Moneybutt: FINAL RESULTS (Updated)

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 10:21 PM PDT

Update [2005-10-8 22:30:31 by Apricot]: The voting is now closed and here are the updated results.

Well, Moneybutt was a raging tidal wave of bizarre AN clicking and judging. Clearly the Nation had a restless, unsatisfied urge to compare asses.

Well around 9pm it became clear that there were ten front-runners. Using the pictures of jlaff, nimvee and BobbyCrosbysGirl, we had a final round of Ass Smackdown and the results were:

Name Wins Losses Win % Huston Street 1486 943 0.612 Rich Harden 1241 834 0.598 Mark Ellis 1103 993 0.526 Eric Chavez 1142 1070 0.516 MARCO! 1187 1121 0.514 Barry Zito 1103 1049 0.513 Bobby Crosby 1242 1193 0.510 Mark Kotsay 841 962 0.466 Justin Duchschererer 702 1242 0.361 Mark Mulder 820 1460 0.360

I hereby award the title of ATHLETICS NATION ASSMASTER 2005 to Huston Street.

As a special treat, I arranged for Margaret Cho to give a monologue at the award ceremony. If you missed that, don't despair, you can listen to it as an MP3 here. (WARNING: contains very adult situations! Don't listen if easily offended!)

Thanks to all who participated and thanks to the AN photographers. Over 10,000 votes were cast in less than a day, which is really very frightening.

Original Annoucement

Semifinals Results at AN Ass Smackdown 2005

This is an announcement that using the pictures of jlaff, nimvee and BobbyCrosbysGirl, I am holding a one-day runoff between these Top 10. Yes, I'm afraid you must vote Athletic versus Athletic. To ease the pain, there will be multiple pictures of the A's used (randomly picked), which might encourage you to vote a little bit more.

So I invite you to please vote at the AN Ass Smackdown FINALS. Use whatever criteria you like, but please do vote your heart. It is all too easy to try to fix this vote, so why bother? And remember... no wagering.

I'll take down the finals sometime in the evening, I think.

If you have ideas for future Ass Smackdowns (couples? pets?), let me know.

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Comments

This is like some sick form of torture!!

I am constantly saying "Oh no! I can't PICK!! Don't Make Me!!"

It's Awesome!!

"We play our best ball when we're goofing around and having a good time" ~Bobby Crosby

by BobbyCrosbysGirl on Oct 7, 2005 10:46 PM PDT reply actions

I love it I love it I love it

We have, like, the best looking team in baseball. It makes me happy to have such hard choices. :D

At least there is no Scoscia/Morgan/rally monkey in this one.

As for an idea for another smackdown, let's do the same one AGAIN! :D We can find new pics.

by LLawbug on Oct 7, 2005 10:48 PM PDT reply actions

You cannot make me choose

between Harden and Mulder

"I was the ugliest girl I've ever seen." - Noah Lowry

by Melody on Oct 7, 2005 11:39 PM PDT reply actions

Harden vs. Mulder (IMO)

Well lets look at this scientifically shall we:

Mulder is taller and has better hair.

Harden has beautiful eyes and the better butt.

You're right, this is hard!

But the final deciding factor: the 99 mph fast ball!

Winner: HARDEN!

"We play our best ball when we're goofing around and having a good time" ~Bobby Crosby

by BobbyCrosbysGirl on Oct 7, 2005 11:56 PM PDT up reply actions

and

the green and gold uniform. It makes anyone 50% hotter. Well, except for Ricardo Rincon and Keiichi Yabu.

by Alien @ Athletics Nation on Oct 8, 2005 1:32 PM PDT up reply actions

You are evil.

"We're 14-year-old girls, gossipin', talkin' trash, braggin', gigglin'." - Tim Hudson

by anA on Oct 7, 2005 11:49 PM PDT reply actions

The real question is:

could the team Apricot has assembled (a team which, I should add, puts the "ass" in "assembled") still beat the Supreme Court, and its newly reconfigured group of younger and (in Renquist's case) less deceased butts?

Nico

by Nico on Oct 8, 2005 11:59 AM PDT reply actions

the real real question is:

harriet miers and emperor palpatine: separated at birth?

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Oct 8, 2005 1:19 PM PDT up reply actions

Yikes!

Now that is scary!!

And I thought the pic you posted in the DLD was bad!

"We play our best ball when we're goofing around and having a good time" ~Bobby Crosby

by BobbyCrosbysGirl on Oct 8, 2005 1:40 PM PDT up reply actions

Miers is scarier

At least I know the Emperor is like that because of the dark force feedback off of Mace Windu's lightsaber (or something close). What's her excuse?

And didn't he only go by "Palpatine" when he was still just a senator?

username

by spal on Oct 8, 2005 1:41 PM PDT up reply actions

I for one

think the Sith are sadly under-represented on the SCOTUS. More power to them.

by Apricot on Oct 8, 2005 2:04 PM PDT up reply actions

I for one

think hot asses are sadly under-represented on the SCOTUS. Do you think Huston could have an off-season career as a justice?

There's no crying in baseball!

by gigglingone on Oct 9, 2005 7:19 PM PDT up reply actions

I am so mad I missed this.

So mad! >:0

"They could show [Blanton] eating some pregame cupcakes and Zito hiding the milk; and then cut to Blanton with chocolate all over his mouth." -NvrFrgtRamon55

by GreenNGoldGirl on Oct 9, 2005 7:34 PM PDT reply actions

there is justice in the world!

Huston is the rightful winner of this title (not relating to the Margaret Cho interpretation of Assmasters :))!!!

by LLawbug on Oct 9, 2005 8:19 PM PDT reply actions

I am shocked

at how well Harden and Ellis did. Rich gets some love here, but not as much as others... and Ellis gets very little love.

by Apricot on Oct 9, 2005 8:45 PM PDT up reply actions

Ellis has a cute ass.

Not hot. That kid Devine has a nice ass...

"They could show [Blanton] eating some pregame cupcakes and Zito hiding the milk; and then cut to Blanton with chocolate all over his mouth." -NvrFrgtRamon55

by GreenNGoldGirl on Oct 9, 2005 8:49 PM PDT up reply actions

Maybe.....maybe....

when you get your driver's license, you can start referring to grown men as "kid".

Maybe.

"HRs by second basemen are sexy. They're rare and exotic." -Kyli

by McFood on Oct 10, 2005 7:48 AM PDT up reply actions

<innocent look>

Ok, ok... I voted for Rich a LOT... :p

"That's straight-up hockey, right there. He could come home with me and be The Man." ~Rich Harden~ (on Kirk Saarloos' mullet)

by Cassandra on Oct 9, 2005 11:46 PM PDT up reply actions

1241 TIMES?!

You must have carpal tunnel by now.

by Apricot on Oct 10, 2005 12:13 AM PDT up reply actions

Well

At one point of voting, Rich started at .533 % and I voted until he got to .595 % .... I don't know how many votes that is, but it's a lot... :p

"That's straight-up hockey, right there. He could come home with me and be The Man." ~Rich Harden~ (on Kirk Saarloos' mullet)

by Cassandra on Oct 10, 2005 10:00 AM PDT up reply actions

you are a bad person

but i would like you to run my next political campaign.

by Apricot on Oct 10, 2005 10:41 AM PDT up reply actions

Yep

It was all you. I had nothing to do with it. <blushes>

Nobody Girl

by day-to-day on Oct 10, 2005 12:20 AM PDT up reply actions

I had so much fun with that the other night.

I could only vote a few times though, because I was staying with a friend in Boston and I didn't want to freak her out or anything. Apricot is a genius. And yes, ANers are crazy, for that many votes in one day. Wow. More power to us. ;)

"A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings." -Earl Wilson

by whiteshoes40 on Oct 9, 2005 9:18 PM PDT reply actions

Margaret Cho...

...has never even come close to being funny. How does she have a career?

by Reg on Oct 10, 2005 5:37 AM PDT reply actions

maybe everyone feels sorry for cho

because of her rubenesque (or blantoneque) physique, so no one has the heart to tell her she's not funny (see: roseanne barr).

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Oct 10, 2005 9:09 AM PDT up reply actions

you both have no taste

in tastelessness.

I feel sad for you. Who do you two find funny?

by Apricot on Oct 10, 2005 9:42 AM PDT up reply actions

That's funny

I vote for Apricot as comedian of the month. Your joke about feeling sorry for us is classic.

Yeah, it's hard to believe someone doesn't appreciate a lousy comic who's been doing the same routine for years about her mom that's supposed to be funny because of her voice. Terrible. So boring. She's a one note comic along the lines of Jeff Foxworthy and Howie Mandel.

by Reg on Oct 10, 2005 5:16 PM PDT up reply actions

thanks

you had your chance to share something positive (who you find funny). Plenty of people find Cho funny. You don't. We're done talking now.

by Apricot on Oct 10, 2005 6:14 PM PDT up reply actions

Oh

Was it supposed to be positive like your comment about how I have no taste and you feel sad for me? Weak.

by Reg on Oct 10, 2005 7:03 PM PDT up reply actions

I can't believe how far down croz is

its certainly not my fault

by Alien @ Athletics Nation on Oct 10, 2005 11:39 AM PDT reply actions

Not My Fault!!

I voted for him like a crazy person! At one point, I think I single handedly got him up to #1. I took a break for like 10 minutes to take a phone call, and BAM! He was #6 again! What the hell is that about?!?!

"We play our best ball when we're goofing around and having a good time" ~Bobby Crosby

by BobbyCrosbysGirl on Oct 10, 2005 6:44 PM PDT up reply actions