2009 Poetic Interlude #3: 88 Lines About 44 Athletics
by monkeyball on Jan 24, 2009 7:22 PM PST
45 comments
[Original lyrics here.]
88 Lines About 44 Athletics
Durazo was the Holy Grail,
he held out for a better pitch.
Emil was a different type,
he's the one who drove runs in.
Barry had a wack curve,
and umps were afraid of a curve like that.
Melhuse earned his paycheck sitting down
where the coaches sat.
[Full Poetic Interlude after the jump.]
Menechino had an armless hurl,
a peripatetic Major-Leaguer.
Sweeney was a Jesus-freak,
we liked his kind of mentoring.
Greg Smith had this special way
of turning singles into outs.
Kendall proved he couldn't hit,
kept the starts or he would pout.
Ziggy lived up to the hype,
the submarine, the best since Chad.
Cust thought hits were second best
to getting on base without swinging his bat.
Hatte cruciverbalist,
to DJ he was known as "Dad."
Kotsay's point of view was this:
take whatever you can grab.
Mulder was another hurler
the lefty Mark's fallen off the map.
Haren liked to tie batters up,
though Keith Law says he lacks that pitch.
Mecir had this clubfoot walk
yet still made grown men swing and miss.
Mark Ellis who had a son
said "I must go," but finally stayed.
Jeremy's brisé volé
was Jetered one dark '01 night.
Big G brought his tattoos back
after he apologized.
Milton B. who grew inflamed,
was never ever satisfied.
Langerhans came and went so fast,
he didn't even say good-bye.
Well Rhodes was sold as pounds for pennies,
gave up homers and blown games.
Redman too was shipped to Pittsburgh,
shot his mouth off several times.
Loaiza thought the road was empty,
filled it up with alcohol.
Huston Street was much too pretty,
he went to the ballpark via rail.
Uh-huh. BARTin' Huston Street.
Ruby thought that gloves were simple,
put it on and take it off.
Jaha, J. was oft frustrated,
by some minor pain or ache.
Harden--was he broken or lazy?
always missed like six games straight.
Jack C. was a "three true" slugger,
golden sombrero every trip to the plate.
Jerry was a slender pitcher,
lean machine Tekulvery.
Monkey wrote bad poetry
in a crazy kind of urgency.
Bobby Crosby liked to swing
at anything off the outside corner.
Billy's strange obsession
was for ballplayers with paternal baseball roots.
Huddy got shipped home to 'Lanta,
that trade turned out to really suck.
Dee-Bee's noggin struck the bottom,
left a funny scar up top.
Danny J. had far worse problems,
sunscreen vertigo leprosy scurvy.
Big Hurt first time hit like crazy,
left the Blue Jays came back broken.
Bobby one time broke his hand,
but always rocks the high-up socks.
Two-Buck Chuck couldn't hit a barn,
Dan Meyer had a busted arm.
Ben Grieve didn't give a shit,
just a nihilist.
Guillen was much more my style,
but his temper it made Beane so pissed.
Jermaine's leg broke forty ways
hitting foul ball ricocheted.
Zito got his better pay
across the San Francisco Bay.
Two Jays came from Scutaro,
their comps just might be Mike Oquist.
Eric Chavez, games he's missed!
We'll see him on disabled list.
Eighty-eight lines about forty-four Athletics.
1 recs |
45 comments
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Jeremy's brise vole?
I would’ve said impossible, but you just made my mind’s eye vision of that event even more hideous than before.
"Man is conceived in sin and born in corruption and he passeth from the stink of the didie to the stench of the shroud." Willie Stark
by FreeSeatUpgrade on Jan 24, 2009 7:34 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
duh-dununuh-dunh dunh-dunh-dunh-duhhhhhn ...
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 24, 2009 9:11 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
See, now if you would have done this to "Pepper" by the Butthole Surfers
I’m pretty sure I’d be in love with you.
by mikev on Jan 24, 2009 7:37 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
did you vote for the second poll answer?
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 25, 2009 9:55 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
::standing ovation::
Children, until we have taught them better, will be perfectly happy with a seasonal round of games in which conkers succeeds hopscotch.
by salb918 on Jan 24, 2009 8:42 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
Where's your voice?
I kid, I kid. Nice job.
"Their batters are patient to the point that it's annoying." -Ryan Franklin
by Helloooo 1st on Jan 24, 2009 8:45 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
Tough crowd!
Sheesh, it’s not as if I made a football post …
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 25, 2009 9:56 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Really
The nerve of some people. What ever happened to that guy, anyway?
I'm here to talk about the past.
by 67MARQUEZ on Jan 25, 2009 10:41 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Did someone say something?
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 25, 2009 11:48 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Love it!
As long as you’re also counting the Two Jays and Mike Oquist as three of the 44 Athletics.
Ray: "How fun is it to be up here playing in the Big Leagues?"
Gio: "It's *SUPER* fun!!!"
by Poppy on Jan 24, 2009 8:54 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
yes
I was freaking out that I’d miscounted. I had to go in and change an extraneous Zito to Charles Thomas and Dan Meyer.
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 24, 2009 9:03 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
oh, and
The Loaiza couplet was for you.
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 24, 2009 9:10 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
That's so sweet.
Ray: "How fun is it to be up here playing in the Big Leagues?"
Gio: "It's *SUPER* fun!!!"
by Poppy on Jan 24, 2009 9:11 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Took me 20 years to get that song out of my head
Now it’s back.
Actually was a catchy tune.
Nice work.
by easyraider on Jan 24, 2009 11:09 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
Favorite lines
Jerry was a slender pitcher,
lean machine Tekulvery.
and
Billy’s strange obsession
was for ballplayers with paternal baseball roots.
by easyraider on Jan 24, 2009 11:16 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
Thanks! I was pretty happy with "Tekulvery."
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 25, 2009 9:57 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
A's News
I know we do not have a lot to work with news wise but our #1 starter resigned and we are very close to adding an above average bull pen arm to a (I have argued for months) a mediocre bull pen. I have been LoLing posts for months asking River Cat starters to not fail in front of the infallible Devine/Ziggy combo! I love those guys but I would love them more with any above avg. veteran arm.
"You Went Full Retard, Man - Never Go Full Retard." --Kirk Lazarus
by Ovale Fan on Jan 25, 2009 2:16 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
For some reason
this made think of the “Happy Days” episode where Potise masters anatomy through song. (Wow, I went pre-80’s right there).
If A’s fans want to learn a little history without picking up a book, they can start right here.
I'm here to talk about the past.
by 67MARQUEZ on Jan 25, 2009 9:05 AM PST reply actions 0 recs
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 25, 2009 10:01 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Brilliant job, scary video!
And it suddenly made me wonder whether it would be possible to write a song (maybe from Jeremy Giambi’s POV) called Players Who Slide.
"And Julio Franco is batting right-handed!" -- Wayne Hagin, A's radio play-by-play, mid-80s
by Nick on Jan 25, 2009 1:17 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
yeah, that's a goldmine right there
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 25, 2009 2:19 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
I love the idea of the poetic interludes...
I just wish that I knew the songs that they derive from. They are always unfamiliar to me.
by IM4Oakgal on Jan 25, 2009 3:05 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
I'm open to requests
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 25, 2009 7:55 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt?
au contra ire
by JediLeroy on Jan 25, 2009 7:56 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Even though I don't like Beatles
“When I’m Sixty-Four” is a great song for filking.
"Dispatch knuckleheadedness with Bond-like aplomb." –74mk
by iglew on Jan 25, 2009 7:57 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Wait
Even though I don’t like Beatles
au contra ire
by JediLeroy on Jan 25, 2009 7:59 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
See! somebodyelse agrees with me!
au contra ire
by JediLeroy on Jan 25, 2009 8:23 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
PS I don't mean to sound negative.
I can see how much work you put into these. Thank You for all of the hard work that you do in trying to keep us amused and entertained. :-)
by IM4Oakgal on Jan 25, 2009 10:53 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
No need to apologize
I didn’t take it as negative at all.
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 26, 2009 10:21 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
and Yeah I listened to the video...
I meant that this is the first time I have ever heard the song.
by IM4Oakgal on Jan 25, 2009 3:12 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
I hate it when people post stupid lyrics
But I love it when monkeys do. Nice job!
au contra ire
by JediLeroy on Jan 25, 2009 7:57 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
qotm, sucking-up-to-frontpagers division
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 26, 2009 10:22 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
I don't know the original at all,
which isn’t surprising, since I know more songs from before 1960 than after.
I like the meter, though. I love brisé volé and cruciverbalist. I have no idea what Tekulvery is. When I try to look it up on line, I see that as of this moment it is that most elusive of achievements: a Google-wide hapax legomenon.
My only disappointment: I kept waiting for a line about Adam Piatt, whose name fits so easily. But it was not to be.
"Dispatch knuckleheadedness with Bond-like aplomb." –74mk
by iglew on Jan 25, 2009 7:59 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
Kent Tekulve + ery morpheme
au contra ire
by JediLeroy on Jan 25, 2009 8:25 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
I liked the song when I heard it on the video.
Monkey does a great job with these…and I always love poems and the parody of songs but I need pop stuff. The Beatles would be good or Elton John , Fleetwoood Mac …and I know Sheryll Crow stuff pretty well too…but Nails is that the same as Nine Inch Nails or what? My favorite Monkey creative endeavor(off the top of my head) was a takeoff on Donne and it was a little snark for Rev Halofan. Another I liked was a TS Elliot inspired poem it had lines like…“On the tube Joe Morgan’s dirty look
Talking of Michael Lewis’ book.” I always remembered that line for some reason.
by IM4Oakgal on Jan 25, 2009 10:50 PM PST up reply actions 0 recs
I think the Hatteberg couplet is the one I'm most pleased with
A B -3X = Swedish girls like chocolate @('.')@
by monkeyball on Jan 26, 2009 10:22 AM PST up reply actions 0 recs
Nick Swisher is a Scientologist?!
Your poll answers were confusing- I was all set to pick “we can dance if we want to” but was thrown by the pronoun…
Good stuff- nice mix of nostalgia and humor, well in keeping with the spirit of the original.
by still bills kingdom on Jan 25, 2009 10:50 PM PST reply actions 0 recs
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