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At Cisco Field, Don't Expect Flying Cars

Disclaimer: I don't want to come off sounding like an old-school baseball traditionalist, or a technophobe, but while we all may be looking forward to the A's debut at Cisco Field in Fremont by the end of the decade, the stadium won't have a significant impact on the way we enjoy the game, even when contrasted to the aging mausoleum where we've seen our green and gold play for nearly four decades.

When I'm not playing the role of A's baseball fan and occasional comic author, I spend the better part of 10-12 hours a day promoting  technology. At any time, from the office parking lot, I could probably hurl a rock (or better yet, a baseball), and nail a Cisco building. At lunch, its not uncommon to see a gaggle of Cisco engineers wearing their Cisco badges and discussing the latest changes to the code, or who's winning today's internal politics battle. I have the utmost respect for Cisco as a company and as a technology pioneer.

With all that said, when one dissects what the networking giant aims to offer the A's and their fans in the new park, it largely amounts to new ways for us fans to spend more money, not necessarily new ways for fans to see an improved product on the field. And when it really comes down to it, the game, no matter where you play it, is the same. The bases are 90 feet apart, the pitching mound is 60 feet, 6 inches away from home, and the batter still is called on to execute the near-impossible, take a round bat, a round ball, and try to hit it square. (Quote tip: Willie Stargell)

Back in November, when Cisco and the A's announced their partnership, they announced that:


  1. The A's would purchase Cisco technology for data, voice and wireless. (Benefit to fans: negligible)
  2. Cisco would create a customer solutions care center in the ballpark. (Basically a big Cisco ad)
  3. Digital signs could ensure "smart traffic" flow.
    (Benefit to fans: Knowing which restroom or Saag's vendor has a shorter line?)
  4. Merchandise or concessions could be purchased from fans' seats.
    (Benefit to fans: New ways to spend money and not get off your butt.)
  5. Luxury suites would include amenities for premium video content. (Note the word premium. That means extra cost.)

There's no doubt that in the years between now and when the park debuts, we will learn more about the facility, and just how the new stadium's amenities will truly impact the fan experience and the game experience. For now, aside from hoping that the new stadium's additional revenues will enable a higher payroll and more competitive squad on the field, we're full of questions around just how the giant networking company intends to help Lew Wolff, Billy Beane and the A's franchise continue in their quest for a championship.

Much like the generations before us expected flying cars or teleportation by the year 2000, we can't get too far ahead of ourselves and expect that by tying the A's one of the biggest names in technology, that hits off the bat of Chavez, Crosby and Dan Johnson will suddenly defy the laws of physics, or that advanced networking technology is going to reduce the time Rich Harden spends on the Disabled List. While a great number of us, including myself, love to obsess on statistics and work the Moneyball magic, when the umpire yells play ball, the advanced algorithms take a back seat, as we still need to rely on good old fashioned brawn and split-second muscle memory to win ballgames.

If you had all of Cisco's engineers at your disposal to help make this new ballpark, what would you ask them to do?

0 recs | Comment 34 comments

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A few constructive suggestions
  1. Cisco OCR: decodes signs and relays them to A's batters and baserunners.
  2. Cisco Firewall: A huge LCD screen in Centerfield that makes the batter see multiple pitches coming his way. Switched off when the A's bat.
  3. Cisco Wireless Multicast System: opposing team is furnished with wireless phones tapped by the A's.
  4. Cisco Wireless Transmitter: Flood opposing dugout with subliminal mind-control rays which say directly the subconscious: "Choke, baby, choke."
  5. Cisco Video on Demand: Humongous screen for showing blown calls along with ads for local optometrists and analyses of ump's bank records highlighting recent payments from gambling interests.
If any Cisco engineers can play first base and hit the outside breaking ball, there's some more for them do as well, but this list is a solid start.
The A's success should surprise no one. They're a much better team than people give them credit for. -- Joe Morgan

by BubbaDude on Jan 22, 2007 3:55 AM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

How about...
...an opaque, soundproof bubble that instantly forms around any fan who starts using a wireless device?
"I mean, hey, if they're going to bring the A's to Fremont, you might as well bring a Hooters." ~ some guy

by Poppy on Jan 22, 2007 8:05 AM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

exactly my wish...
I've been around computers since punch cards were the method to compile your program into memory.

Baseball needs Cisco (< by the way, Oakland fans, the name comes from the dissection of the name "San Fran-cisco") like fishing needs vast pumps to empty lakes, so that fisherman can just walk out and pick up the fish, and do away with all the nasty fishing gear, boats, anchors, going to the wrong spot....

There is nothing that Cisco could bring to the ballpark that would enhance a person's experience.  If a person is capable of wirelessly doing anything, he is annoying other fans who are there to take in the game.  That is the long and short of it.  I put up with vendors, and passing money, etc., but thankfully those moments are brief.  Cisco proposes to create more human traffic (and interruptions), by having trinkets and food being rushed to patrons.

What, so they can "fondle a felt pennant" while watching the remainder of the game?  Has anyone really thought this through?  The game is only played for about three hours.  Cannot someone wait for almost anything for three hours "later"??

...?? Okay, I got it!  People pee into a plastic bag while seated, and then wirelessly signal
Cisco employees to rush down and pick up the bag (you just need a simple signal, no VOIP or anything sophisticated) which said employees now rush to an autonomous urine collection vehicle, mounted on tracks and statistically programmed to move into position nearest the highest proximity of beer and drink sales, which are being tabulated in real time.

Now -that- would help the fan experience!

Rename Fremont to Philadelphia, and all's well.

by One won lost won on Jan 22, 2007 9:26 AM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

one question
If the pennant is already felt, would it mind being fondled?
The inspection process may require that the handler take off the monkey's diaper as part of the visual inspection @('.')@

by monkeyball on Jan 22, 2007 11:21 AM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

I'll get right on that.
It'll be my...pet project.
Crême Glacée

by Ice Cream on Jan 22, 2007 12:24 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

must always throw a bone
out there.  Never know which pups are free and charging out of the yard, given an opp.

To know is to be prepared.

Rename Fremont to Philadelphia, and all's well.

by One won lost won on Jan 22, 2007 12:58 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

How about being able to text message
players/agents about contract extensions.  Imagine being able to negotiate with:

-Dotel and his "I'll play for free."
-lowballing Zito who doesn't pitch like an ace.
-Jason Kendall

that would be pretty fun.

Two-thirds of the earth is covered by water, the other third is covered by Kotsay.

by carp on Jan 22, 2007 8:49 AM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

How about fan voting on close plays?
Each seat could have two buttons, SAFE and OUT. Then, in the event of a disputed call, a "Cisco-Tastic Fan Judgment Call" could be invoked, with live voting tallies on the scoreboards. Naturally, the fans would be asked to be impartial.
"You can throw your cocks if I don't care!" - Iggy Pop

by AlamedaAphid on Jan 22, 2007 9:27 AM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Possible uses for engineers.
Perhaps they could make advances in cyborgnetics so that we could remove Bobby's spine and replace it with titanium?  Chavez's should being balky again?  Bionics baby...Course our firstbaseman is going to have to undergo radical surgery.  The same for Harden.  We could be talking a 180 mph fastball.  Kendall will require no modification.
"You may glory in a team triumphant, but you fall in love with a team in defeat."--The Boys of Summer

by alox on Jan 22, 2007 10:46 AM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Kendall's modification
Titanium balls would weigh less than the brass ones.  Maybe he could hop to his feet quicker to throw out base stealers.
"I mean, hey, if they're going to bring the A's to Fremont, you might as well bring a Hooters." ~ some guy

by Poppy on Jan 22, 2007 11:16 AM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Well, in that case,
why not titanium reinforced legs?  That way he could catch the ball and leap to second base and make the tag himself.  
"You may glory in a team triumphant, but you fall in love with a team in defeat."--The Boys of Summer

by alox on Jan 22, 2007 12:19 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

WiFi at the ballpark
means people can bring their laptops and work during the commercial breaks. Sorry if that offends the purists, but it may mean a lot of people show up to games who otherwise could not spare the time from work, and that means more ticket sales, more revenue, and better players.

It could also mean more day games - again, it will be easier for people to go to the ballpark during the day if they can stay in touch with the office. What could make a baseball purist happier than more day games?

by matthias on Jan 22, 2007 11:11 AM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

I'm all for that ...
day games with the laptop ... course I'd have to deliberately get crappy seats under the overhang, so I could actually see the screen, but I can deal with that ...

by devo on Jan 22, 2007 11:28 AM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

No need for tricks to help more people show up
     Every day will be a sell-out if the current plan goes through.  The ballpark should be just about big enough for the players' wives, the media, and the CEOs of three local corporations (maybe with a lady friend and a guest and a half apiece).
(Visiting Cubs fan)

by Loon from Left on Jan 22, 2007 12:17 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Don't forget to leave the kids!
I wonder how many corporate owned seats go buttless week nights, bad commute hours, rainy or cloudy days, day games during office hours, etc.

...like so many vacation properties the other 11 months.

by A s Eh on Jan 22, 2007 7:05 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

It would give us all carte blanch to watch
baseball at work!
"Is this heaven? No, it's the f'ing suburbs."

by LAXile on Jan 22, 2007 1:45 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

In Soviet Union, flying cars expect YOU
The inspection process may require that the handler take off the monkey's diaper as part of the visual inspection @('.')@

by monkeyball on Jan 22, 2007 11:20 AM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Soviet Union
went the way of Mesopotamia. Tell your buddies to build a 3D theater out there so fans can watch replays in triple dimension. Plus the best outdoor sound system possible.

by Salvatore on Jan 22, 2007 12:42 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Turn your watch, turn your watch back,
about a hundred thousand years.
A hundred thousand years.

I'll meet you by the third pyramid
I'll meet you by the third pyramid
Ah come on, that's what I want, we'll meet
in Mesopotamia. oh oh oh

(We're goin' down to meet) I ain't no student,
(Feel those vibrations) of ancient culture
(I know a neat excavation) Before I talk
I should read a book.
But there's one thing I do know,
There's a lot of ruins in Mesopotamia.

Six or eight thousand years ago
They laid down the law. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haa
Six or eight thousand years ago
They laid down the law. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haa

"...sometimes I can't tell the difference between baseball and magic."- salb918 "Ellie plowed into him like an evil, pink unicorn."-ArakSOT

by McFood on Jan 22, 2007 5:11 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Okay,
if I have to be a little more specific in the context, here. Mesopotamia was originally mapped covering modern day Iraq, Persia and Southeastern Turkey--that's off the top of my head of what i'm trying to remember. Like the old Soviet Union, this region was eventually broken up into different named empires or nations and "Mesopotamia" became obsolete. Probably not the greatest example or analogy, but that's what I meant.

by Salvatore on Jan 22, 2007 8:09 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

no flying cars
but will there be flying chairs?
death to myspace!

by malikot on Jan 22, 2007 11:23 AM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

What about more simple things?
Couldn't Bob Geren talk directly to the catcher or pitcher via Bluetooth to relay signs or ask if they are too tired? Surely that violates some baseball rule somewhere...

What about bases that show the time the runner touched it to the thousandth of a second, as well as networked gloves with sensors to show if a batter is safe or out?

More than just ANtics: http://www.louisgray.com/live/

by louismg on Jan 22, 2007 1:12 PM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

How about if ...
the "deal" (land grab) falls through like every other deal that was about to happen that involve the A's and Giants leaving the area?

by GrewUpAtTheColiseum on Jan 22, 2007 1:19 PM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Maybe Willie Brown can get us land in
the Alameda County Fairgrounds or on Treasure Island?

by A s Eh on Jan 22, 2007 7:12 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

What about
Having a vote button on the seat so that you can see real-time results for fan voting on dot races, attendance counts and whatever else they put up on the screen.

Fan voting on umpire calls and manager second guessing would be cool.

"E-Lo pitched a whale of a ballgame," A's manager Ken Macha said.

by niallmack on Jan 22, 2007 3:03 PM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

We've already seen the A's improve
themselves through chemical means. As those avenues are closing up, perhaps a new alternative will be avialable to the organization thanks to the merger with Cisco...

bionics!

This guy is dead! We'll list him as day-to-day for possible reincarnation.
A's Medical Staff, 2006

by grover on Jan 22, 2007 3:37 PM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

The FrankenA's of Fremont!
A 40 man roster with each bionic player possessing all 5 tools in a lean mean body that dwarfs Frank Thomas.

by A s Eh on Jan 22, 2007 7:33 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Real-time seat pricing.
Every inning, the price of the seat changes.  Are you willing to pony up for your third row seat when the price triples in the eighth inning of an exciting game?
Stat Wonk Futurist

by salb918 on Jan 22, 2007 3:40 PM PST reply reply actions actions   0 recs

from what I understand ...
... Nico is always ready to pony up.
The inspection process may require that the handler take off the monkey's diaper as part of the visual inspection @('.')@

by monkeyball on Jan 22, 2007 3:45 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

I thought Nico was already
up the pony without a saddle.
This guy is dead! We'll list him as day-to-day for possible reincarnation.
A's Medical Staff, 2006

by grover on Jan 22, 2007 4:54 PM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

Butt width baloney?
"...sometimes I can't tell the difference between baseball and magic."- salb918 "Ellie plowed into him like an evil, pink unicorn."-ArakSOT

by McFood on Jan 23, 2007 8:42 AM PST to parent up reply reply actions actions   0 recs

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