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(Off) Season's Greetings From AN

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AN is most likely becoming a ghost town right about now, what with Blez currently recovering from an acute case of fatal death, and most everyone busy celebrating Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, the Big Bang, Festivus, or--at the very least--Seasonal Affective Disorder.

And though my mane focus right now is on preparing the stable for a special X-Mas present I am eagerly anticipating...For those of you whose loyalty (or addiction) has caused you to log on, I want to take a moment to bring you tidings, on behalf of AN, this holiday season.

As for my gift to all of you this holiday weekend: Here are some of my favorite Steven Wright quotes. Enjoy, and Blez will be back Monday with a new post.

Happy holidays, everyone!

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I didn't sleep well. I made a couple of mistakes.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the road an hour.

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

Is "tired old cliche" one?

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.

I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.