FanPost

Dr. Tradelove or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the A's

I posted this picture of Elizabeth Dibecki because it greatly reflects how I feel about the trade deadline: Aroused and confused.

Anyway, unlike my feelings for her, I wanted to commit to a few rules. For this fantasy trade thread that is.

a) Do not propose a deal that involves taking on Billy Butler's contract. We should be acquiring as much talent as we can, and any reason to make a team give us less young talent is a bad thing.

b) Make a deal with a team that I don't 1) like 2) like their minor league system 3) has ugly uniforms. Just so I can force myself to not make another trade proposal that involves the Los Angeles Dodgers or the Chicago Cubs. As more of an exercise for myself than anything else.

c) Stealthily shed as much payroll as possible without people noticing. Like in The Great Escape when the prisoners have to shake out a few bits of tunnel dirt from their pants each day.

d) Make a small deal of seemingly no consequence.

e) Address major league needs without compromising the overall return in the deal.

f) Make people at AN hate me more than they already do.

The first deal I would make:

1) Searching for gold in the wasteland of the Royals farm system:

Rich Hill, Jed Lowrie for Raul Mondesi, Hunter Dozier, Alec Mills, Josh Staumont

AKA the one where I satisfy rule B. Raul Mondesi is at this point in his career an all-world defensive shortstop with a very questionable hit tool. He's coincidentally a lot like a young Alcides Escobar. But he's young for his level, and there's still a lot of room for improvement. He's undeniably not the first person I would think to trade for but absolutely is a name traded for in a not too distant parallel universe.

Hunter Dozier is the real wild card here. He's very much not a non-prospect. He categorically had one of the worst two year stretches in the minors between 2014 and 2015. But before that was a legit prospect drafted 8th overall in 2013. Then in 2016, a few news reports trickled out about him finally retooling his long swing after years of hard headedness, and all of the sudden he's lighting the world on fire. He also can absolutely play 3B. He would also just be a fun person to have in our system for the sheer mystery of it all.

Alec Mills satisfies rule E in that he's major league pitching depth. He's a lot like pre-breakout Mengden in that's he's a guy that does everything well, but nothing outstanding. He could probably pitch a major league game for us and not totally embarrass himself and there's a little more room for projection.

Josh Staumont is just a flame thrower lottery ticket.

Next would be:

2) A small trade while you're away:

Dillon Overton and Arismendy Alcantara for Travis Jankowski and Jacob Nix

This is a rule D trade. The small trade where if you farted long enough while it happened, you'd miss it.

There's a lot of talk at AN about who could be Smolinksi's LH platoon partner in right field and my vote is for Jankowski. He's by no means a GUY. He's just a guy that plays plus defense in CF and RF and hits righties noticeably better than lefties. His arm leaves a little to be desired for right, but so does Smolinski's. He could also play CF if we resigned Reddick. Maybe he could be a Ryan Sweeney?

Jacob Nix is this trade's upside lottery ticket/California kid.

Very quickly, after this fart of a trade, is the Indians response to our trade with the Royals:

3) "Here you go Cleveland, players that address all your needs."

Ryan Madson, Danny Valencia, Scrabble for Brady Aiken, Greg Allen, Mike Clevinger, and Cody Anderson.

I basically want every player off Cleveland's prospect list. Specifically: Brady Aiken, Triston McKenzie, Adam Plutko, and Francisco Mejia.

So I tried to limit myself to reality. Cleveland's next biggest hole in the coming years is catcher, and Francisco Mejia is hitting like the best player ever, and his helium is probably too high. So I begrudgingly say no to him. Adam Plutko isn't on the 40-man and if I included him, it would've been a 40-man roster crunch nightmare for them, so I swapped him with the fairly similar Mike Clevinger. And I sent Triston McKenzie off on a raft far away from my heart.

That leaves us with Brady Aiken: Who could very easily be a top 20 prospect in less than a calendar year (but also could easily get a second TJ and tank). Greg Allen: a stalwart in Carson Cistulli's Fringe Five, and a true CF with decent prospect standing. And Cody Anderson: on the 40-man, recently figured out how to throw 4 mph faster, but hasn't figured out how to make that work. The lottery ticket in this one.

Clevinger, like Alec Mills, would be rotation depth, which we'd need after we trade

4) Sonny Gray:

Sonny Gray, Josh Reddick, Stephen Vogt for Yoan Moncada, Anderson Espinoza, Brian Johnson, Eduardo Rodriguez, Joe Kelly, and Christian Vazquez.

This is Dave Dombrowski's cream dream. He addresses his team's three biggest holes: SP (currently manned by David Price and Frank Stallone), LF (currently manned by their DL), and C (Ryan Hanigan and Sandy Leon - not a joke). It allows him to keep Andrew Benintendi in the minors the entire year and it gives him a very formidable battery in the form of the controllable Sonny Gray and All-star (ha!) Stephen Vogt. A lot of weird storylines here: Reddick is a former Red Sox (sock?), Gray kinda sucks right now but his peripherals are better than his performance, and Vogt is an all-star (ha!).

On the other side. Moncada is Moncada and we can pencil him at second for the next seven years. This will be controversial, but I think Espinoza (not Benintendi), after Moncada, is their next best prospect. Also him, Aiken, and Puk would give us a very sexy trio of starting pitching prospects. And then there are the castoffs. Joe Kelly? Why not try him as a reliever? Eduardo Rodriguez? Maybe he's a change of scenery guy. Vazquez? At the very least, he's a great defensive catcher and could fill-in for Vogt. Brian Johnson? I dunno, I have a soft spot for players who are actual human beings trying to overcome emotional issues.

And with those four trades, we'd have essentially a brand new team. The headlines would be "Billy Beane trades everybody - Dibecki gets restraining order from stalker."

After I wrote my "Masters of Delusion" post, the team went into another nosedive and the post-game threads started reading like Sylvia Plath novels. And while I'm pessimistic about the immediate future of the A's and the front office direction, that will never temper my love for suggesting parallel universe trade scenarios and rosterbation. Plus, this: