Myrrh-y Christmas, Everyone!

Smurfy Claus!!!! - Tom Pennington

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Don't worry, non-Christians -- I am also here to wish readers a happy Chanukah (your spelling may vary), Kwanzaa (easily my favorite airline), atheist celebration of the Big Bang (which might have occurred on December 25th, we don't really know), or agnostic continued inability to make up your mind.

Basically, we here at AN just hope you are having a swell day. I mean ideally, we would like each of your days to be swell but it would be tedious -- as well as arguably wretched journalism -- to put up a front page post every day wishing you a happy January 12th, a happy January 13th, a happy January 14th, and so on.

With the holidays come important traditions, so please remember:

- If you see a stranger in your living room holding a sack of loot, the correct procedure is to shoot first and ask questions later. It's just common sense.

- The proper response to any gift after you open it in front of the giver is, "Well at least you tried."

- During the holidays, the most important thing is to rush around under a tremendous amount of stress, and to fall apart any time anything doesn't go perfectly. If the car in front of you is stopped because there is a car in front of them, you should probably honk repeatedly and then give the driver the finger when you change lanes and pass them. (This happened to me on Hwy 101 on Monday. Well done, random 49ers fan -- you are a true credit to your fan base!)

And finally, a carefully crafted holiday joke: 3 people whose backgrounds don't offend anyone walk into a bar. Something amusing happens, possibly involving an unexpected development or a pun.

Be well, AN!

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