Trade everyone we can for Japanese Players.

Hire a Japanese manager that does not speak English. Give any remaining non-Japanese players their own individual translator.

Trade the Coliseum for a brand new Japanese stadium. This shall include:

1) a huge excess of big neon lights in fun shapes.

think ten-story tall, neon- green Godzilla spitting red fire. translucent walkways.  Artificial turf made out of out soft flex-able microfiber lights that can change colors. 

2) super-vending machines that include: 

 Three foot long hot-dogs, Kobe steak flavored popcorn with kernels as big as your fist, and most importantly 1000 different brands of beer one shot at a time. 

3) a large pool filled up with shelled peanuts for the kids to play in. Add a five story high, slip and slide ski-jump, into the peanut pool. 

4) a five lane, motorcycle race-track, around the top of the stadium. There will be ten racers of different colors.  Have eight bikes playing by roller-derby rules. Have the other two bikes going in the opposite direction "playing chicken".  Name them "dots" and encourage gambling.
 
5) a bullet train that goes 300mph, doing a repetitive loop under the stadium and around the outfield wall. Except it IS the outfield wall 58 seconds of every minute. Or an easy home run the other 2 seconds out of every minute. 

6) luxury suites that include your own sumo wrestling team. all sumo match losers do a winner take all, samurai sword fight for second base at the end of the game. I guess the "all" would just be second base.

7) an underwater canal strait from the ocean so you can fish for your very own fresh sushi.Chum the waters so some Great-White's make it a challenge to catch anything. Unless your a bad-ass and you have Great-White sushi.  

Trade California for Japan

            that is all- 

           your really, really, Asinine ____________ stadium or Trade would include: ______________.