IM4Oakgal
Feb 11, 2008 Jul 05, 2008 3 5965
I hate writing personal stuff. How about some puns instead?
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything.
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and places them for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him .... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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Recommended QOTM - June on Athletics Nation - 07/04/08 12:26 AM PDT
Commented Thanks to you Blez on Gettin' Ziggy With It (Season 2, Vol. 5) on Athletics Nation - 07/04/08 12:25 AM PDT
Commented Cool! on Justin Street on Athletics Nation - 06/22/08 7:25 PM PDT
Commented Thanks for the laugh! on Worst Minor League Report Ever on Athletics Nation - 06/22/08 7:21 PM PDT
Commented I don't want the tics on Contest for Free A's Vs. Phillie tickets Tuesday and Wednesday on Athletics Nation - 06/22/08 7:04 PM PDT
Commented We got to the game at 10:30 as well on Wrap: Game 75 - A's 7, Marlins 1 on Athletics Nation - 06/22/08 6:58 PM PDT
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Commented Well I respect your opinion Alox... on PFP: Marlins 6, A's 4 on Athletics Nation - 06/22/08 12:13 AM PDT
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Commented Geren said it comes with the teritory. on PFP: Marlins 6, A's 4 on Athletics Nation - 06/22/08 12:10 AM PDT
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Commented Closers are going to blow saves. on PFP: Marlins 6, A's 4 on Athletics Nation - 06/22/08 12:06 AM PDT
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Commented Why not pitch him again? on PFP: Marlins 6, A's 4 on Athletics Nation - 06/22/08 12:00 AM PDT
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Voted for I really like both deals, or a similar undervalued OF acquisition. on Athletics Nation - 06/20/08 4:05 PM PDT
Recommended Carlos Gonzalez Rocks - And Likes To Have Fun!!! on Athletics Nation - 06/20/08 3:52 PM PDT
Commented They won't vote him in. on Barry Bonds is Better than the Best on Beyond the Box Score - 06/18/08 11:41 PM PDT
Voted for Oakland Athletics on Beyond the Box Score - 06/18/08 11:35 PM PDT
Commented Good for You, Blez. on A Public Declaration of Love on Athletics Nation - 06/18/08 10:37 PM PDT
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Commented I don't think the Yankees will try hard for Harden. on Gammons: Harden Could be the Big Prize on Athletics Nation - 06/16/08 11:48 PM PDT
Commented I noticed. on Blanton, A's Need A Win-Win Trade on Athletics Nation - 06/13/08 12:05 PM PDT
Commented I was thinking along those lines too. on Blanton, A's Need A Win-Win Trade on Athletics Nation - 06/13/08 10:47 AM PDT
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Commented Most of us have an accurate picture of Blanton. on Blanton, A's Need A Win-Win Trade on Athletics Nation - 06/13/08 9:55 AM PDT
Commented Beane was doing a lot of trading last Winter... on Blanton, A's Need A Win-Win Trade on Athletics Nation - 06/13/08 9:45 AM PDT
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Commented My husband wears on Vida Blue Jersey Day: How Early Should I Get There? on Athletics Nation - 06/13/08 9:29 AM PDT
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Commented +1 on Nickname for Daric Barton on Athletics Nation - 06/13/08 9:09 AM PDT
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Commented Nico... on Blanton, A's Need A Win-Win Trade on Athletics Nation - 06/13/08 9:07 AM PDT
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Commented Why didn't they put Ziggy in on Dude... We Got So Slammed. on Athletics Nation - 06/13/08 12:12 AM PDT
Commented Willis = Ankiel? on The D-Train Belongs in Oakland: on Athletics Nation - 06/11/08 1:24 AM PDT
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Recommended Food Bank Wednesdays on Athletics Nation - 06/11/08 12:38 AM PDT
Commented I will definitely on Food Bank Wednesdays on Athletics Nation - 06/11/08 12:38 AM PDT
Commented You can fix the spelling. on Tide is turning on A's trades -- maybe Beane's not a genious on Athletics Nation - 06/11/08 12:09 AM PDT
Commented Amen to that! on It Helps To Be Lucky, Helps To Be Good on Athletics Nation - 06/11/08 12:03 AM PDT
Commented We are going to the A's NY series in July. on Things to do on the East Coast on Athletics Nation - 06/11/08 12:02 AM PDT
Commented Yeah on It Helps To Be Lucky, Helps To Be Good on Athletics Nation - 06/10/08 11:43 PM PDT
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Commented There was more to hate than just on It Helps To Be Lucky, Helps To Be Good on Athletics Nation - 06/10/08 11:35 PM PDT
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Commented Or was that Winstons? on Glen Kuiper & CarGon on Athletics Nation - 06/10/08 11:33 PM PDT
Commented LOL on Glen Kuiper & CarGon on Athletics Nation - 06/10/08 11:31 PM PDT
Commented Not off-hand. on Glen Kuiper & CarGon on Athletics Nation - 06/09/08 10:35 PM PDT
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Commented If the club demonstrated more player loyalty on Keep Ellis or Not? on Athletics Nation - 06/09/08 10:33 PM PDT
Commented He's getting more valuable on "Ellis looks absolutely lost at the plate right now": A's 7, Angels 3 on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 8:05 PM PDT
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Commented Let's hope it on Possible Destination for Street: Yankees? on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 8:02 PM PDT
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Commented Oh you're right. on Doyle Available; Phillies DFA Snelling on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 7:38 PM PDT
Recommended Pitcher Analysis: Justin Duchscherer on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 6:21 PM PDT
Commented Who is this Driveline Mechanics Person? on Pitcher Analysis: Justin Duchscherer on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 6:21 PM PDT
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Commented With so many great relief pitchers on Possible Destination for Street: Yankees? on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 6:18 PM PDT
Commented Sign Doyle on Doyle Available; Phillies DFA Snelling on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 6:16 PM PDT
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Commented I was worried when it was the ... on "Ellis looks absolutely lost at the plate right now": A's 7, Angels 3 on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 6:13 PM PDT
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Commented It'd be nice on Keep Ellis or Not? on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 6:11 PM PDT
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Commented Oops on "Ellis looks absolutely lost at the plate right now": A's 7, Angels 3 on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 6:08 PM PDT
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Commented CarGo... on Glen Kuiper & CarGon on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 6:06 PM PDT
Commented LOL on Glen Kuiper & CarGon on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 6:04 PM PDT
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Commented Watched from home today. on "Ellis looks absolutely lost at the plate right now": A's 7, Angels 3 on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 6:03 PM PDT
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Commented Pitchers shouldn't feel as if... on Game Wrap: Angels 5, A's 3 on Athletics Nation - 06/08/08 12:01 AM PDT
Commented Does anyone have any comments or thoughts about Jordan Ellis? on 3 players I want on Day 2 on Athletics Nation - 06/07/08 11:47 PM PDT
Commented CarGon on Glen Kuiper & CarGon on Athletics Nation - 06/07/08 11:38 PM PDT
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Commented Usually I have fun at the games too. on Game Wrap: Angels 5, A's 3 on Athletics Nation - 06/07/08 11:35 PM PDT
Commented Who could respect him... on Game Wrap: Angels 5, A's 3 on Athletics Nation - 06/07/08 11:19 PM PDT
Commented Tonight was just a rotten night. on Game Wrap: Angels 5, A's 3 on Athletics Nation - 06/07/08 11:17 PM PDT
Voted for Like it, after the first round. on Athletics Nation - 06/07/08 12:51 AM PDT
Commented 15,000 Bobbles VS 25, 000 fans. on Funny post currently on Craigslist on Athletics Nation - 06/07/08 12:19 AM PDT
Commented The hard-luck on A's lose 3-1 on Athletics Nation - 06/07/08 12:01 AM PDT
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Commented I was there... on A's lose 3-1 on Athletics Nation - 06/06/08 11:42 PM PDT
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Commented Taj... on First day of the draft concludes... on Athletics Nation - 06/06/08 12:56 AM PDT
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Commented I am going to try to be there early enough on It's Gonna Feel So Weird To Get In Line, Get My on Athletics Nation - 06/05/08 11:48 PM PDT
