QOTM: Jan. 2009 (old-school Poppy style)

Ladies and Gentlemen, QOTM is back, and if not better than ever, at least probably as good as it used to be.

Yes, folks, I went back and read every single post, comment, and fanshot from January 2010, as well as older posts with stray comments from the new year, as well.  My estimate was that this project would take about 15 hours.  Well, about 40 hours later, we have this month's QOTM, as well as QOTM's sister post, "QOTM: After Dark"

It was one hell of an undertaking, I can assure you, and I sincerely hope you folks all enjoy it.  We'll roll after the jump.  

The decade started with some interesting New Years' resolutions and hopes...


I plan to soil myself, and then regroup and come up with another plan.

by LoneStranger on Jan 1, 2010 1:08 PM PST




I can’t wait until he arrives

by TBRMKane on Jan 1, 2010 11:20 AM PST 




I'm willing to endure a very difficult year for the A's. I'm willing to have them lose 60 times - or even 65! 

by paris7 on Jan 26, 2010 6:29 AM PST




I think we'll stay tied for first at least through March.

by sirbed on Jan 16, 2010 9:50 AM PST




I like Aaron Miles.

His sparkling face will shine on that side of the diamond. I hope he hits .- - -  with lots of HBP’s on changeups.

by baseline_replacement_commenter on Jan 16, 2010 4:34 AM PST




I think it's clear that in 2010 


the A’s are gonna need a bigger boat!!!! 

by emperor nobody on Jan 1, 2010 5:35 PM PST

***            ***            ***             ***          ***            ***           ***          ***

...and of course, bold and well thought-out predictions...


If the A's win the division, I'll scale the Chrysler Building  

Wearing nothing but an A’s flag  

Now that I have said this, we are sure to win, if for no other reason than mystical powers wish to spite me.  

by cuppingmaster on Jan 29, 2010 9:39 AM PST  


            That's going to be fun. 

            (Copy) (Paste) (Save) 

             by baseballgirl on Jan 29, 2010 9:55 AM PST 




Everidge is the future at 3B, thats why they felt okay to give up Wallace.

by Mikey6rocker on Jan 2, 2010 6:19 PM PST  




I picked Texas (in the AL West poll)....which means they're the one team that has no chance whatsoever.  

by WaddellCanseco on Jan 29, 2010 8:25 AM PST


           Can you vote two more times?   

           by LoneStranger on Jan 29, 2010 8:31 AM PST   



I have 5 things to say: 

1. Saying "bunting is great" is stupid.  

2. Saying "bunting is stupid" is stupid.  

3. Saying "Eric Chavez will bounce back and play a good, healthy season again" is stupid.  

4. Saying "Eric Chavez is done, for sure" is stupid.  

5. This list is stupid.  

by Nico on Jan 17, 2010 7:25 PM PST 


          6. Mel Gibson! 

           by Player To Be Named Later on Jan 21, 2010 7:48 PM PST 



The team might only give up 28 runs all season

(and go 79-83)

by Nico on Jan 21, 2010 8:20 PM PST   




Master Plan for League-wide Domination

1. fans breed like rabbits
2. ?
3. Multiple World Series championships (profit!)

by jakarta on Jan 4, 2010 10:35 AM PST  


***            ***             ***           ***          ***        ***         ***         ***            ***


Some folks were still admiring their holiday gifts...


And I just got 

an awesome spruce green apron, which I intend to embellish, A’s style. I’m excited about that!

by lynnzgal on Jan 7, 2010 2:24 PM PST 



          by mikev on Jan 7, 2010 4:03 PM PST 


                      So ... apron, stirrup socks, A's cap, 

                      and nothing else. Right? 

                      by iglew on Jan 7, 2010 4:44 PM PST 



                                  then I’d be joining LB in the slammer. 

                                  by lynnzgal on Jan 7, 2010 4:47 PM PST   


                                                He'd like that.  

                                                But would they make you wear orange? That would be bad.  

                                                by iglew on Jan 7, 2010 4:49 PM PST 


***         ***          ***          ***          ***          ***          ***         ***


...whereas others were just glad for some time at home, possibly curled up with a book...


3 Sheets to the Win: How the A's Won in an Alternate Dimension

A book by Bizarro-Marquez.

by Joey C. on Jan 21, 2010 8:56 PM PST  




would you like to come live with me?

by Buck Turgidson on Jan 5, 2010 11:04 PM PST 


              I mean, we could use something like this in the mine shaft 

              by Buck Turgidson on Jan 5, 2010 11:08 PM PST 


***         ***             ***             ***            ***           ***               ***            ***


The Hot Stove League was in full force, as we hashed over old games and players from long ago...



(Cool Papa Bell) died so quick

he reincarnated before his old body was even cold.

by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 4, 2010 5:20 PM PST 




Chief Sockalexis? Well, I hear she deserved it.  

Yeah yeah, I know. I’ll go away now. 

by thejd44 on Jan 23, 2010 8:14 PM PST 




So who's throwing opening day? 

by brian.only on Jan 26, 2010 9:28 PM PST  


           The Blacksox.  

           by Nico on Jan 26, 2010 9:35 PM PST 



Bonds will never admit to it

and he was a no-doubter HOF before he started roiding in 98/99 or so. There’s almost no choice but to put him in.

He’s the best asshole in the history of the game. He’ like the offspring of Ty Cobb and Dick Allen. Bless him.

by PL78 on Jan 11, 2010 2:29 PM PST 


            What Ty Cobb would do to himself  

            if he fathered a person that looked like Barry Bonds WITH another man would be epic. 

             by Future Ed on Jan 11, 2010 2:44 PM PST 


***          ***              ***              ***              ***            ***           ***         ***         *** well as current favorites, anti-favorites, and prospects yet to flower...


This might be the year that seeing AAA/AA guys is really a bonus. 

by LoneStranger on Jan 25, 2010 9:27 AM PST 



            if your car is towed because you have a drinking problem. 

            by Nico on Jan 25, 2010 7:15 PM PST  



So the 40 man is back to 39?

by Daniel777 on Jan 23, 2010 12:47 AM PST 


             I thought that was just my mother every birthday. 

             by brian.only on Jan 23, 2010 12:48 AM PST 



Oh. I have popups turned off, so I didn't even notice.  

by LoneStranger on Jan 20, 2010 11:29 AM PST 


              Which reminds me, I need to email that add-on to MaEl before the season starts.  

              by Nick on Jan 20, 2010 12:44 PM PST 




Plus he(Adrian Beltre)'ll bring in the Latin audience

by WaddellCanseco on Jan 4, 2010 5:15 PM PST 


             like virgil, ovid, and cicero? 

             by AV on Jan 4, 2010 6:40 PM PST 


                      Ozzie Virgil, Steve Fireovid and Cicero's Pizza 

                      In the heart of the Delmar Loop 

                      by WaddellCanseco on Jan 4, 2010 7:35 PM PST 


                                 FIRE OVID NOW! 

                                 by iglew on Jan 4, 2010 9:21 PM PST 



does anyone else find it funny

that as soon as wallace was traded to the AL East he suddenly becomes a better prospect despite his shift to 1B…

by supermarc589 on Jan 28, 2010 6:34 PM PST 


            you know what I find funny? 

            dead mimes.  

            by Leopold Bloom on Jan 28, 2010 9:35 PM PST 



When the A’s play the Rangers, who’s arm will fall off first? Harden’s or Sheets’? 

by ST on Jan 25, 2010 7:52 PM PST 




Are you complaining about having two solid starters?

by Wader on Jan 26, 2010 12:20 PM PST 


          how SOLID can they both be 

          if neither pitched last year? 

          by sf drift king on Jan 26, 2010 4:38 PM PST 


                   lights out baby!!! 

                   neither of them gave up a single run!!!! (channeling my inner Dick Vitale) awesome baby!!! 

                   by greenbean on Jan 26, 2010 4:45 PM PST 



When (Reds' prospect Mike) Leake gives up a homer...

…will the announcer say "A Leake Boom Boom Downtown" or what?

by Flashfire on Jan 10, 2010 11:36 PM PST 




PECOTA rhymes with Abe VIGODA 

WWVP: What Would VIGODA Project? 

by kaweahkaweah on Jan 29, 2010 6:31 AM PST 


           "I'm not dead, you idiot!"  

           by LoneStranger on Jan 29, 2010 10:04 AM PST 




I'm really hoping it's not Adam Kennedy

by WaddellCanseco on Jan 4, 2010 5:14 PM PST 


          Pew. Pew. 

          by Nick on Jan 4, 2010 5:17 PM PST 


                     Do you have to bring religion into this? 

                     by Nico on Jan 4, 2010 5:18 PM PST 


                              or hardwood, for that matter.  

                              by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 4, 2010 5:35 PM PST 



My farts smelled worse when Holliday was on the club.

by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 16, 2010 3:35 AM PST 



          by WaddellCanseco on Jan 16, 2010 7:52 AM PST 



No, he (A-Rod) shouldn't be banned, but as punishment for his steroid use, he should wear a Bosox hat while grocery shopping in Queens.  

by asyouwish33 on Jan 24, 2010 5:15 PM PST 




Also lost Jay Marshall to the Met

Not that I am complaining or anything

by inspyro on Jan 8, 2010 2:10 PM PST 


          To the Met? 

          The museum or the opera company? 

          by richwol1 on Jan 8, 2010 4:06 PM PST 



Good Day

The A’s signed Ben Sheets and the Raiders hired Hue Jackson. All I need is for the Warriors to beat the Kings and I’ll be even more stoked. 

by Rated-R Superstar on Jan 26, 2010 11:36 AM PST 


            And for Al Davis to run out of worchestershire embalming fluid.  

            by LoneStranger on Jan 26, 2010 11:54 AM PST 




The A’s aren’t spending $10 million on Ben Sheets.

They’re spending $13.2 million on the whole rotation!

by grover on Jan 26, 2010 3:31 PM PST 


              And $5M on the whole bullpen  

              by PaulThomas on Jan 26, 2010 5:46 PM PST 


                         And $25 million on the DL! 

                         by iglew on Jan 26, 2010 8:29 PM PST  



but Sheets wants Sweeney to give him #15 

by OaklandSi on Jan 26, 2010 8:09 PM PST 


             Sweet deal for Sweeney 

             Collect $50,000 for surrendering #15 in February. Get #15 back for free in July!  

             by BlueMoon on Jan 27, 2010 5:55 AM PST 



I bought some jeans at the Gap in 1990 so 

it is MY money that Fisher is spending on Sheets. I’m fine with this purchase though. 

by sirbed on Jan 26, 2010 7:44 PM PST 


           What part of "not selling jeans" don't you understand? 

           by Future Ed on Jan 26, 2010 7:45 PM PST  


                 Pretty much all of it 

                 I wore those jeans kind of tight and it cut of the blood flow to my brain my entire senior year of high school

                 by sirbed on Jan 26, 2010 7:56 PM PST 



McGwire should make one token pinch-hitting appearance,

break his bat and have cork fly out. Now THAT would be funny.

by Nico on Jan 7, 2010 8:55 PM PST 




I'll take the guy who trades Eric Byrnes over the guy who intentionally acquires him. 

by Nico on Jan 29, 2010 6:15 PM PST 




Well, they(the Giants)'re bound to want to trade Lincecum after his drugs issues, right?

The A’s can probably buy low on this one. Hairston and Eveland ought to do it…

by bobnothing on Jan 7, 2010 5:55 PM PST 


           Assuming, of course, that Lincecum is sharing with Sabes 

           by Nico on Jan 7, 2010 5:58 PM PST 


                     I think it's likely the other way round 

                     by bobnothing on Jan 7, 2010 5:59 PM PST 



apparently though he (Felipe Lopez) is really lazy and a horrible teammate ask the National fans 

they say he was really horrible when he played for them  

by MJ5 on Jan 29, 2010 11:22 PM PST 


             Hold on, calling both of them......  

             by OptimistPrime on Jan 29, 2010 11:43 PM PST 



In further news of former A's players

Joe Blanton signs a 3 year contract. Good for him. I always liked him

by guapobob on Jan 21, 2010 1:36 PM PST 


            That's gonna buy him a lot of cupcakes 

            by doctorK on Jan 21, 2010 



Fire Geren [said timidly] 

by Berry Jo on Jan 20, 2010 10:38 PM PST 


           I already hate the decision he will make on May 3rd in the 8th inning.  

           by Future Ed on Jan 21, 2010 7:06 PM PST 



Kielty got a World Championship 

and then went to work doing birthday parties.  

by LoneStranger on Jan 23, 2010 11:20 AM PST 




Optimistic about '20 

Now THAT is long-term thinking.  

by DDroney on Jan 17, 2010 8:12 PM PST 


           Projected starting rotation: 

           Michel Ynoa 

           Anthony Capra 

           Pedro Figueroa 

           Arnold Leon 

           Jamie Moyer 

          by Nico on Jan 17, 2010 8:39 PM PST 


                     Unfortunately, Jamie Moyer will have lost another 10 mph off his fastball 

                     and will no longer throw harder than another guy who will still be pitching, Tim Wakefield

                     by thejd44 on Jan 17, 2010 11:57 PM PST


***            ***            ***              ***                 ***                 ***           ***           ***           ***


Like it or not (I personally do), Jack Cust is back with the Athletics...


and lo, the earth did tremble, for Cust the mighty, the slayer of opposing pitchers, had returned to the city of oaken trees

by bobnothing on Jan 7, 2010 3:21 PM PST 


           And then Cust smote the Kerrek, and all was laid to burnination. 

           by Player To Be Named Later on Jan 7, 2010 3:44 PM PST 


                     and experience points were gained by all! 

                     by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 7, 2010 4:58 PM PST 



I'm really excited to see.....

Cust and Fox play defense in the same game!

by Beane's idea creator on Jan 8, 2010 1:34 AM PST 


            which one plays center? sweeney's got a lock on right field 

            by inbillywetrust on Jan 8, 2010 12:04 PM PST 




The Jack Cust on my desk is looking at me right now, bobbing his head with approval.

by danmerqury on Jan 7, 2010 12:48 PM PST 



            I’ll bet the bobble head on your desk can field better than the real Cust! 

            by Charlie O the Mule on Jan 7, 2010 12:50 PM PST 


                      He has softer hands. 

                      by danmerqury on Jan 7, 2010 12:57 PM PST 


                                 Probably faster, too. 

                                 by EddieVegas_NRAF on Jan 7, 2010 1:33 PM PST 



cust is still a one dimensional strikeout king who should have been cut

by dontex on Jan 10, 2010 8:52 AM PST 


          Cust looks three dimensional to me 

          by WaddellCanseco on Jan 10, 2010 9:44 AM PST 


                   three true dimensions 

                  by iglew on Jan 10, 2010 12:56 PM PST 



Speaking of a catch-22:

100 fly balls to Jack Cust!

by Nico on Jan 22, 2010 4:42 PM PST 


          That's catch-32, and it never happens. 

          by ElQuesoCapitan on Jan 22, 2010 5:29 PM PST 


                     Oh, I think he could catch 32 out of 100. 


                     Maybe even 40 or 50! 

                     by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 24, 2010 9:52 AM PST 


***           ***         ***          ***         ***         ***        ***          ***         ***        ***


I'm not gonna repost PL78's "Dugout" style hip-hop photoessay masterpiece, but needless to say, it's funny as hell, and definitely a QOTM nominee.


***           ***           ***          ***           ***           ***          ***         ***         ***         ***


Yet again, there was no club-sanctioned FanFest, so some good ANer's planned one of their own...


A fanfest isn't a fanfest

without a player or two. Any kidnappers in our midst? (kidding!)

by Technotofu on Jan 7, 2010 10:05 AM PST 


           Check Jennifer's basement 

           by Kaiser99 on Jan 7, 2010 10:25 AM PST 



I will be honored to have my place 

trashed by my fellow beleaguered A’s fans!

by OptimistPrime on Jan 7, 2010 4:19 PM PST 


          or beleaguered by trashed A's fans 

          by iglew on Jan 7, 2010 4:48 PM PST 


                   Why not both? 

                   by DMOAS on Jan 7, 2010 6:50 PM PST 



I don’t know what I’m bringing/cooking yet. I like to wait until right before and see what inspires me, if that’s okay?

by lynnzgal on Jan 8, 2010 9:01 AM PST 


           no. decide now. 

           by Leopold Bloom on Jan 8, 2010 9:23 AM PST 


                      I'll do what I want! 


                      by lynnzgal on Jan 8, 2010 9:38 AM PST 


                              And what you want to do is decide now. 

                              by grover on Jan 8, 2010 9:40 AM PST



If iglew doesn't show will the sourdough will be a non-starter?

by Ice Cream on Jan 9, 2010 9:58 AM PST 


           To say the yeast. 

           by lynnzgal on Jan 9, 2010 11:03 AM PST 



In loving memory of Bobby Crosby 

I am bringing crabs. 

by Englishmajor on Jan 27, 2010 7:59 PM PST 




My sweetie wants to go to AN Day next year...

except she wants to swipe a random nametag and put it on, so people think…

"Holy shit? Is ____________ really a six foot tall hippie amazon with dreadlocks down to her ass?"

by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 16, 2010 4:15 AM PST 


          (use mine) 

          by Leopold Bloom on Jan 16, 2010 8:11 AM PST 


                     She said she wants to ask people statistical questions 

                     about MERP. I asked her what "M.E.R.P." stands for, and she replied, 

                    "Kitten, my kitten… Merp stands for Merp!"  

                    by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 16, 2010 5:17 PM PST 


I retired from A's blogging too early. 

Story of my life. 

by kenarneson on Jan 25, 2010 4:01 PM PST 


           You could always guest blog here. 

           All the fame, none of the responsibility! 

           by LoneStranger on Jan 25, 2010 6:54 PM PST 


...and apparently, it turned out well and (almost) all had a good time...


Thank you for allowing us into your home 

by OaklandSi on Jan 31, 2010 5:04 PM PST 


           And for letting me have my way with your daughter 

           What do you mean you don’t have a daughter? 

           by Nico on Jan 31, 2010 5:17 PM PST 


***                ***             ***           ***           ***          ***           ***           ***          ***   


To kill time before pitchers and catchers report, many ANers have even turned to other sports, like golf...


Yeah, golf courses are pretty.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 1, 2010 9:21 PM PST 


          especially when I'm golfing on them 

          by sirbed on Jan 1, 2010 10:20 PM PST 


                  especially when sirbed's golfing on them. 

                  by Leopold Bloom on Jan 1, 2010 10:45 PM PST 



I thought golf courses were for sneaking into late at night 

and drinking heavily and using those little mini urinals they have buried in the ground. They’ve all got really nice grass around them too, and they’re numbered. We pee for distance in the even ones and pee for accuracy in the odd ones. 

by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 2, 2010 10:10 AM PST 


            Hmm that's a whole different kind of water hazzard 

            by sirbed on Jan 2, 2010 11:31 AM PST 



All the golf courses in Florida

is 87% of the reason I want to go there. Of course I’m not much of an enviromentalist.

I burn tires as a hobby and I fell asleep halfway through that Al Gore movie.

by sirbed on Jan 2, 2010 9:10 PM PST 


...and football...


I think you have to be a little

insane in the membrane to live in Green Bay. I would last maybe a week in the winter months (what 9 or 10 months?) before attempting to kill myself with a sausage.

by sirbed on Jan 9, 2010 6:53 AM PST 


          I think that's what they're all doing: 

          slow suicide by sausage, cheese, and cheese-infused sausage. 

          by Leopold Bloom on Jan 9, 2010 7:56 AM PST 


                    To sort of quote Wilford Brimley 

                    It’s the right way to die and the tasty way to do it. 

                    by sirbed on Jan 9, 2010 11:30 AM PST 


...and quidditch...


The sport that REALLY needs a rules overhaul

is Quidditch. Seriously, even with all that magic stuff, the most unrealistic thing in the entire series of books is that any sport could ever evolve such a retarded set of rules and still be playable at all, much less successful and popular. Wizards flying on brooms, I can believe; stupid and counter-incentivized rules, no.

by iglew on Jan 20, 2010 11:18 PM PST 



          You could call that game "arbitrarily dick around until someone catches the gold thing" and be done with it.

          Could you imagine if they did something like that with basketball? 


          "Okay, you’re going to play 47 minutes of basketball and then in the last minute we’re going to introduce

          a gold ball and whoever scores that first gets 100 points and the game is over." 

          by walk off bunt on Jan 21, 2010 9:38 AM PST 


...the upcoming Winter Olympics...




I’m not even going to ask how to pronounce that. It would be like my cat asking me how to program Deep Blue.

by PaulThomas on Jan 7, 2010 8:13 PM PST 


         Assuming there's a haček on the Z, 

         I guess "zhurn-chich". 

         Still less of a problem than Jakov Fak. 

         Can’t wait to hear the fans chant, "Let’s go Fak! Let’s go Fak!" 

         by iglew on Jan 7, 2010 9:22 PM PST 


...and embarrassingly enough, even Magic: The Gathering...


Desme retiring is like a Grim Tutor

He sacrifices himself for something else, and then we lose a little life.

by JediLeroy on Jan 22, 2010 2:29 PM PST 


         QOTM, MTG category 

         Kamahl, Pit Fighter, says "hi." and taps to do three to your dome. 

         by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 24, 2010 9:48 AM PST 


***           ***          ***           ***            ***           ***            ***           ***            ***         ***


For a (thankfully) short while, calling Ray Ratto a "fat douchebag" was the CGV of the moment.  I won't reprint any of the meaner stuff from that thread, as funny as it may have been to hardcore Ratto haters, but here are a few that are (almost) good clean fun for all...


Ray Ratto was actually laid off years ago but nobody ever told him


by Cheezombie on Jan 27, 2010 1:18 PM PST 


...and this one maybe isn't, but I laughed so hard at RRStar's reply that it would be just wrong to hold out on y'all...


I found this when googling Ray Ratto 


by Cheezombie on Jan 27, 2010 1:26 PM PST 



        As you can see, his 6.81 ERA on the road is the reason why everyone hates him.

        It’s probably much worse at home. 

        by Rated-R Superstar on Jan 27, 2010 4:59 PM PST




For some reason, I made a picture of RR moonlighting as Red 6 (Porkins).


by ConditionOakland on Jan 28, 2010 1:27 AM PST 


I'm no Ratto fan but ...

all of you derisively/hatefully referring to his weight have exposed yourselves.

Go jump in the lake.

by Ice Cream on Jan 27, 2010 5:39 PM PST 


          Being overwieght myself... 

          I’ll just float to the top. 

          by Ovale Fan on Jan 27, 2010 5:42 PM PST

***                 ***               ***            ***           ***           ***            ***          ***


Thoughts of a new stadium are rarely far from our minds...


Hell, at this point why don't I just go all the way and offer my place up for a possible stadium site as well!

by OptimistPrime on Jan 7, 2010 4:22 PM PST 


          Do you mind tarping off the living room? 

          by Nico on Jan 7, 2010 7:00 PM PST



The Nome Alaska A's

by Eastbayjim on Jan 12, 2010 7:00 AM PST 


          Nice - the A's could play night games and not need lights 

          by doctorK on Jan 12, 2010 


                  Just think of all of the tourists that would go up to Nome just to see a game in the Northern Lights 

                  The New York Yankees CF lost the ball in the Aurora Borealis 

                  by Eastbayjim on Jan 13, 2010 6:09 PM PST 



In the summer

All games would be day games, right? I know a few people who went and played in the Alaskan Summer League and they told me stories of midnight looking like noon.

When does it change? When does it become more dark than light?

by jeffro on Jan 14, 2010 8:35 AM PST 


           During Vampire season. 

           by DMOAS on Jan 14, 2010 8:39 AM PST 



Stadium attractions should be here to stay

try taking a 2 year old to a game with out stomers fun zone 

by Future Ed on Jan 20, 2010 5:44 PM PST 


          I read this as "stoners fun zone" 

          by PaulThomas on Jan 20, 2010 10:47 PM PST 


                    In the pre-tarp days 

                    That was pretty much the last couple rows of the upper deck 

                    by cuppingmaster on Jan 21, 2010 7:22 AM PST 


                                My favorite attraction 

                                was the sweatshirt hotbox fun zone.  

                                My second favorite was the random security guard flask swig.  

                                by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 21, 2010 2:17 PM PST 



...Neither are stadium promotions...


Where is?

the Eric Chavez first aid kit day. Or the Coco Crisp cereal bowl day?

by Arcman on Jan 29, 2010 12:22 PM PST 




where is the resusable grocery bag?!

MAN! They could do that promotion every year. It’d be cheap, too. Support the A’s while schlepping groceries!

The "sluggie" will be fun, though I think the blanket was more useful. But the beach towel is cool!

by high street on Jan 29, 2010 3:07 PM PST 


            nobody returned the reusable bags, so they couldn't give them out again this year. 

            by mikev on Jan 29, 2010 3:48 PM PST 


***            ***              ***            ***             ***             ***           ***        ***         ***      


In a lot of ways, AN is like one big weird family.  Of course, every family has its' "in-jokes"...


think when Nico retires from teaching

He should try his hand at pitching

by OptimistPrime on Jan 21, 2010 12:33 PM PST 


           Pitching kitchen implements on late-night TV, that is. 

           by iglew on Jan 21, 2010 1:55 PM PST 


                     It's the NICO 5000! 

                     It Slices! It Dices! It Even Cindifies!!! 

                     by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 21, 2010 2:09 PM PST 



sweet, sweet faustus

by mikev on Jan 23, 2010 8:36 AM PST 


         quit stealing my lines, fucker. 

         by Leopold Bloom on Jan 23, 2010 10:26 AM PST 


                 But mikev says it with a completely different inflection 

                 really not the same thing at all 

                 by Faust on Jan 23, 2010 2:42 PM PST 




Don will get mad. 

by Rated-R Superstar on Jan 22, 2010 11:28 PM PST 


         Good Don or Evil Don? 

         by iglew on Jan 22, 2010 11:29 PM PST 


                  Best not hope it's Evil Don. 

                  I mean, if you like your skin. 

                  by Leopold Bloom on Jan 22, 2010 



he (Ohtobe21likeHuston) missed the whole second half of the season too, right? seems like he's been gone a while now.

by inbillywetrust on Jan 14, 2010 2:43 PM PST 


         Sounds like Tommy John surgery 

         by Nico on Jan 14, 2010 4:06 PM PST 



                 by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 15, 2010 2:15 AM PST 




I’m not a manager here!

I’m just a moron who gives my words up for free, so others can revel in the glory and profits.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 5, 2010 1:54 PM PST 



          I’m just a mimic here! 


          I’m not creative enough to come up with my own schtick,

          so I pirate off of others, changing it slightly to add value.  

          by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 5, 2010 1:58 PM PST 



                   I’m just a dead horse here! 


                   I don’t bother with anything but adding the same thing over and over and over! 

                   by mikev on Jan 5, 2010 2:01 PM PST 




ZigFan returned the porno tape to clueless guy. BBG’s financée says hi. We all got in bed with our laptops. OAH went downstairs to get drinks. Lots of music was played. Sexy shoes. LB needs to get laid or get a sex change operation. And everyone saluted Conan with their gadgety fake lighters.

by iglew on Jan 23, 2010 1:03 AM PST 


***              ***              ***              ***             ***            ***               ***             ***           ***


...and in every family, there's a black sheep (or three!)...



I'm only kinda evil

by sirbed on Jan 2, 2010 9:53 PM PST 


        that's true. 

        You’re kinda…um…smarmy evil. 

        by Leopold Bloom on Jan 2, 2010 10:00 PM PST 


                So I'm kind of on the used car salesman level of evil 

                that seems fair. By the way would you be interested in this lovely 1978 Chevy Nova?

                by sirbed on Jan 2, 2010 10:27 PM PST 



The abuse I take around here

only my wife gives me more….
Feels like family

by ryanmoser on Jan 13, 2010 8:54 PM PST 


        stfu and take out the garbage 

        by mikev on Jan 13, 2010 9:01 PM PST 


                Remember: Crosby goes in the recycling. 

                by Nico on Jan 13, 2010 9:32 PM PST 


                       No no no 

                       Duke & Cust go in the recycling. Crosby goes in the compost. 

                       by DMOAS on Jan 13, 2010 11:23 PM PST 


                                 Meat in the compost draws rats. 

                                 The better solution is to dissolve Crosby in acid. 

                                 by baseline_replacement_commenter on Jan 16, 2010 5:22 AM PST 


sweet, sweet Faustus.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 16, 2010 8:49 PM PST  


                I think you owe your comment count championship 

                to these "sweet sweet Faustus" comments. 

                I suspect you’ve programmed a macro to generate these things. In fact, I demand an investigation. 

                by Faust on Jan 16, 2010 9:43 PM PST 



  by iglew on Jan 16, 2010 10:14 PM PST


***           ***           ***            ***           ***           ***         ***           ***

...Then again, it is OUR family, and at least it's not Halos Heaven...

Ugh, I take that back 

They really are nerd raging over there.

They are even linking year old posts by PT and Devo to prove some stupid point. 

by Ovale Fan on Jan 29, 2010 12:56 AM PST 


        It's HH 

        If they aren’t in a rage over some grievous slighting of their precious Halos, they aren’t posting. 

        by walk off bunt on Jan 29, 2010 6:38 AM PST


If SBN were a body, HH would be the anus 

by doctorK on Jan 29, 2010 11:00 AM PST  

***            ***               ***             ***           ***           ***           ***          ***        ***

...Sometimes, there are deaths in the family...


Good post DFA 

He’s injury prone and he doesn’ 

by sirbed on Jan 2, 2010 9:24 PM PST 


           sirbed passed away just before getting to the 't' 

          but he will always be remembered for his excellent beginnings to sentences

          as well as his superb recipe for key lime pie. 

          by Nico on Jan 2, 2010 9:30 PM PST  


                (From the great beyond) 

                call out sirbed three times while hopping on one foot and I’ll tell you my key lime pie recipe. 

                by sirbed on Jan 2, 2010 9:32 PM PST 



Howard Zinn just passed away.

So sad.

by brian.only on Jan 27, 2010 8:29 PM PST 


        he WAS 87... 

        by Leopold Bloom on Jan 27, 2010 8:30 PM PST 


                and very young at heart, yes. 

                by Leopold Bloom on Jan 27, 2010 8:35 PM PST 


                        Well, if he had a heart attack he couldn't have been too young at heart 

                        by thejd44 on Jan 28, 2010 10:29 AM PST 



                                by Leopold Bloom on Jan 28, 2010 10:45 AM PST 


***        ***            ***                ***              ***            ***            ***              ***           ***


...and where there's death, there's taxes...


the special lady friend is paid on the 1st every month

the work she did in dec 2009 will be dealt with on the 2010 taxes

by Future Ed on Jan 1, 2010 7:46 PM PST 


        You claim hookers on your taxes? 

        Egads — I may have 23 dependents.  

        by Nico on Jan 1, 2010 8:02 PM PST


***            ***             ***            ***           ***            ***           ***          ***


 This is as close as I'm going to come to a smooth transition to this little exchange on voting...


All I know is every two years I go down to this rec center

and they give me a free sticker for pushing buttons and I like stickers because they’re sticky.

by sirbed on Jan 5, 2010 7:48 PM PST 


         you live in San Francisco?

         I would hate to tell you about the other 16 elections in that time that you missed. 

         By the way, are you 2? cuz 2 year olds like the same thing for the same reasons. 

         by Future Ed on Jan 5, 2010 8:02 PM PST 



                    I’m a big boy I’m 4! 

                    by sirbed on Jan 5, 2010 8:11 PM PST 


                                I thought 4 year olds could vote in Kansas...

                                or was that 14 year olds can drink in Indiana? 

                                by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 6, 2010 12:11 AM PST 



                                       14 year-olds can’t drink at 14. I’d have been trouble significantly earlier were that the case. 

                                       I’d have started drinking earlier than…um…14. 

                                       by Leopold Bloom on Jan 6, 2010 1:07 AM PST 


***          ***            ***           ***           ***           ***           ***           ***


 ...and where there's voting, there's Muppets!



by Flashfire on Jan 23, 2010 12:45 AM PST


            How many muppets gave their lives

            so you could wear that coat?!? 

            <throws fake blood> 

            by iglew on Jan 23, 2010 12:48 AM PST 


                        I'm just glad grover isn't here to see it. 

                        by iglew on Jan 23, 2010 12:49 AM PST 


***          ***         ***         ***          ***           ***          *** 


I don't know what this one refers to, but apparently everyone else finds it funny...



by stormtown on Jan 26, 2010 10:22 AM PST


***          ***            ***            ***             ***           ***           ***           ***            ***            ***      

And of course, you can't go wrong with Wilford Brimley steroid jokes...


Wilford Brimley used (PED's)?!

Man, no wonder he lost his legs…

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 11, 2010 4:00 PM PST 


        Hey wait a damn minute there Bloom! 

        My man Wilford did not put HGH on his Quaker Oats….

        (The right way to shrink your testicles and the tasty way to do it)

        by sirbed on Jan 11, 2010 6:53 PM PST 


                "loaded with anabolic steroids, 

                the way God and Mother Nature intended." 

                by Leopold Bloom on Jan 12, 2010 12:46 AM PST


***            ***           ***          ***           ***            ***          ***           ***              ***


McGwire's admission of steroid use got a lot of us confessing the sins of our pasts...


If you ain't cheating

you ain’t trying….I know I only made it through college because of the PED known as Diet Coke.

by sirbed on Jan 11, 2010 7:58 PM PST 


        Coke comes in diet now? 

        by Future Ed on Jan 11, 2010 8:07 PM PST 


                diet comes in Coke now? 

                by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 12, 2010 1:30 AM PST 



...and cracking jokes about McGwire's own past...



It actually was "McGuire" before the steroids...

that "u" doubled in size once he started cycling.

by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 12, 2010 1:36 AM PST


***                 ***               ***                  ***               ***           ***             ***               ***


Eric Chavez' health (or lack thereof) is always one of the topics of conversation...


If you were doing the promotions this season.....what whould they be? 

by Berry Jo on Jan 23, 2010 12:21 AM PST 


        Ziggy bobblehead 

        by Flashfire on Jan 23, 2010 12:22 AM PST


                  Chavez Stationaryhead? 

                  by brian.only on Jan 23, 2010 12:23 AM PST  


                            Chavez Vertebrae. 

                            by LoneStranger on Jan 23, 2010 12:24 AM PST 


                                     Collect them all? 

                                     by Daniel777 on Jan 23, 2010 12:25 AM PST  


                                               It's not has hard as you think. Some of them are two-for-one. 

                                               by LoneStranger on Jan 23, 2010 12:25 AM PST



Chavez is the Z factor 

As in, I will believe it when I Zee it. 

by StewCrew on Jan 29, 2010 10:15 AM PST 




What happens if Chavez returns, and is actually able to play, and the A’s have already acquired another third baseman like Beltre. If Barton hits, moving Chavez to first may not be an easy option. Do we DH Chavez? Maybe thats why Cust is gone…well other than the money aspect.

by Mississippi A's Fan on Jan 4, 2010 2:21 PM PST 


        Hm, also, I'm engaged to be married to Anne Hathaway and Zooey Bechamel 

        seriously, it’d be nice problem to have, but it’s so much not likely. 

        Still, buy a hat, you’re all invited to the nuptials 

        by bobnothing on Jan 4, 2010 2:35 PM PST 


                I'm still confused by this "Bechamel" business. 

                Is it because she reminds you of lasagne? 

                by iglew on Jan 4, 2010 3:20 PM PST 


                        It's because her legs look like cheese 

                        that’s why she wears opaque tights all the time! 

                        by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 4, 2010 5:18 PM PST 


                                Damn you for ruining my dream image!!!!! 

                                by UncleLeo on Jan 5, 2010 9:11 AM PST 



Recent history has shown

Chavez’ inability to remain on the roster come May.

Maybe he should beging the transformation to the other side of the diamond at this juncture.

by BleedGreen on Jan 15, 2010 6:34 PM PST 


        that's what I'm thinking 

        by OaklandSi on Jan 15, 2010 6:37 PM PST 


                By "the other side of the diamond" 

                do you mean "the earth beneath it"? 

                by PaulThomas on Jan 15, 2010 7:13 PM PST 



WTF you had chavez batting fourth just SIX MINUTES AGO

by xbhaskarx on Jan 15, 2010 8:12 PM PST 


        Chavez broke during those six minutes. 

        by WaddellCanseco on Jan 16, 2010 7:45 AM PST



Some of the projections do have him as a corner outfielder 

Not a whole lot would be expected of him. Also, Chavy is trying to get into the OF as well. 

by Zonis on Jan 30, 2010 3:08 PM PST 


        Is it wheelchair accessible? 

        by Nico on Jan 30, 2010 3:21 PM PST


***               ***                  ***                 ***               ***           ***             ***              ***


Unfortunately, it's not just Eric Chavez with health issues.  However, BlueMoon had a good report on Dallas Braden.


Dallas spotted at Stockton nightclub dancing his ass off 

Braden looked pretty healthy at The Brickhouse Nightclub in Stocton last week. My brother said Dallas had a hot babe on the dance floor and showed no limitations in executing several dance moves. Listed among those dance stylings he performed were: Cabage Patch, Sprinkler, Cupid Shuffle, Moon walk, Harlem Shuffle and some basic Popping. 

So, I’d say he’s probably OK for baseball. 

by BlueMoon on Jan 26, 2010 6:34 PM PST


***            ***               ***              ***             ***               ***              ***           ***           ***            ***


Bobby Crosby's finally gone, but his flailing spectre remains...


You had me at "The Crosby Effect"

by OptimistPrime on Jan 5, 2010 2:14 PM PST 


        was that the movie 

        where Bobby Crosby woke up in another country not knowing who he was,

        and later found out he was an assassin? 

        by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 5, 2010 2:46 PM PST 


                does he miss every time he shoots at somebody? 

                and then his father complains that his boss didn’t take care of him right? 

                by thewhizkid on Jan 5, 2010 3:34 PM PST 


                        his problem 

                        was that he was always trying to kill someone by shooting them in the shin. 

                        by scatterbrian on Jan 7, 2010 12:30 PM PST 



Correct me if I'm wrong

You’re saying that instead of aggressively promoting prospects out of Spring Training we should eat their children? I’m confused.

by DDroney on Jan 17, 2010 11:20 AM PST 



        by Nico on Jan 17, 2010 11:55 AM PST 


                What kind of BBQ sauce goes with that? 

                by Eastbayjim on Jan 17, 2010 6:20 PM PST 


                           Well, my boy Swift advises the mother to "let them suck plentifully in the last month, so as to

                           render them plump and fat for a good table. A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for

                           friends; and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and

                           seasoned with a little pepper or salt will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." 

                           by DDroney on Jan 17, 2010 8:09 PM PST 


                                "let them suck plentifully in the last month"? 

                                Crosby should be downright dee-licious! 

                                by Nico on Jan 17, 2010 8:35 PM PST 




needs to stick. That’s so fitting for him.

by A's Fan by Design on Jan 12, 2010 11:14 AM PST 


        Bobby "Finally Not On The Athletics" Crosby 

        is the one I’ll always treasure. 

        by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 12, 2010 11:44 AM PST 



Isn't stomper a 10/5 guy?

he has lots of family in the oakland zoo. I don’t think he wants to move.

by Future Ed on Jan 25, 2010 10:46 AM PST 


        Ed Stomper just called and he is pissed 

        and thinks Stomper should get more playing time 

        by OptimistPrime on Jan 25, 2010 1:13 PM PST


***             ***            ***              ***            ***             ***              ***             ***             *** 


With Grant Desme leaving the club to join the priesthood, there have been some days where AN has seemed more like the debate club at a seminary than a baseball blog...



God hates Oakland.

by carp on Jan 22, 2010 10:02 AM PST 





hope Desme realizes that the A’s need him more than God needs him.

by TBRMKane on Jan 22, 2010 11:16 AM PST 





Between Desme religious fervor and Braden’s nerve damaged foot, someone’s been working overtime on their Oakland A’s voodoo dolls!

by grover on Jan 22, 2010 10:22 AM PST 




Who names their kid Grant, anyway?

Did his parents have to apply for him?

by Nico on Jan 22, 2010 7:34 PM PST 




what the fuck...

this is a joke, right?

by xbhaskarx on Jan 22, 2010 10:30 AM PST 


        First thing I did was check to see if it was April... 

        by grover on Jan 22, 2010 10:31 AM PST 


                  I was gonna say 

                  I didn’t know foxsports started taking its cues from The Onion. 

                  ……like, really? 

                  by walk off bunt on Jan 22, 2010




Good lord!

I mean, Bad lord!

No, wait!

by The Dogfather on Jan 22, 2010 10:32 AM PST 




Them sirens did this to Grant

They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad.

by EddieVegas_NRAF on Jan 22, 2010 4:41 PM PST 


        Grant Desme 

        up and R-U-N-N-O-F-T 

        by ChickenStanley on Jan 22, 2010 5:33 PM PST



Moneyball has failed 

The A’s should have realized that atheists are the new undervalued commodity. 

by Nico on Jan 22, 2010 10:57 AM PST 




Should have given this guy a MILO

by DiNatale on Jan 22, 2010 6:38 PM PST 




I'm not going to re-post the entire "candy bar" subthread, but it sure made me crave an Aba-Zaba bar.




If Desme were a she

This discussion wouldn’t be happening because Grantelle Desme wouldn’t be playing minor league baseball.

by ElQuesoCapitan on Jan 22, 2010 12:55 PM PST 


        Or if "she" were playing minor league baseball, 

        We’d already have a series of Disney movies about it. 

        by kidlondon on Jan 22, 2010 12:56 PM PST 


                STARRING MILEY CYRUS 

                by ElQuesoCapitan on Jan 22, 2010 1:00 PM PST 


                          So I actually googled that name to see if it was a real girl's name.... 

                          by eastbayexpat on Jan 22, 2010 12:57 PM PST


                                   It isn't. 

                                   No one would actually name their daughter Miley. 

                                   by Nico on Jan 22, 2010 4:29 PM PST 



do we get 3 #1 compensation for losing a player to God?

Maybe we can stay healthier now that we have an insider with god.

by ryanmoser on Jan 22, 2010 12:57 PM PST 


         I wonder what people would think 

         if Desme had quit to get a sex change, instead. 

         by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 24, 2010 9:50 AM PST 


                   I'd say, "Can she play shortstop?" 

                   by Nico on Jan 24, 2010 10:48 AM PST 



Time to 'fess up BBG

You got him to do this so he could officiate at your wedding, right?

by Nick on Jan 22, 2010 1:50 PM PST 


        Of course...was it THAT obvious? 

        by baseballgirl on Jan 22, 2010 2:26 PM PST 



If crosby joined the priesthood I would completely understand

by MagicMike23 on Jan 22, 2010 1:31 PM PST 


        We would've taken up a collection. 

        by UncleLeo on Jan 22, 2010 1:34 PM PST 




by mikev on Jan 22, 2010 2:24 PM PST




In my head I am imagining what this thread would be like if he retired to become a clown.

by 67MARQUEZ on Jan 22, 2010 9:51 PM PST




Then again, a prospect doesn't have to join the priesthood to get us tiptoeing through the CGV tulips of religious thought...


Boy. Multiple personalities, and here I can't even manage ONE.

by Nico on Jan 1, 2010 11:42 AM PST 


        Only happens 

        when I’m sober. Thank God and Jack Daniels for medication. 

        by Ovale Fan on Jan 1, 2010 1:29 PM PST 


                I'm glad you mentioned the Almighty. 

                Mentioning God was cool too. 

                by Nico on Jan 1, 2010 2:21 PM PST 



Oh, jump on the Mormons now

by JediLeroy on Jan 22, 2010 3:14 PM PST 


        You sound JUST like one of my wives. 

        by Nico on Jan 22, 2010 4:33 PM PST 


                I'm confused... 

                did she like to facilitate and watch, 

                or were you just an Arrow shirt fetishist? 

                by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 23, 2010 1:18 PM PST 

*** Christ a free agent?

Can he play third?

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 10, 2010 12:54 PM PST 


        Why not? 

        He’s a carpenter, and right now all we have there are butchers. 

        by Nico on Jan 10, 2010 1:55 PM PST 



Dude, everyone knows Jesus Christ is a closer.

They never have to hit.

by iglew on Jan 2, 2010 3:34 PM PST 


        They're not supposed to get hammered, though 

        {leaves quickly} 

        by Nico on Jan 2, 2010 4:17 PM PST 



On a positive note, I’m starting to like the sound of this Hell place. Seems like a good spot for people who enjoy cool shit like fornicating and being prideful. I don’t think I’d want to spend eternity with Matt Holliday, at any rate.

by Aufheben on Jan 2, 2010 3:34 PM PST 


        Shall we share a room down South in a few decades? 

        The rent might be cheaper. 

        by Nico on Jan 2, 2010 4:20 PM PST 



strangely enough,

your friend Randy, the Padres fan, is a random Padres fan to me.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 16, 2010 8:46 PM PST 


        your random padre fan is my randy friend 

        by Future Ed on Jan 16, 2010 10:03 PM PST 


                Your randy friend is padre Randy Ready. 

                by DMOAS on Jan 17, 2010 2:39 AM PST 


                        Padre Reddy was randomly randy with you. 

                        I have pictures. Let’s call the pope and talk deal. 

                        by Leopold Bloom on Jan 17, 2010 6:32 AM PST 



I'm pretty sure you can get a camel

through the eye of a needle if you push and squeeze really hard.

by Nico on Jan 3, 2010 12:41 PM PST 


        Might help if the needle 

        is really *(&@% BIG! 

        by DMOAS on Jan 3, 2010 7:03 PM PST 


                no matter how big the needle 

                crosby would still miss the camel. 

                by eastcoasta'sfan on Jan 3, 2010 9:05 PM PST



 ...There will be a poll at the end of this post for y'all to vote for your favorite QOTM, but if I were less of a populist, I would just declare this last one about Grant Desme the winner and scrap the poll...  



Ideal career path for Father Desme 

Break into the majors with the Padres. 

Get traded to the Cardinals for his peak seasons. 

End his career as an Angel. 

by doctorK on Jan 22, 2010 11:06 AM PST  16 recs (that qualifies as a f**kload, right?)



...When it's all over, maybe the A's can celebrate the event with a promotion...


Grant Desme commemorative plastic chalice night 

by cuppingmaster on Jan 23, 2010 12:24 AM PST 


***            ***              ***              ***              ***            ***            ***             ***             ***


...What's the antithesis of being a priest?   Being a punk rocker, of course!


where's my safety pins and razor blades?

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 2, 2010 10:13 PM PST 


        for those accessories 

        i recommend egg whites. 

        by Future Ed on Jan 2, 2010 10:22 PM PST 



I would so hang out in a punk tranny bar.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 12, 2010 1:50 PM PST 


         "I would so hang out in a punk tranny bar" 

         doesn’t someone have to use this as their tag line? 

         by sirbed on Jan 12, 2010 7:11 PM PST 


                    Hmm...It WOULD match my business card... 

                    by Nico on Jan 12, 2010 7:20 PM PST 


***            ***             ***             ***            ***            ***            ***           ***           ***  

Apparently, the idea of "Gettin' the band back together" didn't die along with Jason Giambi.


This band starts now

"At the Drive-AN"

by Joey C. on Dec 31, 2009 1:19 PM PST




let's not forget dan johnson was blinded by suntan lotion

by xbhaskarx on Jan 22, 2010 10:53 AM PST 


        I see your Dan Johnson injury and raise you a Tim Hudson bar fight injury 

        by franks a lot on Jan 22, 2010 10:58 AM PST 


                Barton and the shallow end! 

                by the_rozeboom on Jan 22, 2010 11:16 AM PST 


                        Daric Barton and the Shallow Ends 

                        Let’s start a band. 

                        by franks a lot on Jan 22, 2010 11:24 AM PST 



Someone needs to start a band with that name 

booga booga scare tactics 

by baseballgirl on Jan 21, 2010 11:16 AM PST   with an assist from PaulThomas


***            ***             ***             ***            ***            ***          ***            ***            ***


This section is for the classic Martin/Lewis joke... a straight setup with a great zinger...


Matt Holliday

No personality, dumb jock, good riddance.

by Buck Turgidson on Jan 2, 2010 9:24 AM PST 


        This makes a lot of sense. 

        Assuming you were dating him. 

        by Nico on Jan 2, 2010 10:13 AM PST 




So I bought a Wii.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 3, 2010 11:17 PM PST 


        You know you can't open cans with it, right? 

        by Ice Cream on Jan 3, 2010 11:52 PM PST 



LB, please

get out of my head.

by cityplANner on Jan 3, 2010 1:37 AM PST 


        But, but I've bought linens. 

        by Leopold Bloom on Jan 3, 2010 2:39 AM PST 



Ron Dellums flashing a gang sign

is totally freaking me out.

by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 5, 2010 12:04 PM PST 


        what gang 

        arthritic riders? 

        by Future Ed on Jan 5, 2010 12:09 PM PST 



I'm on the PEZ list

by sirbed on Jan 6, 2010 1:35 PM PST 


        so that's why you can fit so much into your mouth... 

        hinged jaw! 

        by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 6, 2010 2:11 PM PST 




I’m not going to jump up and down celebrating about a player basically getting screwed over by circumstances.

by PaulThomas on Jan 7, 2010 7:31 PM PST 


        It's your own fault for not becoming his agent. 

        by WaddellCanseco on Jan 7, 2010 7:45 PM PST 



You can take the teacher out of the classroom, but you can’t take the red correction pen out of the teacher….

by gigglingone on Jan 8, 2010 1:44 PM PST 


        Well, you can 

        but then there’s usually hemorrhaging and screaming… 

        by grover on Jan 8, 2010 2:04 PM PST 



Michael Jordan is his own country now?

Do they have the Nike swoosh on the flag?

by sirbed on Jan 8, 2010 12:54 PM PST 



        And France has already surrendered to him. 

        by Joey C. on Jan 8, 2010 1:13 PM PST 



semi-automatic McPhavez

I think you need a license to carry one of those.

by cuppingmaster on Jan 10, 2010 5:28 PM PST 


        Nah, it breaks every time you try to fire it 

        by PaulThomas on Jan 10, 2010 6:28 PM PST 



So, you're saying that Billy Beane is a stalker?

by Nick on Jan 17, 2010 7:09 AM PST 


        We keep getting guys named Jack 

        It’s Jack & The Beane Stalk. 

        by Nico on Jan 17, 2010 10:09 AM PST 



That's funny that you distinguish between 20 and 21.

From my perspective anyone from about 16 to 28 is pretty much the same.

by iglew on Jan 22, 2010 7:25 PM PST 


        And that's why you're posting from prison 

        by JediLeroy on Jan 22, 2010 7:27 PM PST 



It is pretty widely acknowledged that up to 50% of unproven blanket assertions are completely true.

by Nick on Jan 22, 2010 5:01 PM PST 


        Yep. I read it on the Internet. 

        by iglew on Jan 22, 2010 8:03 PM PST 





by ElQuesoCapitan on Jan 16, 2010 7:56 PM PST 


        The A's castrated Hairston before sending him back to SD? 

        by PaulThomas on Jan 16, 2010 10:07 PM PST 




The Bandit – Rajai

Captain Clutch – Coco

by catfishunterSthompson on Jan 12, 2010 9:07 AM PST 


        Does anybody actually use either of those here? 

        And if so, can they please stop? 

        by thejd44 on Jan 12, 2010 9:18 AM PST



Duct tape and WD-40 

Ain’t nuthin can’t be fixed with them two things. 

by iglew on Jan 22, 2010 2:24 PM PST 


        Except Eric Chavez 

        by Cheezombie on Jan 22, 2010 2:28 PM PST 



Because the islands were a top source of high-quality wool. 

The wool is named for the place it comes from, and the sweaters were named after the wool. (Similar for "cardigan".) Our use of the word "jersey" came from the jersey sweater. In Australia, guernsey sweaters caught on instead, and Australians now say "guernsey" in most contexts where we would say "jersey". 

by iglew on Jan 26, 2010 9:11 PM PST 



           by GreenNGoldSooner on Jan 26, 2010 10:37 PM PST


Hurling fits that description, too 

I have no idea whether defense wins hurling championships.

by Nick on Jan 26, 2010 6:18 PM PST 


           last time i hurled 

           i didn’t need a stick 

           by eastcoasta'sfan on Jan 26, 2010 


Its usually the phobes' you have to wonder about, if you wonder about such things... 

Republican Senators for $400 anyone? 

by brian.only on Jan 25, 2010 3:14 PM PST  


             Maybe in 1896. 

             Nowadays, it costs a lot more than $400 to buy a Senator. 

             by iglew on Jan 25, 2010 7:14 PM PST 



So what's the point of Emeryville's existence then?

by iglew on Jan 27, 2010 11:54 PM PST 



          by Helloooo 1st on Jan 27, 2010 11:57 PM PST



I hate it when I run out of tea

by Athletic on Jan 14, 2010 8:05 AM PST 


          You get pretty Ahleic when you're out of t. 

          by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 14, 2010 1:30 PM PST 




there was a rule like that in a co-ed softball league i layed in

by Future Ed on Jan 20, 2010 5:30 PM PST 


          You omitted either a "p" or a "got". 

          by iglew on Jan 20, 2010 5:45 PM PST



If we put all the pitchers in a cage, will they stay healthy?

by thejd44 on Jan 12, 2010 11:04 AM PST 


         or will they eat each other one by one... 

         Good thing Cupcakes is gone, or he would have eaten Anderson. 

         by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 12, 2010 11:45 AM PST



Can I push for a ban on any nicknames involving the word 'Dog'?


by bobnothing on Jan 12, 2010 3:34 PM PST 



          I resent resemble that remark 

          by micdog2001 on Jan 12, 2010 4:16 PM PST


...Here are a couple  that would fit nicely into an old "Frasier" script...



Can I insult you for helping to resurrect

archaic plurals for no good reason?

I hope it’s not too late to nip this one in the bud. Using stadia to refer to sporting complexes is a modern affectation. Neither etymology nor tradition supports it, and it blurs a useful distinction between it and the unit of length.

by iglew on Jan 26, 2010 1:58 PM PST 


          you need a cat. 

          by Leopold Bloom on Jan 26, 2010 5:13 PM PST 



Close enough, I guess

I shall now commence trying to go cold turkey on any hole-in-the-lineup or power-in-the-lineup theories I may have become addicted to. As much as it feels like such outcomes have exponential rather than linear effects, it’s clear I’m just biased by wrenching emotional effects of watching Jason Kendall ground out to third over and over like a scene in Groundhog Day. It will be difficult, though, because I very much enjoy my theories, and the withdrawal will be painful.

by kenarneson on Jan 5, 2010 5:26 PM PST 


          To be fair, 

          Jason Kendall did mix in a fly out to shallow right every now and then, pretty much the high-end of

          entertainment expectancy for his at-bats.  Of course, my personal theory is that he only did that when

          there was not a GIDP situation. And I’m sticking to that one, regardless of all the researches someone

          might do, as watching sports is only fun when being definitely partial :) 

          by elcroata on Jan 6, 2010 2:03 AM PST 


***            ***           ***            ***          ***          ***          ***          ***          ***           ***



This section is for some of the snappier one-liners that didn't fit anywhere else.


I think I've driven over the Natchez bridge

but it didn’t make any sort of impact on me at the time. The only bridges I’ve been interested in are Jeff and Lloyd.

by sirbed on Jan 8, 2010 11:35 AM PST




My awesome acupuncturist moved to Sante Fe, NM :-( 

I also feel a bit guilty when I get acupuncture, because I worry that somewhere out there,

a doll is having really bad luck. 

by Nico on Jan 27, 2010 7:45 PM PST 




not to cannibalize our earlier discussion in French

But when it comes to the Cust signing, you could say that the more things change, the more they K the same…

by emperor nobody on Jan 7, 2010 8:11 PM PST




I just hope that Lasik centers don't start labeling their services as "Like It", "Love It" and "Gotta Have It".

by danmerqury on Jan 20, 2010 7:01 PM PST 




Saskatchewan!!! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha !!!!!

Can you imagine if that was a real place?


by Nico on Jan 10, 2010 6:07 PM PST 




If the Abbott and Costello team got Hu

they could platoon him, and then "I Don’t Know / Hu" would play third base.

by iglew on Jan 11, 2010 4:58 PM PST




My grandmother used to call bad drivers "Turkey Twits"

but only after she gave up "m**h*rf**k*r"

by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 8, 2010 1:08 PM PST 




OK, so an "anti" is like a bet

and "trust" means some kind of a will, so I’m pretty sure (antitrust) has to do with not having to bet on someone’s will — but I’m only like 93% sure on that so pleeeeeze take all this with a grain of sand!


by Nico on Jan 14, 2010 5:11 PM PST




$10 million for a very poor hitter

Sheets batting average .076

by BlueMoon on Jan 26, 2010 10:42 AM PST




I want to live in a cave and eat things I gathered with my own twelve fingers.

by baseline_replacement_commenter on Jan 16, 2010 4:40 AM PST




I heart Atlanta...

It’s a lot like Sacramento, except bigger and more fun…

except General Sherman is a historic hero in Sacramento, because he laid out our initial city grid.

Whereas in Atlanta, he’s a zero, because he LAID OUT their initial city grid…

by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 28, 2010 11:53 AM PST




Funny story.

So, every year after Christmas, my mom takes the ham bone that’s left and makes Split Pea Soup with it.

I hate it. Not important. What is important is the weekend after, we were gonna head over there and have leftovers, and there was Split Pea Soup.

Little MikeV #1 (yes, I’ve spawned. Twice. Be Afraid.) was wondering why we were going over to Grandmas house, so I told him that there was still some ham and deviled eggs, and she had made Pea Soup.

The look on his face was fucking fantastic. He asked me in the most innocent six year old voice I’ve ever heard before:

"Is it really made with pee?"

It took me about 5 minutes to compose myself and explain to him what it was.

by mikev on Jan 10, 2010 10:45 PM PST


***            ***              ***           ***             ***           ***            ***         ***          ***          ***   


This section, of course, is for "antimetaboles," those lovably huggable little creatures you see 

on those creepy cartoon shows your brother's kids watch.


You may be waiting for buds of pitchers

but I’m waiting for a pitcher of Bud.

by mikev on Jan 5, 2010 1:46 PM PST 


         Antimetabole of the month! 

         by iglew on Jan 5, 2010 1:59 PM PST  


                  And it is the Month of Antimetaboles! 

                  by OptimistPrime on Jan 5, 2010 2:25 PM PST 


                             Christ, what an antimetabole 

                             by monkeyball on Jan 6, 2010 1:53 PM PST 


                                       Antimetabole, what a Christ. 

                                       by iglew on Jan 6, 2010 3:18 PM PST 



                                                by monkeyball on Jan 6, 2010 4:43 PM PST 


***          ***          ***           ***           ***           ***          ***            ***           ***            ***


Wow!  to unwind after laughing so hard, I often like to have a snack.  Apparently, so do many of you fine folks...



by mikev on Jan 3, 2010 5:32 PM PST




"That's NOT mayonnaise...

… but whatever it is, you don’t want any."

by iglew on Jan 5, 2010 11:27 PM PST 




Bacon is not something that needs to be talked about

It exists. And it is good.


by PaulThomas on Jan 22, 2010 9:32 PM PST




If I oppose bacon as part of the fetishization of meat that helps to oppress the working poor

will I be flagged? I won’t bring it up, if that’s the case

by bobnothing on Jan 23, 2010 1:26 AM PST




I'm a fan of the Fool's Gold Sandwich

Grilled PB&J and Bacon. Another one of Elvis’ favorites.

by cuppingmaster on Jan 22, 2010 9:54 PM PST 





This late at night I’m getting hungry

by LibrariAN on Jan 22, 2010 10:07 PM PST 




tonight someone ordered bacon wrapped shrimp. Got rave reviews. 

by ZigFan31 on Jan 22, 2010 11:38 PM PST 


         Leviticus double-whammy! 

         unclean! unclean! 

         by iglew on Jan 22, 2010 11:42 PM PST



sour cream waffles 

with maple syrup marinated chicken with a gravy made from the leavings in the pan. Applesauce on the side 

by cityplANner on Jan 22, 2010 11:23 PM PST




I'm an incredibly picky eater : /

In fact, it’s to the point where it’s almost impossible for me to enjoy a meal unless I’ve chosen what’s in it myself.

by PaulThomas on Jan 3, 2010 9:41 PM PST




I love simple bland stuff, including potatoes. Put a plain potato in the microwave, with nothing on it. When it’s baked, hand it to me and I’ll eat it. That’s pretty much all it takes to cook for iglew.

by iglew on Jan 4, 2010 2:50 PM PST 


           this is far more disturbing than you not liking the beatles 

           by xbhaskarx on Jan 6, 2010 12:37 AM PST



Spam sushi 

Believe it 

by doctorK on Jan 23, 2010 12:37 AM PST 




clarifying again

There are free hot dogs…..but I’m really not sure I’d say that’s a plus. Not the most appetizing items around.

by slusser on Jan 27, 2010 6:08 PM PST 


           Whaddya talking about!!!!  

           the friggin Collossal dog is just about the best darned hot dog I ever ate!!!  

           You got some nerve, "slusser", coming in here dissing hot dogs at the A’s games.  

           If they are the $2 dogs that are free then, yes, I see your point. 


           by BleedGreen on Jan 27, 2010 6:45 PM PST 


                       they're not the good kind 

                       actually, I don’t eat meat anymore, so I don’t really know, but I see ’em….and I smell ’em. (shudder.) 

                       by slusser on Jan 27, 2010 6:50 PM PST


                       also, that was a funny response you had 

                       now that I look at it. 


                       OK, at this point, I’m procrastinating. Darn you, AN, for providing me with an excuse not to work.

                       (Hockey, not baseball, sorry.) 

                       by slusser on Jan 27, 2010 6:55 PM PST 


                                    Welcome to the dark side. 

                                    by lynnzgal on Jan 27, 2010 6:57 PM PST


***             ***              ***            ***              ***             ***              ***            ***           ***          ***

Then again, when it's all said and done and put to bed, maybe this QOTM business is all a bunch of hooey anyway...


"Showing emotion" is one thing

His (K-Rod's) grotesque mockery of sportsmanship is something else entirely.

I agree that it’s not in the same category as beating your wife, but it’s an entirely unpleasant character trait.

by PaulThomas on Jan 14, 2010 3:32 PM PST  


          I'll take "everything in this post" for $500 Alex... 

          What is "things I agree with"? 

          by PL78 on Jan 14, 2010 4:17 PM PST 



                  by designatedforassignment on Jan 14, 2010 8:15 PM PST 



                          also agree with PT’s comment, but that jeopardy thing was funny? i guess that’s why leno still has a

                          job. what else worthy of a QOTM nomination, people copying those mastercard "priceless"


                          by xbhaskarx on Jan 14, 2010 11:34 PM PST



...Then again, QOTM is serious business for some people...


so do I get a QOTM, TWSS edition? :-)

by micdog2001 on Jan 22, 2010 3:29 PM PST 


          QOTM! (just for you :-)) 

          by baseballgirl on Jan 22, 2010 3:43 PM PST 


                      There is no such thing as QOTM, TWSS edition. 

                      And there hasn’t been since the mid 1990s. 

                      by iglew on Jan 22, 2010 8:15 PM PST



...Well, Iglew, because YOU said it wouldn't happen ASKED FOR IT, for the first time since 1993, here's January's QOTM: TWSS Edition!     Each and every single one of the following comments was replied to with a "TWSS" or at least something resembling a "TWSS."



Well, Michael Taylor has certain qualities that Matt Holliday lacks.

If you know what I mean, and I think you do.

by Nico on Jan 2, 2010 1:26 PM PST




mmf! mmf mmmff mmmmfff!!!!!!

by mikev on Jan 7, 2010 2:22 PM PST




There wasn't really any excuse for EVER batting Cabrera 1st or 2nd

On the other hand, most of the rest of MLB has no idea how to use the #2 slot either, so whatever.

by PaulThomas on Jan 10, 2010 2:52 PM PST




That's a very good point.

You have to be all in to go all the way.

by baseballgirl on Jan 22, 2010 1:22 PM PST




Yea, seriously.

I’d suck twice as hard for half as much money. Sign me, if someone has to suck.

by LoneStranger on Jan 21, 2010 3:53 PM PST




touch it 

by baseballgirl on Jan 22, 2010 11:35 PM PST




Down boy. 

by ZigFan31 on Jan 26, 2010 3:46 PM PST 




It's kind of hard without clothes.

by 67MARQUEZ on Jan 28, 2010 2:51 PM PST




Oh good, i knew I had my pants around my ankles for a reason

by wallywagon11 on Jan 26, 2010 3:37 PM PST




that looks like a one armed ghost 

by Athletics fan and runner on Jan 26, 2010 6:55 PM PST 




and have Canseco put it in your butt

by OptimistPrime on Jan 11, 2010 2:57 PM PST 




I learned how to drive stick in a Geo.

by oblique on Jan 12, 2010 4:50 PM PST





A couple of toes. Not a foot. 

by nobodyinparticular on Jan 26, 2010 6:33 PM PST


***            ***           ***           ***          ***          ***          ***         ***         ***         *** 


Well, AN'ers, that's all for January's QOTM.   I'll end it with a chain of out-of-context, self-serving quotes.



If you dont rec this I hate you and find you stupid. 

by PL78 on Jan 5, 2010 4:44 PM PST 


       internet fist bump to you sir 

       by micdog2001 on Jan 7, 2010 11:15 AM PST


                QOTM whole line 

                by baseballgirl on Jan 22, 2010 1:26 PM PST 


                           There's a shitload of them here. 

                           Which makes me wonder if this thread was invented for that purpose. 

                           by 67MARQUEZ on Jan 22, 2010 2:06 PM PST 


                                    this whole thread is pretty hilarious 

                                    by baseballgirl on Jan 22, 2010 3:57 PM PST 


                                          I think it’s closer to 50/50 to which is acceptable. But in American society you are correct. 

                                          by micdog2001 on Jan 22, 2010 12:15 PM PST


                                         + leather assless chaps 

                                         well played, sir 

                                         by cityplANner on Jan 22, 2010 5:45 PM PST 


                                                  the only thing I'm responsible for is 

                                                  burning this sign shop to the ground. 

                                                  You fuckers are my alibi. Any of you squeal, I shank you. 

                                                  by Leopold Bloom on Jan 22, 2010 9:50 PM PST 


                                                             Let's burn down AN!! 

                                                             I’ve got the gasoline! 

                                                             by cityplANner on Jan 22, 2010 9:40 PM PST 


                                                                    I'll bet LB does, too! 

                                                                    by lynnzgal on Jan 22, 2010 9:44 PM PST 


                                                                    Did you know you can make homemade napalm 

                                                                    with frozen concentrate orange juice and gasoline? 

                                                                    by Leopold Bloom on Jan 23, 2010 12:28 AM PST 


                                    I was very initially really excited about this fanpost, 

                                    but once I realized it didn’t involve syphilis, I lost interest. 

                                    by Nico on Jan 24, 2010 6:46 PM PST 


                                            This was another episode of America's most beloved soap opera, AN 

                                            brought to you by "Giambi,"

                                            the only soap that makes you feel dirtier than you were before you started bathing… 

                                            by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 5, 2010 12:08 PM PST 


                                                      FATHER DESME IS DISPLEASED WITH YOUR NONSENSE. 

                                                      by mikev on Jan 26, 2010 10:02 AM PST


Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Athletics Nation

You must be a member of Athletics Nation to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Athletics Nation. You should read them.

Join Athletics Nation

You must be a member of Athletics Nation to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Athletics Nation. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.