This photo represents:
a) The total RBI Godzilla will have vs. his former teams in 2011.
b) The aggregate sum, in Terabytes, of how much "adult material" he will download to his laptop in Spring Training alone.
c) The number of credentialed media representatives for every game that will document his every move this summer, even when he is sleeping or walking his dog, Mothra.
d) The total amount of times he will visit "Big Al's Adult Superstore" in San Francisco during the 2011 season.
e) All of the above.
OK, you asked for it, you got it: here comes a thread for Spring Training Game II, the first of back-to-back contests against the hated Hollywood Halos of Happytown. Apparently Dallas Braden is going to pitch for the first time this Spring, and Hideki Matsui will take his first hacks for the A's in a game situation vs. another team. Yesterday the A's got off on the right football score, smashing the Cubs and Matt "Terri" Garza to the tune of 15-7, with noted Rolls-Royce enthusiast Coco burning the Cubbies to a Crisp with a 3rd-inning Slamboni to set off the rout. Based on season-spanning projections from just that single game -- part of my new statistical metric entitled STAMNS! (Stats That Absolutely Make No Sense!) -- Trevor Cahill will finish 2011 with a disappointing 137635.53 ERA and Coco will set the all-time MLB record for RBI with an impressive 513 (both adjusted, of course, for specific park profiles and pork rinds... lots of pork rinds).
Rich Harden has been shut down for another week due to a Credibility Strain of his Hypochondroid muscle. Details to follow after he spends the $1.5 million he will get for throwing a tremendous 8 whole practice pitches.
The biggest story out of yesterday's action may have been the so-far-so-good appearance back on an MLB mound of the TJ Duke Snider [RIP] could still beat Jack Cust in a HR Derby competition) for the first time since their respective surgeries. If these two guys can keep their elbows from turning to Silly Putty, our pitching depth situation will be the envy of the whole AL and you can expect to hear about Brian Cashman stalking Billy Beane across Arizona with offers of Monumental Monterosity. If I'm BB, I remain agnostic and I wait to come to Jesus, instead holding out for an offer to which I just can't say "Cano," or at least for the keys to the troubled town of St. Jetersburg., Messrs. Outman and Devine, who threw to live hitters (let's face it, throwing to dead hitters would be kind of morbid, although I'd bet that
I'll be dead asleep when this game starts, but according to my esteemed friend OaklandSi this game will be available on webcast, with the link to tune in available on the A's official site (I've not an inkling exactly where, but it's supposed to be there somewheres). Apparently these webcasts are being hosted by someone I've never heard of with no relation to Robert "Boeing, Boeing" Buan, but at least they won't be reliant on the drunken hamster (propane is a helluva drug) that powers the KTRB transmitter these days. Be sure to tune in on the weekends to Robert's stellar "Country Fastball" show anyway, not leastly because I said so.