Moneybutt: Quantitative Ass Rating

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 1:01 AM PDT

Okay, this is I believe simultaneously the most brilliant and most moronic thing I have ever accomplished.

Moneyball is all about quantifying the unquantified, right?

So what is the biggest remaining question in baseball? Right, how to rate people's butts. I have written a little program that allows people to rank the attractiveness of players in head-to-head competition. The results are tabulated and each player gets a power rating depending on the quality of the competition they beat. If enough people rate the players, we'll know who the true hottest player is.

I'd like your help collecting data. Please go to The Ass Smackdown Site and vote on a few showdowns. Vote as much as you like. The results are updated instantly.

Also, if you believe (1) there should be a better small picture for a contestant, or if (2) someone new should be thrown into the mix, then provide the URL to a picture that you prefer in the comments thread. I'll add them to the pool when I get around to it...

Don't get mad at me if my program messes up and loses your votes. There might still be some bugs to shake out.

Update [2005-10-7 22:10:8 by Apricot]: Thanks for the HUGE response. I'm going to take the contest down at midnight (Friday night), so get your last votes in tonight. If you have ideas for a future Smackdown, leave them in the comment thread.

Update [2005-10-8 1:22:55 by Apricot]: Thanks again. I closed the vote, and have now put up a FINALS RUNOFF between the Top 10. Please check out that vote at http://www.athleticsnation.com/story/2005/10/8/12116/6781

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Comments

this is amazing

hahaha this is so hilarious.

i would have kept going all night but i got krod vs bonds and i x'd out. i didn't want to give either of them a win. hahaha

"I never saw a hooligan I did like. They're like left-handed pitchers, they all have a screw loose somewhere." - The Asphalt Jungle

by drmmerchk on Oct 7, 2005 1:44 AM PDT reply actions

My bizarro version

of K-Rod vs. Bonds was Swisher vs. Harden. And those pugs? Too cute! By the way, what's that stuck on Swisher's head?

Awesome job, Apricot.

Nobody Girl

by day-to-day on Oct 7, 2005 2:27 AM PDT up reply actions

it's a bazooka comic

by LLawbug on Oct 7, 2005 8:46 PM PDT up reply actions

my first one

was K-Rod vs. Charles Manson. That really freaked me out.

by hunter on Oct 7, 2005 8:35 AM PDT up reply actions

how about

adding players wives/girlfriends? :-)

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Oct 7, 2005 2:11 AM PDT up reply actions

you mean

cheek-to-cheek competition

This is pretty awesome; I have to say I like it 100 times more than baby winexp (sp?).

Question--Are we supposed to factor in our previous opinions about which players were the most attractive, or rather are we supposed to react solely to the picture shown? I did the latter, so while I wouldn't necessarily say that Godzilla is better-looking than K-Rod, I thought Godzilla looked sort of cuddly in the picture and voted for him (keeping K-Rod's losing streak alive). Also I voted for Haren over Zito despite previous opinion to the contrary--that picture of Zito is priceless, but I wouldn't call it attractive. I wouldn't want you to replace it ... maybe as people send you additional pictures you could have them supplement rather than replace the old ones, so that there would be a montage of each figure on each side of the screen.

Awesome job, Apricot! Billy Beane and Michael Lewis are somewhere smiling with approval, I think.

by rubin sierra on Oct 7, 2005 2:24 AM PDT reply actions

thanks

although your comments made baby winexp cry. She will be fed-exing you a flaming poop bag tomorrow.

You can use any criteria you want. Free market baby! Where's Lowcountry Joe when you need him?

I guess there could be a montage... I was thinking of cycling pictures in and out.

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 8:41 AM PDT up reply actions

Do you wake in the morning and think

"Hey let's create a program to rank asses!"

"I was the ugliest girl I've ever seen." - Noah Lowry

by Melody on Oct 7, 2005 2:48 AM PDT reply actions

flaw in the program

why isn't joe morgan #1?

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Oct 7, 2005 3:29 AM PDT reply actions

Boo!

Where's Jennie Finch and Cat Osterman?!

by baseballnut020 on Oct 7, 2005 5:22 AM PDT reply actions

Oh... and the pics...

Just did a quick search and found these:

Hopefully someone can come up with better pics. Sorry, but in a rush...

by baseballnut020 on Oct 7, 2005 5:35 AM PDT up reply actions

You are brilliant.

Suggestions:
Billy Beane
Mark Mulder
Eric Chavez
Mark Kotsay

I love you.

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 6:48 AM PDT reply actions

I was wondering

when such an ASSenine ANALysis would REAR its ugly head. BUTT I didn't think you'd be BEHIND it.

Nico

by Nico on Oct 7, 2005 8:14 AM PDT reply actions

OMG...

I just realized - Jason Kendall looks like Charles Manson!

Chicks dig Moneyball.

by Kelly on Oct 7, 2005 8:21 AM PDT reply actions

update

Yes, Melody, I did literally wake up yesterday morning and think, hmm, wouldn't it be funny if someone wrote a little butt comparison program? This is basically how anything I've ever done on AN starts. Wouldn't it be funny if X? Who could I convince to do X? Screw it, I'll do it myself if it doesn't take more than Y minutes. The funny thing is, digging up the pictures out of our butt threads was the hardest part.

Speaking of which, I added Jennifer's people and photos. Thanks!!

xbox: yes, it's a BCS/chess ELO thing. There's a link on the page to the ranking site. Basically, a backgammon site ranks players and gives more points to those who beat higher ranked players. It is supposed to be calibrated so that if Harden has 1600, Swish has 1550 and Macha has 1500, then since the differences are the same, Harden has the same chance of beating Swish as Swish has of beating Macha. I could just put winning percentage, but I thought it was funnier to use a hardcore rating system.

ps. Y'all are crazy. In the time it took me to write this comment, the system registered about a hundred more votes. I'm glad I put in file locking... I should have put a banner ad on that page. Ho ho.

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 8:33 AM PDT reply actions

Seriously...

this is hilarious. I think the 100 votes were from me. I'm laughing my butt off right now at the Godzilla/Manson/Vlad photos from the Cringe Factor diary.

I don't think I'm going to get anything accomplished today.

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 8:42 AM PDT up reply actions

I love how...

...Godzilla is ahead of Vlad, K-Rod, Manson and Bonds (in that order)... LOL

And you should add Mr. Under-Everyone's-Radar... ;)

by Poppy on Oct 7, 2005 9:05 AM PDT reply actions

thanks

I've added Mr. Real Comeback Player to the list. I need more suggestions and pictures like this!

I'm going out for a couple of hours. Please don't break my server. I note with pride and, frankly, fear, that I'm getting about a hundred votes a minute. And it's not even 9am PST...

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 9:13 AM PDT up reply actions

Others

Do they have to be players? If not, here are some others (and some other players, including a future A'ss. Yes, A'ss):

Banjo Man
Joe Morgan
Bill King (who?)
Adam
Anthony Recker
Joe Blanton
Hatte

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 9:15 AM PDT reply actions

awesome

I gotta run, but I'll add these in a couple of hours.

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 9:18 AM PDT up reply actions

Banjo Man!

Excellent! And Pom-Pom Dude, whose picture I don't have...

(oh, and like Pugs and Manson are players? LOL)

I think Jay-Pay has an extremely unfair advantage, btw... he would probably not be doing nearly so well if he had some clothes on. That's okay, though. By all means... keep the picture as it is... ;)

by Poppy on Oct 7, 2005 9:31 AM PDT up reply actions

Agreed about JayPay

;)

"I like Band Camp. He hits things." ~ Kyli (9/24/05)

by AsGirl on Oct 7, 2005 9:32 AM PDT up reply actions

Thank you!

I couldn't remember Pom-Pom Dude's name. What is wrong with me?

Others... because this is awesome:

The hottest man alive
Larry Davis... why not?
Travis Buck, Future A'ss
Pom-Pom Dude

I heart Apricot.

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 9:55 AM PDT up reply actions

Whoa

Freakin' awesome!!!

"I like Band Camp. He hits things." ~ Kyli (9/24/05)

by AsGirl on Oct 7, 2005 9:25 AM PDT reply actions

Thanks a lot Apricot!

I'm gonna be clicking on that site all day long now. :P

"I like Band Camp. He hits things." ~ Kyli (9/24/05)

by AsGirl on Oct 7, 2005 9:27 AM PDT reply actions

Check your email

I sent you some Zito photos.

while I'm GM, I'd get the black uniform tops back into the mix, make high socks mandatory and add a beer tap in the press box-Mychael Urban

by jb on Oct 7, 2005 9:38 AM PDT reply actions

wow

i've been online voting for ten minutes now, and still coming up with more!!! :) This is great!!!

Thanks for giving me something to do until Spring Training starts! :)

There's no crying in baseball!

by gigglingone on Oct 7, 2005 9:44 AM PDT reply actions

It's a shame

that this doesn't make you rich beyond you wildest dreams.

by ArakSOT on Oct 7, 2005 9:50 AM PDT reply actions

And what wild dreams they must be.

Fearing Mecir since 2000.

by salb918 on Oct 7, 2005 9:55 AM PDT up reply actions

HMMM...

The pugs are WAY up there now... I mean, sure, they're cute, but... either we've got some major doggie fetishists out there, or the pugs are only getting matched up with Bonds, K-Rod or Manson...

by Poppy on Oct 7, 2005 10:02 AM PDT reply actions

How could you forget...

Stomper! And why can't I find any good pictures of him?!

by Poppy on Oct 7, 2005 10:13 AM PDT reply actions

This is speciesist!

I'm expecting Monkeybutt: Quantitative Ape Rating next week.

The best conkers to play with are uncracked, firm and symmetrical. Make a hole through the middle of your chosen conker.

by monkeyball on Oct 7, 2005 10:17 AM PDT reply actions

If you code it, they will click

by Poppy on Oct 7, 2005 10:24 AM PDT up reply actions

hmm

maybe I should have checked Jennifer's pictures before adding them. But it will interesting to see how well Blanton does in his current form.

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 11:23 AM PDT reply actions

<falls over laughing>

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 11:25 AM PDT up reply actions

True reason for Macha 'non-renewal'

Ass aesthetic factor = -79.2
VORA = -8.6 (Value Over Replacement Ass)most managers don't have the Ass action, but we still have standards.
CSIP = 0.00001 (Camera Shots per Inning Played)

by MobiusKlein on Oct 7, 2005 11:26 AM PDT reply actions

Gah!

No bullpen catcher love?
Or All-Star love?
Or future manager love?
Or LOOGY love?!!?

Oh yes, and: GREATEST. INVENTION. EVER.

by Nimvee on Oct 7, 2005 11:34 AM PDT reply actions

This is beyond awesomeness!

Best invention ever! :D LOVE IT!

"That's straight-up hockey, right there. He could come home with me and be The Man." ~Rich Harden~ (on Kirk Saarloos)

by Cassandra on Oct 7, 2005 12:05 PM PDT reply actions

Jack Wilson...

what a stallion!

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 12:09 PM PDT reply actions

Is he really hot?

I don't really know what he looks like, but in his Ass Smackdown photo, he doesn't really look hot. Maybe he needs a better photo? Or maybe this is a joke. Hmmm.

"Don't be an ass!" --Bill King

by batgirl on Oct 7, 2005 1:03 PM PDT up reply actions

hmmmm...

;)

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 1:04 PM PDT up reply actions

This is SO cool!

Apricot, you're awesome. You should link this on other boards so more people can weigh in. You could add players from other teams,...it could be the next big thing!

How 'bout

Manny being Manny
Derek Jeter
AROD
Jim Mecir
Rickey Henderson
Ray Fosse
Kenny Rogers

by Alien @ Athletics Nation on Oct 7, 2005 12:19 PM PDT reply actions

I'm working on some of those.

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 12:20 PM PDT up reply actions

I'll bet you are...

by ArakSOT on Oct 7, 2005 12:23 PM PDT up reply actions

LINKS!

Here are some more. I'm just throwing them out there, you don't have to use them. :)

Cliff Penninton
Eric Byrnes
Daric Barton
Kevin Melillo
Derek Jeter
A-Rod
Jason Kendall
Marco!
Milhouse
Frank Menechino
Mark Teixeira
Rickey Henderson
Kenny Rogers
Manny Ramirez
David Ortiz

All the photos are of the actual people listed this time. :)

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 12:32 PM PDT reply actions

Slow day at work...

Peter Gammons
Harold Reynolds
Kirk Gibson
Jeremy Giambi
Billy Koch
Keith Foulke
A.J Pierzynski

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 12:43 PM PDT up reply actions

if

we're gonna have Harold Reynolds, we've got to have John Kruk.

by Alien @ Athletics Nation on Oct 7, 2005 12:49 PM PDT up reply actions

ask and you shall...

John Kruk

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 12:52 PM PDT up reply actions

Brilliant!

The first match-up I got was Charles Manson vs. Godzilla!

"HRs by second basemen are sexy. They're rare and exotic." -Kyli

by McFood on Oct 7, 2005 12:39 PM PDT reply actions

APRICOT HAS CREATED A MONSTER!

Hey, how about Bela Lugosi?

by Poppy on Oct 7, 2005 12:54 PM PDT reply actions

DePo?

Paul DePodesta

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 1:03 PM PDT reply actions

yikes!

Buttoned-down hotness! ;)

by Poppy on Oct 7, 2005 1:10 PM PDT up reply actions

by the way

it is more convenient for me if you submit the links as
Name <tab> URL.

Love the pictures, though.

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 1:08 PM PDT reply actions

Thank GOD!

It was almost killing me to do it the other way.

<thud>

Jeff Larish http://www.asuwebdevil.com/images/issues/Psports-Larish.jpg

Mo Vaughn http://images.art.com/images/-/Mo-Vaughn--C10107319.jpeg

Mark Teahan http://ar.news.yahoo.com/050716/ap/idts10507170319.royals_tigers_dts105.jpg

Paul Byrd http://media.canada.com/cp/sports/20050726/s072650a.jpg

Josh Beckett http://mlb.mlb.com/images/2003/10/25/2CsGdkZI.jpg

Albert Pujols http://herbie.mlblogs.com/photos/uncategorized/pujols.jpg

Mariano Rivera http://2000magazine.com/websightsthree/yankeesmagazine/NEWPAGES2/pictures/mariano%20rivera.jpg

Buck Showalter http://images.art.com/images/products/large/10107000/10107692.jpg

Bobby Valentine http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/si_online/QandA/2003/0519/valentine.jpg

Randy Johnson http://www.augustasports.com/images/headlines/082799/randy_johnson__mug_.jpg

Curt Schilling http://cache.boston.com/bonzai-fba/Reuters_Photo/2005/04/11/1113248515_3647.jpg

Derek Lowe http://cache.boston.com/bonzai-fba/Globe_Photo/2004/10/31/1099232870_8078.jpg

Joe Torre http://espycollection.shazamm.net/images/photo_joe_torre.jpg

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 1:16 PM PDT up reply actions

another one for Lowe

but it could make people barf...

Derek Lowe http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/PHO/AAGA040.jpg

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 1:18 PM PDT up reply actions

<barf>

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 1:31 PM PDT up reply actions

Mark TeahEn

Sorry about that.

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 1:30 PM PDT up reply actions

more...

Rex Hudler http://images.radcity.net/5562/791292.jpg
Michael Lewis http://themorningnews.org/images/mlewis-1.jpg
John Lackey http://www.ocregister.com/newsimages/sports/2005/03/0319angels.jpg

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 1:34 PM PDT reply actions

How about...

Howard Cosell
Mickey Mouse
Ren
Stimpy
Homer Simpson
OJ Simpson
Vincent Price
John Steinbeck
Telly Savalas

Go find your own pictures. I don't have time for that sh....BOOM!

"HRs by second basemen are sexy. They're rare and exotic." -Kyli

by McFood on Oct 7, 2005 1:37 PM PDT reply actions

I think I have carpal tunnel syndrome... :(

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 1:37 PM PDT reply actions

speaking of Syndrome ...

<hint, hint>

The best conkers to play with are uncracked, firm and symmetrical. Make a hole through the middle of your chosen conker.

by monkeyball on Oct 7, 2005 1:43 PM PDT up reply actions

<barf>

Syndrome http://www.terra.com.mx/galeria_de_fotos/images/115/228702.jpg

Note to self...
Do not google the word "syndrome" ever again. Must put something with it.

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 1:47 PM PDT up reply actions

<gasp>

Note to self:
Heed Jennifer's advice when she says not to google syndrome.

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 1:51 PM PDT up reply actions

<sob>

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 1:51 PM PDT up reply actions

ewwwww

why is it whenever someone tells me not to do something, I go ahead and do it!

"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other." - Jack Handey

by JJ on Oct 7, 2005 2:48 PM PDT up reply actions

god damn

Mo Vaughn is living LARGE in that picture.

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 1:43 PM PDT reply actions

uh...

Mo is going to eat you for that comment.

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 1:46 PM PDT up reply actions

you can now call him ...

<URP>ricot

The best conkers to play with are uncracked, firm and symmetrical. Make a hole through the middle of your chosen conker.

by monkeyball on Oct 7, 2005 1:51 PM PDT up reply actions

boooooo!!!!

Rally Monkey http://www.worldoflongmire.com/dailycomment/rallymonkey2.jpg

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 1:44 PM PDT reply actions

This is AWESOME, Apricot!!!

by Squeaky on Oct 7, 2005 1:47 PM PDT reply actions

we really need

clubfoot

http://thediamondangle.com/archive/sep03/athletics/45a_big.jpg

by Alien @ Athletics Nation on Oct 7, 2005 1:52 PM PDT reply actions

Do you have Wash?

Ron Washington http://www.canadianbaseballnews.com/MajorLeaguePlayers/ronwash91.jpg

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 1:54 PM PDT reply actions

Ramon Hernandez http://www.liderendeportes.com/images/normal_ramòn-hernandez.jpg

Lance Berkman http://homepages.ius.edu/KRIGGINS/auJpzDLC.jpg

Eric Gagne http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2005/baseball/mlb/specials/spring_training/2005/04/01/dodgers.gagne.ap/p1.eric .gagne.ap.jpg

Grady Sizemore http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2005/writers/james_quintong/03/30/spring.winners/t1_sizemore_all.jpg

(FYI- football)
Jason Taylor http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/siforwomen/2001/may_june/swimsuit/taylor/taylor_lg-01.jpg

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 1:56 PM PDT reply actions

<thud>

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 1:59 PM PDT up reply actions

I did that just for you.

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 2:02 PM PDT up reply actions

Thank you

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 2:07 PM PDT up reply actions

who is jason taylor?

and can he come over to my place? ;)

There's no crying in baseball!

by gigglingone on Oct 7, 2005 10:25 PM PDT up reply actions

mine next!

RAR, he is way hot

by LLawbug on Oct 7, 2005 10:33 PM PDT up reply actions

Seriously?

Jason Taylor is a DE for the Miami Dolphins.

You can have him after Sharon is finished. :)

by Jennifer on Oct 8, 2005 7:35 AM PDT up reply actions

Bat Flip

Bret Boone http://www.thunderbaybaseball.com/images/boone2.jpg

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 2:00 PM PDT reply actions

johnny d

http://www.espn.go.com/media/pg3/2005/0402/photo/damon9_500.jpg

by Alien @ Athletics Nation on Oct 7, 2005 2:02 PM PDT reply actions

For the guys:

Paris:

http://www.sushigallery.com/celeb/images/paris-hilton-x0026.jpg

Anna Benson

http://www.rubyfilmz.com/sitebuilder/images/Anna_Benson_9_-189x151.jpg

Kotsay couple:

http://www.headlightmarketing.com/sdsaturntimes/1630/images/Kotsay-couple.jpg

For me:

http://netsports.baseball.com/images/baseball/mlb/allsport/florida/willis_dontrelle2.jpg

by Alien @ Athletics Nation on Oct 7, 2005 2:05 PM PDT reply actions

hooray for alien!!!!

"I dont know what I'm yelling about!Loud Noises!" "By the Beard of Zeus!" "I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand"

by ohad on Oct 7, 2005 2:35 PM PDT up reply actions

again...

Kerry Wood http://baseballstud31mo.tripod.com/kerry_wood.jpg

Ken Griffey Jr http://www.thediamondangle.com/archive/sep01/cin/griffey.jpg

Rocco Baldelli http://www.baseball-photos.com/rocco9.jpg

Joe Mauer http://altasshagged.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/mauer2.jpg

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 2:08 PM PDT reply actions

Dusty

Dusty Baker http://www.harrywalker.com/photos/Baker_Dusty.jpg

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Oct 7, 2005 2:09 PM PDT reply actions

Since their movie comes out today....

Wallace:
http://www.spawn.com/toys/movies/wg6inch/wallace1/images/wg6inch_wallace1_photo_01_lg.jpg

Gromit:
http://www.dodds.net/~harmoney/pics/017.jpg

and some friends from the past...

Feathers McGraw:
http://www.bloogs.com/papino/archives/pics/wallace_gromit2.jpg

Shaun:
http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00067Y2HY.03.MZZZZZZZ.jpg

Preston:
http://www.cinema-bio.ch/FILMS/KinoMomes/WallaceGromit/film3_preston.jpg

by calgbear on Oct 7, 2005 2:15 PM PDT reply actions

Lew Wolff

http://sfgate.com/c/pictures/2005/07/25_t/ba_wolff02042_ckh_t.gif

stomper

http://www.crittersbythebay.com/yippee/cr-stomper.jpg

crazy crab

http://www.sfist.com/attachments/sfist_jon/Crab_in_Action.jpg

Jeff Kent

http://static.userland.com/images/jake/DCP02607.jpg

Ray Ratto

http://www.pbs.org/newshour/images/sports/july-dec04/1206sp_ra2.jpg

by Alien @ Athletics Nation on Oct 7, 2005 2:25 PM PDT reply actions

how could you like a team that endorses the crazy

crab!!!

"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other." - Jack Handey

by JJ on Oct 7, 2005 2:30 PM PDT up reply actions

hilarious Ray Ratto pic

by rubin sierra on Oct 7, 2005 4:29 PM PDT up reply actions

Joe Blanton's photo still kills me

I giggle ev...er...y time.

by Jennifer on Oct 7, 2005 2:37 PM PDT reply actions

this thing is hillarious!!!

Except that as I was voting, I saw Kenny Rogers go from 1 to 4... SHAME ON YOU (unless you were voting against Mike Soscia)

"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other." - Jack Handey

by JJ on Oct 7, 2005 2:39 PM PDT reply actions

Sticking with hot sports people

Heather Mitts: I thought i'd be nice to the girls here and have her in a pic with her husband (of all quarterbacks) AJ Feely.

http://www.informationleafblower.com/blog/archives/mitts.jpg

"I dont know what I'm yelling about!Loud Noises!" "By the Beard of Zeus!" "I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand"

by ohad on Oct 7, 2005 2:40 PM PDT reply actions

some notes

Holy crap you all are insane.
I've been avoiding the female hotties this round. Maybe next round we can have cute sports couples, since this seems to have been a hit.
You've all lost your minds. The voting peaked a few minutes ago at 88 votes per MINUTE. It's returned to the slightly less absurd 30-40 votes per minute.
Some of you have very sweetly sent me actual pictures. However, I can't really host any pictures on my server because it is about to explode from the traffic. If I were serving actual pictures, that would be doom. If you uploaded them somewhere like photobucket, or whatever people use, I might be able to use them.
I fear you all.

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 2:55 PM PDT reply actions

You're a codependent enabler

(time for those ANAnon meetings)

Speaking of cute couples...

Frankie & Mark

by Poppy on Oct 7, 2005 3:09 PM PDT up reply actions

I must misunderstand the methodology

it must have something to do with the "quality of the opponent you beat" because I can't figure out how someone can have way more losses than wins (Miggy, Witasick) and be ranked at the top while someone who has way more wins than losses (Huddy, Swish, Chavez, etc.) and be lower down. I mean Crosby is nearly at the bottom of the list.

Also, you really need to think about adding some sort of "I cannot in good conscience pick one" button, because every time I'm faced with a Scioscia vs Showalter type decision, I feel sick to my stomach.

"Don't be an ass!" --Bill King

by batgirl on Oct 7, 2005 3:14 PM PDT reply actions

LOL

I have the same reaction to Bonds vs. Manson...

by Poppy on Oct 7, 2005 3:16 PM PDT up reply actions

yah

there is some odd bug in the routine. Since I didn't want to think very hard about it, I reverted the standings to sort on winning percentage.

As for the nasty choices... well it's more fun that way isn't it?

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 3:20 PM PDT up reply actions

whoops, should've re-freshed

I didn't see this before my below comment--I like the % column. It seems to be working.

"Don't be an ass!" --Bill King

by batgirl on Oct 7, 2005 3:24 PM PDT up reply actions

Now it's organized by %

and it makes sense--and is more closely organized by hotness, but about 5 minutes ago, it was giving a last column # like 1450 or something--what was that #?

"Don't be an ass!" --Bill King

by batgirl on Oct 7, 2005 3:21 PM PDT up reply actions

SAT score

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Oct 7, 2005 3:50 PM PDT up reply actions

Damn

then Witasick and Miggy are way smarter than the other, foxier, fellas ;)

"Don't be an ass!" --Bill King

by batgirl on Oct 7, 2005 4:32 PM PDT up reply actions

if you're going to have depo

what about j.p. ricciardi:
http://media.canada.com/cp/sports/20050714/s071436a.jpg

or david forst:
http://media.collegepublisher.com/media/paper369/stills/124495p3.jpg

or bill james:
http://www.business.ku.edu/gen/bschool_generated_bin/images/communication_module/redsox_2377.jpg

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Oct 7, 2005 3:49 PM PDT reply actions

bobby kielty

a better photo, revealing his secret identity:
http://www.johnwilliams713.com/misc/syndrome.jpg

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Oct 7, 2005 3:53 PM PDT reply actions

I will have

Banjo Man and Pom Pom Man VICTORIOUS!

by Ben25 on Oct 7, 2005 4:07 PM PDT reply actions

oh Yeah

and Larry Davis!

by Ben25 on Oct 7, 2005 4:10 PM PDT reply actions

jeff kent = woody rueter?

so claims xbox. Can someone check the link (it's in this diary)?

ps. You are all still crazy.

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 4:15 PM PDT reply actions

yeah

i think i messed up that one. but its still a funny picture.

by Alien @ Athletics Nation on Oct 7, 2005 4:15 PM PDT up reply actions

here's kent

http://img.slate.msn.com/media/13/040923_SN_JeffKent.jpg

by Alien @ Athletics Nation on Oct 7, 2005 4:16 PM PDT up reply actions

i'm always right

add ricciardi and forst dude

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Oct 7, 2005 4:18 PM PDT up reply actions

A kind word of advice

You know I love you and all, and you've already somewhat alluded to the fact that you are unable to host the pictures yourself, but is there a possible way for you to find an image host for the pictures instead of leeching bandwidth by hotlinking images? I know it would be a bitch to have to save and then reupload all those images to photobucket or something, but your little creation is so popular that I feel like I have to speak up about this. I know some people don't care, other images you already have permission to use, but a good majority of those linked images are from resources that appear to be independent. And since your site is getting 40+ hits a minute, then the bandwidth usage for those images will be very high. Do you really want to kill someone's site by using up all their [stolen] bandwidth? People who pay for hosting know how expensive it gets... It's anywhere from $7-$30 a month, and your host will shut you down if you go over your limit.

Sorry to be a killjoy, since this is probably the best creation since sliced bread, but seeing all the stolen links makes me cringe.

"I was the ugliest girl I've ever seen." - Noah Lowry

by Melody on Oct 7, 2005 4:20 PM PDT reply actions

fascist

A's v Giants "is kind of like the difference between going to see the Ramones and going to see the Bee Gees. A's fans will go see the Ramones." -BB 07/27/05

by xbhaskarx on Oct 7, 2005 4:28 PM PDT up reply actions

If that is the case,

then I hereby exile you to Asslantis.

"I was the ugliest girl I've ever seen." - Noah Lowry

by Melody on Oct 7, 2005 4:37 PM PDT up reply actions

agree it's a problem

I agree the bandwidth is an issue for small web sites (a lot of the links are from bigger sites).

The main problem is that it's so annoying to have to assemble all the pictures to one place that it's almost not worth the trouble to do it.

The way I rationalize it is that no one picture has received more than 750 hits, most far fewer. Say it's 1000 hits by the time this is done. If you have a 50K picture up, that's 50MB of bandwidth used up. My own website it turns out has 12000MB of bandwidth per month which I pay less than $15/mo for. I don't come close to using that.

So while I agree in principle about leeching, I'm not sure this ass contest has quite the impact one might think, especially if we keep it brief.

But I do think it's worth thinking of longer-term solutions. Like maybe a group photobucket account for AN, since this is a problem in general for pictures in popular threads.

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 5:02 PM PDT up reply actions

keepin' it "brief," or keepin' it boxer?

The best conkers to play with are uncracked, firm and symmetrical. Make a hole through the middle of your chosen conker.

by monkeyball on Oct 7, 2005 5:07 PM PDT up reply actions

Thank you for addressing this :)

I'm sure that CBS and ESPN and whatever could care less, or they'd put a hotlink blocker in their root directory. It's more about the images from small fansites and whatnot. You're right in the sense that the 50MB or whatever that we're using up isn't that much when put into context. The host that I have [and don't use, I always host pictures on Comcast because it's free] is only costing me $25 a year, and that gives me 10GB of bandwidth a month. But at the same time, that's 50MB of bandwidth usage that's not actually generating any traffic for the host website - and isn't that the whole point of having a site in the first place? I guess it's not so much about the amount, but more about the principle, and the bottom line is, the bandwidth is stolen and that's just really not fair.

The group photobucket account is a good idea, since it's remotely hosted and then everyone can use it :)

"I was the ugliest girl I've ever seen." - Noah Lowry

by Melody on Oct 7, 2005 6:49 PM PDT up reply actions

More pics?

I know it is amazing enough, if you want to add some more...

Jairo Garcia http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a24/jlaff21/jairo3.jpg

Duke of LF http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a24/jlaff21/duke.jpg

Kurt Suzuki http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a24/jlaff21/suzuki2.jpg

R.A. Dickey http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a176/jlaffLMC/RA1.jpg

Joe Kennedy http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a176/jlaffLMC/P8300128.jpg

Mychael Urban http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a176/jlaffLMC/urban2.jpg

Blez http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a176/jlaffLMC/P8062376.jpg

Arthur Rhodes
http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a248/jlaff/P7201874.jpg

Kiko Calero http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a248/jlaff/P62116662.jpg

Ron Flores http://i12.photobucket.com/albums/a248/jlaff/P62116162.jpg

Awesome game!

"A glove is like your girl, you don't want anyone sticking their hands into it." - Swisher / MySpace

by JLaff on Oct 7, 2005 4:33 PM PDT reply actions

I'm enjoying the irony...

...of including (beloved) butt-talk disser Mychael Urban in this game... ;)

by Poppy on Oct 7, 2005 4:46 PM PDT up reply actions

maybe next round?

I don't want to leave this version of it up forever (I was thinking of wrapping it at 20000 or 25000 votes).

I'd like to try this again some time, but I'm not sure what the pool should be...

Actually, I was thinking (this also answers Melody's issue) that we could have an AN photography contest. People could submit links to their own A's photos (scaled down to some sane amount), and we could run it using this Moneybutt hack. The point wouldn't be to win so much as to get exposure to some of the best pictures of the year taken by ANers.

What do you think?

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 5:15 PM PDT up reply actions

As long as you rig it so...

I win. Then it's cool. And you can steal as much bandwidth of mine as you like as I have an unlimited supply. Does that help my case?

by Nimvee on Oct 7, 2005 5:19 PM PDT up reply actions

deal

We could brainstorm a list of people who've posted photos on AN and e-mail them, and also write a diary with a general call for photos...

Maybe Moneybutt isn't the best forum for it, but I've thought for a while that we should have a photo contest.

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 5:22 PM PDT up reply actions

In a sense

Moneybutt is a photo contest. Look how poorly jlaff's photos are doing! I mean, even my Buckley photo is doing better than his Witasick photo! Muwahahaha.

by Nimvee on Oct 7, 2005 5:29 PM PDT up reply actions

Oh it's on...

It's on like Donkey Kong ;-)

"A glove is like your girl, you don't want anyone sticking their hands into it." - Swisher / MySpace

by JLaff on Oct 7, 2005 7:55 PM PDT up reply actions

I ran away screaming

when I got A-Rod vs J. Morgan.

What happened to your other toy?

[http://www.athleticsnation.com/story/2005/9/5/507/09602]

Thanks for the hint that Yahoo has text-based play-by-play, ...now for a little perl...

by ContrarianBettor on Oct 7, 2005 5:17 PM PDT reply actions

works pretty well

I use it privately to figure out Bonds's contributions and the heroes and goats of the playoffs, etc.

I figured if I ever had time to refine baby winexp to deal with retrosheet data, I would power through the data and make it available somehow, and maybe write a couple of articles about it at Beyond the Boxscore or Hardball Times.

Then life took over.

But given the choice between posting about winexp where maybe 20 people on AN would care about it and doing Diego and ass contests, I get way more positive feedback for the latter two, so since I don't have that much free time for AN...

by Apricot on Oct 7, 2005 5:28 PM PDT up reply actions

Ok, Totally Awesome!

I could spend a lot of time doing this!

A couple of things though...

How is Mark Ellis Winning over Bobby, when I have not seen Mark at all and I have seen Bobby like 10 times!?
I thought I was going to die when I had to choose which was worse, Kenny Rogers or Mark Texieria!?
I thought I was going to die when you made me choose between Mark Mulder and Rich Harden!!
OH LORD! I have to choose between K-Rod and Rincon? Are you kidding me??!
OH NO!! Battle of the 20's Mulder vs. Huston! What is a girl to do!?!?
That pic of Chavey is WAY hot!!
Randy Johnson vs Charles Manson - Now that's a match up!!
Ok, I seriously need to stop now!

Thank you very much for giving me one more thing to distract me from the other 100 things I have to do tonight!

"We play our best ball when we're goofing around and having a good time" ~Bobby Crosby

by BobbyCrosbysGirl on Oct 7, 2005 6:50 PM PDT reply actions