Hello, and welcome to Gaijin_Suketto's Astrological Love Lounge.  I'll be your host tonight, as we watch LIVE NUDE QOTM's strut their stuff on the stage for your ribald amusement

This month's edition of QOTM: After Dark has no NSFW photography (you gotta pay extra for that!)  However, some of the content may be NSFW, if aggressive surveillance or nosy hall monitors are watching you.

(Mind you, my friends, that this is just the "blue" portion of a double dose of QOTM today.  The main QOTM post will be up later today.)

I know for a fact that Father Desme DOES NOT APPROVE of these shenanigans.  We'll begin after the jump.

 

We are all gathered here at 11:11 pm PT posting on a NON BASEBALL THREAD 

what does that say about us? 

by baseballgirl on Jan 22, 2010 11:11 PM PST 

 

        our dates never showed up? 

        by OakA'sHoney on Jan 22, 2010 11:15 PM PST 

 

                AN after dark, where your male admirers never let you down. 

                by iglew on Jan 22, 2010 11:28 PM PST 

***

If horseplay is bad, Nico is totally going to hell.

by mikev on Jan 22, 2010 1:22 PM PST

 

        Does he play with horses?

        by ElQuesoCapitan on Jan 22, 2010 1:23 PM PST

 

                Horses, goats, whatever.

                by mikev on Jan 22, 2010 1:25 PM PST

 

                        DEAD MEME

                        five yard penalty… repeat third down…

                        by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 22, 2010 1:29 PM PST

 

                                You call it what you want. 

                                Nico’s love was pure. 

                                He was just helping it over the fence. Repeatedly.

                                by mikev on Jan 22, 2010 1:33 PM PST

***

 

Suppose that John Wayne Bobbit would be stumped?

by LowcountryJoe on Jan 1, 2010 6:07 PM PST

 

        Meet me the side of the road and I'll give you a tip.

        by Nico on Jan 1, 2010 6:37 PM PST 

 

                I'm attached to my current view and need another clue

                Can we patch the sinew with some glue?

                by LowcountryJoe on Jan 1, 2010 7:02 PM PST

 

                           Would it be wrong to ask that you tell me in a song?

                           Tell me how Lorena cut John to the quick: can you perform this with a guitar lick?

                           Speaking of licks, what kind of musician would John make with a pair of (unmodiified) sticks?

                           by LowcountryJoe on Jan 1, 2010 7:12 PM PST

***

 

But it seems like the team will need to make another "consolidation" trade or two in the next 10 months, like they did with Holliday and Hairston.

by notsellingjeans on Jan 9, 2010 8:41 PM PST

 

        I would guess that everyone from Carignan on down gets exposed

        It doesn’t mean they’ll get taken. 

        by Nico on Jan 9, 2010 9:41 PM PST 

 

                They may go to jail though 

                depending on who is around when the exposure takes place 

                by mikev on Jan 9, 2010 9:51 PM PST 

***

 

in an alternate universe

Leopold Bloom is a bold astronaut, gently setting his lander down on unexplored new worlds, and never crashing into them.

by colin on Jan 1, 2010 10:22 AM PST 

 

        Instead, he's a bold asstronaut, gently setting his 'lander' down on unexplored new 'worlds,'

        and never 'crashing into them.' 

        by LoneStranger on Jan 1, 2010 1:04 PM PST  

 

                that's like my favoritist thing evah. 

                by Leopold Bloom on Jan 1, 2010 2:03 PM PST 

***

 

I'd still love Callaspo. Maybe the talks rekindle.

by Nico on Jan 9, 2010 9:39 PM PST  

 

        Does he still beat his wife? 

        by WaddellCanseco on Jan 9, 2010 10:20 PM PST 

 

                Depends on if she's done the dishes 

                by mikev on Jan 9, 2010 10:30 PM PST   7 recs 

 

                        what kind of person would rec this? 

                        by stormtown on Jan 10, 2010 11:17 AM PST 

 

                                Callaspo 

                                by Joey C. on Jan 10, 2010 2:20 PM PST 

 

                               one that doesn't have to be told twice. 

                               by mikev on Jan 10, 2010 5:02 PM PST 6 recs 

***

 

I've slept with women I've had no business sleeping with

because I made them laugh. And trust me when I say I give off no aura of money. Or class. Or good hygiene, really.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 2, 2010 10:03 PM PST 

 

        It's also worth noting that 

        the "you sleeping with them" and the "making them laugh" often occurred at the same time. 

        by Nico on Jan 2, 2010 10:37 PM PST 

 

                well, usually one before the other. 

                Usually. 

                by Leopold Bloom on Jan 2, 2010 10:52 PM PST 

 

                        but them laughing during is almost always a positive thing, too. 

                        by Leopold Bloom on Jan 2, 2010 10:53 PM PST 

 

                                ^ this is true ^ 

                                by iglew on Jan 2, 2010 10:54 PM PST 

***

 

Yea, I'd hate to see Gio go.

What would we do with our Rally Gilmore Girls?

by LoneStranger on Jan 15, 2010 4:16 PM PST  

 

        (now stepping up to the plate, evil G_S) 

        you can stick ‘em where the sun don’t shine! 

        (slaps Iglew a low-five) 

        by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 16, 2010 4:17 AM PST  

 

                I'd sure stick them. 

                by LoneStranger on Jan 16, 2010 10:20 AM PST 

 

                       You can have the kid. 

                       Me and LB are going to share the grown-up. 

                       by iglew on Jan 16, 2010 8:48 PM PST 

***

 

Noboby ever gets excited about Anderson vs. Fister 

This makes me sad. 

{snerk} Fister. 

by Nico on Jan 30, 2010 8:13 AM PST 

 

        Fister?  

        I hardly knew her. 

        by SBravo53 on Jan 30, 2010 8:54 AM PST  

 

                  eeuw... 

                  by OaklandSi on Jan 30, 2010 9:29 AM PST  

 

                            hahaha nice that made me smile 

                            by MJ5 on Jan 30, 2010 12:19 PM PST  

 

                                       I hope you mean the pun.  

                                       by Nico on Jan 30, 2010 5:34 PM PST 

 

                                                 Question for those of you who find this LOL- and QOTM-worthy: 

                                                 Is fisting actually sufficiently part of your sexual conceptual world that this has any

                                                 direct meaning to you?  

 

                                                 Heaven knows I’m a smutty-minded old pervert and I’ve probably made more dirty jokes

                                                 on AN than anyone, but when I do it’s always about something I can relate to, because I

                                                 do it, I’ve done it, or I would like to do it. But fisting, to me, is just some weird thing out

                                                 there in porn-land that has no real meaning for me. I mean, sure, I’ve heard of it and I

                                                 know what it is, but it’s not something that makes me smile lasciviously. 

                                                 by iglew on Jan 30, 2010 7:15 PM PST  

 

                                                           As one of the resident freaks, I will attempt to explain 

                                                           One of my past girlfriends (yes she was a crustpunk) had a "five car garage",

                                                           though she was technically homeless.  

 

                                                           And yes, it was sort of like stuffing a turkey…  

                                                           by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 31, 2010 3:15 AM PST 

***

 

You know what's good?

Heroin. That’s what’s good.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 23, 2010 12:38 AM PST  

 

        You need some sleep. Or a vagina. 

        by ZigFan31 on Jan 23, 2010 12:39 AM PST 

 

                   Both, but not in that order. 

                   by iglew on Jan 23, 2010 12:43 AM PST 

 

                               So what you're saying is 

                               LB needs to have that sex change in order to be truly happy. 

                               by DMOAS on Jan 23, 2010 12:53 AM PST 

 

                                        and to enjoy my heroin. 

                                        Don’t forget my heroin 

                                        Seriously. Don’t forget it.   

                                        by Leopold Bloom on Jan 23, 2010 10:36 AM PST 

***

 

Meet a bear and take him out to lunch with you

And even though your friends may stop and stare
Just remember that’s a bear there in the bunch with you
And they just don’t come no better than a bear

by Elvez on Jan 7, 2010 4:45 PM PST  

 

        Do I have this tattooed on the back of my neck? 

        by Leopold Bloom on Jan 8, 2010 12:05 AM PST 

 

               no way to know 

               too much hair  

               by colin on Jan 8, 2010 2:19 PM PST 

***

 

Freddy Fender just came on the ipod.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 16, 2010 9:04 PM PST 

 

         That sounds like it'll be fun to clean up 

         by Flashfire on Jan 17, 2010 11:02 AM PST  

***

 

So now scoring runs is all tantric?

by LoneStranger on Jan 18, 2010 9:14 PM PST  

 

          yes if the a's need to practice tantric yoga to win games 

          gosh plus they would be sexier to look at.  

          by chazbfree on Jan 22, 2010 12:21 AM PST 

***

 

I've never tried scoring in the Coliseum, but I'm sure there are some

nooks and crannys with enough room to maneuver.

by LoneStranger on Jan 20, 2010 9:04 AM PST  

 

        I would consider sneaking under the third deck tarp... 

        by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 20, 2010 12:14 PM PST 

***

 

I have way too many drugs, and not enough free time. Please help me.

by 67MARQUEZ on Jan 13, 2010 7:19 AM PST  

 

          Yeah, I'm gonna need those back.  

          by 67MARQUEZ on Jan 13, 2010 7:19 AM PST 

 

                    good and evil don.  

                    by Leopold Bloom on Jan 13, 2010 9:49 AM PST  

 

                              but which one is which?  

                              by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 14, 2010 1:38 PM PST

 

                                        you won't know until he's already got the ball gag out. 

                                        by Leopold Bloom on Jan 14, 2010 2:34 PM PST 

***

 

Preview is your friend :) 

by DMOAS on Jan 1, 2010 11:37 AM PST  

 

           No, it's not.  

           That bitch stood me up.  

           by Leopold Bloom on Jan 1, 2010 2:02 PM PST  

 

                    iglew's friend not yours.  

                    Dude, she told me what you did to her and you really should be ashamed of yourself.

                    I mean, really? What did you think was going to happen?   

                    by DMOAS on Jan 1, 2010 5:15 PM PST  

 

                               I thought she'd clean up and call me 

                               and admit that was the hottest thing she ever did.  

                               I certainly didn’t expect the restraining order. Maybe a dry-cleaning bill, at worst.  

                               by Leopold Bloom on Jan 1, 2010 6:56 PM PST 

***

 

did you know that flamethrowers are not illegal to own in the US?

at least according to cracked.com, hhmm, maybe I shouldn’t have cited that source?

by micdog2001 on Jan 22, 2010 3:26 PM PST  

 

          I use mine to dry my clothes 

          by sirbed on Jan 22, 2010 5:25 PM PST  

 

                    Yeah, it takes a lot to get rid of the smell of urine, doesn't it 

                    by bobnothing on Jan 22, 2010 5:40 PM PST

***

 

emperor nobody 

do you like movies about gladiators? 

by OptimistPrime on Jan 22, 2010 8:05 AM PST  

 

         have you ever been in a Turkish prison, OP? 

         by emperor nobody on Jan 22, 2010 4:18 PM PST 

***

 

f*ck damon

by OptimistPrime on Jan 26, 2010 11:24 AM PST  

 

          Only because I need the money 

          by Joey C. on Jan 26, 2010 1:31 PM PST 

 

                    no kissing, though 

                    that’s extra   

                    by bobnothing on Jan 26, 2010 1:41 PM PST  

 

                             Wish I'd thought of that...  

                             by Joey C. on Jan 26, 2010 1:42 PM PST 

***

 

I find that title (Gadget Love Affair) completely misleading.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 15, 2010 9:56 AM PST  

 

          What part?  

          by cuppingmaster on Jan 15, 2010 10:09 AM PST  

 

                     If he's anything like me, he thought you were in love with Inspector Gadget.  

                     by oblique on Jan 15, 2010 10:10 AM PST

***

 

Macedonians have a saying

"It’s not the pretty ones that get laid. It’s the persistent ones"

by elcroata on Jan 4, 2010 2:52 AM PST  

 

          How'd that work out for Alexander the Great?  

          by PaulThomas on Jan 4, 2010 11:47 AM PST  

 

                     better to burn out than fade away   

                     by Future Ed on Jan 4, 2010 12:23 PM PST

***

 

I hate it when I post

by doctorK on Jan 22, 2010 10:11 PM PST  

 

           Prematurely 

           To combat it, I think about whether or not Cust is good or bad for the A’s.  

           by doctorK on Jan 22, 2010 10:12 PM PST 

 

                    I think about dirty bums rolling around in their own filth.  

                    by Leopold Bloom on Jan 22, 2010 10:13 PM PST

***

 

Posters are trying the reverse jinx.  

It’s a tried and true tactic.  

by WaddellCanseco on Jan 30, 2010 12:50 PM PST  

 

           I don't ever want to have sex again.   

           Someone is knocking on my door?  

           by Thefirstletterofthealphabet on Jan 30, 2010 12:58 PM PST   

 

                     FATHER DESME IS DISPLEASED BY YOUR REVERSE JINXING.  

                     by iglew on Jan 30, 2010 2:46 PM PST  

 

                     It was just a boyscout.  

                     by Thefirstletterofthealphabet on Jan 30, 2010 3:10 PM PST  

 

                             Please tell me you didn't have sex. 

                             by Nico on Jan 30, 2010 5:37 PM PST 

***

 

The game itself

Is why I’m a fan. I’ve loved baseball since I was barely more than a toddler.

by OaklandSi on Jan 2, 2010 4:35 AM PST  

 

          When I was a toddler I was more into smushed bananas  

          by sirbed on Jan 2, 2010 4:30 PM PST  

 

                   I was into chicks.  

                   Hot ones, too.  

                   And they were into me.  

                   by Leopold Bloom on Jan 2, 2010 5:42 PM PST  

 

                           You peaked early I take it  

                           by sirbed on Jan 2, 2010 9:11 PM PST  

 

                                      much, much too early.  

                                      by Leopold Bloom on Jan 2, 2010 9:20 PM PST 

***

 

When you do have sex, Raj,  

for God’s sake, don’t go home and tell your mother about it. 

If you can’t bring yourself to lie, at least dodge the question.  

by iglew on Jan 30, 2010 11:13 PM PST

 

***

 

 

Of course I am still trying to figure out how much a shitload is.

by 67MARQUEZ on Jan 22, 2010 2:06 PM PST 

 

        approximately 6  

        by mikev on Jan 22, 2010 2:07 PM PST  

 

                however many your ass can handle 

                by ElQuesoCapitan on Jan 22, 2010 2:07 PM PST 

 

                         Or can't handle...  

                         by elhefe on Jan 23, 2010 5:24 PM PST  

 

                         Less than a fuckload, but more than a buttload  

                         by bobnothing on Jan 22, 2010 2:07 PM PST  

 

                                I think someone needs to make us a chart for this.  

                                A nice little graphic illustrating the relative sizes of fuckload, shitload, and buttload.

                                Surely that would go platinum in no time.  

                                by iglew on Jan 22, 2010 2:09 PM PST  

 

                                          Pie, line, or bar?  

                                          by ElQuesoCapitan on Jan 22, 2010 2:12 PM PST  

 

                                                  Pie doesn't really work for this.  

                                                  I was thinking bar.  

 

                                                  by iglew on Jan 22, 2010 2:12 PM PST  

 

                                                            oh okay   

                                                    

 

                                                     by ElQuesoCapitan on Jan 22, 2010 2:22 PM PST                                   

                                                            I'm still confused.  

 

                                                            Wouldn’t a shitload necessarily be less than a buttload?

                                                            Unless buttload doesn’t include colonload and largeintestineload.

                                                            I’m gonna stop now.

                                                            by danmerqury on Jan 22, 2010 2:57 PM PST  

 

                                                                    Which is better for your OPS?  

                                                                    by EddieVegas_NRAF on Jan 22, 2010 4:38 PM PST  

 

                                                                              depends on how much fiber you've had  

                                                                              by cityplANner on Jan 22, 2010 4:39 PM PST

***

 

Not only a nice contract, but

Byrnesie is a shoo-in for a TV job after retirement.

by iglew on Jan 15, 2010 10:11 PM PST  

 

        He'll be the second coming of Rex Hudler.  

        Oh no… oh no!!!!  

        by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 16, 2010 3:37 AM PST  

 

                more like 

                a thin John Kruk

                by oakballnack on Jan 16, 2010 6:04 AM PST 

 

                        with an extra testicle! 

                        by GreenNGoldSooner on Jan 16, 2010 9:25 AM PST  

 

                                Is the second one really "extra"?  

                                by Nico on Jan 16, 2010 3:48 PM PST  

***

 

It's been a while since I've read the bible, but

I don’t think Angels have taints. That just seems wrong.

by DDroney on Jan 16, 2010 8:33 PM PST  

 

       They used to, 

        but Lackey signed with the Red Sox  

        by Player To Be Named Later on Jan 17, 2010

***

 

At first I thought it said Crosby and I was afraid to read further.

by WaddellCanseco on Jan 16, 2010 8:14 PM PST  

 

        I thought they were talking about a Cosby Sweater,  

        and I was a little bit disgusted because I don’t much like Froot Loops.  

        by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 16, 2010 8:38 PM PST  

***

 

God hates shrimp!

by ElQuesoCapitan on Jan 22, 2010 5:32 PM PST  

 

        SOTM (site of the month)  

        by PaulThomas on Jan 22, 2010 9:27 PM PST  

 

                I didn't know you were into SOTM-y  

                by mikev on Jan 23, 2010 8:47 AM PST

***

 

love this signing.

and just because i don’t want to post anything to the chron, ain’t (insult redacted) ratto a total joke? did you see his column? (insult redacted)

what is the deal with that hack?

what a bedwetter.

by greendatitiz on Jan 27, 2010 1:42 PM PST  

 

        So you're saying he's pissing all over Sheets?  

        by iglew on Jan 27, 2010 3:19 PM PST  

 

                I Pee What You Did There  

                by Nico on Jan 27, 2010 5:20 PM PST

***

 

huh? 

And while Taylor’s got six inches on the six-foot Carter, both have extensively proved their gift with a bat.

i thin jane lee has the wrong chris carter.

by xbhaskarx on Jan 28, 2010 11:52 AM PST  

 

        She must...  

        Chris Carter is 6’ 5"  

        by HunterBlueStew on Jan 28, 2010 12:03 PM PST  

 

                   Maybe she didn't mean height?   

                   by Danny on Jan 28, 2010 12:14 PM PST 

***

 

Wait a minute.

Nico and G_S get compared to Mark Twain and I get thrown in with bestiality, sexual perversion and molestation. Gee, thanks.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 27, 2010 7:42 PM PST  

 

        I said it in admiration Leo!  

        Mark Twain is farm more boring then bestiality, sexual perversion and molestation.  

        by Ovale Fan on Jan 27, 2010 7:44 PM PST  

 

                "farm"?  

                by Nico on Jan 27, 2010 8:02 PM PST 

***

 

there's something inherently

evil about Jewish people’s love for bacon/ham and their religion denying it.

I smell a thesis.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 22, 2010 10:52 PM PST  

 

        I smell a scene from a Woody Allen movie  

        by doctorK on Jan 22, 2010 10:53 PM PST  

 

                I smell dreadfully inappropriate behavior with an adopted daughter.  

                by Leopold Bloom on Jan 22, 2010 10:54 PM PST

***

 

My grandmother first learned about homosexuality through game shows.

In the 70’s, she was naive enough to believe that Paul Lynde and Charles Nelson Reilly went home to their wives every night.

In 2004, before she died, she was almost an Elder Fag-Hag with all her old gay friends…

by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 24, 2010 10:54 AM PST  

 

        Is that what killed her?  

        by Nico on Jan 24, 2010 12:11 PM PST  

 

                no, that was 45 years of smoking.  

                She was an A’s fan, though. 

                by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 24, 2010 1:06 PM PST   

 

                        Ah, now I get it  

                        Being an A’s fan killed her.  

                        by Nico on Jan 24, 2010 1:11 PM PST  

 

                                the 90's were pretty tough  

                                by colin on Jan 24, 2010 8:01 PM PST  

 

                                        fucking John Jaha.  

                                        by Leopold Bloom on Jan 24, 2010 8:17 PM PST  

 

                                                Is this part of your "bucket list"? 

                                                by Nico on Jan 24, 2010 8:27 PM PST

***

 

i wanted to see blue people so bad

i blue myself

by Future Ed on Jan 28, 2010 10:56 PM PST  

 

        good thing you've got a rubber spine!  

        by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 29, 2010 1:42 PM PST

***

 

Damn

I hate it when people pass out drunk without their pants on.

by Rated-R Superstar on Jan 22, 2010 9:42 PM PST  

 

        And yet I rather enjoy it.  

        by 67MARQUEZ on Jan 22, 2010 9:44 PM PST

***

 

well, screw work then...;-)

by OaklandSi on Jan 24, 2010 9:15 AM PST  

 

        That's always a good choice!!  

        by Berry Jo on Jan 24, 2010 10:24 AM PST  

 

               {And if you happen to be a prostitute you don't even have to choose!}  

               by Nico on Jan 24, 2010 10:51 AM PST 

***

 

What is cyber-chlamydia?  

by iglew on Jan 23, 2010 12:29 AM PST  

 

        something you get from a dirty keyboard??  

        by Deborah51 on Jan 23, 2010 12:32 AM PST 

***

 

I'm not positive,

but I think I just got voted Miss Congeniality of AN.

by Leopold Bloom on Jan 27, 2010 7:57 PM PST 

 

        no, we just all wanna bang you.  

        by mikev on Jan 27, 2010 7:58 PM PST  

 

                ew. sicko.  

                (call me.)  

                by Leopold Bloom on Jan 27, 2010 8:01 PM PST 

 

                        (ring ring.) 

                        by mikev on Jan 27, 2010 8:06 PM PST 

***

 

I love my iPod Touch

That’s about the only thing Apple makes that I have.

by Flashfire on Jan 28, 2010 11:00 AM PST  

 

        Do you iPod Touch yourself?  

        by kaweahkaweah on Jan 28, 2010 12:30 PM PST  

 

                When i think about it iTouch myself  

                by Flashfire on Jan 28, 2010 12:40 PM PST 

***

 

This is kinda cool.

I love AN.

by travdog6 on Jan 2, 2010 9:49 PM PST  

 

        It loves you.  

        Only, you said you’d take the garbage out and you didn’t, so it’s giving you the silent treatment.  

        by Leopold Bloom on Jan 2, 2010 10:05 PM PST 

 

                Which means awesome makeup sex later.  

                by travdog6 on Jan 2, 2010 10:07 PM PST

***

 

I bet if Freddie Mercury could do his own clones, he totally would have...

and with clones hanging around the studio, just think of how easy it would have been to record all those vocal parts! 

Screw multitracking… it’s the Freddie Mercury Clone Choir!

by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 12, 2010 1:28 AM PST  

 

        they would've been too busy boning each other.  

        by Leopold Bloom on Jan 12, 2010 1:39 AM PST  

 

                No, we will not let you go.  

                Let him go!  

                by danmerqury on Jan 12, 2010 9:59 AM PST

***

 

I wonder who Jon Heyman blew to get his job.

by jeffro on Jan 6, 2010 9:49 AM PST  

 

        and after doing it so badly, i wonder how he still got the job  

        maybe he started crying?  

        by Gaijin_Suketto on Jan 6, 2010 10:30 AM PST

***

 

Baseball Orgasm!

It’s official…I can’t wait for the season to start. Literally.

by DyeLongJustice on Jan 26, 2010 3:10 PM PST  

 

        Better change the Sheets  

        by JediLeroy on Jan 26, 2010 5:23 PM PST

***

 

 

 

That's what it all really comes down to, isn't it?  We're all waiting for the season to start, and dropping little nuggets of "wisdom" along the way.  

 

Before I roll out, I just want you fine AN'ers to know that this month's edition of QOTM: After Dark was brought to you by:

 

FIBORGASM...   the only supplement that gets you regular, AND enhances sexual response.

 

 

Thank you, and good night!