A's "Offense" Makes Me Want To Do Unspeakable Things To Defenseless Animals

Perhaps the A's should unveil a new marketing slogan: "There's no A in Offense, but there sure is one in pAthetic!" Hiroki Kuroda entered the game with a 4.56 ERA for the season, 6.23 on the road, but limited the A's to 4 singles in 8 shutout innings. Do the A's have the worst offense in the galaxy? Quite possibly, though NASA is currently studying a colony of Josh Donaldsons just northeast of Jupiter.

Earlier in the season, Tommy Milone's detractors warned, "Wait until he faces some good offenses." All Milone did today was limit the Yankees to 2 runs in 6.2 IP, the first one coming on a 2nd inning solo HR by Andruw Jones, the other an RBI double by Mark Teixeira on Milone's final pitch in the 7th inning. Sadly, to win Milone would have needed to hold the Yankees to -1 runs, and that is about as likely to happen as Josh Donaldson is to walk. Ever.

Early on, Milone danced through raindrops, loading the bases with one out in the 1st only to retire Robinson Cano on a pop-up and Nick Swisher on a routine fly ball. In the 2nd, following Jones' HR a Jayson Nix double with nobody out put Milone in further difficulty but he escaped that jam, then stranded Mark Teixeira following his lead off double in the 3rd. From there Milone settled into a groove until he finally ran out of gas in the 7th.

As for the A's, Jemile Weeks led off the1st with a single and was caught stealing. Seth Smith singled leading off the 5th, only to make a base running blunder by not sliding as the Yankees turned Kila Ka'aihue's bouncer to 1B into a 3-6 DP. Josh Donaldson had a broken bat single later in the inning, and then the A's best shot came in the 7th when Coco Crisp singled to lead off, and after a walk to Smith and a pair of Crisp steals the A's had 1B and 3B with only one out. Ka'aihue struck out and Donaldson flied to right. Reddick's two out single in the 9th gave the A's their fifth and final hit, all singles, before Smith struck out and Oakland was shut out for the 8th time this year.

It was so bad that after Suzuki made the second out in the bottom of the 8th, I went into the kitchen just to pour the hot water to brew a cup of tea, and by the time I re-entered the room Cliff Pennington had already made the third out. Gameday seems to think he bounced to 2B, so we'll go with that.

Hats off to Tommy Milone for neutralizing the Yankees' offense enough that the A's had every chance to win. All they would have needed to do is to have a poor offense instead of a joke of one. A joke, I might add, that is not funny.

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