Let's Make Some Nicknames!

I'd like to take a minute or two from everyone's day to talk about nicknames. Or more specifically, nicknames of current A's players.

Everyone knows about how Chuck Finley was the ultimate showman and turned his team into almost the circus act of baseball with their garish uniforms, awesome facial hair, and great promotions. I think we, as the fans, should bring some of that attitude back.

We are in a unique place in baseball history where we can create nicknames for our team that can spread via the interwebs. Nicknames which AN, with its considerable influence, can spread to the A's and their broadcasters, and finally on to ESPN where the country at large can learn about how awesome some of our guys are.

The Mustache Gang, the Bash Brothers, Catfish, Eck, Hendu, Blue Moon, Rollie (Side note to Ray Fosse, just adding -ie or -y to the end of someone's name should not be the basis for EVERY nickname). Let's put our heads together and come up with some awesome nicknames that can spread throughout the baseball world and generate some interest in our boys in Green and Gold.

Let's have some fun with this. Some of my suggestions after The Jump...

Let's start from the top with Bob #2

Bob "The Mad Scientist" Melvin - Obviously I didn't make that one up, but it plays well.

Alternate: "Dr. Wily" (too specific to old school gamers? Works much better with "Out Man" still on the roster)

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"Diamond" Dallas Braden - Simple, easy to remember.

Alternates: "Mr. Mustache", "209", "Get Off My Mound", "Mr. Perfect"

(I don't know why so many "Mr.'s", they just felt right)

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Brett "Big Pimpin" Anderson - We've all seen the photo

Alternate: "Captain Red Beard"

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Josh Reddick ... Every time I see his last name I think "Dog Boner". Maybe too much?

Alternates: "Lipstick", "Red Rocket", "The Clap",

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Collin "Ride 'em" Cowgill

Alternates: "Duke", "Moo Fish", "Sushi", "Tuna"

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Jemile Weeks

Alternates: "Scooter", "Triples Machine", "Who Needs a Helmet?", "Speed Demon", "Mosquito", "Stinger",

(General theme being he's fast and a nuisance to opposing pitchers)

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Michael "USDA Prime" Choice

Alternates: "The Savior", "Billy's Choice"

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Fautino "El Diablo" De Los Santos

Alternates: "Yes that's my Real Name!","Of Course I'm only 26!"

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Cliff "Money Penny" Pennington - Not mine, but a good one. Much better than just "Penny", Ray

Alternates: "The Whitest Guy on the Team", "Cannon", "Funny Face"

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Joey "To Save is" Devine - If he wins the closer job?

Alternates: "Devine Intervention", "Joey Joe Joe Jr. Shabadoo"

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Eric "Spec's" Sogard

Alternates: "Data Processor", "Harry Potter", "The Tech Guy"

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Brandon "Tall Mac" McCarthy - He's not really a Big Mac, is he?

Alternates: "Twitter", "The Other Guy", "Stretch", "Gangly", "Gollum"

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Tommy "Mayday" Milone - Poached from Cheers. As Patty (or Selma) from The Simpson's put it "The best way to become popular is leach off of the popularity of others". Cheers is still super popular, right?

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Jarrod Parker - Hmm, I've got nothing. I just keep thinking of Parker Lewis. Does anyone even remember that show?

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Brad "The Mad" Peacock - Nothing strikes fear in the hearts of ballplayers like a crazed Peacock

Alternates: "Bird Flu" (Every strikeout comes with "Looks like he caught a case of the Bird Flu")

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Kurt "Puka Shells" Suzuki

Alternates: "King Kamehameha", "Noodle Arm",

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Anthony "Recking Ball" Recker

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Scott "Super" Sizemore

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Chris "Mt. Vernon" Carter - Not mine, I know, but I like this one.

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Kila "Killer" or "Killa" Ka' aihue

Alternates: "Kila Monster" "Hawaii 5-0" "Maui-Wowee"

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Yoennis Cespedes - Here's a fun one

"Cuban Missile Crisis" - For when he guns someone down at the plate

"Bay of Pigs" - On bacon day?

"Copa Cabana" - Perfect walk up song?

"Yacht Rock" or "Chris Cross" - Perfecter walk up song?

http://channel101.com/shows/show.php?show_id=152 (Here's some Yacht Rock for those of you unfamiliar. Christopher Cross makes his cameo in #2)

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So that's what I've been able to come up with so far. Not much, I know.

I'm aware of the AN nicknames that everyone here uses to refer to their favorite players. While they are great nicknames, they aren't typically casual fan friendly or TV friendly. You'll never hear Ray Fosse call Mark Ellis "Unicorn" or "MaEl", or Daric Barton "Dale" or "Staplehead" (and can someone please tell me what the hell "Slegna" refers to? I've tried to figure it out and can't seem to). Obviously many of my choices are in jest, but I was serious with a few of them (I'm sticking with Mayday Milone). That's why we need the collective think tank that is AN, and its many clever members, to come up with better ideas!

I think we should do our fanly duty to show off how colorful and fun our team is, like history says the A's should be. That other team across the bay shouldn't be the colorful one with its "Kung Fu Panda" and "Fear the Beard" nonsense, because F#$% the Giants.