QOTM - Offseason/April

Since no one else wants to post it, I will. I know QOTM posts are usually at the start of the month, but there's a lot that needs to be posted, so I figured, why not? I went back a few months for some of these, so I probably missed a lot.

Helloooo 1st: This is funny. I just woke up from a dream of the A’s playing on Opening Day this coming season. Holliday took a first pitch strike, someone yelled something at him and he proceeded to turn around and hit lefty… against a lefty pitcher. Of course he hit a 2-run bomb right there so looks like the trades already paying off.
oakinboston: your dreams involve switch hitting too?

DyeLongJustice: two daric bartons are better than one!
petitceebee: Then we also have to hire 2 full time lifeguards when these guys both hit the whirlpool

jpl: Do I smell Johnson for Crosby? Bobby can go back to where he picked up that ridiculous nickname "Bones"
monkeyball: Do you do *what* for Crosby?

oblique: Rickey should have as much time as Rickey wants to expound upon the virtues of Rickey. (courtesy Rickeypedia)

Tag-team division
mikev: Johnson also got 91 games in 2006. And regressed significantly.
DyeLongJustice: ya but he was blinded by sunscreen!
WaddellCanseco: Except in AAA where he saw the ball just fine
Nico: Different sun

grover: Nico should be whipped for missing that one. Problem is, he’d enjoy it.
Nico: Perfect timing - I can’t find my pants anyway.
DMOAS: But you know where the A's are.

brenarlo:No.
DMOAS: This.
gigglingone: Is
miggyk2: SPARTACUST!!!1!!!!!11

monkeyball: the A's also just saved $180M on Teixeira!
Nico: Now if they'll only switch to GEICO, they can sign both Lowe AND Sheets!!!!111
monkeyball: So easy, a Sabean could do it

iglew: I'd welcome back ex-girlfriends except that I’ve only got room for one on my roster, and I don’t want to DFA my wife.
monkeyball: you should really look into platooning

Knocking the softball out of the park division
franks a lot: What about the threat of pirates?
OptimistPrime: Only during interleague play would that be a concern, right?
OldhamA: And even then, not really.

Poetry division
grover: There once was a catcher from Motown

Who’s numbers cried out for a showdown

The incumbent did fret

PT’s eyes did get wet

Alas, no new squatter in Oak-town

monkeyball: Dude, Where's My Free-Agent Shortstop?

mikev: Fulcar?
monkeyball: too many clowns

Staplehead edition
WaddellCanseco: He is a good dome hitter.
jeffro: how many domes has hit?
travdog6: not as many as the shallow end of daric barton's swimming pool

AsFanInLA: I am sure this must be a sign of the apocolypse. He has written a book that he is selling on his website. And in time for the holidays!
Englishmajor: Well, he IS a motivational speaker. Every time any of us hear him, we’re motivated to find the mute button.

jaylikewise: once al davis slips up and walks into direct sunlight, the a's will have their run of the city.

Flashfire: Can we add another one? He renounces the Giambino nickname forever?
monkeyball: how about Giamsorry

Coenesque Refrain Division
xbhaskarx: "certain people around here" does not include me, but it does include certain people around here

Asfan4ever723: cust dives for balls
mikev: So does Anderson.. It’s just those are the ones he’s swinging at.

grover: Heaven forbid we roll in silliness during the offseason
Nico: No, that would be silly
oblique: And that's not how we roll.

rfloh: What has the AL east got to do with anything?
WaddellCanseco: Clearly you don't watch enough ESPN

kbtoyz: BTW…I heard from reliable sources who knew him in HS and at UCLA and he is supposed to be a grade A prick
Nico: Does that mean Tampa Bay gets two draft pricks when he leaves?

Nico: I agree that Albert Pujols' bat, by itself, doesn't win 10 games, but what about his bat with Pujols holding it? Aha!

mrod: Hey, I always say if you can’t laugh at your self, who can you laugh at then?
iglew: Simple: You can laugh at Monkeyball.

Stathead division
oakinboston: good thing I watch my A's games on excel sheets!

mrod: Giambi to the press: "Oh yeah, the gold thong is gonna be there for sure!"????
monkeyball: I know it’s not much but it’s the best I can do
My gift is my thong and this one’s for you
EddieVegas_NRAF: And you can tell everybody
This is your thong

I have no idea how to categorize this.

ChadGod: Crosby was good on basepaths last year wasnt he?
Nate: How would we know?

thejd44: Well, for one thing, average and median aren't the same thing
Nico: Neither are median and large.
I learned THAT one the hard way!

-Cindi

xbhaskarx: Feces-throwing monkey on the loose in Tampa Bay
monkeyball: Leopold kicked me off his couch

whiteshoes40: Someone just sang "I Heard It Through the Grapevine" on American Idol. What was with those lyrics, man? Didn’t hear anything about Holliday or trading or Andy Sonnanstine. What the world.
Nico: It was chri5

mrod: well it's official. Andrew Jones is no longer a Dodger.
MrIncognito: Awesome. They finally cleared a starting spot for Juan Pierre.

Retired Edition
Poppy: Many of you know which diary I'd pimp if I hadn't given up on it.

salb918: Don't make me....confiscate your periods.
JediLeroy: Could you confiscate my wife's periods for me?
salb918: Uh...okay, but I'm not paying any child support.

sucking-up-to-frontpagers division
JediLeroy: I hate it when people post stupid lyrics. But I love it when monkeys do. Nice job!

monkeyball: Ask not for whom the ump calls, he calls strike three

67MARQUEZ: my, my
monkeyball: hey, hey
franks a lot: Bobby Crosby is here to stay
67MARQUEZ: why, why
franks a lot: Mediocre play can never die
67MARQUEZ: cry, cry
monkeyball: He gives you glove but we paid for bat
andeux: Miggy's gone but he's not forgotten
(Bobby’s Rotten, Rotten Bobby)
HigherPie: Bobby seems to strike out, even more than Cust
monkeyball: It's better to be called out, than to swing away
green star oakland: The swing is wrong, it's just misbegotten.
monkeyball: There's more to the pitcher than meets the eye
67MARQUEZ: Cy, Cy

NateHST: I wonder who would win in a fight between Eckstein and Jeter
doctorK: Baseball

thejd44: Can they put Crosby on the DL with hurt feelings?

Extended Farm Animal Edition
somebodyelse: There's porn on the internet?
Nico: My living room is the internet?
somebodyelse: Your living room is AWESOME
mikev: Once you plow through all the wool
Athletics fan and runner: On my first read I thought that said, "Once you plow through all the wood."
somebodyelse: then Pennington takes over

Life-FAIL division
mikev: It's the line for life failing. You see, LB was implying that HE is failing at life, and has done so for longer than you have, thus you have to get BEHIND him in the line for life failing, because he was there first.

He failed at getting that point across.

Leopold Bloom: Is Crosby tax-deductible?
walkoff baltimore chop: Unfortunately, no. But he can save you money on car insurance.
ElQuesoCapitan: He can't hit anything, so he's probably a good driver.

Zonis: they can go play at the Coliseum
doctorK: They'd have to tarp off the second deck

Leopold Bloom: So what's the definition of a crooked number? Anything other than 1?
andeux: AIG's balance sheet

irony category
xbhaskarx: "Don’t you think we’d put out a release on that?"

they did

skigurl: Sushi Ra in Scottsdale. Dave Stewart’s favorite, last I knew. :)
Poppy: How do I know Dave Stewart isn't trying to kill me? Have you eaten there? You’ve never tried to kill me even when you’ve had the chance… you can probably be trusted…
andeux: Just don't crowd the plate when you go there.

franks a lot: Bobby Crosby plans on joining AN. That way no one can defame him on this site anymore
Leopold Bloom: ACK! (don’t give him any ideas)
doctorK: No problem. Just put all Crosby-defamation links on the low, outside part of the page.

Nico: I almost dated a Nationals fan once. But I couldn’t find one.

Zonis: Does Cabrera always order his jerseys 2 sizes too big?
ElQuesoCapitan: Cabrera orders his body two sizes too small.

Three-part edition
athleticsgirl24: So should the Pedroia commerical be a drinking game?
NateHST: Terrible idea. We’d all be belligerent and pissed off that Dustin Pedroia keeps coming on the television.
athleticsgirl24: I'm already like that

ATarHeel: I hate to say this (don't kill me AN) I miss watching Crosby strikeout, it was like a daily routine
vegAN ryAN: What you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

GreenNGoldSooner: Hotdogs are like A's line-up cards. It’s better not to see them being made.

worldblee: A Buck nearly killed a Unicorn
Joey C.: Oh, deer

ChadGod: In other news, I think the A's are now the only team not to have a homer. The Padres commentators claimed they had been the last team to get one when Adrian Gonzalez went deep today.
alox: Ray Fosse doesn’t count? WTF?

OldhamA: Why's he underarming it. This isn't softball.
Ovale Fan: I think he's pitching to Croz

iglew: Seattle TV announcer on Cabrera:
"… replaced long-time fan favorite Bobby Crosby"

Um, maybe "long-time ago fan favorite"….

game-related something division
Nate: How did we end up in the bottom of the 12th needing a hit from Bobby Crosby?

bad commerical division
franks a lot: Lowell was sipping on some MGD. Too drunk to make that routine play.

conspiracy theory division
ohtobe21likehuston: Somebody just showed Crosby on TV doing good things. Was this staged?
xbhaskarx: filmed in the same studio as the moon landing

baseballgirl: Does anyone else think... …it doesn’t matter how many scoreless innings the ‘pen pitches today? We haven’t had a HINT of scoring in forever!
Trainman: Pretty much. They have more chance of winning the lottery than scoring.
Nico: That's what the clerk says to me every time I try to spend my dollar on a condom

Jennifer: Huh. Wang’s ERA is the same as the balance in my checkbook.

Image division

Zonis: Okay, back from class
what the fuck is happening?

Ellis down, Garciaparra down… did someone else get injured just now too?
mikev: You know all those "We're all gonna die" comments?
Well, they’re happening.

green screen of doom division

Leopold Bloom: Because the place is built out of plastic and leftover nacho trays?
67MARQUEZ: I want to meet the people that live in your head.

i don't know where to place it division
Leopold Bloom: damn it, I burned doen my sign shop for this game! (and the insurance money—shhh! you’re sworn to secrecy, AN)

Groundball Day division
Steve in Napa: A Regional Holliday with some edits from wikipedia: Groundball Day is a holiday celebrated on many days during the baseball season in the United States and Canada. According to folklore, if a groundball emerging from the bat of Matt Holliday on this day fails to reach the outfield, it will leave the burrow, signifying that winter will soon end.