Another QOTM post so soon? Indeed, it is! But, it is the start of a new month and I don't want everything to pile up like it did before.

Kallus: operator: "911 emergency"
caller: "this is Ian Kinsler I’ve just been robbed!!
operator: "describe who it was"
caller: "he wore green, I think he’s an Oakland A"
operator: "you say he’s an A, sir?"
caller: "yes, he was!"
operator: "I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do sir"
caller: "what?! Why not?"
operator: "lack of evidence"
caller: "evidence?"
operator: "yes, evidence…video proof"
caller: "wha?"
operator: "no one takes pictures of the Oakland baseball team"
caller: "are you serious?!"
operator: "I’m afraid so…but please call us if you are robbed in Boston, New York, Chicago or Los Angeles. Then I can help you…

Anti-Tree division
Nick: F**k trees. New York City had the right idea. Chop them all down to show them who’s boss, then let them have one, big park in the middle of the city. But they know that if they get cocky or whatever, it’s chopchopchop!

children's story division
asfaninpismobeach: Jack be nimble, Jack be quick.........
Who the hell am I kidding, lol

Nick: Nice play by Giambi!
Nico: It helps when your natural motion is to keel over and drop dead

OldhamA: We made a similar deal and now we're paying for it.
Nick: We did no such thing. When Lew visited Bud he ate 3 peanuts, and now the A’s have to spend the first half of the season in Hell every year.

video game edition
GoA's: If Crosby plays every position this year does he unlock some secret level of MLB?
ElQuesoCapitan: He has to hit Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right Z Enter
Jjjsixsix: i thought it was up up down down left right left right a b?
GoA's: Thats what Crosby looks like he's doing when he's fielding

Jennifer: If Travis fails his drug test... it’s my fault. I’m sorry. One thing led to another, and by the end of the night we were snorting coke off a dead hooker, eating shrooms, and being careless with glitter.

Erasr: Will we score in every inning?!
Nico: Probably not the 9th!
Kallus: I don't think Eveland could get to the coliseum that fast...

mikev: Golfers have their own coaches because there are no teams.

Athletic: Beane and the A's must be doing this on purpose so they can leave town
miggyk2: Gallagher thought I will sacafice being comfortable for the rest of my life and end my career so you guys can leave town. Brilliant.

Flashfire: I'm not surprised when Bob Geren is telling them their effort in the Detroit series was outstanding. The bar’s being set low enough the mini sirloin burger cowboys could clear it with ease.

Nico: Shouldn't be putting in Gio? How are we going to get it to the 12th?
danmerqury: Nah, Gio only gets 120-pitch appearances in relief.

Rated-R Superstar: Hannahan is still in the lineup, though.
Trainman: Hope to top 2/3rd's of lineup comes thru
Nico: How do you feel about Hannahan? I can't remember.

Leopold Bloom: and I just heard from Lynn, who's AT THE STADIUM WITH 67M! His streak is over!
mikev: He got laid?

ElQuesoCapitan: I would assume other zombies are safe from zombies. And perhaps brainless creatures?
Leopold Bloom: Bob Geren's safe from zombies?

fruitattack: We are not getting 100% Baseball. More like 40%

twss division
Leopold Bloom: Funny how? Funny, like a clown? Like 67M’s here to amuse you?! Why is he funny? What makes him funny?!!
Nico: He tastes funny
mrod: TWSS

JJ Martin: To all of AN: Thanks for sleeping with me. I fell asleep in front of my computer, awoke to see Zooks double and Sweeney’s single.
LongLiveLangerhans: Uh...I did not consent.
worldblee: You didn't read the AN user agreement very carefully, did you?

cityplANner: CJ Wilson just owned our bottom 1/3

Leopold Bloom: wait a minute. the guy we struck out four times in the first game. THAT’S who we intentionally walked?!
Morgasm: Yup...
Leopold Bloom: Seriously, is fucking Slingblade managing our team?!

pickup line division
iglew: Wanna come back to my place and diagram some sentences?

pookeyguru: If Garen is a clown, What was Macha?
ElQuesoCapitan: "IT"

pookeyguru: Random Question. Why isn’t the A’s record posted anywhere on AN?
ElQuesoCapitan: Because too many kittens died when we did have it up.

tag team edition
33SwisherSweet: Gotta bring a Fire Geren chant to the ball park. I'm sure a sign will be taken down, but they can’t stop the fans from cheering. It’s on the Bleachers to get this chant going.
Nico: 1st amendment, baby! But to be on the safe side, maybe a more respectful sign would be in order: "Mr. Beane, if it’s not too terribly awkward, perhaps you could find a moment in your schedule to dismiss the manager? I mean he’s a bit of a tart, isn’t he?"
OldhamA: Tart or Tard?

Flashfire: I'm just laughing at Duchscherer having a setback on his recovery. Never would’ve seen THAT one coming.
DMOAS: I think he saw the way this team has been playing and Geren's managing and went "ow, oh, my, um… ah… uh, um… my back!".

emperor nobody: just tuning in after one of those wild Saturday nites. I’m sorry, I was looking for the 2009 Oakland Athletics and this screen I am looking at says it’s Visitors by a tally of 4 to nil. Might someone direct me to the actual A’s result? This one seems unlikely if not impossible.

Thanks in advance =)
iglew: There were some technical problems with the score, but the A’s pen is hard at work correcting the problem now.

javaball: "A's avoided a series sweep today" That will be the game recap of the season.
Future Ed: that should be the headline if they win the opening game

gigglingone: btw, it's not a blister that knocked Braden out of the game. Just a cut.

Braden said he accidentally sustained the cut on the team medical case in the dugout between innings.

Nico: What a great medical staff! Even their equipment does more harm than good.