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My Nightmare Scenario

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"Good morning, gentlemen. Mr. Forst, always nice to see you, Mr. Bradley, welcome, and this must be your agent--nice to meet you, Mr. Levinson--ok, shall we proceed? Mr. Forst, why don't you begin?"

"Thank you. First of all, we really only acquired Mr. Bradley because for all his talent, no one else much wanted him and the Dodgers couldn't wait to unload him--and for good reason. Mr. Bradley is coming off not one but two injuries, so we're not even sure he'll be able to play full-time right away; and if he can, we're not sure he'll be able to perform that well. Plus, the guy is haunted by so much non-baseball related baggage it wouldn't all fit in the overhead bin of a 747. The guy fights with teammates, he fights with fans; heck, the police have his home number on speed dial. The guy's a walking--correct that, a limping--disaster waiting to happen. So we feel--"

"Hang on, Mr. Forst. Mr. Bradley, you need to sit down--Mr. Bradley, SIT DOWN. Mr. Levinson, you need to tell your client to calm down; explain to him that this just is how an arbitration hearing works..."