FanPost

Game Recap 3/7/13: A's Scuttle Mariners 7-3. Hey, Is This Mic On? Testing...

USA TODAY Sports


Having made the unfortunate decision to become a less worthless member of our beloved AN community, I offered myself up as a ritual sacrifice for mockery and derision in order to amuse the lot of you cretins by doing my very first recap AND fan post! It is in that spirit of terror and apprehension that I will now try to make literary sense of a broadcast that can only be described as approximating a long, loving discourse between NASA mission control and some roving vehicle in deep space. But with dingers!!!!!! Or at least, I hope with dingers, since I'm writing this wordy intro prior to the game even starting! And I hope the dingers are ours, and not the stinky, smelly Mariner poopies' dingers. We'll find out in about two or so paragraphs! Isn't that exciting? Oh, one last note, for those that don't know anything about me--or mercifully forgot what they did know in the offseason. I take a lot of drugs. It's all on the up and up, mind you. But the effect is the same as if it weren't on the up and up. So I ask a little forbearance from the reader. If I type, "Crisp, sprinting hard to his right through a purple mist residue from a discharged Xenon Death Ray, made a spectacular and totally unseen diving catch on Space Commander Gorb's sinking line drive", only part of that statement is true. It's because I take a lot of drugs. I apologize in advance.I also have never used this posting system before, so I have no idea how to do anything but type. So no pictures and no pretty blue links for you.

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Today we played the Seattle Mariners of Seattle, which for some reason we do a lot. The stat geeks tell me this is because we're in the same division. But I think they're just making that up. I think we play them a lot because the color combinations of our respective uniforms are attractive to casual viewers. I could be projecting here. One nice thing about this game is that the lineup looks very much like one that we'll see in the regular season. The M's come in determined to win the Cactus League title, which is probably the only one they could realistically aspire to. We come into the game probably still hungover a bit from our epic win over the Italian baseball juggernaut on Tuesday.

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1st Inning started off well enough. Milone pitched a solid first, giving up a leadoff walk to Andino, but subsequently picking the guy off. I'm sure it was a nifty move, cause NASA mission control guy said so. Bay singled to get on as well, but no one really cared since he didn't score. In the bottom of the inning, the A's appeared poised to strike first, with Crisp getting on with a deep single and Nakajima singling as well, moving Crisp to third. Sadly, as we did Tuesday, our meaty middle order promptly stranded the pair without much effort, with Reddick popping up to Miller in the infield, Cespedes, apparently under the impression that an average below .070 is good, striking out, and Moss hitting into a ground out.

In the top of the second, Milone shuts the Mariners down. I tried to think of a clever maritime reference or joke to describe Tommy's effort, but I came up empty, mostly because I'm watching Tremors at the same time, and it was the part where the big worm first appears, and that was just more interesting.It was definitely more interesting than the bottom half of the second inning, where absolutely nothing happened, other than Reba McIntyre handing Kevin Bacon a really big rifle in the movie I'm watching.

In the top of the third, the Mariners mount a mild threat after Martinez connects for a one-out single, and, after Andino flies out, Thames gets on due to Moss' wayward footwork. Gameday--which appears to still be operated by drunk chipmunks--says it's a single. That's probably not true. It's probably an error. At least it is in my recap. But with two on Milone bears down and strikes out Bay and ends the inning. Nice outing by Tommy today, continuing the starters fine perfomance this spring. At least the starters not named Bartolo. Bottom of the third is much more eventful, drawing my attention away from Tremors momentarily. Nakajima gets on in a way I couldn't figure out because I had to put my laundry in the dryer, but I do know that La Potencia brought him home on a quality at bat against Maurer to give the A's a 1-0 lead. Definitely an A's-Mariners game so far.

In the top of the 4th, Okajima comes in to relieve Milone. Seattle threatens by getting Morales on with a leadoff single, and a 2 out walk by Miller. Instead of giving up a run, Okajima gets a gutty out by striking out Catricala after falling behind 3-0. In the bottom half of the inning, highly rated pitching prospect James Paxton relieves Maurer and promptly gets into some hot water. After giving up a sharply hit line drive single to Chris Young, Paxton walks Lowrie. Derek "Effing" Norris then smacks a broken bat single to score Young, making the score 2-0 A's. Now I'm pausing Tremors, because this inning is promising. After Norris' rbi, Sizemore gets walked to load the bases and Paxton is officially in real trouble seeing as there are no outs and the mound is surrounded by green and gold enemies! After Coco pops out to 1B, Nakajima snags another rbi on a groundout to short scoring Lowrie from third base. 3-0 A's! Reddick follows up with a single of his own scoring Norris from third, and the relative rout is underway. Really, 4-0 for an A's-M's game qualifies as a rout, doesn't it? Reddick's rbi knocks Paxton out and the Mariners bring in D.J. Mitchell to hopefully get hit hard, too. But he doesn't, and Mitchel induces a Cespedes pop out in foul territory. This was a very nice inning. I'd like to recap this inning about five times because it was so nice. But I guess I have to proceed to the fifth inning, like the conforming little blog lemming that I am.

In the fifth inning, Pedro Figueroa relieves Okajima-san. Robert Andino gets a single, but everyone else gets bupkus. Consequently, the A's are still up 4-0. Mitchell returns for a curtain call in the bottom of the fifth. And Lowrie, following up a Chris Young walk, crushes (I think) a pitch of unknown type for a 2 run dinger! And there's the dinger foreshadowed in the recap intro! I feel like Nostradamus' obscure cousin Larry. With the home run, the A"s extend the lead to 6-0, which should trigger the 6 run rule used for A's-Mariners game, but that doesn't actually happen.Someone else gets out, but I don't pay any attention because I'm still watching Tremors and the worm just got Michael Gross and I'm still buzzing from the homer.

In the top of the 6th, Sonny "Mister" Gray makes an appearance in relief of Figueroa. Wholesale fielding/lineup changes occur, and now I get confused because I don't know these people. What I do know is that the Rivercats have just taken the field. For his first batter, Gray gives up a hit to Kendrys Morales. By my calculation, he'll need 8 more in a row to tie the game, but that's ludicrous, so we should be okay. Sadly, Kendrys has teammates, and we have Grant Green, and the combination equals runs for the Mariners. After some dude gets out, Zenino draws a walk filling up first and second. Miller comes up and hits a grounder up the middle that Grant Green can only get to but not do anything with. Bases are now loaded with one out form the dude that got out. Catricala, the next batter, tries to help the A's by hitting the ball back to Gray, who gets the fist out at second but he relay throw from Green sails high over Moore, scoring two runs. Next dude gets out by hitting to Rosie, but I don't care much because I'm pouting about the error. A's lead is now narrowed to 6-2, eliminating any need to invoke the 6-run rule.

In the bottom of the sixth, Jeremy Bonderman enters and I get confused because I still think he's a Tiger. Fortunately for the A's, Andy Parrino slams a 2 out pitch for another dinger extending the lead back out to five runs at 7-2 A's. Two dingers! Both ours! At this point, I have to tell you that one reason I chose this game is because I was certain it would be like 3-1 for the winner. I'm almost bitter that I have to type this much. But at least I'm typing for the A's, so that mitigates the annoyance.

We go to the top of the 7th, and Robert Andino finally strikes gold with a smash off a returning Gray for an enemy dinger. 7-3 A's at this point. Fortunately, Gray gets the next three batters out and we get out of the inning with no more damage.

During the stretch, I get to hear that Harry Carey song about going out to the ballgame or something, and I can say I've never heard that on a radio broadcast before, so that's pretty cool. The guy singing did a pretty good job, too. Lousy pitch, but great enthusiasm.

After Bonderman sits the A's down in order in the bottom half of the 7th, Andrew Werner, dragging around his 6.23 ERA, appears in relief of Sonny Gray to hopefully not give up any runs. Does he succeed? Yes, thanks to Rosie's glove work. A nice uneventful inning for Werner, and I'm assuming his ERA is now probably 3. Bonderman returns for the bottom of the 8th, and I guess two years out of the majors will do that. You should know that every player picture now has a different team hat in it, and that's why spring training is so darned special! Bonderman gets the three requisite outs without any A's runs scoring and the A's go to the 9th up 7-3.

Tremors has ended by the 9th, with the big worm getting it. That leaves me fully focused on the (hopefully) final inning. Let's hope it's completely uneventful and mercifully quick!

Werner returns for the top of the ninth, and if he does his job properly, I can finally press the save and publish and crawl off to a well deserved nap! In spite of Andino trying to get his second homer, which I believe is a violation of Cactus League rules, Werner puts the Mariners down with relative ease and secures teh win for the mighty A's.

Final Score- Oakland A's 7; Seattle Mariners of Seattle 3

Thanks to Alex for having this friendly little competition, and thanks to everyone indulging my game log thinly disguised as a real recap. Go A's!

Congratulations to Drone on a thrilling victory in the FanPost Recap Contest. The next two dates will be Sunday 3/10 vs Arizona, and Thursday 3/14 vs Texas. Sign-ups are in the comments section; just respond to the comment for the day you want to participate!

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