Tonto Big A's fan!
by Tonto Like Baseball on Aug 20, 2009 7:55 PM PDT
93 comments
Hi all. Tonto here to tell you how much big A's Tonto is. Tonto been A's fan for many many years. Tonto first favorite player was Jerry Lumpe when A's were in Kansas City. Tonto no like those days! A lot of big heap trouble games!
But Tonto always say, "Look toward future"
Tonto worried about future though. A's no have player that Wap-a-pap. Hit ball long way. Jack Cust Wap-a-pap sometime, but most time Jack Cust strikeout and bat make mighty wind. A's need more Wap-a-pap. A's need Wap-a-pap like Tonto need articles. You see Ryan Sweeney try to Wap-a-pap? It make Tonto laugh. Make Tonto sad laugh. Ryan Sweeney almost big as Tonto! Try for Wap-a-pap Ryan Sweeney, try for Tonto. Or lift stones like Tonto do. Tonto get big strong like that!
Maybe full year for Scott Hariston make more Wap-a-pap. Tonto hope.
Tonto think next year A's no sign wrinkly Wap-a-pap. No Jason Giambi players for Tonto please. Tonto at least like watch young players watch ball for strike. Tonto like Tommy Everidge. He look like bear Tonto wrestles.
Tonto like Rajai Davis he run like squirrel up tree. Tonto think Billy Beane need to make team full of squirrels and bears. Fast man and strong man. No more Ryan Sweeney man. He like racoon or something. Tonto no good with analogies. But Tonto know racoons are no good baseball.
Tonto like young A's pitcher though. Wish they were still minor league pitcher though. Tonto watch Anderson throw ball and Tonto sad. Tonto sad because that one less game Anderson pitch for A's in future. "Oh well", say Tonto.
Tonto use to it.
35 recs |
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Okay, this made me laugh.
The Ultimate Opportunist
by Rated-R Superstar on Aug 20, 2009 7:59 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Greatest Fanpost Ever
Greatest Fanpost Ever edition.
rebuildingseason.blogspot.com
by Rebuilding Season on Aug 20, 2009 8:18 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Do we play the 'who's sock puppet is this?' game?
I’ll start – it’s not mine
by bobnothing on Aug 20, 2009 8:43 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
can't. breathe.
Tonto like Rajai Davis he run like squirrel up tree. Tonto think Billy Beane need to make team full of squirrels and bears. Fast man and strong man. No more Ryan Sweeney man. He like racoon or something. Tonto no good with analogies. But Tonto know racoons are no good baseball.
Twitter went down today--if only there were some short, shallow, self-indulgent way to express my horror.-Stephen Colbert
by Leopold Bloom on Aug 20, 2009 8:47 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Everyone knows raccoons play football.
"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan
by iglew on Aug 21, 2009 1:23 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I call upon the blog-spirits
To summon 149. I want his take on this getting recs and positive comments.
"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want" -Bill Watterson
by nevermoor on Aug 20, 2009 8:49 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Awesome!
Kallus say to Tonto “Tonto, Tonto wait for Chris Carter. He will wap-a-pap for many moons…then he will take much wampum and journey to place of tall stone tee-pees”
I said "Why not baseball?" He said he hated baseball and demanded we NEVER speak of it again. He then, oddly enough, walked repeatedly into my fists and feet. So weird that he would do that! - TwistNHook, CGB
by Kallus on Aug 20, 2009 8:53 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
When I saw the title of this diary, all I could think of was this guy
"If Vin Mazzaro comes anywhere near me with shaving cream he’s gonna be coming away with a bloody stump" – Dallas Braden
by doctorK on Aug 20, 2009 8:56 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
uh, Mongo like candy!
"If Vin Mazzaro comes anywhere near me with shaving cream he’s gonna be coming away with a bloody stump" – Dallas Braden
by doctorK on Aug 20, 2009 8:57 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Mongo only pawn in cruel game.
rebuildingseason.blogspot.com
by Rebuilding Season on Aug 20, 2009 8:57 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Tonto want say more
Tonto had few more thing to say:
Tonto upset that there already Tonto on sbnation. Make Tonto paranoid.
Tonto also had wait 24 hour before make fanpost. Tonto lose lot good thing to say.
Tonto also hope nobody offend by Tonto. Just Tonto be Tonto.
by Tonto Like Baseball on Aug 20, 2009 8:57 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
"Just Tonto be Tonto."... LOL!!!
In 2008 I was watching a team that was rebuilding. In 2009 I feel like I'm watching a team that just sucks.
by UncleLeo on Aug 21, 2009 8:42 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Oh man.
I’m calling Ryan Sweeney a raccoon from now on. Not squirrel or bear! No Wap-a-pap!
by danmerqury on Aug 20, 2009 9:08 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Tonto Brilliant!
-The dude responsible for this mess
Proud member of the "Don't Trade Marleau" Club
by idunno723 on Aug 20, 2009 9:22 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
"A's need Wap-a-pap like Tonto need articles."
A+
"PECOTA can pretty much kiss my ass."-Nico
by jeepers on Aug 20, 2009 9:34 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Tonto Smash
make like big tree, Tonto make fanpost, wap-a-pap, finally find out what Kemo Sabe means.
I'll have a sandwich and a draft(sic). - Bill King (RIP)
by BleedGreen on Aug 20, 2009 11:12 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Are we gonna have a Tonto Themed Thread??
If so – I’m gonna be in big trouble….
"I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?" Yogi Berra
by BERRYJO on Aug 20, 2009 11:24 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Tonto for manager!
100% Athletics, 100% Baseball. 2009 Athletics, 40% Baseball.
by fruitattack on Aug 21, 2009 1:08 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
That would really simplify things wouldn't it?
Squirrel run! Bear wap-a-pap! Raccoon sit! Maybe Bob Geren could learn something.
by petitceebee on Aug 21, 2009 1:42 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
This is great
I am Ray Fosse's infatuations with Clay Wood and high-definition television.
by franks a lot on Aug 21, 2009 6:13 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I nominate Tonto for Official A's Spokesperson.
In 2008 I was watching a team that was rebuilding. In 2009 I feel like I'm watching a team that just sucks.
by UncleLeo on Aug 21, 2009 8:42 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Spokesperson?! Heck, he should be the new team mascot.
We have room in the stadium, we could set him up a campground and everything.
It has been done before for teams.
"Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it?"-Steve McCatty
by 5Aces on Aug 21, 2009 9:07 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Oh. My. God.
Tonto funny! Tonto please stay and write often!!!
"Paul Thomas is breaking something somewhere" ~jeepers
by OptimistPrime on Aug 21, 2009 9:29 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Tonto hit peace pipe one too many times.
If there is such a thing.
I'm here to talk about the past.
by 67MARQUEZ on Aug 21, 2009 9:56 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Tonto good!
Kemo-sabe agrees, no more wrinkly Wap-A-Paps!
lol
Bob Geren, on 8/2/07, on the success of Alan Embree as new interim closer: "What can I say,... he's been our Steady Tremendous Bullpen Man"
by popcornjames on Aug 21, 2009 12:02 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I don't find this very funny. a bit over done
and a bit racist. but I seem to be in the overwhelming minority.
Save Rajai Davis
by oakinboston on Aug 21, 2009 12:51 PM PDT reply actions 13 recs
It's sad, but true!
Love me some Avenue Q (saw it in SF and again in New York.)
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
by Nico on Aug 21, 2009 1:13 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I saw it on it's Vegas run in late '05. Great show. I'm sad that I won't be able to see it again before it closes for good next month.
My wife enjoyed the lighting in the theater before the show and during the intermission. She like the reflection her new engagement ring gave off.
by LoneStranger on Aug 21, 2009 1:41 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
"she like reflection big stone make"
I'll have a sandwich and a draft(sic). - Bill King (RIP)
by BleedGreen on Aug 21, 2009 5:31 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
More likely, those who find it unfunny
figure it’s better to just say nothing rather than make a fuss about it. I doubt your minority is so overwhelming.
"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan
by iglew on Aug 21, 2009 1:26 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
TWSS
I doubt your minority is so overwhelming
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Aug 21, 2009 1:46 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Looking forward to meeting you tomorrow.
I'm here to talk about the past.
by 67MARQUEZ on Aug 21, 2009 1:47 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Tomorrow? What's tomorrow?
Oh, yeah, tomorrow is when we NRAFs are doing that…thing. You know, that incredibly cool thing that we haven’t told any of the RAFs about.
"And Julio Franco is batting right-handed!" -- Wayne Hagin, A's radio play-by-play, mid-80s
by Nick on Aug 21, 2009 4:10 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
and since the VP is such a VIP...
I'll have a sandwich and a draft(sic). - Bill King (RIP)
by BleedGreen on Aug 21, 2009 5:31 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Shhh, Nick.
Don’t let the poor RAFs know what they’re missing.
P.S. See you tomorrow. It’s going to be awesome!
"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan
by iglew on Aug 21, 2009 6:09 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
(deep sigh)
Twitter went down today--if only there were some short, shallow, self-indulgent way to express my horror.-Stephen Colbert
by Leopold Bloom on Aug 21, 2009 7:03 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Dude, you're going to be with us, right?
"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan
by iglew on Aug 21, 2009 11:29 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I got your back...
I liked the raccoon bit, but I just read Sherman Alexie the other day, and I remember him writing how Indians can get over the big things like genocide, but that the little things, the waitress ignoring you, the Redskins, Tonto, the little things hurt the most,
Ultimately, we don’t get to decide whether other people get to be bothered by something or not; we can only act as decently as possible toward others.
by sarchasmic on Aug 21, 2009 1:28 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
In total agreement
If you listen to the Lone Ranger or any other western shows from that era, they were horribly racist, so mimicking such racist stereotyped language is offensive. If this fanpost was using stereotyped African American language and talking about watermelon and fried chicken would people be so quick to laugh?
Eventually, my colleague and I trotted from the two-bit seats to the three-bit seats to get a closer view of the action. - Jlaff on Turn Back the Clock Day
by designatedforassignment on Aug 21, 2009 5:59 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Speaking only for myself,
I’m pretty sure I’d be quicker to laugh. If only because what you describe might actually be funny.
"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan
by iglew on Aug 21, 2009 6:11 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I'd be even quicker to laugh than iglew
Solace: Law says he's a fourth OFer
PaulThomas: I think Keith Law is only a fourth analyst
by hero66 on Aug 23, 2009 8:02 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
9 recs so far.
I guess you’re right. The silent minority has spoken.
still Swish Fan #1.
by ChrisCEIT on Aug 22, 2009 9:03 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
The funniest part is that
three of the four “Related FanPosts on Athletics Nation” are about Jack Cust.
"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan
by iglew on Aug 21, 2009 1:28 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I just re-read this
and realized that it was NOT written by Tomko.
by oblique on Aug 21, 2009 2:14 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I don't know about this post...
Posts like this, and the rally Salmas, and other such envelope-pushing threads just open the door for real sickos and crazies like me to post things like
Dr. Necrophiliac and his favorite Athletics to fantasize about embalming…
and
(example redacted)
"Flea Markets aren't just for blind dates anymore!"- The Reverend Billy Lard
by Gaijin_Suketto on Aug 21, 2009 2:24 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I was going to post my thoughts about
S&M, bestiality, and necrophilia tomorrow, but upon reflection I don’t want to beat a dead horse.
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
by Nico on Aug 21, 2009 4:52 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
see, if you'd write songs like this
rather than your seventies-esque singer-songwriter Topanga Canyon quaalude folk,
you’d be a star, man!
"Flea Markets aren't just for blind dates anymore!"- The Reverend Billy Lard
by Gaijin_Suketto on Aug 21, 2009 5:16 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I mean like bigger than Loudon Wainwright III, man!
"Flea Markets aren't just for blind dates anymore!"- The Reverend Billy Lard
by Gaijin_Suketto on Aug 21, 2009 5:16 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Nico, i don't think anyone got this
‘cept me, of course, and i didn’t read it until 2 days later.
rec’d, and I agree with oakinbost.
Do you know the way to San Jose?
by eastcoasta'sfan on Aug 23, 2009 8:27 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Um, doubt you're the only one who "got" it...
just not “I’m going to comment on it” funny.
CuttheMullet, from "The Thread":
"Whenever I’m about to do something, I think "would an idiot do that?" and if they would, I do not do that thing."
by DMOAS on Aug 23, 2009 9:26 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hilarious
Champion Cookie Tosser
Last of the Ninth - Photography
by Flashfire on Aug 24, 2009 5:25 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
you could do worse things to that dead horse, mr. necrophiliac.
You know things are bad when Bobby Crosby doesn't have the lowest batting average of any starter, yet he's hitting .138. Yes, you're 2009 Oakland Athletics.
by diehardoaklandfan22 on Aug 25, 2009 1:17 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Is that a Mr. Belvedere joke?
still Swish Fan #1.
by ChrisCEIT on Aug 22, 2009 9:10 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Tonto had give presentation last year in college
about how Native American still see discrimination and stereotype in society. Tonto no see irony.
by Emmett89 on Aug 21, 2009 2:25 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Tonto make big heap mistake
No log out. :(
by Tonto Like Baseball on Aug 21, 2009 2:26 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain."
by LoneStranger on Aug 21, 2009 2:30 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
TWSS
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Aug 21, 2009 3:09 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
RIVER BOTTOM NIGHTMARE BAND.
Twitter went down today--if only there were some short, shallow, self-indulgent way to express my horror.-Stephen Colbert
by Leopold Bloom on Aug 21, 2009 7:05 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
My favorite line
“We don’t brush our teeth so out toothaches can help us stay mean.”
by jeffro on Aug 26, 2009 8:59 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Most seasons are not that hot for scalping at the Coli
alaska A residing in northern Idaho.
by ak_A on Aug 21, 2009 5:27 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I can't believe I just saw this
I can’t really think straight though after laughing so hard.
As for the racism accusations….come on, it’s all in good fun. Lighten up, really.
Solace: Law says he's a fourth OFer
PaulThomas: I think Keith Law is only a fourth analyst
by hero66 on Aug 23, 2009 8:02 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
You should read the post I linked to above
It handles the “c’mon guys” argument better than I could here.
"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want" -Bill Watterson
by nevermoor on Aug 23, 2009 10:07 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Tonto should meet Tarzan.
Tarzan also A’s fan.
Make fast friends.
Dutch Chocolate
by Ice Cream on Aug 23, 2009 8:58 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
Something is only racist if the people it is making a parody of PERCEIVE it as racist. Unless you are a Native American, I don’t see how this post could possibly be offensive unless you have extremely thin skin.
Comedians like Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle make jokes about black people all day long, but then when white people say the same thing they’re blasted for it. Carlos Mencia goes on and on about Mexicans and calls himself a “beaner”, but say that to a Mexican and you’re going to get your ass kicked. There is a terrible double standard in “racist” comments. Perhaps the problem is that people just take it as an insult instead of the comedic statement it was meant to be.
OrtizItThisOne: In the name of baseball! /does steroids
by Player To Be Named Later on Aug 23, 2009 11:39 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I am 24% Native American
And as such, I am 24% offended by this posting.
Which of course means that 76% of me finds it frickin’ hilarious!
"Tonto think Billy Beane need to make team full of squirrels and bears."
by OptimistPrime on Aug 24, 2009 11:28 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
If I am offended by your offense
does that cancel them out?
"Gratuitous gesticulating together sounds even better"
by OmahaHi on Aug 24, 2009 1:13 PM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I am VERY offended by the A's offense
"You know Eklund would grab your cheeseburger before the Hamburglar.
Cheeseburger to Eklund (e4)"
~ Morti
by Player To Be Named Later on Aug 24, 2009 5:31 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I think Bloom County had it best
Image is too big for AN, so I’ll just post a linky.
"If Vin Mazzaro comes anywhere near me with shaving cream he’s gonna be coming away with a bloody stump" – Dallas Braden
by doctorK on Aug 24, 2009 1:26 PM PDT reply actions 2 recs
I laughed. Maybe I just like penguins.
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
by Nico on Aug 24, 2009 3:37 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I hope not
That would offend me
"You know Eklund would grab your cheeseburger before the Hamburglar.
Cheeseburger to Eklund (e4)"
~ Morti
by Player To Be Named Later on Aug 24, 2009 5:31 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Are you crying fowl?
I like Cindi. A. She never pretends to know more than she does. B. She has unbridled enthusiasm for her "Hotties," and isn't afraid to show it. -IM4Oakgal
by Nico on Aug 24, 2009 5:52 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
I have a spelling checker.
It came with my pea sea.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it’s weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when I rime.
Each frays come posed up on my screen
eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o’er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore a veiling checker’s Hour
spelling mite decline,
And if we’re lacks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flair,
Their are no fault’s with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a ware.
Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped word’s fare as hear.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw’s are knot aloud.
Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays,
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting too pleas.
- Source Unknown
"You know Eklund would grab your cheeseburger before the Hamburglar.
Cheeseburger to Eklund (e4)"
~ Morti
by Player To Be Named Later on Aug 25, 2009 12:46 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
The irony is that "flair" is spelled correctly.
"Go ahead and overachieve, you scrappy Brett-Favre-colored walk-takers." —Rev Halofan
by iglew on Aug 25, 2009 6:45 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ric Flair.
Oddly, when I read the poem, it sort of found itself in the tune of the theme to The Muppet Show.
by LoneStranger on Aug 26, 2009 9:41 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
BLOOM County?
And a SIGN MAKER in the comic???
I can’t believe we haven’t put this together before just now.
by oblique on Aug 25, 2009 10:23 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
this is fine
not racist, unless you take it back to the source and feel the whole Lone Ranger-Tonto combo was a racist construct, which could be true. I prefer Burt Reynolds as Navajo Joe (with tasty spaghetti sounds from Maestro Morricone) for my Native-depictions-not-made-by-Native-Americans-themselves. When I think about Indian stereotypes in MLB the 3-story Chief Wahoo that gazes toothily down from the Cleveland scoreboard comes to mind… you’d think after they had players actually killed by being scalped by a dock in a speedboat accident, maybe they might have rethought the logo, but I guess not.
Cust(er) Died for Your Sins, Tonto! LOL
Great post, very funny, write more now.
Hey, I just bought the team from Lew Wolff... who wants to play third?
by emperor nobody on Aug 26, 2009 4:30 AM PDT reply actions 0 recs
I like spaghetti westerns.
I like the way the boots are all reverbed out
walking across the hardwood floors.
In fact, everythings got
that big reverb sound.
by LoneStranger on Aug 26, 2009 9:43 AM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
EN's favortie Italian Westerns
are directed by Sergio Corbucci, including A Professional Gun and The Hellbenders in addition to the aforementioned epic Navajo Joe.
The Italian Westerns were the first films made where the music preceded the movie, and many of them (the Sergio Leone ones, all of them) were shot on set to the music, which was playing over big speakers the whole time apparently. This is one reason (the use of non-English speaking actors is another) many of them are dubbed: the dialog is cut in later and often doesn’t match what they are saying onscreen.
Hey, I just bought the team from Lew Wolff... who wants to play third?
by emperor nobody on Aug 26, 2009 7:31 PM PDT up reply actions 0 recs
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