Best AN quotes of July...

I'd just like to say that I got my current AN signature from an June article in the Press Democrat. Here's the quote:

Basking in the glow of a hot streak, the A's are feeling good about their future these days. Question is, does the "future" include 2005 or does it start in 2006? After Dan Haren's complete game helped the A's beat the Giants, 6-3, on Saturday afternoon at the Coliseum, you wondered when it's time to start thinking about saving a season that seemed lost.

I think that time might be now, so thanks to our announcing team, here's my new one:

Best Coliseum promotion of the year? 2005 Oakland A's baseball.

<wipes tear away>

So, that being said, without further ado, AN presents, The Best quotes for July!

One qualifier: One of my favorite quotes this month, by bigelephant, cannot be re-created and won't make sense to anyone who didn't happen to see the diary and the comment that triggered his response, but if you did, "The General Patton blog is two doors down" made me laugh out loud for about twenty minutes. Kudos.

Posting in response to the Stomper wallpaper diary:

This is great! It looks very styly on my enormous monitor here at work where everyone else is a Giants fan...
Me: "Hey, Bob, about that report... maybe you should come over to my comput... Ooops! Silly me with my big boastful proud A's desktop picture. Oh. Sorry, Bob. Of course, I know what a big Giants fan you are.... No, Bob, of course I didn't mean to make you cry..."

I think the answer to any "When Melhuse catches..." question is "SMALL SAMPLE SIZE!" The guy gets less action than Gustavo Chacin double-dating with Huston Street.

green star oakland
In response to jlaff's: If you had a gun to your head... Jeremy Giambi - leftfielder or Arthur Rhodes - closer?

Arthur Rhodes - left fielder.

This team is one of the most mathematically-obsessed I've ever seen. It really wouldn't shock me to see if BB had vendors statistically booked.
BB: "Hey, we should look into getting Danny Johnson, that peanut vendor for the Iowa Cubs! His VORV (Value Over Replacement Vendor) is through the roof! We can trade that one chicken strip vendor, Jeremy something or another. I've been telling people, how fast the guy can serve is overrated compared to the highly superior chicken-to-french fry ratio!"

After a bat goes flying into the A's dugout

No worries. The bat only hit a second baseman.  We've got plenty of those.

Rubin Sierra
As the team heads into extra innings

Tough game for Macha. "Gee, it sure was nice last year to have Duke pitch deep into all those long extra-inning games; let's go to him--oh wait, I lifted him with two outs in the eighth and nobody on.  Why did I do that?  Why?  Oh, god... FIRE ME NOW!"

In response to the following comment from Lone Star Ball: "That guy with the bright red hair looks like a clown. I think it was Keilty."

That guy on the Rangers looked like a felon. I think it was either Rogers or Francisco.

I'm a Giants fan and just you wait!!!  Bonds will be back and hit 70 Homeruns to catch Babe Ruth.  I may not know any other players on my team but OHHHHH THERES A ANOTHER HOMERUN BY...oh wait its a flyout.  Whats that?  I wasn't paying attention I was on my cellphone and laptop.  I HATE it when they walk Bonds, I'm going to bring my dead chickens to mock their pitchers!  Lets do the wave everybody! Wait what were we talking about?  Oh right, the competition thingy at the end of the season that determines the Superbowl champions of baseball.  We will totally make that!! We're going to get the Crazycard spot.  Go Team Halloween!  Go 49ers!! DYNASTY, even though the raiders are historically the winningest team in football.  Splash splash splash.

On recapping the A's game with your pets when the AN server is down:

I've heard ferrets are decent listeners but parrots and mynah birds won't shut up about small ball.
"Polly want a bunt-ah! Polly want a bunt-ah!"
"Quiet, bird, that's a bad percentage pl--"
"Not reading that book! Not reading that book!"
It's just ugly.

Reply to comment by smith1051: That sure didn't sound like the British national anthem

I didn't think so either. But this is coming from the person who gets "O' Christmas Tree" and "O' Canada" confused.

Still want more?

Best explanation of doing things well:

About the only thing our offense doesn't do is hit for average (getting better?) and hit for power.  Granted, those are two important facets of a major-league offense...

Yeah, it's kind of like saying "The only thing our pitchers don't do well are throw strikes and not give up hits"!

Well, that's why I put my caveat in there.  Having a low-k offense (which different than a low-k dielectric) is pretty devastating when they are putting those balls in play with power. Hey, how 'bout those Devil Rays?  About the only things they can't do well are play baseball and manage an organization!

And after all, Hank Greenwald seems to do everything well except get names right and feign interest. And Fosse's play-by-play is pretty good; he just tends to leave out details like where the ball is hit, who is doing what, or what the f%%% is happening.

Best what if scenario:

salb918: Game 6 of the ALCS, 18th inning, tie game, on the road. No end in sight. The Twins bring on Johan Santana in relief. You are leading the series 3-2.  You have Juan Cruz and Barry Zito in the bullpen.  Zito is scheduled to start game 7 on three days rest tomorrow.   Cruz or Zito on 3 days rest, risking ineffectiveness/injury in a possible game 7.

devo: I'd go with the guy behind Zito in the rotation ; the game 8 starter on 1 day's rest.

Oaktown Power: What if Game 8 is Gil Heredia? :-)
devo: Then I'd wonder how in the heck I made it to the playoffs!

Telling it like it is:
In response to: Just a heads up to u guys, i am a White Sox fan, just incase u see me say something good about something during the game. You guys have a WAY more active blog then us so i think its better to just respond on urs, plus i lk to see views on us from an OPPONENTS side, hehehehe, let the ribbing begin. JoeCoolMan24

AsGirl: Welcome to AN. BTW, your announcers suck. GO A's!!!

What really happened:

jlaff: June lecture from Hudgens, "Guys, I finally figured it out... you hit with the FAT part of the bat."

More "Nico-isms"

Strike 2 to Thomas nearly bounced! If anyone knows where the strike zone is, could they please return it?

Responding to Melody's comment: I must be dyslexic Wow... That was the first time I noticed that the "i" was missing in Foolsh.

Don't worry, Melody, that doesn't mean you're dyslexic. It means you're blind.

I'm imagining AN users rolling around on their backs, meowing and playing with this thread.

Best "King-ism":

On a check swing by Melhuse
King: "Check swing-- did he go?"
Korach: "No."
King: "No. Actually, they appealed to C.B. Bucknor at third, not to you, but he was in agreement."

Best "Macha-ism":
"I know the trainers are telling the guys to drink a lot," Macha said. "Water that is. They told me the same thing back in May, and it wasn't water."

Best impression of the Hawk:

Donner : Well we would be winning if they had not made that bad call on Johnson preventing the walk and preventing Swisher from having a 2 run home run.

Best attempt at lip-reading:

CrazierthanYOU (In response to comment by As Man: pop quiz...can anybody lip-read Franklin after he gave up the Crosby single?)

Is my shower hot?"

Best objective analysis on the Yankees/RedSox game

Kyli: Damn. The sparks/fireworks didn't set A-Rod or Manny on fire. There goes the only hope for the game.

Best Description of The Play by McFood:
And make no mistake, this will forever be known as The Play, and will rank right up there with the Cal-Stanford five lateral touchdown return play and any others.
Duke bounces a curveball off the plate. Kendall blocks it and it bounces 40 ft. into the air and 20 ft. to the right of the plate. Young comes speeding down the 3rd base line with a blazing pitchfork in one hand and a combination chainsaw/machine gun in the other. As he slides into the plate Kendall plops down his HUGE BRASS BALLS on the plate. Young makes contact and immediately breaks both ankles on Kendall's HUGE BRASS BALLS and is reduced to a quivering heap of jello. Kendall spins around, catches the ball, and applies the tag so hard that quivering pile that is Young, is splattered into a million droplets, which rain down upon the Ranger fans, mingling with their tears of defeat as they slink back into the night.

More making fun of players: Outfielders Eric Byrnes and Nick Swisher said they needed more time to think of their most embarrassing moments. One veteran suggested, "That's because they have so many moments to choose from."

In the pregame show, they were asking Blanton about how it was like sharing a house with his wife and Swisher, and he's like, "Sometimes it feels like Swisher is our kid."

Best quote from an opposing team's blog:(McCoveyChronicles, in the middle of the 16-0 pounding)
Skaldheim: THERE HE IS!!! Foppert is warming up in the bullpen!!  All right.  I want him to come in and shut the A's down for the rest of the game.  Then I want him to strangle Fassero, as a warning to the rest of the squad.

Best Impression of SportsCenter on West Coast Baseball:
ArakSOT :"...and some other games were played by some teams in the west, and of course somebody had to win those games. G'night, folks!"

Best use of time during All Star Break:

tanghamilton: It's gotten so bad that I've taken to cheering on the A's in the "Demo Mode" of MVP Baseball. Hurry up, break, and finish!

Best nicknames of the month:

by jlaff: Harden = Canadian for "F--king Awesome"

by OaktownTribesman: I always looked at his numbers in Sacramento and thought he might be a good lefty option for the bullpen. I guess they just had to give him a shot, after giving so many to horrid pitchers like Britt Reamed and Count Horrikula, among others.