone Defense was out there running into walls and slipping on banana peels, the offense was busy not driving runners in. It was the perfect example of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, and it's been amazing to watch. Amazing to watch in an antelope taking a cool creekside drink in a National Geographic special about alligators kind of way.

More from Apricot:
In response to Jennifer's creative math about Jack in the Box locations - "I lied. According to the Jack in the Box site there are 652 locations in MO. All of them are in the STL area. I'm not driving four hours for a Bacon 'n' Cheese Ciabatta Burger." (corrects herself) "652?!? lol That should be 52. California has 878 locations."

I find the idea really really amusing that there are 852 Jack in the Boxes in Saint Louis. They'd have to change the state motto to "Show Me Ciabatta".

In response to gojohn10: Here's a variation on that theme: Drunken AN day! We all go the game and get hammered. That would make for some interesting AN day pictures.

convenient; it wouldn't take much to change the acronym to AAN.

Some "Nico-isms"

(on why Melhuse should be not be `saved for an injury situation')
But so what? You only need 3 outfielders in a game (no plans to hit or run for any of them) and if there's a freak injury (i.e., an injury to a freak), then Ginter plays the OF--just as Ellis played first base--and you have a sub-par (the technical term for which is "Manny Ramirez") outfielder for a couple innings.

on the Royals 7-8-9 hitters all swinging at the first pitch - the bottom of the order isn't just weak, it's also stupid. Great combination!

Today's "fun fact": It is often suggested that the A's don't run much, but a lot of fans don't realize that the A's are actually tied for 6th in the American League in stolen bases, trailing only Scott Podsednik, Chone Figgins, Carl Crawford, Julio Lugo, and Ichiro.

Quote of the month by an A's player: Dennis Eckersley, referring to Kirk Gibson's famous home run against him in the 1988 World Series: "Kirk Gibson is a coach for Detroit, and I'm in the Hall of Fame."

Best AN signature (rauber23):
Mark Ellis for Comeback Player of the Year!!!----He actually had to come back!! Everyone else just sucked for a year.

Most scandalous Huston comment that I can post in a family-friendly diary:
Jennifer: :P's naked in the back seat... and you want me to drive? I don't think so.

On dancing:
Kyli: YEAH! Angels lose, and we all DANCE IN THE STREETS! (With Street. 'Cuz he likes to get his groove on, sometimes. In that polite, Texan way.)

Melody: I don't know man...
I don't think Street knows what hip-hop is even if he tripped over it and then it jumped up and whacked him wearing an Angels uniform. Crosby though... He can work it ;)

On MLB as a business:
After a frustrating day with GameDay, BobbyCrosbysGirl, says, "What's going on? MLB is not doing anything"

jeepers: Quoted for truth...just add "about steroids", "about competitive balance", or "about marketing itself" to the end of that sentence.

On giving the ladies what they want:
monkeyball's stadium promotion -
That gives me an idea: the A's should do a clip-on facial hair giveaway promotion. They could have three models:
the Bill King full van dyke
the Rollie Fingers twirlio moustachio
the Kendall chai pet three-day growth

kaweahkaweah: And for the ladies...Bobby Crosby and Huston Street bobble-butts.

Stats not quite covered by sabermetrics:

OaklandSi: Doesn't bullpen catcher Buckley do most of the catching for the bullpen?
 Cutthemullet: Is he back? I heard he was hurt or something...
Cutthemullet: ...and I definitely don't know where to look to find out the health status of a bullpen catcher!

More from monkeyball

'07 late-game double-play scenario
Swisher playing first, Travis at SS (Crosby having left the game after taking out the opposing team's entire bullpen while running down a pop foul), Street pitching. One man out in the ninth, with a runner on first. Grounder to the left of first, fielded by Swisher, who throws to Travis at 2B for the force, who throws to Street running to 1B to complete the DP.
Score it Yick-Duck-Lick :P ...

In response to pbruins92: I see that Ricky has found out about pronouns.

One more tool in Rickey's toolbox. "Rickey has pronouns now. Rickey is unstoppable. We can steal bases. I can walk. He can teach young players baserunning."

In response to Colorado Fan: "Language. He barely speaks English - He from the DR"
 "He from"? You no speak the English much good, neither.

Relating A's games to game shows

FormerHuntsvilleStar: It's like that game... many pitches can you make in six innings?
Santana: In six innings, I can throw 100 pitches.
Blanton: I can do that in 71.
OK, Joe, PITCH...THAT...GAME! :)

Relating A's games to The Simpsons

Blez: "Remember the time you stole my bat? And you lied and said I never had a bat. Then why did I have the donut Jason? Why did I have the donut?

Relating the A's offense to Disney movies:

burnone : sheesh we are so slumpy

monkeyball: Slumpy ... the impatient, free-swinging dwarf ...

Relating the A's offense to other movies:

GreenNGoldSooner: With Apologies to the Pythons....
Nico:  This post is intended as a springboard for a discussion...What is the real problem with the A's offense?
ANer:   I told you once.
N:   No you haven't.
ANer:   Yes I have.
N:   When?
ANer:    Just now.
N:   No you didn't.
ANer:   Yes I did.
N:  You didn't
ANer:   I did!
N:  You didn't!
ANer:   I'm telling you I did!
N:  You did not!!
ANer:   Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a frontpage post, or just a diary, likely to be ignored?
N:  Oh, a frontpage post.
ANer:   Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
N:  You most certainly did not.
ANer:   Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
N:  No you did not.
ANer:   Yes I did.
N:   No you didn't.
ANer:   Yes I did.
N:   No you didn't.
ANer:   Yes I did.
N:   No you didn't.
ANer:   Yes I did.
N:  You didn't.
ANer:   Did.
N:  Oh look, this isn't a discussion.
ANer:   Yes it is.
N:   No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
ANer:   No it isn't.
N:  It is!
ANer:   It is not.
N:  Look, you just contradicted me.
ANer:   I did not.
N:  Oh you did!!
ANer:   No, no, no.
N:  You did just then.
ANer:   Nonsense!
N:  Oh, this is futile!
ANer:   No it isn't.
N:  I wanted an interesting discussion.
ANer:   No you didn't; no, you wanted a discussion.
N:  A discussion isn't just contradiction.
ANer:   It can be.
N:  No it can't. A discussion is the action or process of talking about something, typically in order to reach a decision or exchange ideas.
ANer:   No it isn't.
N:  Yes it is! It's not just contradiction. Discussion is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
ANer:  No it isn't.
N:  It is.
ANer:  Not at all.
N:  Now look.
ANer: (Rings bell)  Good Morning.
N:  What?
ANer:   That's it. Good morning.
N:   I was just getting interested.
ANer:   Sorry, the thread's too long and it's gotten digressive.  
N:  No it hasn't!
ANer:   I'm afraid it has.
N:  It hasn't.
ANer:   I'm sorry, but there's no use posting to this thread anymore.
N:  What?!
ANer:   If you want me to go on discussing, someone will have to post a new diary on the subject.
etc. etc.