SB Nation Bay Area Editor's Pick
Masterpiece Theater presents: "Are AN'ers Snobs"; A dramatic reading by Optimist Prime
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 2:53 PM PST
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PrintSometimes, 1300+ comments fall woefully short in expressing how we value a post.
Donning my favorite cashmere sweater, houndstooth coat, meershaum pipe and tragically
snobbish leather shoes, I pulled a tome from the shelf of my extensive library. Come, share
with me as I slather some Grey Poupon on toast, sip a cup of Earl Grey and read to you from
the epic, "Are AN'ers Snobs" by F. Scott Fitzgerald oakwin2004.
Without futher ado....enjoy!
(This was produced in good fun and I hope no one takes any offense. Also, no goats were harmed in the filming of this episode)
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This might be the funniest thing I've ever seen on AN.
Official Athletics Nation Rotating Tagline Editor - Pam liked my old sig better.
My thoughtful watermelon is easily mistook for an early American catapult.
I wasn't wearing pants
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 3:09 PM PST up reply actions
I need to see the reverse angle replay.
Official Athletics Nation Rotating Tagline Editor - Pam liked my old sig better.
My thoughtful watermelon is easily mistook for an early American catapult.
You know who else wasn’t wearing pants? Hitler.
by MrIncognito on Feb 15, 2011 3:24 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
you are getting quicker.
mid season form.
Kudos
I am only pretty on the outside
dannycakes can also be called "hipsterbot"
That fact obviously puts it in proper perspective
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
:)
As they present themselves, there shall be blood more
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 3:15 PM PST up reply actions
Ascot: check
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 3:26 PM PST up reply actions
Tomorrow, I'll post my
Dramatic Re-inactment of Masterpiece Theater presents: “Are AN’ers Snobs”; A dramatic reading by Optimist Prime
Well done.
I didn't realize you were veganalyst! This makes it totally different! You're one of my favorite twitter/ANers. - Susan Slusser
I shall have my butler program the VCR
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 3:28 PM PST up reply actions
This has given me an idea....
We need a softball game… All non stater’s versus geeks. I will play for the geeks. And I don’t need a tee.
IN FOR GEEK TEAM.
also I hope we are putting a keg of beer at 2nd base.
Bring it
Official Athletics Nation Rotating Tagline Editor - Pam liked my old sig better.
My thoughtful watermelon is easily mistook for an early American catapult.
I will coach the geek team
So far, I can tell you to watch for the red dot on the ball (slider) and warn
you not to wrap your hands around your body.
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 3:40 PM PST up reply actions
snob
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 3:42 PM PST up reply actions
MORAN
"If you choose to question my fandom based on games I attend, you can f*** right off." - mikev
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 15, 2011 4:30 PM PST up reply actions
.
m*****f***ing c***s***ing peanut butter and jelly!! f*** f*** f***!!!
by JediLeroy on Feb 17, 2011 12:49 AM PST up reply actions 8 recs
awesomeness
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 17, 2011 9:46 AM PST up reply actions
God, Bobby!!
Even I can see the red dot, and I am 71.
by robertmelvin on Feb 18, 2011 7:31 AM PST up reply actions
This happened so often, it is difficult to identify what season this is.
Non-stat guy: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Non-stat guy: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
Obsessive Pitch-selection Disorder?
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
by Nico on Feb 18, 2011 9:37 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
If you can see the OPD patch
that means it’s a change up
I got nothin'
by OptimistPrime on Feb 19, 2011 1:15 PM PST up reply actions
I read that as "non-state-rs," e.g., NRAFS
And I was all, WTF, dude.
I love green because money be green.
CALIFORNIA RULES
OREGON SUXXXXXX!!!!!!!!!one
I am only pretty on the outside
dannycakes can also be called "hipsterbot"
overhand or it doesn't count
You don't need a religion, you have the A's. - My girlfriend
by designatedforassignment on Feb 15, 2011 3:50 PM PST up reply actions
Fuck yes. I'm pitching.
Official Athletics Nation Rotating Tagline Editor - Pam liked my old sig better.
My thoughtful watermelon is easily mistook for an early American catapult.
I thought it was," Backhand, or it doesn't count"?
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
The "computer intensity" is impressive from the geek squad
intimidating. :-)
I needed a team so I wouldn’t turn into one of the eighty million pink hat-wearing Bud Light-drinking mulleted idiots at Fenway.
I AM SO IN ON THIS SHIT.
I would dance and be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry, if Bob Geren had a brain.
OMC!
UncleLeo summing up pretty much all Meta on AN
"It boils down to this. You guys aren’t fans of our management and look through that prism." ~ DrDoom
by LowcountryJoe on Feb 15, 2011 8:16 PM PST up reply actions
Good stuff, and don't forget . . .
There is an evening coming in/Across the fields, one never seen before,/That lights no lamps. -- Philip Larkin, from "Going"
Backing up the original poster for a moment....
I run statistics at work, compiling databases and sifting through them – developing formulas and variables to explain relationships. I am very good at what I do. However, when it comes to baseball, I definitely understand the point of view that “stats aren’t everything.” I think we sometimes lose that by looking at the metrics we have come to love here at AN.
I would love to read an article written by a college coach that analyzes Kouz’s swing. It will help us all develop an eye as to what to look for and thus make A’s games more enjoyable and analytical.
C'mon Beane! Close off the bottom deck and reopen the top!
Pardon me, have you any Grey Poupon?
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 3:41 PM PST up reply actions
No its a red dot, dont swing and....
…miss.
C'mon Beane! Close off the bottom deck and reopen the top!
red dot or it didn't happen
I am only pretty on the outside
dannycakes can also be called "hipsterbot"
If only BoCro knew about the red dot
""Expelliarmus!" said Eckstein, attempting to knock the bat out of Matt Kemp's hands, just before Kemp laced a single to center." -Ken Tremendous
He should hire oakwin2004
He figured out Kouz’s problems
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 8:38 PM PST up reply actions
He must have felt awful knowing that he could turn around Crosby's career
If that were me I’d be calling in everyone, trying to reach Billy Beane.
Hello? Billy? This is urgent. Don’t ask. I know how to fix Bobby.
""Expelliarmus!" said Eckstein, attempting to knock the bat out of Matt Kemp's hands, just before Kemp laced a single to center." -Ken Tremendous
No red dots, but The Legendary Pink Dots
There is an evening coming in/Across the fields, one never seen before,/That lights no lamps. -- Philip Larkin, from "Going"
Holy shit I love you.
You don't need a religion, you have the A's. - My girlfriend
by designatedforassignment on Feb 15, 2011 3:50 PM PST reply actions
Its mutual.
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 4:12 PM PST up reply actions
You love yourself too?
That’s swell!
Choosy Feebas choose Leopold Bloom nipples
Daring. Sensual. Invigorating. Squirrel.
BLOOM. For men.
If the eggs actually hatch I made more than a mistake, I made some scientifically impossible crime.
we were having a moment till you came along
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 4:22 PM PST up reply actions
Get a room!
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
Just as long as it has a ketsa mattress im down.
You don't need a religion, you have the A's. - My girlfriend
by designatedforassignment on Feb 15, 2011 9:14 PM PST up reply actions
boom chica wow wow
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 9:15 PM PST up reply actions
Ok, ok. I'll leave you two to your own devices.
As long as it is at a fancy, exclusive, and expensive hotel!
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
Naw... infact you too can own a ketsa mattress
You don't need a religion, you have the A's. - My girlfriend
by designatedforassignment on Feb 15, 2011 10:17 PM PST up reply actions
Holy Christ
The tears are rolling down my legs.
“Maybe he’s twelllllllllve!” OMG I think I just had a humor-induced seizure here. Shades of “The Continental” character Christopher Walken used to do on SNL.
This is wild, OP. If this was 1921 and they still showed short features and newsreels before the main film, I’d recommend this be the lead-in to Moneyball in the Fall… and you’d be the star of both!!!
“Swan swong!!!!!” Coffee, meet computer screen.
You have to do more of these, I insist.
Empires may crumble, FIP statistics may lose their meaning, but only a Keetsa mattress puts years back on your life while you're sleeping.
As you wish
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 4:14 PM PST up reply actions
In the next one
can I play the servant boy that brings you a snifter of fine brandy during the reading, on one knee and with the words, “Your beverage, m’leige…”?
Empires may crumble, FIP statistics may lose their meaning, but only a Keetsa mattress puts years back on your life while you're sleeping.
by emperor nobody on Feb 15, 2011 4:31 PM PST up reply actions
And where is the perfectly groomed hound?
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
I was thinking in the next one
the phone could ring and OP could dismissively say, “Oh, sell it then, it’s got to 407 a share, hasn’t it? What use have I for another billion francs anyway?”
Empires may crumble, FIP statistics may lose their meaning, but only a Keetsa mattress puts years back on your life while you're sleeping.
by emperor nobody on Feb 15, 2011 4:34 PM PST up reply actions
This can really go places.
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
Holy sh!tbiscuits... I was totally thinking of "The Continental" too.
Belissima probably left her opera gloves behind the fake potted plants.
"If you choose to question my fandom based on games I attend, you can f*** right off." - mikev
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 15, 2011 4:31 PM PST up reply actions
the only thing missing
is the snooty string-quartet version of “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang, played in the style of the original Masterpiece Theater theme, playing over the opening credits.
Empires may crumble, FIP statistics may lose their meaning, but only a Keetsa mattress puts years back on your life while you're sleeping.
by emperor nobody on Feb 15, 2011 4:36 PM PST up reply actions
Gamble & Huff remix version (with overdubbed strings)
kinda violates the East Coast/West Coast divide, but unites the funk and the baroque
"If you choose to question my fandom based on games I attend, you can f*** right off." - mikev
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 15, 2011 4:42 PM PST up reply actions
the funk and the baroque, a marriage made in heaven
the break in this song kinda does it, but many people have wondered if this combination is, in fact, not illegal in several Southern states.
Empires may crumble, FIP statistics may lose their meaning, but only a Keetsa mattress puts years back on your life while you're sleeping.
by emperor nobody on Feb 15, 2011 4:59 PM PST up reply actions
I liked that very much. It bored my wife though.
She likes the NFL Films cuts better.
"If you choose to question my fandom based on games I attend, you can f*** right off." - mikev
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 16, 2011 1:10 PM PST up reply actions
Dang. If only I had the time
I would so do that.
Alas for not being single and unemployed.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
Bound for the Theatre HOF!!
Well done, my good man!
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
I'm high maintenance
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 4:13 PM PST up reply actions
Now? what about before?
You don't need a religion, you have the A's. - My girlfriend
by designatedforassignment on Feb 15, 2011 10:00 PM PST up reply actions
TL;DW
Choosy Feebas choose Leopold Bloom nipples
Daring. Sensual. Invigorating. Squirrel.
BLOOM. For men.
If the eggs actually hatch I made more than a mistake, I made some scientifically impossible crime.
I blame the OP
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 4:27 PM PST up reply actions
Me too.
I also credit him too. It’s so conflicting.
Choosy Feebas choose Leopold Bloom nipples
Daring. Sensual. Invigorating. Squirrel.
BLOOM. For men.
If the eggs actually hatch I made more than a mistake, I made some scientifically impossible crime.
Oh my gosh.
That is/was hilarious. Great job OP. you nailed it. kudos for the creativity. Who says fanposts can only be written? Bravo
It’s so loud inside my head, with words that I should have said.
As I drown in my regrets, I can’t take back the words I never said...
If OP will clue me in on how to embed video
all my future posts will be in the form of original songs played and sung by me whilst wearing various appropriate and hilarious costumes.
Empires may crumble, FIP statistics may lose their meaning, but only a Keetsa mattress puts years back on your life while you're sleeping.
by emperor nobody on Feb 15, 2011 4:37 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
oh no.
OP, please don’t tell him!
It’s so loud inside my head, with words that I should have said.
As I drown in my regrets, I can’t take back the words I never said...
To quote the GoGo's hit song....
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 4:42 PM PST up reply actions
your tits are peeled?
Empires may crumble, FIP statistics may lose their meaning, but only a Keetsa mattress puts years back on your life while you're sleeping.
by emperor nobody on Feb 15, 2011 4:53 PM PST up reply actions
you got the beat?
It’s so loud inside my head, with words that I should have said.
As I drown in my regrets, I can’t take back the words I never said...
Wasn't that the Bangles?
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
yes
the go-gos are/were street urchin punks that fooled the world with their awesomeness.
The Bangles were the second wave of the LA paisley underground that decided to employ an MTV friendly front woman and subsequently churn out radio friendly songs. (not to denigrate the Bangs/Bangels too much, they definitely were a good enough band, and took advantage of the novelty, but they were not in the Go-Go’s league as far as kick assedness.)
I am only pretty on the outside
dannycakes can also be called "hipsterbot"
Besides, the Bangles were during the steriod era, so nothing they did should count.
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
Well, what's their VORR
(Value Over Replacement Rocker)
by MobiusKlein on Feb 16, 2011 10:24 AM PST up reply actions
Well put
Did Suzannah Hoffs ever hang out with Darby Crash and play drums with the Germs? Were any Bangles former-members of the Eyes, as Charlotte Caffey was? I don’t think so.
Also, Jane Wiedlin.
Jane.
Wiedlin.
"And Julio Franco is batting right-handed!" -- Wayne Hagin, A's radio play-by-play, mid-80s
Yeah! Jane was always my favorite.
What a beauty. What a voice!
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
And a damn good song-writer and guitarist, too
"And Julio Franco is batting right-handed!" -- Wayne Hagin, A's radio play-by-play, mid-80s
Future Ed and Nick speak the righteous truth!
There is an evening coming in/Across the fields, one never seen before,/That lights no lamps. -- Philip Larkin, from "Going"
And so do I...
The Go-Gos were alright,
but The Slits and The Raincoats were better.
"If you choose to question my fandom based on games I attend, you can f*** right off." - mikev
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 16, 2011 1:26 PM PST up reply actions
Yay for the Raincoats!
And not just as a means of contraception.
It's because he derived his torque from the buttocks -- cityplANner
by WaddellCanseco on Feb 16, 2011 3:59 PM PST up reply actions
I can't disagree with either of these bands
I am only pretty on the outside
dannycakes can also be called "hipsterbot"
I can't either, but truth be told, I'd rather listen to The Go-Gos
The Slits, esp. Ari Up’s voice, is an acquired taste, to say the least.
There is an evening coming in/Across the fields, one never seen before,/That lights no lamps. -- Philip Larkin, from "Going"
by Ray of Lite on Feb 16, 2011 10:31 PM PST up reply actions
Unfortunately for me, whenever I think of the Go-Gos,
“Our Lips Are Sealed” and “We Got The Beat” come to mind… two of their worst songs…
"If you choose to question my fandom based on games I attend, you can f*** right off." - mikev
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 17, 2011 10:14 AM PST up reply actions
I'd also like to put in a word for a local band from the early 1990s, Raooul
Saw them at Gilman St, and they blew me away. 5 15-year old girls with little musical ability but less fear.
"And Julio Franco is batting right-handed!" -- Wayne Hagin, A's radio play-by-play, mid-80s
I think I have a Raoooul 7"
(for those of you that are titillated by the term 7", don’t be. It just shows how uncool you are)
I am only pretty on the outside
dannycakes can also be called "hipsterbot"
Me too!
They were one of the figures in the sub-sub-sub-sub-genre known as “Jail-Bait Core”. The other one that comes to mind is Skinned Teen.
The members of those bands are probably all 35 or so now.
"And Julio Franco is batting right-handed!" -- Wayne Hagin, A's radio play-by-play, mid-80s
This town(AN) is our town?
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
Close down the internet.
It is now complete. Because nothing greater than this can be created in the world of sportsblogging.
Cannot. Stop. Laughing.
"This must be heaven," he says.
"No. It's Oakland."
The comments are making me laugh so hard I have caviar coming out of my nose
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 4:44 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
I have been too busy
I am currently working on a project to end cat juggling in Mexico.
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 4:51 PM PST up reply actions
Joe, don't feel like you have to reply to your worshippers. It's very unbecoming.
I'm here to talk about the past.
Tha..
oh
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 5:30 PM PST up reply actions
I would have filmed on my jet
but the leather seats were cracked.
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 8:36 PM PST up reply actions
Hilarious! Heartily rec'd :)
"We were shit, pathetic," Guillen growled early in spring training. "We hit too many home runs."
Thank you kind Sir!
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 4:53 PM PST up reply actions
I like you.
I really really like you.
"You ain't got nothin to say, it was perfect" -Dallas Braden, 05/09/10
hell hath no fury like a Cowboys fan scorned. -Leopold Bloom
Despite the counsel of my legal team, Marquez and Marquez
Thanks MO ;)
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 5:31 PM PST up reply actions
G. Marquez and E. Marquez
I am only pretty on the outside
dannycakes can also be called "hipsterbot"
Attorneys At Large?
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
Great Job on this serious "Post"
Best of all your point (message) was right on….
Thomas Walker
Wait, why didn't you read all the comments?
"And Julio Franco is batting right-handed!" -- Wayne Hagin, A's radio play-by-play, mid-80s
Seriously, OP, this is completely awesome
Leonard Pinth-Garnell himself would be proud.
"And Julio Franco is batting right-handed!" -- Wayne Hagin, A's radio play-by-play, mid-80s
Thanx for the memories!
Before Leonard, and before Alistair himself, Ernie Kovacs in the late 50’s had a character called ‘Percy Dovetonsils’ (or, in the character’s own voice: Perthy Dovetonthils) who, dressed in a smoking jacket, would read [poetry or something]. I haven’t yet tried to find any surviving video or kinescope on youtube. But if it’s out there, it would be worth the search…
The OP (no, he’s now THE OP) put me in mind of that….
"Feel so bad, feel like a ballgame on a rainy day"-Lightnin' Hopkins
by justANotherAsFan on Feb 16, 2011 2:32 AM PST up reply actions
epic!
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 16, 2011 10:23 AM PST up reply actions
At your service dahling
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 8:35 PM PST up reply actions
I am feeling better, than you for asking
I am only pretty on the outside
dannycakes can also be called "hipsterbot"
Nothing really to add here
Awesomely awesome, rec’d
"Some field has fences, and sometime, the field cant hold a player, but most of the time, a field cant hold Domingo"
www.domingobeisbol.com/Domingo/Home.html
I was hoping for a dramatic condensation of the comments.
I read the original post when it first came out. Then when I came back the next day there were a thousand comments and I was too scared to go back in.
Can anyone write a Cliff Notes for me?
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
I think this should be your quest!
You re good with words….Oh wait that would require you read them all….NM
Randy Jackson: "Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were young?"
Idol Contestant: [Nods]
The short version:
GRAAARAAAGARRAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGG.
"This must be heaven," he says.
"No. It's Oakland."
FLAGGED!
not enough words for a fanpost
I am only pretty on the outside
dannycakes can also be called "hipsterbot"
.
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 8:34 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
WHOAwhoawhoa
In that snobs fanpost I asked for a dramatic reading….and it was actually made?? DEAR LORD I LOVE THIS SITE
"You no cookin" "YEA DO"
by PorkchopSandwiches on Feb 15, 2011 8:07 PM PST reply actions
Next, we will do a GI Joe PSA AN style
just for you
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 8:33 PM PST up reply actions
.
LeopoldBloom: Who wants a body massage?
m*****f***ing c***s***ing peanut butter and jelly!! f*** f*** f***!!!
Uh what did he say?
BODY MASSAGE
"You no cookin" "YEA DO"
by PorkchopSandwiches on Feb 16, 2011 11:24 PM PST up reply actions
Body massage machine GO!
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 17, 2011 9:45 AM PST up reply actions
Body Massages from Bloomie are for adult COBRA team members only
GO JOE!
"If you choose to question my fandom based on games I attend, you can f*** right off." - mikev
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 17, 2011 10:15 AM PST up reply actions
This is what I do
I make all the newbie’s AN dreams come true.
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 8:34 PM PST up reply actions
haha awesome!
I’m sitting here with a high fever and honestly what you just posted is probably what will cure me. I’ve no doubt in my mind. A++
A true masterpiece sir.
"You no cookin" "YEA DO"
by PorkchopSandwiches on Feb 15, 2011 8:41 PM PST up reply actions
get well!
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 15, 2011 9:01 PM PST up reply actions
Hi Jennifer!!!!
"And Julio Franco is batting right-handed!" -- Wayne Hagin, A's radio play-by-play, mid-80s
4th day in a row missing work
I think it topped out at 102, i guess its not as high as I originally thought, but oh wow does it suck
"You no cookin" "YEA DO"
by PorkchopSandwiches on Feb 16, 2011 11:27 PM PST up reply actions
So... if I registered for a new account
and asked for Sofia Vergara to be placed in my lap, you could make that happen?
"Ain't no man can avoid being born average, but there ain't no man got to be common." - Satchel Paige
quite possibly
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 16, 2011 3:26 PM PST up reply actions
The first WIN of the season
Truly hilarious, OP.
Now there's nothing left to say, so let's go drink beer.
I've been on AN for about 5-6 years now
and this is the funniest fanpost/diary I’ve ever read. Good show, old chap!
by LongLiveLangerhans on Feb 15, 2011 8:56 PM PST reply actions
By far the most brilliant thing I've seen posted on AN...
since my post “The Case for Trading Kotsay.”
"... and A-Rod is forced to admit that Dallas got to the Hall of Fame before he did." - en
Today I probably failed my Pre-Cal test, and I thought nothing could turn my day around
Glad to find out i was wrong
Yeah I keep the stickers on my A's hat and don't bend the bill. So what, big whoop, wanna fight about it?
by MudkipzGetHYPHY on Feb 15, 2011 10:06 PM PST via mobile reply actions
Truly Inspired OP
I just laughed my head off.
Thanks for making my evening!
"It's better to live rich than die rich" -- The Fat Lady
Jennifer!
It's because he derived his torque from the buttocks -- cityplANner
by WaddellCanseco on Feb 16, 2011 1:49 AM PST up reply actions
See.
This is why I love AN. OP, I love you.
I would dance and be merry, life would be a ding-a-derry, if Bob Geren had a brain.
A panoply of love to you as well
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 16, 2011 10:28 AM PST up reply actions
Rhymes with monopoly?
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
No, with Can 'o' Pee
It's because he derived his torque from the buttocks -- cityplANner
by WaddellCanseco on Feb 16, 2011 4:56 PM PST up reply actions
The failure
of the video to show up on my computer screen is very distressing.
I don't keep up with technology much...
are you reading from one of them Kindle things?
yes
or cardboard
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 16, 2011 10:24 AM PST up reply actions
Cardboard shaped like a Kindle thingy?
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
I say, OP
What a jolly good time I had reading this. Especially the part when you said WAR and wOBA. Most humorous.
Next time we’re both in England perhaps we should catch a rugby game. Or, my buddy Allister can get us some tickets to rowing.
!#%&$#@&%&% antioxidants! - pam
needs moar bacon
I would LOVE that!
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 16, 2011 10:24 AM PST up reply actions
Have you considered getting into the motion picture industry?
say, for example, as an extra? And in the bay area, no doubt some film crew will come to town and perhaps you could apply?
alaska A in northern idaho
There is a small film coming out soon about baseball I did....
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 16, 2011 10:25 AM PST up reply actions
I hope it doesn't strickout at the boxoffice
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
but did the agency send you over? or did you just crash the tent?
I am only pretty on the outside
dannycakes can also be called "hipsterbot"
see fanpost
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 16, 2011 1:10 PM PST up reply actions
I know, was being silly ;)
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 16, 2011 2:55 PM PST up reply actions
you are a lawyer, right?? Asking only those questions you know the answer to.....
good stRATEGY!
Randy Jackson: "Did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were young?"
Idol Contestant: [Nods]
I have a goat here, with a sprained hoof, who is saying something about false advertising.
I think he may have a beef, but it could also be pork.
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
Tamales?
!#%&$#@&%&% antioxidants! - pam
needs moar bacon
by cuppingmaster on Feb 16, 2011 8:46 AM PST up reply actions
Why not today?
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
Brilliant, OP.
This is the perfect way to end the offseason!
At one point in my life I liked Dave Kingman more than Rickey Henderson. I was stupid.
Actually, having grown up on the Isle of Man many years ago
sometimes that ol’ accent comes sneaking through
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 16, 2011 10:27 AM PST up reply actions
*THE* Isle of Man?
Did you ever watch the TT??
Official Athletics Nation Rotating Tagline Editor - Pam liked my old sig better.
My thoughtful watermelon is easily mistook for an early American catapult.
No, the Isle of Man
it’s a smaller island off the coast of THE Isle of Man. What is the TT?
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 16, 2011 10:41 AM PST up reply actions
WHAT IS THE TT???
It’s the baddest MFing motorcycle race EVER.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sE7H6f9PVwk <—- PAM DO NOT CLICK THAT
Official Athletics Nation Rotating Tagline Editor - Pam liked my old sig better.
My thoughtful watermelon is easily mistook for an early American catapult.
I'm swooning!
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 16, 2011 2:54 PM PST up reply actions
At the place where I play pinball,
they have a motorcycle-simulation game that is based on the TT.
Isle of Man is also home to a private school that publishes the coolest trivia quiz, which has been a tradition there for more than 100 years. It often includes Manx-themed clues, and this year there was a section based on the TT.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
I have two pinball machines....
I heart pinball
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
by OptimistPrime on Feb 16, 2011 9:48 PM PST up reply actions
What are you, a movie star or something?
Seriously, which two?
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
No, he's Tommy
pinball wizard and all
If Pennington manages 17 HRs, I’ll vow to consume an article of clothing to achieve a humorous effect --Joey C.
by cityplANner on Feb 17, 2011 11:09 PM PST up reply actions
Hey neighbor! I grew up on Isle of Lucy
There is an evening coming in/Across the fields, one never seen before,/That lights no lamps. -- Philip Larkin, from "Going"
by Ray of Lite on Feb 16, 2011 10:56 AM PST up reply actions
I hear they have a good jazz/blues festival.
"If you choose to question my fandom based on games I attend, you can f*** right off." - mikev
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 16, 2011 1:13 PM PST up reply actions
True. Spinal Tap played there in the late 60's or early 70's
Back in the days when they were big enough that the puppet show had to open for them, rather than the other way around.
There is an evening coming in/Across the fields, one never seen before,/That lights no lamps. -- Philip Larkin, from "Going"
I am not going to do free form jazz in front of a festival crowd
I am only pretty on the outside
dannycakes can also be called "hipsterbot"
(laughs uncontrollably in spurts)
It's because he derived his torque from the buttocks -- cityplANner
by WaddellCanseco on Feb 16, 2011 4:55 PM PST up reply actions
don't worry guys
Boston isn’t much of a college town.
Empires may crumble, FIP statistics may lose their meaning, but only a Keetsa mattress puts years back on your life while you're sleeping.
by emperor nobody on Feb 16, 2011 5:30 PM PST up reply actions
Boston's full of vampires and werewolves and ghosts,
at least according to that annoying show my wife watches.
"If you choose to question my fandom based on games I attend, you can f*** right off." - mikev
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 17, 2011 10:16 AM PST up reply actions
oh- oh, half of my ancestors came from there.
Isle go back there some day, man.
alaska A in northern idaho
I knew there was a reason I didn't even peek at that thread
No sense in going there, looking at 1600+ posts of pain.
Oh, the humanity.
We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.
Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.
by LoneStranger on Feb 16, 2011 11:24 AM PST up reply actions
Happy Birthday to Geordi LaForge, born on this date in 2335.
(and to Levar Burton as well, he turns 54)
A Reading Rainbow!
!#%&$#@&%&% antioxidants! - pam
needs moar bacon
by cuppingmaster on Feb 16, 2011 12:11 PM PST up reply actions
Best Led Zep song ever?
The Swong Remains The Same.
"Isotopes win a game! Isotopes win a game!"
by Hungry Hungry Homer on Feb 16, 2011 2:51 PM PST reply actions
"Swong" reminds me of the late-great Madeline Kahn in "Blazing Saddles"
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
Tell me Sheriff....
It's because he derived his torque from the buttocks -- cityplANner
by WaddellCanseco on Feb 16, 2011 4:02 PM PST up reply actions
" It's twue, It's TWUE!!"
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
The bridesmaid at my daughter's wedding did an excellent impersonation of this routine at the reception.
It really brought down the house.
Fan: "Yeah, whatever. You’re wrong." Stat guy: "No, you’re wrong." Fan: "Cool. Pass me a beer." Stat guy: "Here you go." Sigh, if only it was this easy.
sweeeeeeeet mysteryyyy of wiiiiiiiiiiiife
I’ve finally foooooooound yooooooouuuuu….
Empires may crumble, FIP statistics may lose their meaning, but only a Keetsa mattress puts years back on your life while you're sleeping.
by emperor nobody on Feb 17, 2011 2:35 AM PST up reply actions
simply amazing
"Ain't no man can avoid being born average, but there ain't no man got to be common." - Satchel Paige
this post is so hilarious
that all I have to do is look at the freeze frame on the top of the page with OP and his turtleneck and I just burst out laughing, every time.
This post is like balm for the soul, laughter being the best medicine.
Empires may crumble, FIP statistics may lose their meaning, but only a Keetsa mattress puts years back on your life while you're sleeping.
mmmm
rapscallions….
If Pennington manages 17 HRs, I’ll vow to consume an article of clothing to achieve a humorous effect --Joey C.
Editors Pick?!
Slow news day? :)
thank you very much for the nod!
Waiting for mikev to write my new sigline
Said it before, say it again
OptimistPrime makes AN tolerable and fun again. We all should strive to post like him.
Buy some class, act like you've been there before.
I would, but I can't find my pipe.
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
"What are two bad TV shows?"
Next.
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
Hey I liked it, er...them. Ain't we lucky we got 'em....
It's because he derived his torque from the buttocks -- cityplANner
by WaddellCanseco on Feb 18, 2011 4:49 AM PST up reply actions
I hear if you do that too often you go blind.
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
Looks more like Brad Pitt to me.
Sweet is the lore which Nature brings; / Our meddling intellect
Mis-shapes the beauteous forms of things:— / We murder to dissect.
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