An Ode to Urban

by jasonkb on Jul 29, 2005 9:44 PM PDT Comment 4 comments

Dot Race Report

Unless noted otherwise, by Mychael Urban / MLB.com. Mychael Urban covers the Oakland A's for MLB.com

Compiled by Jason Katz-Brown. The Dot Race occurs during every Oakland A's home game.

These are my favorite selections from the Dot Race Report. Read the extended copy for a more complete archive. (I'm sorry about the non-interpreted html tags.)

That move's older than Jesse Orosco.
He likes little blue round things, so I like him.
These dots have lives just like you and I. Hopes, dreams, wishes, heartache, the works. I just try to give the fans a glimpse of the drama behind the scenes. It's all very real.
No way Blue or White wins with the Yankees in town.
Dollar Wednesdays always get me hyped, man. My kind of people. If I only had a neck and a Raiders jacket. Then I'd really fit in.
White unveiled a never-before-seen move on the way to winning the dot race, basically riding on top of Blue's backside for about a half-lap. "It's called 'The Feeder Fish'," White explained. "You know, like those scavengers that latch onto sharks and whales and stuff."
Red claimed the dot race for a second consecutive night but suffered an undisclosed injury on a Three-Dot Monty move late in the race and is listed as day-to-day.

<h1>Dot Race Report</h1>

Unless noted otherwise, by Mychael Urban / MLB.com. Mychael Urban covers the Oakland A's for MLB.com

Compiled by Jason Katz-Brown. The Dot Race occurs during every Oakland A's home game.

White won the dot race with a clutch move to split in between Blue and Red on the final turn and win by a quarter-radius. How could another color win with the Twins in town? I have a feeling that Red or Blue won yesterday's game and was the reason behind the Twins late rally to win the series opener.

The Green Stomper won the Stomper Race around the bases. I've only seen two of these, but the Green Stomper has won both times, so I'm thinking it's slightly rigged as the A's wear green. Oh well.

--Jason Katz-Brown

Red won the dot race but rushed out without addressing the media in order to set up camp outside the Coliseum box office. Playoff tickets go on sale Saturday at 9 a.m.

White took the dot race for the second night in row during the Angels homestand. Anybody who didn't see this one coming after White's stuff yesterday must not be a White fan.

(The green Stomper won the Stomper Race around the bases, in the hunt for A green October.)

--Jason Katz-Brown

Mychael's regular report:

It was all good for A's fans Wednesday. Red, a well-known Angels fan, took a vicious beating in the dot race.

White won the dot race with a beautiful move from the outside in the final lap to the cheers of the crowd of over 50,000.

--Jason Katz-Brown

Red won the dot race. Don't count on that happening again until at least Friday.

--Kent Schacht

White won the dot race for the second day in a row and had this to say: "I don't want anyone to think these races are fixed, but think about it. What AL West team wears red? What AL West team wears blue? Of course I'm winning!"

Most people think Red won the dot race Monday. Actually, it was White, suffering from a mean sunburn after spending most of Sunday lounging in the upper deck. What most people thought was White was actually Red, covered in zinc oxide to avoid the fate suffered by White.

White won the dot race for the second night in a row but was not available for comment. Like many of the night's winners, including Chavez, White bailed on the media to beat the post-fireworks traffic.

White won the dot race after a brief brawl on pit row. It seems the replacement dots didn't get word of the labor settlement. "It's bad enough that they were even thinking about crossing the line," White explained. "But for them to show their scabby faces really set me off."

Blue won the dot race, which seems appropriate. It was a blue day for ball in general.

Red won an action-packed dot race that thrilled the Network Associates Coliseum's "Dollar Wednesday" crowd of 40,528. Before heading out to the parking lot to revel with the post-game partiers, Red said, "Dollar Wednesdays always get me hyped, man. My kind of people. If I only had a neck and a Raiders jacket. Then I'd really fit in.

<h3>08/06/2002 - Mychael's Mailbag</h3>

How do you come up with the dot-race scenarios day after day? They are really creative and quite amusing. Keep up the great work.

--Reggie Edelberg

Are you suggesting that I don't actually talk to the dots every night? These dots have lives just like you and I. Hopes, dreams, wishes, heartache, the works. I just try to give the fans a glimpse of the drama behind the scenes. It's all very real.

Red won the dot race and dedicated the victory to former Athletic and current Tiger first baseman Carlos Peña, who is rumored to have hung a "Red Fan Club" sign in his locker before the game.

Blue won the dot race but refused comment. On the condition of anonymity, a source close to the situation said Blue has been chafed by constant trade rumors: "You'd be chafed, too, if someone said they were going to send you to Pittsburgh for a pierogi."

White won the dot race and dedicated it to Lidle, whose Everyman physique and penchant for noshing has earned him the nickname "Snacks." Said White: "He's kind of like me -- white and round."

Blue won the dot race and dedicated the win to Texas Rangers first baseman and Viagra pitchman Rafael Palmeiro. Said the winner: "He likes little blue round things, so I like him."

White won the dot race and dedicated the triumph to Allen "Meat" Levrault, who on Wednesday picked up his fifth win of the year for the Triple-A Sacramento River Cats. "I miss Meat," White said. "We hung out at Spring Training. He's good people. Good for ball."

Red won the dot race.

White won the dot race but rushed home without comment to watch a tape of "The Life" with Mark Mulder, which debuted to the amusement of Oakland's clubhouse about an hour and a half before the game. Mike Venafro, by the way, absolutely steals the show.

Blue won the dot race but chafed when it was suggested that an All-Star Game appearance might be deserved: "No way, bro. Milwaukee? I'm hangin' in Diego with Chavvy."

The A's beat loses a little life -- and a lot of class -- on Sunday when Gregg Bell of the Sacramento Bee works his last game. Bell, who started covering the team late in the 1999 season, is crossing over to cover the Oakland Raiders. With that in mind, Blue and White dedicated Saturday's dot race to Bell. Red was the winner, however, and used two of Bell's pet phrases when told of the dedications: "They dedicated the race to a writer? You gotta be kidding me! Soft serve!"

White won Wednesday's dot race, snapping a six-race losing streak. "I missed most of the spring with visa problems," White offered. "Forgot to pay my bill."

Red claimed the dot race for a second consecutive night but suffered an undisclosed injury on a Three-Dot Monty move late in the race and is listed as day-to-day.

Blue won Saturday's dot race and promptly picked Sarava to upset War Emblem in the Belmont Stakes later in the day. After Sarava pulled off the 70-to-1 stunner, Blue was seen leaving the Coliseum parking lot with a 12-pack of Grolsch, two groupies and a grin.

White unveiled a never-before-seen move on the way to winning the dot race, basically riding on top of Blue's backside for about a half-lap. "It's called 'The Feeder Fish'," White explained. "You know, like those scavengers that latch onto sharks and whales and stuff."

After winning an entertaining dot race that included the ever-popular three-card-monty move, Red refused to speak with the media. Said Blue, "Come on, figure it out. He's red. He's fiery. He's still mad about Menechino."

Blue won Tuesday's dot race with a tiddly-wink pass on the fourth lap and a strong surge to the finish line. Afterward, he refused to speak with this reporter, simply saying: "I only talk to that other guy -- you know, Mychael with a 'Y.' So scram."

--John Schlegel

Blue won its second dot race in a row Saturday with a huge outside move on the last turn, once again stirring the rumors of occasional stimulant abuse that have dogged Blue since his rookie season. Said White: "That guy's got more juice running through him than an Edison power plant. You ever seen him after a loss? Snappy Tom, man, Snappy Tom."

Blue pulled off a rugged-but-legal flip of Red from behind in the fourth lap win the dot race, snapping a six-race winless streak. "I can't believe I fell for that," said Red. "That move's older than Jesse Orosco."

The dot race was all about entertainment Thursday. Clearly in cahoots, the dots bounced happily about the track, wowing the crowd with a little slips and slides and a nice little moving game of Three-Dot Monty. Said Red, who took the win: "The last couple of nights, we felt like this whole Giambi thing was kind of stealing our thunder, so we decided to take some back.

After picking up the dot-race victory in an uneventful ride, Red said the outcome was all but preordained: "No way Blue or White wins with the Yankees in town."

Due to technical difficulties, the Dot Race report was not available. Please come back when your regular Dot Race reporter is back in action Tuesday.

--John Schlegel

With two big outside moves late in the dot race, White trumped the unveiling of Blue's crowd-pleasing hovercraft move to take the checkered flag. White's bursts of blazing speed raised some eyebrows on pit row, however. "I don't want to stir anything up here," said a member of Red's entourage, "but something was fueling that fire, and it wasn't no protein bars."

<hr>

A further history can be found with this A's search for "dot race". The Dot Race Report is always at the very very bottom. [woops, this link doesn't work anymore.]

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questions

Forgive me if I don't read all 54,000 words of Dot Race Reports, I need an executive summary.

I have theorized that the opposing team's dot color never wins. E.g. Red never wins in a Red Sox game, etc. etc. Others have claimed it's random. Others claim that the colors take turns.

Your research shows....?

ps. I love Roy Steele's deadpan play-by-play of the Dot Races. I'm convinced he takes a dose of some mind-altering substance right before they're off.

by Apricot on Jul 29, 2005 10:43 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs

Affirmative!

If Urban says so, it must be true :-) At least half of his reports hype the Red and Blue dots for losing against the Angels, Rangers, and Yankees, etcetera.

Would someone care to post to AN every day who won the dot race? Then we could get to the bottom of this.

by jasonkb on Jul 30, 2005 5:14 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs

you are freaking obsessed with the dots

Did you get beat up by dots when you were a child?

I don't think we need a daily report, but I wouldn't mind if somebody posted if there was a counterexample to the enemy-color-doesn't-lose theory. Or maybe if someone who knows how the winners are picked could just tell us.

And I wouldn't mind a transcription of Roy Steele's commentary.

And two season tickets to Diamond Level.

And an A's logo hovercraft.

by Apricot on Jul 31, 2005 12:23 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs