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Tonto Big A's fan!



Hi all.  Tonto here to tell you how much big A's Tonto is.  Tonto been A's fan for many many years.  Tonto first favorite player was Jerry Lumpe when A's were in Kansas City.  Tonto no like those days! A lot of big heap trouble games! 

But Tonto always say, "Look toward future"

Tonto worried about future though.  A's no have player that Wap-a-pap.  Hit ball long way.  Jack Cust Wap-a-pap sometime, but most time Jack Cust strikeout and bat make mighty wind.  A's need more Wap-a-pap.  A's need Wap-a-pap like Tonto need articles. You see Ryan Sweeney try to Wap-a-pap?  It make Tonto laugh.  Make Tonto sad laugh.  Ryan Sweeney almost big as Tonto!  Try for Wap-a-pap Ryan Sweeney, try for Tonto.  Or lift stones like Tonto do.  Tonto get big strong like that! 

Maybe full year for Scott Hariston make more Wap-a-pap.  Tonto hope.

Tonto think next year A's no sign wrinkly Wap-a-pap.  No Jason Giambi players for Tonto please.  Tonto at least like watch young players watch ball for strike.  Tonto like Tommy Everidge.  He look like bear Tonto wrestles.  

Tonto like Rajai Davis he run like squirrel up tree.  Tonto think Billy Beane need to make team full of squirrels and bears.  Fast man and strong man.  No more Ryan Sweeney man.  He like racoon or something.  Tonto no good with analogies.  But Tonto know racoons are no good baseball.

Tonto like young A's pitcher though.  Wish they were still minor league pitcher though.  Tonto watch Anderson throw ball and Tonto sad.  Tonto sad because that one less game Anderson pitch for A's in future.  "Oh well", say Tonto.

Tonto use to it.

35 recs  |  Comment 93 comments

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Okay, this made me laugh.

The Ultimate Opportunist

by Rated-R Superstar on Aug 20, 2009 7:59 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Greatest Fanpost Ever

Greatest Fanpost Ever edition.

rebuildingseason.blogspot.com

by Rebuilding Season on Aug 20, 2009 8:18 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Ah-booooo

At least we know it’s not yours.

still Swish Fan #1.

by ChrisCEIT on Aug 22, 2009 8:58 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

can't. breathe.

Tonto like Rajai Davis he run like squirrel up tree. Tonto think Billy Beane need to make team full of squirrels and bears. Fast man and strong man. No more Ryan Sweeney man. He like racoon or something. Tonto no good with analogies. But Tonto know racoons are no good baseball.

Twitter went down today--if only there were some short, shallow, self-indulgent way to express my horror.-Stephen Colbert

by Leopold Bloom on Aug 20, 2009 8:47 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Everyone knows raccoons play football.

"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan

by iglew on Aug 21, 2009 1:23 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I call upon the blog-spirits

To summon 149. I want his take on this getting recs and positive comments.

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want" -Bill Watterson

by nevermoor on Aug 20, 2009 8:49 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Awesome!

Kallus say to Tonto “Tonto, Tonto wait for Chris Carter. He will wap-a-pap for many moons…then he will take much wampum and journey to place of tall stone tee-pees”

I said "Why not baseball?" He said he hated baseball and demanded we NEVER speak of it again. He then, oddly enough, walked repeatedly into my fists and feet. So weird that he would do that! - TwistNHook, CGB

by Kallus on Aug 20, 2009 8:53 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

When I saw the title of this diary, all I could think of was this guy

"If Vin Mazzaro comes anywhere near me with shaving cream he’s gonna be coming away with a bloody stump" – Dallas Braden

by doctorK on Aug 20, 2009 8:56 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

uh, Mongo like candy!

"If Vin Mazzaro comes anywhere near me with shaving cream he’s gonna be coming away with a bloody stump" – Dallas Braden

by doctorK on Aug 20, 2009 8:57 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Mongo.

No Like A’s That Way.

still Swish Fan #1.

by ChrisCEIT on Aug 22, 2009 8:59 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Tonto want say more

Tonto had few more thing to say:

Tonto upset that there already Tonto on sbnation. Make Tonto paranoid.

Tonto also had wait 24 hour before make fanpost. Tonto lose lot good thing to say.

Tonto also hope nobody offend by Tonto. Just Tonto be Tonto.

by Tonto Like Baseball on Aug 20, 2009 8:57 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

"Just Tonto be Tonto."... LOL!!!

In 2008 I was watching a team that was rebuilding. In 2009 I feel like I'm watching a team that just sucks.

by UncleLeo on Aug 21, 2009 8:42 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Oh man.

I’m calling Ryan Sweeney a raccoon from now on. Not squirrel or bear! No Wap-a-pap!

by danmerqury on Aug 20, 2009 9:08 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Tonto Brilliant!

-The dude responsible for this mess

Proud member of the "Don't Trade Marleau" Club

by idunno723 on Aug 20, 2009 9:22 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

"A's need Wap-a-pap like Tonto need articles."

A+

"PECOTA can pretty much kiss my ass."-Nico

by jeepers on Aug 20, 2009 9:34 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Tonto Smash

make like big tree, Tonto make fanpost, wap-a-pap, finally find out what Kemo Sabe means.

I'll have a sandwich and a draft(sic). - Bill King (RIP)

by BleedGreen on Aug 20, 2009 11:12 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Are we gonna have a Tonto Themed Thread??

If so – I’m gonna be in big trouble….

"I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?" Yogi Berra

by BERRYJO on Aug 20, 2009 11:24 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Tonto for manager!

100% Athletics, 100% Baseball. 2009 Athletics, 40% Baseball.

by fruitattack on Aug 21, 2009 1:08 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

That would really simplify things wouldn't it?

Squirrel run! Bear wap-a-pap! Raccoon sit! Maybe Bob Geren could learn something.

by petitceebee on Aug 21, 2009 1:42 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

This is great

I am Ray Fosse's infatuations with Clay Wood and high-definition television.

by franks a lot on Aug 21, 2009 6:13 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

I nominate Tonto for Official A's Spokesperson.

In 2008 I was watching a team that was rebuilding. In 2009 I feel like I'm watching a team that just sucks.

by UncleLeo on Aug 21, 2009 8:42 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Spokesperson?! Heck, he should be the new team mascot.

We have room in the stadium, we could set him up a campground and everything.

It has been done before for teams.

"Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it?"-Steve McCatty

by 5Aces on Aug 21, 2009 9:07 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Oh. My. God.

Tonto funny! Tonto please stay and write often!!!

"Paul Thomas is breaking something somewhere" ~jeepers

by OptimistPrime on Aug 21, 2009 9:29 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Tonto good!

Kemo-sabe agrees, no more wrinkly Wap-A-Paps!
lol

Bob Geren, on 8/2/07, on the success of Alan Embree as new interim closer: "What can I say,... he's been our Steady Tremendous Bullpen Man"

by popcornjames on Aug 21, 2009 12:02 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

It's sad, but true!

Love me some Avenue Q (saw it in SF and again in New York.)

I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal

by Nico on Aug 21, 2009 1:13 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I saw it on it's Vegas run in late '05. Great show. I'm sad that I won't be able to see it again before it closes for good next month.

My wife enjoyed the lighting in the theater before the show and during the intermission. She like the reflection her new engagement ring gave off.

by LoneStranger on Aug 21, 2009 1:41 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

More likely, those who find it unfunny

figure it’s better to just say nothing rather than make a fuss about it. I doubt your minority is so overwhelming.

"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan

by iglew on Aug 21, 2009 1:26 PM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

TWSS
I doubt your minority is so overwhelming

A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@

by monkeyball on Aug 21, 2009 1:46 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Tomorrow? What's tomorrow?

Oh, yeah, tomorrow is when we NRAFs are doing that…thing. You know, that incredibly cool thing that we haven’t told any of the RAFs about.

"And Julio Franco is batting right-handed!" -- Wayne Hagin, A's radio play-by-play, mid-80s

by Nick on Aug 21, 2009 4:10 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

and since the VP is such a VIP...

I'll have a sandwich and a draft(sic). - Bill King (RIP)

by BleedGreen on Aug 21, 2009 5:31 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Shhh, Nick.

Don’t let the poor RAFs know what they’re missing.

P.S. See you tomorrow. It’s going to be awesome!

"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan

by iglew on Aug 21, 2009 6:09 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

(deep sigh)

Twitter went down today--if only there were some short, shallow, self-indulgent way to express my horror.-Stephen Colbert

by Leopold Bloom on Aug 21, 2009 7:03 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Dude, you're going to be with us, right?

"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan

by iglew on Aug 21, 2009 11:29 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I got your back...

I liked the raccoon bit, but I just read Sherman Alexie the other day, and I remember him writing how Indians can get over the big things like genocide, but that the little things, the waitress ignoring you, the Redskins, Tonto, the little things hurt the most,

Ultimately, we don’t get to decide whether other people get to be bothered by something or not; we can only act as decently as possible toward others.

by sarchasmic on Aug 21, 2009 1:28 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

In total agreement

If you listen to the Lone Ranger or any other western shows from that era, they were horribly racist, so mimicking such racist stereotyped language is offensive. If this fanpost was using stereotyped African American language and talking about watermelon and fried chicken would people be so quick to laugh?

Eventually, my colleague and I trotted from the two-bit seats to the three-bit seats to get a closer view of the action. - Jlaff on Turn Back the Clock Day

by designatedforassignment on Aug 21, 2009 5:59 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Speaking only for myself,

I’m pretty sure I’d be quicker to laugh. If only because what you describe might actually be funny.

"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan

by iglew on Aug 21, 2009 6:11 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

9 recs so far.

I guess you’re right. The silent minority has spoken.

still Swish Fan #1.

by ChrisCEIT on Aug 22, 2009 9:03 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

The funniest part is that

three of the four “Related FanPosts on Athletics Nation” are about Jack Cust.

"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan

by iglew on Aug 21, 2009 1:28 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

I just re-read this

and realized that it was NOT written by Tomko.

by oblique on Aug 21, 2009 2:14 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

I don't know about this post...

Posts like this, and the rally Salmas, and other such envelope-pushing threads just open the door for real sickos and crazies like me to post things like

Dr. Necrophiliac and his favorite Athletics to fantasize about embalming…
and
(example redacted)

"Flea Markets aren't just for blind dates anymore!"- The Reverend Billy Lard

by Gaijin_Suketto on Aug 21, 2009 2:24 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

I was going to post my thoughts about

S&M, bestiality, and necrophilia tomorrow, but upon reflection I don’t want to beat a dead horse.

I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal

by Nico on Aug 21, 2009 4:52 PM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

see, if you'd write songs like this

rather than your seventies-esque singer-songwriter Topanga Canyon quaalude folk,

you’d be a star, man!

"Flea Markets aren't just for blind dates anymore!"- The Reverend Billy Lard

by Gaijin_Suketto on Aug 21, 2009 5:16 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I mean like bigger than Loudon Wainwright III, man!

"Flea Markets aren't just for blind dates anymore!"- The Reverend Billy Lard

by Gaijin_Suketto on Aug 21, 2009 5:16 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Nico, i don't think anyone got this

‘cept me, of course, and i didn’t read it until 2 days later.

rec’d, and I agree with oakinbost.

Do you know the way to San Jose?

by eastcoasta'sfan on Aug 23, 2009 8:27 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Um, doubt you're the only one who "got" it...

just not “I’m going to comment on it” funny.

CuttheMullet, from "The Thread":
"Whenever I’m about to do something, I think "would an idiot do that?" and if they would, I do not do that thing."

by DMOAS on Aug 23, 2009 9:26 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Hilarious

Champion Cookie Tosser
Last of the Ninth - Photography

by Flashfire on Aug 24, 2009 5:25 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

you could do worse things to that dead horse, mr. necrophiliac.

You know things are bad when Bobby Crosby doesn't have the lowest batting average of any starter, yet he's hitting .138. Yes, you're 2009 Oakland Athletics.

by diehardoaklandfan22 on Aug 25, 2009 1:17 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Tonto had give presentation last year in college

about how Native American still see discrimination and stereotype in society. Tonto no see irony.

by Emmett89 on Aug 21, 2009 2:25 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

RIVER BOTTOM NIGHTMARE BAND.

Twitter went down today--if only there were some short, shallow, self-indulgent way to express my horror.-Stephen Colbert

by Leopold Bloom on Aug 21, 2009 7:05 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

My favorite line

“We don’t brush our teeth so out toothaches can help us stay mean.”

by jeffro on Aug 26, 2009 8:59 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I can't believe I just saw this

I can’t really think straight though after laughing so hard.

As for the racism accusations….come on, it’s all in good fun. Lighten up, really.

Solace: Law says he's a fourth OFer
PaulThomas: I think Keith Law is only a fourth analyst

by hero66 on Aug 23, 2009 8:02 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

You should read the post I linked to above

It handles the “c’mon guys” argument better than I could here.

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want" -Bill Watterson

by nevermoor on Aug 23, 2009 10:07 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Tonto should meet Tarzan.

Tarzan also A’s fan.

Make fast friends.

Dutch Chocolate

by Ice Cream on Aug 23, 2009 8:58 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Something is only racist if the people it is making a parody of PERCEIVE it as racist. Unless you are a Native American, I don’t see how this post could possibly be offensive unless you have extremely thin skin.

Comedians like Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle make jokes about black people all day long, but then when white people say the same thing they’re blasted for it. Carlos Mencia goes on and on about Mexicans and calls himself a “beaner”, but say that to a Mexican and you’re going to get your ass kicked. There is a terrible double standard in “racist” comments. Perhaps the problem is that people just take it as an insult instead of the comedic statement it was meant to be.

OrtizItThisOne: In the name of baseball! /does steroids

by Player To Be Named Later on Aug 23, 2009 11:39 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

I am 24% Native American

And as such, I am 24% offended by this posting.

Which of course means that 76% of me finds it frickin’ hilarious!

"Tonto think Billy Beane need to make team full of squirrels and bears."

by OptimistPrime on Aug 24, 2009 11:28 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

If I am offended by your offense

does that cancel them out?

"Gratuitous gesticulating together sounds even better"

by OmahaHi on Aug 24, 2009 1:13 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

I am VERY offended by the A's offense

"You know Eklund would grab your cheeseburger before the Hamburglar.

Cheeseburger to Eklund (e4)"

~ Morti

by Player To Be Named Later on Aug 24, 2009 5:31 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I think Bloom County had it best

Image is too big for AN, so I’ll just post a linky.

"If Vin Mazzaro comes anywhere near me with shaving cream he’s gonna be coming away with a bloody stump" – Dallas Braden

by doctorK on Aug 24, 2009 1:26 PM PDT reply actions   2 recs

I laughed. Maybe I just like penguins.

I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal

by Nico on Aug 24, 2009 3:37 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I hope not

That would offend me

"You know Eklund would grab your cheeseburger before the Hamburglar.

Cheeseburger to Eklund (e4)"

~ Morti

by Player To Be Named Later on Aug 24, 2009 5:31 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Are you crying fowl?

I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal

by Nico on Aug 24, 2009 5:52 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I have a spelling checker.
It came with my pea sea.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it’s weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when I rime.

Each frays come posed up on my screen
eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o’er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore a veiling checker’s Hour
spelling mite decline,
And if we’re lacks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flair,
Their are no fault’s with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a ware.

Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped word’s fare as hear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw’s are knot aloud.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays,
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting too pleas.

- Source Unknown

"You know Eklund would grab your cheeseburger before the Hamburglar.

Cheeseburger to Eklund (e4)"

~ Morti

by Player To Be Named Later on Aug 25, 2009 12:46 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

The irony is that "flair" is spelled correctly.

"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan

by iglew on Aug 25, 2009 6:45 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Ric Flair.

Oddly, when I read the poem, it sort of found itself in the tune of the theme to The Muppet Show.

by LoneStranger on Aug 26, 2009 9:41 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

BLOOM County?

And a SIGN MAKER in the comic???

I can’t believe we haven’t put this together before just now.

by oblique on Aug 25, 2009 10:23 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Whoa!

When worlds collide!

Hey, Raburn! YOU ever dive into the shallow end of a pool?--noava22

by lynnzgal on Aug 26, 2009 10:19 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

this is fine

not racist, unless you take it back to the source and feel the whole Lone Ranger-Tonto combo was a racist construct, which could be true. I prefer Burt Reynolds as Navajo Joe (with tasty spaghetti sounds from Maestro Morricone) for my Native-depictions-not-made-by-Native-Americans-themselves. When I think about Indian stereotypes in MLB the 3-story Chief Wahoo that gazes toothily down from the Cleveland scoreboard comes to mind… you’d think after they had players actually killed by being scalped by a dock in a speedboat accident, maybe they might have rethought the logo, but I guess not.

Cust(er) Died for Your Sins, Tonto! LOL

Great post, very funny, write more now.

Hey, I just bought the team from Lew Wolff... who wants to play third?

by emperor nobody on Aug 26, 2009 4:30 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

I like spaghetti westerns.
I like the way the boots are all reverbed out
walking across the hardwood floors.
In fact, everythings got
that big reverb sound.

by LoneStranger on Aug 26, 2009 9:43 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

EN's favortie Italian Westerns

are directed by Sergio Corbucci, including A Professional Gun and The Hellbenders in addition to the aforementioned epic Navajo Joe.

The Italian Westerns were the first films made where the music preceded the movie, and many of them (the Sergio Leone ones, all of them) were shot on set to the music, which was playing over big speakers the whole time apparently. This is one reason (the use of non-English speaking actors is another) many of them are dubbed: the dialog is cut in later and often doesn’t match what they are saying onscreen.

Hey, I just bought the team from Lew Wolff... who wants to play third?

by emperor nobody on Aug 26, 2009 7:31 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

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