Nine is Not eNough: Special Fox/UPN/WB edition
by iglew on Jun 8, 2011 8:19 PM PDT
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PrintAs our beloved A’s continue their quest to be the first team in MLB history to have a 20-game winning streak and a 20-game losing streak, we hard-working analysts at AN continue to explore alternate lineups.
Yesterday some old dude posted a lineup with a bunch of guys who were great in the 1970s and 1980s. Psssh. Geezer. Get with the times, Joe. We don’t need that tired old nostalgia stuff. We need something fresh, something young, something hip. We need ... the Nineties!
Ah, the 1990s! The golden age of television networks. For decades there were only three TV channels. (Well, and PBS. Yeah, like that even counts.) But then suddenly new channels were popping up all over. Fox! UPN! the WB! And they had cool shows, too. Alas, it would not last. Nowadays, nobody even knows what a TV channel is, what with all the Netflix and Hulu and YouTube and stuff. TV is no longer TV. It’s all blurred together with movies and Internet in one big multimedia blob.
Anyway, here’s my proposed team:
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First Base: Brenda Walsh
Naturally, our Nine begin with one from the Nine-oh-two-one-oh. Brenda got kicked off the show after the fourth season because she was too red-ass. Expect her to get ejected from the game a lot. That kind of fire is what our team needs! |
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What’s better than a unicorn in the infield? A genetically enhanced super-soldier, that’s what! Damn right. Oh, and she’s hot, too. |
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She’s cute. She’s perky. She slays demons. She prevents the apocalypse. Now she plays shortstop for the Oakland A’s. |
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Yeah, OK, so Dawson’s Creek isn’t exactly bad-ass, but it’s the face of the WB. Jen is the least whiny of the Creek girls. I mean, if you had to guess which one would be a good actress and do a bunch of edgy indie films, and which one would marry Tom Cruise and be in the National Enquirer every month, it’s not a hard call. |
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Check this out. This chick used to be a dude. She’s some sort of freaky alien who changes bodies. That’s why Sisko calls her "old man", because she used to actually be an old man. The new body rocks. It has spots that go all the way down. (Or so I’ve heard....) |
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Not since the Ken Griffeys with the 1991 Seattle Mariners have Jr and Sr played on the same team at the same time. Woo! rally Gilmore Girls! With both of them on the field for every game, we can’t lose! |
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Yeah, I know. She was an antagonist. And the good guys managed to put her in her place by the end of the show. But there were nine of them and only one of her and she still gave them a fight, both times. She is sexy and resourceful and she will stop at nothing to win. |
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You gotta believe! |
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Fifth starter? Psssh, we don’t need a fifth starter. We’re going back to the four- |
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Step aside, Bobo the Clown. Now here’s the kind of leadership we need at the helm! You'll get no mealy-mouthed finger-sniffing bullshit from this skipper. She always supports her players but she doesn’t make excuses for them either, and if they’re slacking she’ll call them out. Unlike our Bobo, she (almost) always makes the smart decisions, and even in a hopeless situation she never gives up. |
Disclaimers: (1) Yes, I realize some of these shows aren't actually in the actual 1990s. (2) Of the ten shows mentioned here, I've only actually watched six of them. But hey, admit it. That's more than you would have guessed.
77 comments
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7 recs |
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Comments
My write-in vote is for Emily Valentine, 90210.
Like Brandon Walsh, God knows our fanbase could use a good dose of euphoria.
"PECOTA can pretty much kiss my ass."-Nico
Which Lana Lang are we talking about?
Seasons 1-7, or the “juiced” up Season 8 Lana?
If it’s Season 8, Lana. Otherwise, gotta go with the Warrior Princess.
great, but no 7 of 9?
Jeri Ryan, she’s got to be in there.
"If we start getting into that sh*t, we might as well get out the plastic sheeting and have an orgy." --Gaijin Suketto
Wow, they're not trying to hide it...
"I thought it was going in," Warriors center Chris Hunter said. "It looked like the invisible man tipped it away at the last second."
"He's chicken curry right now. He'll become beef curry a little later on."
-Keith Smart
That's got to be the most blatant one in the history of the United States of American History
I am Ray Fosse's infatuations with Clay Wood and high-definition television.
it's blatant enough to lose all sexuaity and be borderline educational
by mk on Jun 8, 2011 10:17 PM PDT up reply actions
Makes me wonder if the picture is doctored.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
I'm not surprised.
If you have the original, point us to it for comparison so all can see.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
Here.
I couldn’t actually see it close up because the firewall says it’s a bad site for me to view from work, but from the smaller version through Google images, it appears to be undoctored.
by LoneStranger on Jun 10, 2011 11:22 AM PDT up reply actions
huh? i’m seeing lots of doctoring. look at the shadows and how they end either sharply or softly in one and the other image. it’s photoshopped.
That photo is also undoubtedly doctored,
in the usual professional way that all Hollywood-TV-movie-media photos. But it doesn’t have the camel toe that some fan later doctored in additionally.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
I just realized it was EN who chose the image,
and I am amused. Our dear Joshie seems to have a blind spot for such things. It wouldn’t be the first time he was completely oblivious to blatant genital display in an image. It wouldn’t even be the second.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
Don't forget that gnarly little homunculus dude!
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
She's in the bullpen.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
There must be a joke in here, somewhere.
"Feel so bad, feel like a ballgame on a rainy day"-Lightnin' Hopkins
by justANotherAsFan on Jun 8, 2011 10:53 PM PDT up reply actions
NOw, THAT is a cameltoe!
"Feel so bad, feel like a ballgame on a rainy day"-Lightnin' Hopkins
by justANotherAsFan on Jun 8, 2011 10:52 PM PDT up reply actions
No way Xena can hold down a utility spot
She’s a righty power bat off the bench, nothing more.
MexicAN AmericAN VegAN
She's old
Probably bigger in a foreign country than actually in the States, sort of like Matsui.
I am Ray Fosse's infatuations with Clay Wood and high-definition television.
No love for Melrose Place's Heather Locklear?
She could slap with the best so maybe somewhere atop the order?
"I thought it was going in," Warriors center Chris Hunter said. "It looked like the invisible man tipped it away at the last second."
"He's chicken curry right now. He'll become beef curry a little later on."
-Keith Smart
Shannen Doherty is playing two positions?
A reinvention of the Ozzie Canseco scam, maybe?
And all you creeps who didn’t vote Veronica Mars can go shag a sheep.
There is no Shannen.
There’s Brenda, and there’s Prue. Two different people (who happen to look peculiarly alike).
I like Veronica, but I think she’s too young. She needs to get regular playing time in AAA.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
At this point we could field the Golden Girls and be better off.
Ladies and gentlemen, your 2012 Oakland A’s starting infield:
"As the tag line of my favorite dirty joke would have it: 'Keep your hat on. We could wind up miles from here.'" ~Kurt Vonnegut, Hocus Pocus
by Elvez on Jun 8, 2011 10:08 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
No one could go down like Betty White.....swinging that is
A Kouzmanoff for the rest of us!
by OptimistPrime on Jun 8, 2011 10:09 PM PDT up reply actions
Ok, it is SO one 'Glew!
I will bet you one million dollars (in monopoly money) that my Capt Stubing led team will make tracks all over your 90’s team. But I will give you they are hella hotter! Rec’d!
A Kouzmanoff for the rest of us!
sorry, so ON!
A Kouzmanoff for the rest of us!
by OptimistPrime on Jun 8, 2011 10:09 PM PDT up reply actions
Battle of the Network stars!
Where’s Gabe Kaplan when you need him?
I'm here to talk about the past.
OMG that is what this is! Almost forgot about those!
A Kouzmanoff for the rest of us!
by OptimistPrime on Jun 8, 2011 10:20 PM PDT up reply actions
I thought the Sock Puppet Posts were bizarre
Are we approaching what the Montreal Expo fans realized…..a joke of a fanbase?
There is only one joke in this fanbase
his name is Bob
A Kouzmanoff for the rest of us!
by OptimistPrime on Jun 8, 2011 10:20 PM PDT up reply actions
I'm not here to talk about the past.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
Anything that mentions the X-Files is good with me.
What you fail to understand in your joyless myopia is that baseball is the key to life-- the Rosetta Stone, if you will. If you just understood baseball better all your other questions your, your... the, uh... the aliens, the conspiracies they would all, in their way be answered by the baseball gods.
by winchester5 on Jun 8, 2011 11:10 PM PDT reply actions 1 recs
They're our next
starting lineup! Watch for it in Chicago :)
"We're not the doormat anymore" —Dallas Braden, 4/22/10
Best call is Saffron behind the dish
An underrated talent of catchers is the ability to razz the batter. With her Hall of Fame skills of manipulation, Mrs. Reynods could get in batter’s heads like no other. Taylor-esque talent.
“Hell of a situation we got here. Two on, two out, your team down by one in the ninth. You got a chance to be a hero on national television… if you don’t blow it. By the way, saw your wife last night, hell of a dancer, you must be very, very proud. I mean that guy she was with, I’m sure he’s a close personal friend and all. But tell me, what was he doing wearing her panties on his head.”
[Rexman pops the ball straight up]
“Uh-oh, Rexy, I don’t think this one’s got the distance.”
- Jake Taylor, Major League
What I like about this lineup is that...
I can continue to love the starting staff more than the rest of the team.
With one obvious exception, of course.
And, yes, that is more than I would have guessed.
Although, certainly pleased that Firefly is one of them.
{Note to Self: Time to watch Firefly again}
If anybody asks, I'm not here.
I'm never here.
The ones I have not watched are
Charmed, Gilmore Girls, Dark Angel, and X Files.
Firefly I didn’t watch at the time, but I’ve watched 13 of the 14 episodes intermittently over the past few months. The others I watched regularly for at least part of their run.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
But GG automatically get a pass for being Rally Gilmore Girls for us through some painful seasons...
Fire Bob Geren.
by Leopold Bloom on Jun 9, 2011 2:51 AM PDT up reply actions
I'm curious as to how that started.
If anybody asks, I'm not here.
I'm never here.
by harensheir15 on Jun 9, 2011 11:42 AM PDT up reply actions
There was a trend of posting "rally" pictures
when the team was behind. It started with a certain picture of Salma Hayek, but later some others were tried.
A year or two ago there was a wild game where Gio imploded early and gave up something like a ten-run lead, but then the offense went crazy and we actually came back to win it.
As luck/mojo would have it, someone had posted the Gilmore Girls as the rally picture for that game. It then became a tradition to use the rally Gilmores with any Gio start, and for the next few games they had a freakishly good record.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
Firefly and Charmed, to a certain extent, for me.
Vaguely aware of X-Files. But that’s it.
I agree with the assessment that all these shows surged in popularity at least in part due to their placement on ‘new’ networks. Not that I would mind seeing Roz Doyle come on to close. Because, boy could she ever…
If anybody asks, I'm not here.
I'm never here.
by harensheir15 on Jun 9, 2011 11:40 AM PDT up reply actions
Dark Angel was Jessica Alba at the height of her make-men-rather-stare-at-her-than-sleep-with-their-wives powers
before she started dicking around with dyed hair, awful movies, and children.
"We don't want our people to be preoccupied with seminude, crazy men jumping up and down who are chasing an inflated object," said Sheik Mohamed Osman Arus, head of operations for the Hizbul Islam insurgent group.
I'm OK with the children, but yeah on the rest.
The Jessica Alba who visits my dreams is pre-Sin City.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
Agreed. But choosing to sit out the Bob Geren threads
is an entirely understandable decision.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
I'm loving this lineup!
Some of my all-time favorite shows are mentioned above — SHINY! FYI, due to the fact that a couple of characters here were on shows made by Joss Whedon, I’ve passed along the link to the Whedonesque blog. Yes, I’m fairly geeky and proud of it!
Tear down Mount Davis!
3 Words...
Harmon “Buck” Bokai!
Sisko: All right Niners, let's hear some chatter!
Kasidy: Hey batterbatterbatterbatterbatter!
Leeta: Hey batterbatterbatter! Batterbatterbatterbatter!
Worf: DEATH TO THE OPPOSITION!!!
you're a funny man
Veronica for utility INF
Xena can be next DH if Scully gets hurt cuz she projects as a better football player
I can't tell if this is really supposed to be limited to sci-fi chicks or not
If so, then Cmdr. Ivanova from Babylon 5 was pretty good-looking (and also the best character in the series, for what that’s worth).
If not, then Laura Prepon from That 70s Show should clearly be on here. (I’d include Mila Kunis too, but if this thread is talking “nineties,” you’d be in serious Lolita territory with that one.) The TV show was awful, but the girls on it were incredibly hot.
"We don't want our people to be preoccupied with seminude, crazy men jumping up and down who are chasing an inflated object," said Sheik Mohamed Osman Arus, head of operations for the Hizbul Islam insurgent group.
You guys keep talking about hotness.
It’s a baseball team. It’s about bad-ass-ness and mojo. If they’re hot, too, that’s a bonus, but it’s not the purpose. We’re not selling jeans here!
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
daaaimn gina!
i call BS on the gilmore girls not only because they don’t do a thing for me, but also because their show is entirely not 90s. and in searching to fill the void, i want to remember that these networks relied on diversity to gain viewers. so here are my replacement L and CFers.
from martin, which somehow still holds up for me, the level-headed, no-nonsense gina.
and from living single (yeah, i can admit it… living single), the queen.
I LOVE the Queen!
Was that the same show with Kim Fields, too? Double dose of yum.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
yep. but i can’t get to yum. i grew up with facts of life and to me she’s like a little sister.
by AV on Jun 9, 2011 4:28 PM PDT up reply actions
Those little eyes so helpless and appealing
One day will flash and send you crashing through the ceiling.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
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