Best AN quotes of April...

I thought we could all use this today.

So, after laughing out loud while reading AN at work for the zillionth time, my coworkers started making me read them some of the funnier comments. After a while, I started copying and pasting the best quotes for a diary. So here are my top 10 picks for the month(in no particular order) and some more runner-up quotes to hopefully get some laughs out there. Did I forget anyone?

Byrnes = Chicken with its head cut off ... but before its head was cut off, it was force fed speed, coke, a little bit of acid, several pounds of sugar, and a venti soy frappucino with a double shot of espresso ... and bubble gum - though that isn't so much of a problem, since it's still in the chicken's mouth, which is attached to its head and is in the corner being chewed on by the dog.

So even though we have a leader that is battling mental demons right now and a left fielder who couldn't take the proper route to a ball if he was strapped to the back of a golden retriever, just have a little patience.

Well, I wore a speedo once, but the only autograph I got was mike piazza's...Go figure.

You put your finger on two of the three things (Bill) King does that drive me absolutely nuts:  whining, vocabulary showboating, and . . . number three . . . he absolutely cannot call a play succinctly or even correctly half the time.  There's a drive  . . . deep to left . . . Byrnes is watching it go . . . and . . . uh . . . now . . .  uh . . . oh, Kotsay comes over and puts that one away, no, excuse me, that's Kielty in center today, that's right, they made the switch and I thought that with his back turned toward the play, like he normally does with such devastating precision and an exquisite sense of where he is at all times, that that was Kotsay out there and that ball, well, the ball just isn't carrying tonight, is it, Ray?  I know you know, from your years of playing here, that the air gets heavy at night due to the easterly flow of fog, isn't that right?  

Dog Days (after the A's were shut-out on Opening Night)
There have been a few good signs today:
-The bullpen has been good
-Zito pitched well after the initial jitters
-They didn't bat out of order

Dirtbag Pride (after massive offensive struggles)
Poor Blanton ...Looks like he's going to have to find a way to get the Jays to un-score a negative run

it feels like... our offense is trying its best not to score off Park, but Park is trying his best to foil their plan

Oaktown Tribesman
We'd be unbeatable...If the roles of pitching and hitting in the game were reversed- have a lineup of 9 pitchers pitching each at-bat, and one "starting hitter" to hit the entire game (with pinch runners "ghost running" for him), perhaps relieved by a bullpen of hitters. We'd have Kotsay starting and with our deep staff we'd actually be able to win ballgames.

Nico (in response to the diary titled `Andre Ethier is unconscious')
You kind of stole the thunder of the diary I was just preparing, titled, "Britt Rheames is lying, bleeding, in the middle of the street," about how his changeup is coming along.

Dotel has more than one or two pitches...There's the fastball and the slider, but also the straight-as-an-arrow fastball, the wild pitch fastball, the hanging slider...

Runners Up

First of all, with a flyball pitcher in a pitcher's park where there is a lot of ground to cover and a righty on the mound, I was astounded to not see Two Buck Chuck in LF.

Green star Oakland
Despite Macha's best efforts...he was unable to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

The A's take the series from the Irvine Angels and now head south to take on the Dallas Rangers of Arlington.

Better yet, bring me the head of a goat and a carving knife. Wait, never mind--the A's don't like to sacrifice.

AN is for intelligent and intelligible baseball talk!  

Though, lay off Kielty, he drew a walk, it was his best game of the season.

started by Cutthemullet
The Entire "For the Troops" Diary

ohad - ((not technically from April, but too funny not to include)
Alyssa Milano dumps Zito for being "too much of a california boy" and then criticizes him "Your songs suck you g*d da*n pretty boy, i shoulda joined Carl on Carlpalooza". Then she moves on to Bartolo Colon for the fact that "It's cute how he can't speak english! Hehe!" and his ERA Booms to a 6.0 because "Me amor, Alyssa (I love you my sweet chicken puff) is muy bitchy. Donde esta me masseuse".

The Seattle announcing team
Wow, nice hit by Nick Swisher, leading hitter of the Sacramento River Rats.

Nico ((In response to: "I always liked when Steve Trout (pitcher) and Steve Lake (catcher) were playing for the Cubs." by Larry E )
Yeah. Players named Steve are pretty funny.

McFood (As requested ;))
I heard that Boston will trade Manny Ramirez...but only for Arthur Rhodes. Damn! Missed it by that much!