Get ready Ladies and Gents, Emmett89 is on the scene Or Why You should be excited for the 2010 season.
Emmett89. That's me. I'm a seldom seen sometimes poster (SSSP is the new term for lurker), but it's my time to bust out of the shadows and become a full fledged Athleticsnation.com super poster. I had plans for my coming out party (not like that, 'not that there is anything wrong with that '© Seinfeld 1993, get used to some funny pop culture reference in my posts, BTW) last season, but I wasn't mature enough for it. I didn't have the confidence to assert myself into the game threads with the panache I needed to have.
Sure, I could come waltzing into game threads, when the A's have two on and two out and need a run, and I could say, "Need a hit here". But where does that get us? Nowhere. That's where. I'll be pictured as a 50 something year old man wearing cargo shorts and a Tommy Bahama© shirt! And that's not what I am, it's what I want to be, but not what I am.
However, the Emmett89 of today will say something off the cuff like..."Come on Ry-Ry Sweeney-Dean! Papa needs some SKAPOW right here!". I'm talking good stuff. It'll get the rest of the fans in the game thread pumped and a tad bit curious. Thoughts in their head saying, "Wow, Ry-Ry Sweeney-Dean? This guy is for real."
When I throw down my tight comments like that, what will I be pictured as? I'll leave that up to you. But I bet it has something to do with a green afro wig...
So, Ladies and Gents, get ready for a barrage of HILARIOUS nicknames and pop culture references this season. Ry-Ry Sweeney-Dean and Senifeld© is just the tip of the kick-ass iceberg. Not to make the two months before the season starts seem even long...but let's just say when Adrian Cardenas makes his debut, I'll be posting a line from a famous Sylvester Stallone movie each time he does something good. And that movie is NOT 'Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot' starring Estelle Getty (RIP).
If this fanpost didn't get your green and gold juices flowing, then you go ahead and go right over to Halos HELL (opposite of heaven is hell...). Because the A's train is at full blast. And I'm the conductor. So get on or get hit and/or ran over. CHOO CHOO. CHUG CHUG CHUG.
Rajai for Prez!
Emmett89 OUT.
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Where have you been all my life?
"Tonto think Billy Beane need to make team full of squirrels and bears."
Is this like that "make me laugh" thread where nobody laughed?
They call their best player "Kung Fu Panda" and they complain that people aren’t taking them or the game seriously enough? -Nick
by mikev on Feb 10, 2010 3:11 PM PST reply actions 1 recs
BOOOOOM
That’s you getting hit by the train.
You're trying WAY too hard, here.
Just, you know… post.
They call their best player "Kung Fu Panda" and they complain that people aren’t taking them or the game seriously enough? -Nick
I thought that was the dynamite.
CuttheMullet, from "The Thread":
"Whenever I’m about to do something, I think "would an idiot do that?" and if they would, I do not do that thing."
boom-boom-boom
goes the trolley?
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 10, 2010 11:26 PM PST up reply actions
ring ring ring
goes the bell?
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 7:54 AM PST up reply actions
fall fall fall
off the bridge?
CuttheMullet, from "The Thread":
"Whenever I’m about to do something, I think "would an idiot do that?" and if they would, I do not do that thing."
no, the bridge comes later...
there’s more verse lyrics before that…
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 12:56 PM PST up reply actions
The offseason is really tough on people...
"We were shit, pathetic," Guillen growled early in spring training. "We hit too many home runs."
Bye
Emmett89 OUT.
Jim Rome, was that you?
The Ultimate Opportunist
by Rated-R Superstar on Feb 10, 2010 3:21 PM PST reply actions
I love and support you, Emmett.
Rock on.
The choo choo is you.
I’m not sure if you’re serious or super-extra-snarky, but either way, I think you’re okay.
Some guidelines for regular participation:
1. Don’t stir Evil Don.
2. Don’t spook Good Don.
3. Don’t eat ANYTHING that G_S or I give you.
4. And mind your P’s & Q’s (especially the Q’s) around iglew—he’s become…cantankerous this off-season.
5. Any time Mike V says anything to you, just respond “TWSS”, and use all caps—he seems to like that.
6. Be nice to sirbed.
7. Be nice and respectful to all the women.
Extra-faux or extra-real enthusiasm is to be encouraged.
Hello, and welcome to "The Leopold Bloom Happy Funtime Stalkers’ Club"--I am your host, Leopold Bloom
also, don't promote sock puppets in any post.
Hello, and welcome to "The Leopold Bloom Happy Funtime Stalkers’ Club"--I am your host, Leopold Bloom
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 10, 2010 5:12 PM PST up reply actions
and don't provoke the lawyers and law students unless you feel like arguing
and are at least willing to make up something plausible to back it up.
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 10, 2010 7:12 PM PST up reply actions
How dare you
call lawyers argumentative.
by timed exposure on Feb 10, 2010 9:15 PM PST up reply actions
I used to talk a lot of shit about "kill all the lawyers"
but now after many years of exposure to lawyers here and in my poker game,
I’ve changed it to “Kill most of the lawyers”
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 7:55 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs
it's strange that the more lawyers I meet, the more I want to spare.
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 11, 2010 2:37 PM PST up reply actions
I'm thinking of switching back.
Hello, and welcome to "The Leopold Bloom Happy Funtime Stalkers’ Club"--I am your host, Leopold Bloom
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 10, 2010 8:41 PM PST up reply actions
how about a compromise?
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 10, 2010 11:32 PM PST up reply actions
About time.
Emmett89 is clearly the ROLLS ROYCE of posters and you’d best watch out cause he’s bustin’ and dronin’ like a big whiskey man. One time, as part of a bet, Emmett89 drank a gallon of gasoline and locked himself in the dryer on high heat until he exploded. Another time I bet him he wouldn’t eat a live gold fish, so he took me to the zoo and ate six fucking dolphins before he threw up, and then he ate three more. Also, Emmett didn’t have any doors built into his mansion because he prefers to make his own by crashing through the drywall with his enormous frame. He can drink 72 pints of beer without having to pee.
This is how I picture him anyway.
Free dope and fucking in the streets.
by Aufheben on Feb 10, 2010 4:12 PM PST reply actions 2 recs
sounds like Bill Braskey to me...
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 10, 2010 4:22 PM PST up reply actions
You know Bill Brasky? Well then let me buy you a round.
Free dope and fucking in the streets.
Emmett89's internet output is restricted by the FCC
His fanposts are so HOT and BLAZING that they’ve been known to singe ethernet cables and cause Macs running OSX Jaguar to explode.
Any macs still running Jaguar are prone to explosion anyhow
"Do I talk to myself? No, I just remind myself of what I'm trying to do. You know, I never answer myself so how can I be talking to myself?" - Rickey
by cuppingmaster on Feb 10, 2010 7:58 PM PST up reply actions
I heard his posts were so funny
They made Bob Geren smile.
Meh
I think I’ll wait for Emmett90. I’d prefer to wait until they have all the kinks worked out of this model.
CuttheMullet, from "The Thread":
"Whenever I’m about to do something, I think "would an idiot do that?" and if they would, I do not do that thing."
by DMOAS on Feb 10, 2010 9:43 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
I miss the Emmett1
AN was good back then.
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
Emmett1 was pretty good
But buggy as hell. Bed bugs to be exact.
CuttheMullet, from "The Thread":
"Whenever I’m about to do something, I think "would an idiot do that?" and if they would, I do not do that thing."
Did he once have an awkward moment just to see what it felt like?

Zeigler to Geren…."A-Rod? He’s my bitch." -alox
I laughed.
Even though it’s too early for the traditional Friday night drinking thread.
"Bobby Crosby at third is a bit of an adventure. And not like, here’s some hidden treasure, what fun. More like, gah! poison ants!" --alea iacta est
Oh goody....are we gonna do that again??
We need an Olympic Cap-on-the-opening-ceremony-tastic thread. Right?
I thought it was cute
welcome Emmett, the Ritalin is in the bowl on the kitchen table ;)
Hey, I just bought the team from Lew Wolff... who wants to play third?
Bring it on, Emmett!
Don’t pay attention to the naysayers.
How many of them can lay claim to writing one of the most recommended fanposts in AN history?
Chocolate Cherry
+10000000000000
I laughed all the way through this fan post.
"I mean, come on, man. I'm a vet. Don't talk to me like that. If they do, I'll just smile." Nnamdi Asomugha
by s0sNe@kYbUtY? on Feb 11, 2010 6:25 AM PST up reply actions
that doesn't surprise me.
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 7:57 AM PST up reply actions 3 recs

"I mean, come on, man. I'm a vet. Don't talk to me like that. If they do, I'll just smile." Nnamdi Asomugha
by s0sNe@kYbUtY? on Feb 11, 2010 2:43 PM PST up reply actions
I'm not surprised you posted that either.
I wish it were funny, though.
I mean, there are some really funny funny cats on this site that drop nuggets of awesomeness every day…
then again, there are also some cats that play with the same ball of string over and over again and are completely satisfied.
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 3:44 PM PST up reply actions
wait.
WHICH AM I?!!
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 11, 2010 4:33 PM PST up reply actions
both,
but your ball of string is so freakin’ big that we see different facets of it every time, without ever getting bored.
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 5:19 PM PST up reply actions
well, okay then,
MEYOW!
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 11, 2010 5:40 PM PST up reply actions
(raises back of hand)

"I mean, come on, man. I'm a vet. Don't talk to me like that. If they do, I'll just smile." Nnamdi Asomugha
by s0sNe@kYbUtY? on Feb 11, 2010 9:11 PM PST up reply actions
I would like to announce something
I promise during this season’s game threads to continue being unfunny.
adorable does not equal funny.
Hello, and welcome to "The Leopold Bloom Happy Funtime Stalkers’ Club"--I am your host, Leopold Bloom
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 10, 2010 5:11 PM PST up reply actions
don't sell yourself short, judge:
you’re a tremendous slouch.
Hello, and welcome to "The Leopold Bloom Happy Funtime Stalkers’ Club"--I am your host, Leopold Bloom
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 10, 2010 6:47 PM PST up reply actions
He could just tell the "Wilford Brimley and Harry Truman walk into a bar" joke every day
and pass with flying colors!
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 10, 2010 7:13 PM PST up reply actions
Hey, everybody... I'm Gaijin_Suketto
I just wanted to introduce myself to everybody on AN and tell them I’m going to be the awesomest commenter ever, bar none. Get ready, AN, ‘cuz here I come! Hold on a second… my phone’s ringing…
(takes collect call from Elk Grove)
uh huh… uh huh… whaddya mean I can’t do that? uh huh… five years, schmive years, I want my intro, dammit!… uh huh…. well then…. good bye.
(strikes through first paragraph and sighs)
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 3:48 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
Is this supposed to be so bad it's good?
So anyway, Willy Taveras…………..
Is this the real life-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in a landslide-
No escape from reality-
I remember mine too...
it was a nice pine log… I carved the bark off of it and drilled it out just right, then sandpapered the hole nice and smooth.
To think, just when I had enough earwax stashed away in it for it to finally be useful, the blizzard of a lifetime snowed us in, and we had to burn it for fuel.
I’d’a carved me up another one, and maybe put some nice curves in it too, but then I found me a wife instead.
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 10, 2010 7:17 PM PST up reply actions
I failed at digging them.
My dad had three girls and tried to get us to do man work. But post holes eluded me.
reverse martin/lewis
Lewis delivers the punchline, followed by Martin delivering its’ straight contextualization afterwards, effectively turning the straight line into the punchline.
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 7:58 AM PST up reply actions
I don't even remember my last post.
CuttheMullet, from "The Thread":
"Whenever I’m about to do something, I think "would an idiot do that?" and if they would, I do not do that thing."
It was this one.
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
We have had some random ones lately,
but why discourage them?
When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
Hello, and welcome to "The Leopold Bloom Happy Funtime Stalkers’ Club"--I am your host, Leopold Bloom
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 10, 2010 8:44 PM PST up reply actions
Keep it online buddy, keep it online
Just because things have gotten weird in internetland doesn’t mean you can do it in real life. Play it cool.
CuttheMullet, from "The Thread":
"Whenever I’m about to do something, I think "would an idiot do that?" and if they would, I do not do that thing."
I could go pro on the internet.
I could make you all start paying for my wit. And my…inappropriate off-the-cuff comments that probably suggest mental problems, or at least deep emotional scarring. But hey, I’m funny, so fuck it.
Hello, and welcome to "The Leopold Bloom Happy Funtime Stalkers’ Club"--I am your host, Leopold Bloom
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 10, 2010 10:58 PM PST up reply actions
I fully support this endevour
And will be more than willing to be your sidekick.
CuttheMullet, from "The Thread":
"Whenever I’m about to do something, I think "would an idiot do that?" and if they would, I do not do that thing."
you got references? You been to college?
We only take yeggs what’s been to college.
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 10, 2010 11:27 PM PST up reply actions

A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Feb 11, 2010 11:39 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs
dude... that's way nicer than mine...
adjustable and everything… wow!
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 12:37 PM PST up reply actions
Yeah, seriously.
Although if I was going to pay through the nose for a hats stand with that double ball and socket mechanism, I’d just get a set of cable hats and be done with it.
Always the summers are slipping away.
Find me a way for making it stay.
my whole drum set cost $100.
punk and rawk.
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 12:57 PM PST up reply actions
You're a fickle boy, Monk.
The Dane finds out you got another “amigo,” well, I don’t peg him as the understandin’ type.
by EddieVegas_NRAF on Feb 11, 2010 12:47 PM PST up reply actions
Here's something I try to teach all my boys:
Always put one in the kraut brain.
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 11, 2010 4:34 PM PST up reply actions
That's right, Monkey. You're the big shot around here, and I'm just some schnook likes to get slapped around.
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 11, 2010 5:42 PM PST up reply actions
actually, you're the big shot around here now...
but I’ll still slap you around a little if you want.
Hell, for you, I might not even charge!
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 6:11 PM PST up reply actions
friends have sex with you.
REAL friends don’t charge.
I think I’ve got a new t-shirt idea…
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 12, 2010 12:21 AM PST up reply actions
Elephants charge, though.
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
Is that
Brian Sabian? Sorry, trying to bring it back around to baseball.
''I love Billy Beane. The only mistake he has ever made was writing that braggy book about himself, and how he's so good at computers.'' - Ken Tremendous
by fridaynightfan on Feb 12, 2010 12:18 AM PST up reply actions
You don't need to see my references.
{waves hand in front of your virtual face}
These are not the droids you are… shit. doh. Um… this is the side kick you have been looking for.
CuttheMullet, from "The Thread":
"Whenever I’m about to do something, I think "would an idiot do that?" and if they would, I do not do that thing."
wait. you are?
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 11, 2010 5:42 PM PST up reply actions
you came to the wrong place to score weed, young man.
however, if you’re looking for a chart topper, I’ll write you one right here.
looking for a job, but it’s really hard to do ©
‘cause I won’t change my clothes and I won’t quit sniffin’ glue (A)
and I’ve been 86’ed from the chip house and the pubs ©
that’s why I roughed up an orderly, and stole his scrubs (A)
now I’m pretending I’m a doctor
pretending i’m a doctor
i’ve got appointments booked from noon till eight
but I’m out playing golf, so they’ll have to wait
pretending i’m a doctor
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 8:04 AM PST up reply actions
I have this pamphlet I'd like to give you.
Perhaps you’d like to come to the services this Sunday…
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 10, 2010 11:55 PM PST up reply actions
Sir... I do not want your
Crotchtower magazine, and I will not be attending your service.
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 8:05 AM PST up reply actions
I liked this post
But then again, what do I matter?
You are not a troll,
therefore you matter.
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 8:06 AM PST up reply actions
wow
AN needs a new shirt that is catchy and fresh like have it say…. AN I’m with stupid
Beane's World!! Excellent!!! Rock On, Beane! Rock On, Geren!
How in the wide world of sports did this get on the rec list?
You have to include smiley faces - Poppy
;- ) :- ) :-O : -> : -] : -}
three words:
SOCK PUPPET INFILTRATORS!
And why, might we ask, is Bloomie the perpetrator of this anti-sock-puppet insurrection?
Because it’s the perfect cover, that’s why!
I suspect he might be ONE OF THEM!
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 12:39 PM PST up reply actions
He's still trying to become the Sock Puppet Master
But first he needs to rid the world of all the stronger Sock Puppets.
CuttheMullet, from "The Thread":
"Whenever I’m about to do something, I think "would an idiot do that?" and if they would, I do not do that thing."
Master of Sock Puppets he's pulling your threads
Twisting your fanposts and smashing your beds.
Blinded by sunscreen, you can’t see a thing
Just call Leo’s name, ‘cause he’ll hear you scream
MASTER!
"Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it?"-Steve McCatty
by 5Aces on Feb 11, 2010 2:06 PM PST up reply actions 2 recs
and I would've gotten away with it, too,
if it hadn’t been for G_S in a neckerchief.
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 11, 2010 2:40 PM PST up reply actions
I don't really do neckerchiefs...
what about a bondage collar?
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
I might have an extra with your name on it.
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 11, 2010 4:35 PM PST up reply actions
did the picture actually post,
or is it a blue question mark to everyone else, too?
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 5:21 PM PST up reply actions
no pic.
… and therein lies the tension between discouraging free rodent upgrades and relying on random walkup business. LB, you should tarp your kitchen. And move to San Jose. -mb
by Leopold Bloom on Feb 11, 2010 5:40 PM PST up reply actions
dammit!
Celebrating my 5 year ANniversary... (SPWC/K56/ThePilotsDaredMeToDie/Gaijin_Suketto)
by Gaijin_Suketto on Feb 11, 2010 6:11 PM PST up reply actions
This is about to fall off the 'rec list'
But I just want to say THANK YOU to all the great support! How many rec’s did this get? 100? Sure seemed like it.
Emmett89 is here to blow your minds.
no prob.....
it was a good post worthy of much discussion…
"I mean, come on, man. I'm a vet. Don't talk to me like that. If they do, I'll just smile." Nnamdi Asomugha
by s0sNe@kYbUtY? on Feb 13, 2010 1:15 AM PST up reply actions

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