A's Christmas List

Given that I've been writing this blog for three years now, I've been able to secure some pretty cool perks.  One of those perks is an insight as to what the Oakland Athletics are asking for this Christmas.  I was able to flag down Santa Claus and ask him what our favorite green and gold boys are looking for this holiday.

And I'm willing to breaking confidences and code just to share it with you...(note - this list is in no way real for those of you who might suspect it is):

Bobby Crosby:  A Suit of Knight's Armor - You'd think he'd be asking this to protect his brittle bones, but no, this is for protection against many ANers who've taken to wanting to string the young shortstop up when he tries to pull outside sliders over and over again.  He was also hoping to secure the Got Milk campaign, but that's obviously fallen through the "cracks."  Ahem.

Mike Piazza:  A Frank Thomas Mask from the Giveaway Day last year - Perhaps if Mike decides to don this mask when he strides to the plate, the casual A's fan who doesn't realize that Big Hurt has signed with a team that plays on artificial turf (yeah, I didn't see that one coming either) could be fooled.

Jason Kendall:  Celebrex and Vicodin - Yes, any catcher that whacks his hands on batting helmets for catcher interference and slides headfirst into an oncoming runner at home plate needs some artificial help to get through the 140 plus games he plays every season.  He was going to ask for a new dumbbell set, but at this point, well...he knows his limitations at this age.

Milton Bradley:  DDR Remix - Yes, Dance Dance Revolution is where he and Nick Swisher plan on choreographing their new home run celebration.

Nick Swisher:  A truckload of Chasers - We all know Nick likes to party a lot and I don't blame him.  He's a millionaire, he plays a game for a living and he has one of the best personalities around.  But he needs something to help him get through the following day after one of those long evenings of partying.

Eric Chavez:   A Year's Supply of the Icy Hot Patch - Yeah, it isn't just good for Shaq.  It's on the wish list of a guy who needs something to help him get through a season without having forearm issues, back issues and every other kind of health issue.

Mark Kotsay:  Kotsay already got his Christmas wish this year in having Ken Macha disposed.  It was a Festivus miracle, and one that Kotsay celebrated by wrestling Jay Payton in the feats of strength.  Payton lost, so he wound up in Baltimore.

Dan Johnson:  A seismic shift that permanently cripples 80 East - This would prevent any more trips to Sacramento for DJ.  Avoiding having to come to the River Cats is all DJ can hope for in 2007.

Mark Ellis:  A rabbit's foot - Heck, something has got to help him get luckier in lasting through an entire season.  Oh, and an anti-Crosby forcefield that will prevent the two infielders from colliding.

Marco Scutaro:  A new glove - Marco didn't expect to be playing nearly as much as he has the past two years.  But he has and, well, his glove is all worn out from that unexpected use.

Adam Melhuse:  A Nintendo DS - Hey, the guy needs something to do in the dugout.  And with Piazza on board, he might lose an even greater percentage of ABs.  New Super Mario Brothers, here I come!

Huston Street:  Facial hair - This has been Street's ongoing Christmas wish since he was sixteen.  Sadly, Santa continues to say that there are items that are just beyond his remarkable power.

Justin Duchscherer:  A Tempur-Pedic Bed - Duke tried the Serta this year and he still had the occasional back issues.  Apparently this is going to be the next step in the evolution of making Justin's back healthy.  This would make a lot of sense to those of you who listened to my spring training interview with Duke.

Chad Gaudin:  A GPS - He wanted to be able to find his way to strike zone a little more frequently and figured some directions couldn't hurt.

Danny Haren:  A humidor - No, he's not a cigar smoker.  Rather if it can lower the home run production at Coors Field, why not have it help Haren cut down on his main flaw right now, the long ball.

Esteban Loaiza:  An all expenses paid trip to the Autobahn - We all know Loaiza likes a lot of speed so this is a natural fit.  And somewhere that he can do it legally.

Rich Harden:  There is no question what Rich is asking for this year.  35 starts, no elbow or muscle problems.  All joking aside, this is my Christmas wish this year as well.

Joe Blanton:  A new nickname - Joe is tired of being called Cupcakes and just wishes that ANers would put their collective minds together and come up with something a little less...pigeon-holing.

Barry Zito:  Two dozen wheelbarrows - Yes, I still have access to Zito's list.  He's going to need something to carry all that cash from some team that's willing to overpay for his services for the next half decade or so.

Joe Kennedy:  A good spring training - Nothing could help resurrect Joe's career and lead him down the road toward Zitoville with the wheelbarrels of cash than getting him a chance to be a starter.

Erubiel Durazo:  A Ron Washington instructional video for infielders - Hey, something has got to make the guy serviceable if he's going to play first base.

There you have it.  An inside look at what the jolly fat man will be bringing to the A's this Christmas.  Ho ho ho!