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Cupcakes? Well, Happy Birthday to Me!

Tiny by KendallGurl18 on

As a newbie to AN, I am still trying desperately to figure out what I need to know. This site has become my crack and I keep kicking myself for not finding it sooner. After trying to search through the mountains of diaries, I have come to the conclusion that maybe I should take a chance and post one myself.

I know that a lot of you have been here since the beginning of this site, which is very cool. You have also been very supportive towards new members, which is very appreciated. My only complaint is that it is hard to get into discussions when you have no idea why there is poop being flung and why the players are locked in a basement.

So for me and all the other newcomers, I was hoping that everyone could help out and give us some insight to the nuances of the AN lingo and users. Why is Swisher called "Porn"? Why is everyone throwing chairs? Anything that you would like to add, including stuff about yourselves would be appreciated. Of course, if this had been done before, please direct me towards the exit.

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Welcome!
  1. I don't know why monkeyball throws poo.
  2. Players locked in my basement... Hmm.... This goes way back to the days of AN v.1. I don't remember what exactly started it, but I decided to build "Superplayer", a combination of the best parts of everyone in the AL. I kept the players locked in my basement until I could clone them. The basement was said to be guarded by Mo Vaughn and my granny. Things snowballed from there.
  3. Why is Swisher called "Porn"? Sharon.
  4. Everyone throws chairs because Billy throws chairs. We heart Billy.

by Jennifer on Feb 8, 2006 6:33 AM PST   0 recs

You should tell her a little about yourself.
Tell her about Santa Claus.
"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 7:19 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

I don't think so.
I don't want to scare her away.

by Jennifer on Feb 8, 2006 7:48 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Don't tell anything more
you don't want to scare away the newcomers.
the great playoff miss of 2004 followed by the good try of 2005 with no more hex in 2006.

by ak_A on Feb 8, 2006 4:19 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

<throws chair>
A Beane in the hand is worth $60M in payroll

by jeepers on Feb 8, 2006 8:11 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

We also eat chairs...
...because Poppy eats chairs. And we heart Poppy.

Welcome to AN.

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 7:15 AM PST   0 recs

just don't eat sal's chair
"Yay for drug adventures!" -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 8, 2006 9:28 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

whiteshoes40 already ate sal's chair...
...before she realized that was monkeyball's favorite place to poop.
"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 9, 2006 8:16 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

I'm still trying to clean out my system from that.
I think I've sworn off eating chairs. Throwing them, however, is still a possibility.
Don't make me get the flying monkeys.

by whiteshoes40 on Feb 9, 2006 8:53 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Monkeyball likes to
poop in my pants.  He recently explained why.

Look, KendallGurl18, you seem like a nice kid to me, so I'm going to let you in on a little secret.  Leave AN.  Get out now.  If you wait until the season starts, you're screwed.  You don't want to be around here when the A's lose three games in a row.  You don't want to be around here when Eric Chavez strikes out.  It's a scary place, and we explore the nether-regions of our soul.  It's too late for me.  But I might be able to save you.

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 8, 2006 7:49 AM PST   0 recs

If she's going to stick around...
we should make sure she's on our side. You know, the side that doesn't post "tEh WUrLD iz INding!! gAmEE OVIR!" after the second inning.

by Jennifer on Feb 8, 2006 7:53 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

OH Y DON YOO CHOO
SUM GUM WIF YUR BF MACHO!

Actually, I don't remember the origins of that one.  Anybody care to explain it to me?

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 8, 2006 7:55 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

I don't remember *exactly*
how that started. I'm searching the AN history books.

by Jennifer on Feb 8, 2006 8:02 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

That was me ...
... and, yes, to explain myself, it was indeed a means of parodying the CAPS-addicted, spelling-challenged, panic-ready, foul-mouthed, invective-spewing Day Game Denizens. And, y'know, insulting Jennifer and Macha simultaneously. And parodying those who would insult Jennifer and/or Macha. And flinging poo.

KendallGurl18, I won't echo Salb918's exhortation to LEAVE NOW, but I will advise you to, um, prepare yourself if you wander into any day-game threads during the season. That's when the Trolls come out.

"Yay for drug adventures!" -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 8, 2006 9:27 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Careful, there ...
... that's just the sort of thing that brings out the bonobos ...
"Yay for drug adventures!" -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 8, 2006 9:34 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

<rub rub>
Therein lies the rub, no?
Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 8, 2006 9:35 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

I think it has to do with the crazy
people that only come around during day games. The posters would have crazy names like "mAcHO H8tr" with goofy spellings/crazy caps.

OH! We can't forget:

bAnNeD!

<kRaZeE wAnD aCtIon>

by Jennifer on Feb 8, 2006 8:05 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

I don't even remember how the wand action started.
"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 8:06 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

<sigh>
Good times.
"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 8:27 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

I miss baseball.
And zonk. <sigh> He was cute.

And how could I forget doing the pound?!?!

by Jennifer on Feb 8, 2006 8:30 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Poor zonk.
If only he had known that you liked him...

Doing the pound isn't mentioned nearly enough. And I've noticed that :P isn't around anymore.

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 8:36 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

<snicker>
What does the "pound" look like...Could someone please describe it to me?

lol

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 8:43 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

No one ever explained it. :(
We were forced to draw our own conclusions. See what happens?

by Jennifer on Feb 8, 2006 8:46 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Wow.
That was great.
Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 8, 2006 8:35 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

yes
that turned into a best-of thread for a second...nice work, ladies.
Beware of the Elephant...

by rungood on Feb 8, 2006 3:37 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

Good idea.
Those other people are crazy.
"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 7:58 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Hahaha
Seriously, AN is addicting. I found it through random search (I couldn't remember WHO we traded to get Saarloos, so I did a search, an AN was like the first result to pop up. I've been hooked ever since.) I wouldn't say LEAVE AN... but... this is like catnip for A's fans. Or monkeynip, whatever.

Cupcakes is Joe Blanton, so named by GreenNGoldGirl (be scared of that one ;-) just kidding!) because well, it looks like the man has enjoyed a cupcake or two (million) in his life. And is it really your birthday?

FIRE MACHA NOW is a running thing... that... honestly I don't know how it really started. It appeared as an option on a poll, and now it's almost a default last option on every poll.

I've only been here since last May, so I don't know EVERYTHING... but this is a fun, yet addicting, place to be! Welcome.

"Every time (Curt Schilling) fails, somewhere a sick puppy gets just a little bit better." - Nico

by JLaff on Feb 8, 2006 8:00 AM PST   0 recs

monkeynip
Sweet ghost of Billy Martin! Where can I get my hands on some of that?
"Yay for drug adventures!" -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 8, 2006 9:29 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Also
You can only be a member of AN if you worship the ground that "Mister Sabermetric Spock" walks on.

It's true. It's in the community guidelines.

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 8:03 AM PST   0 recs

When I read that Rev HF
post, I could not stop laughing.  He's a delusional paranoid, and his caricature of his so-called enemies reveals a lot about him.
Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 8, 2006 8:14 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

It's hilarious.
Rev's BEST. POST. EVER.
"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 8:25 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

AN shitofbrain statgeeks
suggest a rock band behind LAAAAAAA pitching success!
So now since the Angels are not run by Mister Sabermetric Spock, everyone of these shitforbrain statgeeks is acting like the Angels' 2005 pitching success was an anamoly. They are practically pretending that it did not happen.
- A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle -

by elcroata on Feb 8, 2006 9:02 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

I can't wait until ...
... Verge Thomas faces On-The-Way Weaver ...
"Yay for drug adventures!" -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 8, 2006 9:31 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

This diary is long overdue, IMHO
I never know what the heck you people are talking about. What's a CGV? A NRAF?  What is a DLD, and is it any different than a DLDD? And what, for pitty's sake, does any of it have to do with the Oakland A's?

Buncha screwheads, if you ask me.

by ArakSOT on Feb 8, 2006 8:07 AM PST   0 recs

IMHO?
Is that our new shortstop?

CGV: Anytime grover and oaktoon reply to each other
NRAF: Condition that turns you into Jennifer.  Or Sharon.
DLD: Daily Link Dump (lame)
DLDD: Daily Link Dump Diary (not lame)
Screwheads: ArakSOT is their king

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 8, 2006 8:16 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

NRAF
Non Resident A's Fan

...like me

--The Pastime--

by Ryan Armbrust on Feb 8, 2006 1:25 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

or..
Nebraska Runs Around Farting.

Hey, I didn't make it up...the letters don't lie. ;)

Beware of the Elephant...

by rungood on Feb 8, 2006 3:42 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

no comment
i can neither confirm nor deny reports of such behavior...
--Nebraska--

(Shameless Self-Promotion)

by Ryan Armbrust on Feb 8, 2006 7:12 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

ok,
I did some background research and you've been aquitted of the charges...phew! that was a close one...
Beware of the Elephant...

by rungood on Feb 9, 2006 1:31 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

good, cause
he who denied it supplied it
"Don't be an ass!" --Bill King

by batgirl on Feb 9, 2006 11:49 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Something other answers...
...to questions that'll inevitably cross your mind in your numerous visits to AN:
  1. Dan Johnson is "Band Camp." Here's why.
  2. xbhaskarx's screen name is his first name ("Bashkar") flanked by x's, not an acronym for "extra base hits are something...something something."
  3. As for a little something about me, I live in North Carolina, making me a Non-Resident A's Fan (NRAF), and I'm the sanest one here. :)
"(Insert favorite AN quote here.)" -- Some ANer
AN Census

by FormerHuntsvilleStar on Feb 8, 2006 8:30 AM PST   0 recs

Also, we call
xbhaskarx "xbox" because it bugs him.  I am sometimes known and Mr. Poopyhead.
Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 8, 2006 8:49 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

I still maintain
that it has to do with extra base hits.
Beware of the Elephant...

by rungood on Feb 8, 2006 3:43 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

There is just too much stuff to link
  1. Sharon and me stalking Diego/Sienna
  2. Our Hatte love
  3. What's your f'n problem, an?
  4. We all hate Mark Ellis
  5. zonk!
  6. Milhouse
  7. :P
  8. Sharon's kids
  9. The Men of AN calendar
  10. Duchscherererererererererer

by Jennifer on Feb 8, 2006 8:45 AM PST   0 recs

What's your f'n problem?
One of my favorites.
Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 8, 2006 8:46 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Good times, good times
"Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?" - George Costanza

by Captain on Feb 8, 2006 1:58 PM PST to parent up   0 recs

<gasp>
I forgot about the tattoo.

And <sob>. Hatte!

Hey, remember the Huddy/Milhouse/Harden love triangle?

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 9:01 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

<sigh>
I wish we had a link to the Huddy/Milhouse/Harden love triangle story. Great times.

by Jennifer on Feb 8, 2006 9:04 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

11.
Brokeback Stadium
"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 9:07 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

<Quizno's subs>
http://athleticsnation.com/comments/2005/1/26/21242/2871/43#43
"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 9:48 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Booby
http://athleticsnation.com/comments/2005/2/1/123655/3265/19#19
"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 9:49 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

I love Jack Wilson.
He's better than Santa.

by Jennifer on Feb 8, 2006 9:53 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Bite your tongue!
Better than Santa?!

http://athleticsnation.com/comments/2005/10/14/14915/646/69#69

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 9:58 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Jack Wilson is hot.
But Santa is dreamy.
"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 10:09 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

That thing better not be there this season.
"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 9:38 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Noob
I am new around here as well (in terms of being registered) but have been reading AN on and off for a while. I am glad KendallGurl18 posted this diary. I had been thinking about doing something like this for while.

Thanks for clueing us noobs into the mysterious ways of AN. :)

"Swinging and missing to me is like 'Jesus, what happened?'" Hatte

by Razr on Feb 8, 2006 8:50 AM PST   0 recs

The Mostly Silent Minority
Some of us:
  1. Think Kenny Mahca is a good citizen and a fine manager.
  2. Believe that Billy Beane is losing his hair at an alarming rate.
  3. Would trust Ron Washington with our lives.
  4. Get hives from the acronym VORP.
  5. Think the Coliseum is perfectly fine place to watch baseball.
  6. Still look at batting averages first.

by Mission1929 on Feb 8, 2006 9:35 AM PST   0 recs

And remember, you don't
need to believe in one to believe in all six.  I for one, don't gives hives from VORP nor do I look at batting averages first.  But I do think Kenny Macha is a good citizen and a fine manager.
Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 8, 2006 9:37 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

What's a batting average?
:)
"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 9:39 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Did I say "Batting Average"???
I meant "Blanton Average."

OPS - (win shares + VORP) / 55 (Cupcake's jersey number) + percentage of fans in the stands who've had one too many

I got the formula from Paul.

by Mission1929 on Feb 8, 2006 9:59 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

#2
It's all migrating from his head to his fingers.

And Mission1929, I'm afraid that your insinuation of a rate stat (FORP: Follicles Out, Revealing Pate) proves that you are in fact a stathead!

"Yay for drug adventures!" -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 8, 2006 9:50 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Best.Fan.Blog.Ever
But then again, I don't really read the other ones unless they get linked for whatever reason (typically Halo Heaven and its delusional Rev Halofan) ... so I guess one could say that my ass..essment is taint...ed <snicker> by a small sample size.

I love this blog, the dialog among the dozen or so regulars never fail to make me laugh.  Welcome to the club kendallgurl, perhaps we should introduce you to bobbycrosbysgirl (AKA BCG)

by Rickeyfan on Feb 8, 2006 9:47 AM PST   0 recs

It's good to see Kendall have a girl
It's not like Bobby, Rich, Huston or Barry needs another one. Where's the girl for Ellis? For Meluse?

by ArakSOT on Feb 8, 2006 10:05 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

No
I'm a MaElH8r, remember?
Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 8, 2006 10:16 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

I hate Ellis.
And who is Melhuse?
"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 8, 2006 10:10 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

What's the over/under
on how many days until we have a MiltonBradleysgirl?

by Rickeyfan on Feb 8, 2006 10:15 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

What I'd really like to see
is an ArakSOTsGirl

<sigh>

by ArakSOT on Feb 8, 2006 10:28 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

Too late, she's already
Jesse's girl

<hit by thrown chair>

by Rickeyfan on Feb 8, 2006 10:33 AM PST to parent up   0 recs

<rub rub>
It'll be okay.
Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 8, 2006 10:37 AM PST