FanPost

I have sinned

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I cheated on the love of my life last night. She did not know since she was out of town...somewhere in Florida I think, but I went creepin' last night. And after the deed was done, I felt dirty. I mean, I really wanted to enjoy it, but in the end, it just felt WRONG.

For example, when they hit three home runs, I think I was the only guy in the entire PacBell/ATT/Boost Mobile Park still sitting in his seat. I had nothing. Nada, Bupkis. Zilch. When Lincecum, aka The Freak, aka The Franchise, aka The longhaired dirtbag who keeps shutting us out, pitched into the seventh with a no-no, I did not even realize it was a no-no. I was busy texting my son. Apparently I was not the only one, as a guy six rows in front of me caught a line drive in the cheekbone. Facing AWAY from the plate! Another closet A's fan going for a walk on the wildside? Was this the baseball gods exacting karmatic measure?

I tried to get excited about the game. I tried to get excited about the Giants. I miss winning baseball, and for about 8 1/2 innings I really seriously TRIED to make myself like the Gnats. I did the whole "I live in the bay, I can be a fan of both teams" thing, I even contemplated what I would look like (an ass) with one of those split hats. You know, our love on one side, the enemy on the other?

At the end of the game, I still had no clear answer as to why I could not get excited about the team on the other side of the bay. Was it the lack of the DH? Boring national league baseball? The fact I have been with my love for 37 years? I don't know.

But what I do know is that I was really jealous. I want to stand up and cheer my team hitting home runs and doing well, I want to see my team have 33k fans on a Thursday night playing a bunch of trolls. I want to see my stadium stand and cheer for everything, even when it isn't warranted. I fear that will not be happening for quite some time.

I am a lifelong fan, and I know that every team must endure the ebbs and flows of talent, the market, the economy, etc. But apparently I suck as a bandwagon jumper, because when I cheated last night and creeped across the bay, I felt dirty. Unclean. Like an adulterer. I want to formally apologize to my love, my A's, for stepping out on you, and ask you to take me back. It won't ever happen again. Even though you are not as attractive and pretty like when we first met, even though you are kinda saggy and have dark circles around your eyes, even though you smell like cheap hookers and cheese whiz and the countless free agent botox treatments have not helped much, you are still my only true love.

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