DLD 2/1: 14 Days 'till pitchers and catchers report

Something interesting

Even though we're past the holiday season, someone did a tidbit on Jingle Bells, if you play it backwards (like those Beatles songs), it gives a message.

Knowledge is Power, Ignorance is Bliss. But I have Blissful Power, because I have a lot of knowledge, I just forgot it all!

by Zonis on Feb 1, 2006 12:54 AM PST reply actions

wow

i've never heard that in jingle bells before...

(you know, maybe i'm too cynical about flash movies online anymore... i expected that. oh well.)

--The Pastime--

by Ryan Armbrust on Feb 1, 2006 1:12 AM PST up reply actions

thanks alot

you scared the crap out of me and woke up the whole house

"Damn kids" -Ron Flores

by secret ASian man on Feb 1, 2006 1:15 AM PST up reply actions

Hahahahah

I spread that maze game to a bunch of my friends. Some of them, ehm, didn't appreciate it. Still, a couple classic moments.

by Alon on Feb 1, 2006 4:11 AM PST up reply actions

Heh heh heh...

Not this time, Zonis. :)

"(Insert favorite AN quote here.)" -- Some ANer
AN Census

by FormerHuntsvilleStar on Feb 1, 2006 8:11 AM PST up reply actions

Hey Zonis...

Can you re-post or send me the link to that maze game?

Thanks.

"Keep the juices going by jangling around gently as you move." - Satchel Paige

by McFood on Feb 1, 2006 8:48 AM PST up reply actions

maze

http://members.dslextreme.com/users/zonis/swf/maze1.swf

Knowledge is Power, Ignorance is Bliss. But I have Blissful Power, because I have a lot of knowledge, I just forgot it all!

by Zonis on Feb 1, 2006 1:24 PM PST up reply actions

10Q very much.

"Keep the juices going by jangling around gently as you move." - Satchel Paige

by McFood on Feb 1, 2006 2:06 PM PST up reply actions

That's NOT funny

You should be ashamed of yourself.

I was nothing more than an almost innocent bystander.

by Squeaky on Feb 1, 2006 3:43 PM PST up reply actions

Thanks =]

Knowledge is Power, Ignorance is Bliss. But I have Blissful Power, because I have a lot of knowledge, I just forgot it all!

by Zonis on Feb 1, 2006 8:36 PM PST up reply actions

Hey Zonis!

Only the cool kids can figure this one out.

Oh um... baseball stuff...

Ruben Sierra signs a minor-league deal with the Twins.

"Every time (Curt Schilling) fails, somewhere a sick puppy gets just a little bit better." - Nico

by JLaff on Feb 1, 2006 7:40 AM PST reply actions

I signed a what?

A minor-league deal with the Twins? Crap, I don't even remember doing that. Man, I must have been REALLY wasted yesterday.

Dude ... where's my car?
(http://www.foxhome.com/dude/)

by rubin sierra on Feb 1, 2006 9:24 AM PST up reply actions

You can't spell your name either.

You are a mess. :-)

Bring back Hammer.

by OaktownPower on Feb 1, 2006 10:09 AM PST up reply actions

Also...

Who decided to give Gilbert Godfried a Super Bowl media pass? Or better yet, who decided to let him out of whatever cage he's been in and release him into the public?

"Every time (Curt Schilling) fails, somewhere a sick puppy gets just a little bit better." - Nico

by JLaff on Feb 1, 2006 7:53 AM PST reply actions

Did you see him in

"The Aristocrats?" There's a comedian totally on top of his game.

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 7:58 AM PST up reply actions

No...

I really want to see it though. Is it any good?

"Every time (Curt Schilling) fails, somewhere a sick puppy gets just a little bit better." - Nico

by JLaff on Feb 1, 2006 8:03 AM PST up reply actions

<shrugs>

I thought it was really good, but she hated it. So if you're like me, you'll enjoy it; but if you're like the future-mrs.-salb918, you won't.

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 8:10 AM PST up reply actions

no!

Who could hate The Aristocats? Huddy was in it! ;)

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 8:13 AM PST up reply actions

That's

Lord Huddy to you.

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 1, 2006 8:15 AM PST up reply actions

LOL

{waits for monkeyball to arrive and inappropriately hyphenate the name "Pat Buttram"}

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 8:17 AM PST up reply actions

<shakes umbrella off>

Sorry I'm late. Did we already discuss this morning's agenda? I'm hoping to close the Bumstead deal today.

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 9:21 AM PST up reply actions

Meanwhile...

Mr. Dithers: "BUMSTEAD! WAKE UP AND FINISH THAT MONKEYBALL CONTRACT, OR YOU'RE FIRED!"

"(Insert favorite AN quote here.)" -- Some ANer
AN Census

by FormerHuntsvilleStar on Feb 1, 2006 3:15 PM PST up reply actions

No more coffee! No more magazines!

Mussburger!!!

"Yay for drug adventures!" -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 3:24 PM PST up reply actions

When did he get a peerage?

by ArakSOT on Feb 1, 2006 8:16 AM PST up reply actions

He bought it to avoid steerage

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 8:17 AM PST up reply actions

when he looks down his nose at a commoner ...

... he engages in sneerage ...

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 9:24 AM PST up reply actions

He auditioned for Broekback Mountain...

..but didn't like the rearage.

by Ozzz on Feb 1, 2006 2:14 PM PST up reply actions

props for figuring out how to ...

... avoid the offensive near-homonym!

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 2:19 PM PST up reply actions

You mean...

...homo-him?

by Ozzz on Feb 1, 2006 2:33 PM PST up reply actions

"Roddy Maude-Roxby"?

"Thurl Ravenscroft"?

"Hermione Baddeley"?

And, yes, "Pat Buttram"?

Those are/were definitely pseudonyms.

(Alternate response: "Senator, I knew Pat Buttram; I was friends with Pat Buttram. And you, sir, are no Pat Buttram!")

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 9:24 AM PST up reply actions

I absolutely LOVE stand-up comedy

And the Aristocrats has a bunch of my favorites: Carlin, Black, Jeni, Williams et al. Stupid question, but is it out on DVD?

"Every time (Curt Schilling) fails, somewhere a sick puppy gets just a little bit better." - Nico

by JLaff on Feb 1, 2006 8:17 AM PST up reply actions

seems to be...

http://www.netflix.com/MovieDisplay?trkid=73&movieid=70024091

('tis in my queue, too)

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 8:21 AM PST up reply actions

Yea, it is, got it on Netflix last week....

It definitely has its moments, but extremely vulgar. Surprisingingly enough, it is worth watching just got Gilbert Bottfriend and Bob Saget....Who wouldnt thunk that?

Sarah Silverman kicks ass too.

Bring back Hammer.

by OaktownPower on Feb 1, 2006 8:34 AM PST up reply actions

who knew the day would come

when Gilbert G would be the moral anchor of a generation? He is the unexpected star of the movie.

(Actually, I thought his first joke, which people booed, was even better than the Aristocrats joke he told...)

by Apricot on Feb 1, 2006 9:10 AM PST up reply actions

Yea, that one certainly took balls...

Prob a tad too soon tho.

Bring back Hammer.

by OaktownPower on Feb 1, 2006 10:10 AM PST up reply actions

To be perfectly honest,

Bob Saget was completely unreal - I know him only as Danny Tanner, huggable dad on ABC.

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 10:12 AM PST up reply actions

Bob Saget is a frequent quest

on a radio station here in KC. He is a nasty, nasty, nasty man.

by Jennifer on Feb 1, 2006 10:33 AM PST up reply actions

Saget used to do HBO standup

so I already knew him as a smiley creepy funny standup. As in:

"When I was a little boy, I hated being in the locker room getting undressed in front of other boys. But now I kind of like it."

I missed the whole Full House thing.

by Apricot on Feb 1, 2006 1:08 PM PST up reply actions

I saw the A'crats at a film fest...

...and spoke with the director, Paul Provenza. He told me a story about Saget that had me dry-heaving.

The man is genuinely and entertainingly sick. But then, you'd have to be to do Full House AND America's Funniest Home Videos.

Oh, and after the screening, I went to the home of the guy who voices Dale from King of the Hill and we all got nasty stoned. Emmys are heavy.

by Ozzz on Feb 1, 2006 2:16 PM PST up reply actions

new sig line!

"Emmys are heavy." -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 2:21 PM PST up reply actions

The last time I seen Bob Saget was on Entourage

on HBO, and he was a lot more adult than you would have thought from his Full House days, and AFV.

by theblackpearl on Feb 1, 2006 2:48 PM PST up reply actions

I heard

I heard he used to suck d!ck for coke. And that David from the Real World LA "seen him" do it.

by TempletonPeck on Feb 1, 2006 5:43 PM PST up reply actions

Rob hearts Oakland

From Neye's chat today:

Brett (Minto, ND): Do you see the A's winning the AL West? How much help will the Big Hurt provide to a lineup that needs more power?

rob neyer: (11:20 AM ET ) Yes, I do. Though I'm not convinced that Thomas will make a big contribution to the effort. I think the Thomas signing was a good one, because the A's are risking much. But between his injury problems and his relatively poor numbers away from home in recent years, I just don't see him making a real difference.

His answer confuses me. It seems to me he meant either to say he doesn't think the Thomas signing was a good one, or that the A's aren't risking much.

by ArakSOT on Feb 1, 2006 8:24 AM PST reply actions

I vote for...

...he does think the Thomas signing was a good one because the A's aren't risking much.

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 8:28 AM PST up reply actions

Yeah me too

The thing is though, Thomas has done quite well in Oakland over his career. Career at Oakland:

AB: 253
HR: 16 (tied with Fenway for most HR for a road stadium)
BA: .304
OBP: .433
SLG: .553

"Put a Milo on him." -Billy Beane

by kaweahkaweah on Feb 1, 2006 8:39 AM PST up reply actions

I heart Neyer.

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 1, 2006 8:40 AM PST up reply actions

Best comment today...

was his initial post

"SportsNation rob neyer: (11:00 AM ET ) Unleash the hounds."

"Put a Milo on him." -Billy Beane

by kaweahkaweah on Feb 1, 2006 8:43 AM PST up reply actions

Rob hearts Huston

"For one thing, there was always more to Huston Street than just his stats."

:P

by ArakSOT on Feb 1, 2006 8:46 AM PST up reply actions

he HAS been reading AN!

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 8:49 AM PST up reply actions

Cubs fans hate Neyer.

At least they do now.

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 1, 2006 8:52 AM PST reply actions

my idiotic question

uh... I haven't been paying attention in class... and I actually can't find Neyer's chat or transcripts online. Is a link nestled somewhere in the excessively busy eyesore that is the ESPN Insider page?

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 9:05 AM PST up reply actions

It's one of the links

under the main story on the baseball page (Nomar: First Things First). I f I understand it correctly, whilst the chat is live, anyone can get in, but after it's been archived, it becomes an Insider thing.

by ArakSOT on Feb 1, 2006 9:08 AM PST up reply actions

AHA!

There it is! The little flashing red "LIVE" right next to it was a dead giveaway...

hmm... dead giveaway...

{checks A's promo schedule... when to get tickets for carrion...}

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 9:29 AM PST up reply actions

After this comment

Goose (Chicago): Any truth to the rumors about Mark Cuban buying the Cubs?

rob neyer: (11:49 AM ET ) Hadn't heard that one. But I think he should buy Cuba. Better players.

by theblackpearl on Feb 1, 2006 8:53 AM PST reply actions

How's the shot of Zito

And the quote beneath:

"Barry Zito keeps a close eye on Leeann Tweeden's choreography."

"If you throw at someone's head, it's very dangerous, because in the head is the brain." -- Pudge Rodriguez

by niallmack on Feb 1, 2006 9:40 AM PST reply actions

thats some serious

pocket pool going on!

"If you throw at someone's head, it's very dangerous, because in the head is the brain." -- Pudge Rodriguez

by niallmack on Feb 1, 2006 9:40 AM PST up reply actions

well.....it WAS the Nutcracker....

I guess I would wear tights too if Leanne Tweeden wanted me to.

by djcoreyferren on Feb 1, 2006 10:32 AM PST up reply actions

Sweet!

N/T

by Ozzz on Feb 1, 2006 2:18 PM PST up reply actions

"choreography"

Mhmm... sure.

That is just an amazing picture

"Every time (Curt Schilling) fails, somewhere a sick puppy gets just a little bit better." - Nico

by JLaff on Feb 1, 2006 9:50 AM PST up reply actions

Looks like

he finally found someone who shares his fashion sense.

by sslinger on Feb 1, 2006 10:10 AM PST up reply actions

I think that should be ...

... "Leeann Tweeden's soft-choreography" ...

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 12:31 PM PST up reply actions

Jeff Weaver to Cleveland?

A rumor sighs deeply, scratches it nuts, swings its legs off the bed, and contemplates arising regarding Jeff Weaver possibly signing with the Indians for a Westbrook-type deal.

Here's a whacky idea: how about if Beane signs Weaver to a heavily backloaded (say, $4M/$11M) two-year deal, with the specific intent of flipping Weaver at the trade deadline. It'd be risky (yes, I know, and Cleveland's Crisp trade was "riske") -- because Weaver could still y'know, suck -- but could net us a good haul in trade.

Here's my reasopning for the two years, as opposed to the one that is allegedly on the table: it'd be a "sweetener" to entice him to take our deal over the one-year deals being offered, it'd lower our actual cost this year vs a one-year $8M-$10M deal, and it could potentially increase Weaver's tradeability this year by essentially making him a 3-month rental for the next acquiring team to plan on moving him next off-season.

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 10:15 AM PST reply actions

Two problems

Who gets bumped from the roatation?
Is the potential payoff really worth the risk?

"We've come a long way, and I'm not talking about Virginia Slims, either." - Art Howe

by EastCoastA on Feb 1, 2006 10:23 AM PST up reply actions

as with Sal ...

... two badass questions.

6-man rotation (see below)
Probably not. Probably not even close. We could be saddled with a really expensive, really sucky guy for '07.

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 10:50 AM PST up reply actions

EDIT

I'm sure you mean "Millwood-type," instead of "Westbrook-type." In a Westbrook-type deal, you are traded for David Justice, or maybe Hideki Irabu.

I wouldn't be in favor of such a deal, mostly due to roster-crowding problems. Our 25-man roster likely looks like this:

Position players: Chavez, Crosby, Ellis, DJ, Perez, Scoot, Hurt, Bradley, Kielty, Kotsay, Payton, Swisher, Kendall, Melhuse. (14)
Pitchers: Blanton, Calero, Duke, Harden, Haren, Kennedy, Loaiza, Saars, Street, 'Sick, Z (11)

That's 25 right there. Maybe we can option Scoot and call up Cruz, but we're more or less set. When Hurt hits the DL, we have both Cruz and Scoot up. I don't see how Weaver fits in.

Even if Weaver does fit in, that pushes Blanton out of a starting role and into the 'pen. Then, if we flip Weaver, we push Blanton back into a starting role for the stretch run. Unless we're willing option Big Joe to keep him stretched out as a starter, I don't see how Weaver fits in.

But kudos to the monkeyman for pooping outside of the chair.

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 10:31 AM PST up reply actions

You are correct, sir

A number of extraneous typos in there that you mercifully neglected as well. Obviously, I haven't quite completed the routine I outlined in the first sentence myself yet.

Yes, the logistics of the rotation and the roster would present difficulties.

The way I would make it work for the roster would be to either send Scoot to Sacto (and bring him up whenever Crosby detaches his ass or Chavez sprains his self-confidence), or trade Kielty or Payton.

As for the starting pitchers, I'd just go with a 6-man rotation for the first third/half of the season. Reduces workload on our horses and keeps everyone fresh for the second half.

Yeah, overall, probably not worth the hassle and risk, but an intriguing idea if I do say so myself.

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 10:48 AM PST up reply actions

re:

an intriguing idea if I do say so myself

Well, you do say so yourself.

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 10:50 AM PST up reply actions

if, then!

"Intriguing," it is!

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 10:51 AM PST up reply actions

"It...would present difficulties"

KISS

"Keep the juices going by jangling around gently as you move." - Satchel Paige

by McFood on Feb 1, 2006 11:46 AM PST up reply actions

I have previously

advocated a 6 man rotation. I would just prefer to do it with Saarloos as the #6. We would then just skip him whenever a day off allowed.

Even if you assume that Weaver will work out and that there will be a market for his services, there's a decent chance that the return we'd get in trade wouldn't be worth the $2m we'd have to shell out to keep Weaver for half a season leading up to it.

There's also the fact that Weaver for $11m in '07 would be a huge hangup for any team looking to acquire him and would add significantly to the risk such a deal would entail.

That said, I love the 6-man rotation idea.

Check out some awesome music ...

by devo on Feb 1, 2006 11:35 AM PST up reply actions

Here's a question...

..averaging out the two years, it's $7.5m per season. If Weaver, let's say, got back to his best form (like, pre-Yankees form), is he worth it?

I say no.

And let's say if we just look at the $4m for one season - is a Jeff Weaver, in his best form of the last three seasons, worth that?

I say no.

Though I'd be interested to hear the thoughts of others.

by Ozzz on Feb 1, 2006 2:22 PM PST up reply actions

6-man rotation

Does anybody do that? (that's an actual question, not like a rhetorical "Who the hell does that?")

Isn't "too much time between starts" as counterproductive as not enough? I think Saarloos did okay last year when rotation-planning dictated that he have extra time off (although I'm sure there are some easily-accessible numbers that might show me he actually sucked), but would we want our entire staff having too much time off on a regular basis? Or would the pitchers be able to adjust if it was an ongoing routine?

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 11:38 AM PST up reply actions

Chicken Jennifer?

A link (albeit a BaNNaBLe one)!

Jennifer, you didn't tell us you were heading to DC.

Bullfeathers!

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 11:45 AM PST reply actions

Why can't we do this?

CSPAN would be so much cooler if we stuff lik this going on. http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/02/01/council.brawl.ap/index.html

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 11:55 AM PST up reply actions

tsk

I'm surprised Khrushchev tolerates that kind of behavior...

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 12:06 PM PST up reply actions

Beria is cracking down on it ...

... but only once he gets Cindi's buy-in ...

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 12:15 PM PST up reply actions

genre

"Saakashvili has accused Russia of waging an energy blockade against it in retaliation for its government's pro-Western policies ..."

... while Russia, for its part, is said to favor pro-Film Noir policies ...

(In Soviet Union, movies go to you! Wait, that describes Netflix, doesn't it?)

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 12:15 PM PST up reply actions

Nyetfliks!

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 12:16 PM PST up reply actions

ochen xhorosho!

Ya lyublyu Poppy.

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 12:18 PM PST up reply actions

gesundheit?

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 12:41 PM PST up reply actions

You're welcome!

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 1:50 PM PST up reply actions

I'm famous!

Yay for drug adventures!

by Ozzz on Feb 1, 2006 2:23 PM PST up reply actions

Stop it!

"Yay for drug adventures!" -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 2:27 PM PST up reply actions

Hey!

Cut that out!

by Ozzz on Feb 1, 2006 2:28 PM PST up reply actions

politics-baseball simile

"[SUBJECT OF SIMILE PREEMPTIVELY DELETED TO APPEASE CGV] will sound to many skeptics like Barry Bonds calling for an end to steroid use in baseball."

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 1:43 PM PST up reply actions

censored

I never watch the ____ because it always just makes me want to ____.

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 1:53 PM PST up reply actions

the second blank is ...

... "garfleck," right?

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 1:54 PM PST up reply actions

and, from Tim Goodman ...

... a CGV-compliant TiVo-baseball simile:

"The dark secret of television criticism is that one person can't watch everything. Not even with three TiVo machines working frantically through the night. So as Bill Buckner can tell you, sometimes one gets through."

(Wait. Is that in fact a simile? It uses an "as," so I think it is. But Tim's snarkstructure is such that I can't quite tell. Help me, Englishmajor, you're my only hope!)

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 1:57 PM PST up reply actions

WTF is Chicken Jennifer?!?

by Jennifer on Feb 1, 2006 12:50 PM PST up reply actions

courtesy of EpiCurious

INGREDIENTS

1 Chicken
6-1/2 oz rosin
2# infield dirt
1/2# freshly ground chalk
14 oz fresh Kentucky bluegrass (or 3 oz dried)
1# monkey poo
1 Snickers bar
5# rainbow glitter
8 oz strawberry-flavored body paint
1# fresh snozzberries (or 2T essence of snozzberries)
1/2 Keiichi Yabu, boned and quartered
1 doz cupcakes
5# assorted porn
5# grit
1 fresh heart
1 cured spleen
1 oblique, strained
Whipped cream
Assorted fireworks
1 chair

DIRECTIONS

Detach the chicken's ass; pat gently
Whip the chicken with a riding crop
Lock the chicken in a case in a cool, damp place, such as a basement; neglect for 6 months during baseball season
Mix all ingredients in a cement mixer
<throw chair>

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 1:02 PM PST up reply actions

right

It sounds easy, but where the hell are you supposed to get fresh snozzberries at this time of year???

Bright moments!

by andeux on Feb 1, 2006 1:16 PM PST up reply actions

what's even more difficult ...

... is finding free-range, cruelty-free snozzberries.

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 1:20 PM PST up reply actions

I think you can use smurfberries...

...as a substitute.

"(Insert favorite AN quote here.)" -- Some ANer
AN Census

by FormerHuntsvilleStar on Feb 1, 2006 3:22 PM PST up reply actions

but where can you find ...

... free-range, cruelty-free, non-blue-dye-added smurfs?

(Wild smurf meat is not, in fact, deep blue, but ecru with a hint of cerulean.)

"Yay for drug adventures!" -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 5:21 PM PST up reply actions

<snicker>

1/2 Keiichi Yabu, boned and quartered

by Jennifer on Feb 1, 2006 1:17 PM PST up reply actions

Key question ...

when you have half of Keiichi Yabu, boned and quartered ... do you have two Yabu pieces or four?

Check out some awesome music ...

by devo on Feb 1, 2006 2:00 PM PST up reply actions

That depends entirely ...

... upon whether he's at 75% and giving 110% ...

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 2:04 PM PST up reply actions

well golly

I'm heading to DC as well! Not stalkin Jennifer of course... duh...

by Alon on Feb 1, 2006 3:29 PM PST up reply actions

Whee, it's Middle Infielder Day on A's site!

Urban says Crosby & Ellis are cream of the crop.

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 12:12 PM PST reply actions

as opposed to the Giants' ...

... who are cream of wheat?

(Note also that we have a middle-infielder-truncated-nickname disparity: "BoCro" is acceptable, while "MaEl" is most assuredly not.)

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 12:17 PM PST up reply actions

that's his name on Krypton

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 12:20 PM PST up reply actions

I really hate

these MLB.com fluff pieces. Pretty much every team has the best middle infield in baseball.

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 12:18 PM PST up reply actions

as opposed to the Giants ...

... who have the best middle-agers in baseball ...

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 12:19 PM PST up reply actions

Or the Hobbiton Clubswingers

who are the middle-earth's best softball squad.

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 12:21 PM PST up reply actions

Whatever, Sal.

We all know that you hate Ellis.

"How much room do I have to cover out here?" -- Kotsay

by Sharon on Feb 1, 2006 12:26 PM PST up reply actions

Sal = MaEl H8r!

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 12:29 PM PST up reply actions

what's my f'n problem?

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 12:32 PM PST up reply actions

If our 2B and

a very old (and now dead) legislator from South Carolina, would we have a MaElStrom?

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 12:37 PM PST up reply actions

all right, that's just creepy...

combining two people's names... like Brangelina or Garfleck...

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 12:40 PM PST up reply actions

Garfleck!

If we combined our former lefty ace and our current bullpen jack-of-all-trades, would we have MarMuDuke?

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 12:43 PM PST up reply actions

Combine a shortstop with a prospect...

...and the enemy could be in our CrosHerrera's.

Okay. Stretch.

by Ozzz on Feb 1, 2006 2:36 PM PST up reply actions

combine our own middle infielders

...and watch grounders stick to their glove like ElCro.

"You don't look up truthiness in a book, you look it up in your gut." ~ Stephen Colbert

by Poppy on Feb 1, 2006 3:04 PM PST up reply actions

or

combine two of our backup infielders with our RF/1B, and get GinAntonNick

Bright moments!

by andeux on Feb 1, 2006 3:07 PM PST up reply actions

Or..

Combine an old Twin with sore eyes and an old A who was an eyesore and you have KirPlunk.

Mom..! Meatloaf! ..F@#$!!

by JediLeroy on Feb 1, 2006 4:46 PM PST up reply actions

<annika sorenstam venereal disease>

... or, if we combined our 2B and a loathed former NFL owner, would we have a MaEl Modell?

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 12:42 PM PST up reply actions

Come to think of it

President Bush expressly forbade this kind of experimentation in his SotU adress.

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 12:47 PM PST up reply actions

"SotU"?

"Sotheby's Underwear"?

I take it from this argument that you consider Art Modell inhuman?

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 1:11 PM PST up reply actions

Sot U

That's where I went to college.

Bright moments!

by andeux on Feb 1, 2006 1:16 PM PST up reply actions

I would have figured

you as a Wassamatta U alum.

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 1:18 PM PST up reply actions

Is that where ...

... U Thant went?

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 1:21 PM PST up reply actions

Oh yeah?!?

Well, sot U, too, buddy!

(I, of course, went to clown college.)

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 1:19 PM PST up reply actions

Were you classmates with this clown?

by Ozzz on Feb 1, 2006 2:27 PM PST up reply actions

No, we didn't prep together

"Yay for drug adventures!" -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 2:29 PM PST up reply actions

He's never prepped a day in his life.

Oh, you meant... gotcha.

by Ozzz on Feb 1, 2006 2:34 PM PST up reply actions

Zonis

You have a SomethingAwful account right?

Can you go and request the Jim Callis and Rob Neyer chats from ESPN? Thanks.

RIP Bill King "By the Beard of Zeus!" "I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand"

by ohad on Feb 1, 2006 1:10 PM PST reply actions

ok, I'll try

You should really just sign up, Ohad... or would your parents kill you?

Knowledge is Power, Ignorance is Bliss. But I have Blissful Power, because I have a lot of knowledge, I just forgot it all!

by Zonis on Feb 1, 2006 1:31 PM PST up reply actions

i will soon

computer giving problems.

RIP Bill King "By the Beard of Zeus!" "I don't know if you heard me counting. I did over a thousand"

by ohad on Feb 1, 2006 2:14 PM PST up reply actions

Now for something even more fearful

or is it?

Knowledge is Power, Ignorance is Bliss. But I have Blissful Power, because I have a lot of knowledge, I just forgot it all!

by Zonis on Feb 1, 2006 1:40 PM PST reply actions

I don't get it

but I'm afraid...

--The Pastime--

by Ryan Armbrust on Feb 1, 2006 1:53 PM PST up reply actions

Did ya simulate the season yet Neb?

Or do we have to play it?

Knowledge is Power, Ignorance is Bliss. But I have Blissful Power, because I have a lot of knowledge, I just forgot it all!

by Zonis on Feb 1, 2006 1:57 PM PST up reply actions

Zonis, were you in THE ARISTOCRATS?

I see you're adept at "working blue."

"They are in very, very small pieces, but we are determined to put them back together." @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 2:05 PM PST up reply actions

Blueman Group

Knowledge is Power, Ignorance is Bliss. But I have Blissful Power, because I have a lot of knowledge, I just forgot it all!

by Zonis on Feb 1, 2006 8:37 PM PST up reply actions

working on it

i've had to give a little more attention to my classes lately... speaking of which, my spanish class starts soon. I better get going.

I'll try and get on that tonight or tomorrow, but i'll get it done soon. thanks again.

--The Pastime--

by Ryan Armbrust on Feb 1, 2006 2:26 PM PST up reply actions

Best. Video. Ever.

You have got to watch Keith Olbermann go to town on Loofah O'Reilly.

Poetry.

by Ozzz on Feb 1, 2006 2:31 PM PST reply actions

Beautiful

Nice link.

by sslinger on Feb 1, 2006 4:32 PM PST up reply actions

The best part is ...

... his little "Hi, Bill!" wave and goofy face.

"Yay for drug adventures!" -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 5:23 PM PST up reply actions

Love for DePo

Support for DePo to become the GM of the Reds.

Logically, other teams should try to emulate Beane's blueprint. Instead, the baseball establishment is so resistant to change that Beane is called "lucky" and his brethren are vilified as "statheads."

Well, here's one stathead who wants a DePodesta, or at least a Krivsky, for the Reds. I don't want the produce man to hand us a lemon.

Copernicus felt the same way about the geocentric crew.

by salb918 on Feb 1, 2006 2:56 PM PST reply actions

Huston hearts Billy.

I just watched Huston's interview with mlb.com (go to www.oaklandathletics.com and it's under "More Sights and Sounds") and man, he looks good in a suit. (Well he looks good in anything, but that's not the point.) And he loves to write? <heart melts> I think I'm gonna be on Huston overload for a while, after watching him for 15 minutes. <sigh> I heart Huston.

"A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings." -Earl Wilson

by whiteshoes40 on Feb 1, 2006 3:32 PM PST reply actions

I keep seeing that

Every time I go to the A's website, but I keep forgetting to bring my headphones. So I haven't listened to it yet.

Anyway, I know Huston was an English Major and he wrote a bunch of Articles last year about being a rookie and what the Majors were like. It was really cool. I can't seem to find the link right now though.

Also, he closed Wall Street on Monday. He was wearing a suit in those pics too! Yum! <3

"Frank Thomas's arms are the size of Huston Street!" - Kyli - 1/28/06

by BobbyCrosbysGirl on Feb 1, 2006 4:04 PM PST up reply actions

I remember reading those articles

and being surprised that he actually seemed like a good writer... you don't usually think of baseball players being the academic type, but some of 'em are. Being an English major myself makes the writing thing even more loveable. ;)

Mmmm, I'll have to look for those pics of him closing Wall Street. Yay. :)

"A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings." -Earl Wilson

by whiteshoes40 on Feb 1, 2006 4:07 PM PST up reply actions

Just go to the A's website

Then on the main section, where the articles rotate automatically, click on #3 I believe. It is right there.

"Frank Thomas's arms are the size of Huston Street!" - Kyli - 1/28/06

by BobbyCrosbysGirl on Feb 1, 2006 4:10 PM PST up reply actions

Aha, thanks.

Missed that one somehow... guess I need to spend more time on the A's website. ;)

"A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings." -Earl Wilson

by whiteshoes40 on Feb 1, 2006 4:14 PM PST up reply actions

i remember those articles, too

i also recall him telling Blez that he'd write them here, and then they ended up on ESPN. Must have got a better offer...

</grudge>

Oh well.

--The Pastime--

by Ryan Armbrust on Feb 1, 2006 7:24 PM PST up reply actions

Gardenhire still plagued by Thetans?

Stress tests? You can get those for free every evening at Market and 4th. I haven't seen KaHo and ToCru at the booths yet, though.

"Yay for drug adventures!" -- HollywoodOz @('.')@

by monkeyball on Feb 1, 2006 3:46 PM PST reply actions

As a ballet dancer myself...

And WAY too many Nutcrackers, I love the fact that Barry was in the Oakland Ballet.

I was nothing more than an almost innocent bystander.

by Squeaky on Feb 1, 2006 3:48 PM PST reply actions

Same here

I saw the last one in '03. I know some people who used to dance in the company.

For dancers like me who do Nutcracker, you start dancing to Christmas music in September. By the time it's finished you've had enough of the holidays and you want to see how baseball season is coming along. But then you realize it's been over for two months and isn't coming for another four.

by lerei on Feb 1, 2006 5:11 PM PST up reply actions

I'm actually not dancing anymore...

well, not quite. I take a class every week. But that's better than six days a week, 5 hours a day....
no, I've moved on to circus performing. But the dance helps. A whole bunch.

And the idea of teaching an A's ballet class gets me in hysterics. Can you imagine??!! Barry'd be fun to teach though, if he'd had some previous training...:D

I was nothing more than an almost innocent bystander.

by Squeaky on Feb 1, 2006 6:31 PM PST up reply actions