[Original lyrics here. Bobby Z cribbed the melody from this trad tune, which may soon become its own PI. And FWIW, do you know how hard it is to find a non-CGV youtube of this song? DFHs.]

[Full PI to be completed later this afternoon.]

Statnerds of W.A.R.P.

Come you statnerds of W.A.R.P.
You that count all the runs
You that use those big brains
You that live in the basements of your moms
You that throw chairs through walls
You that type behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your stats

You that never won nothin'
But rebuild to destroy
You're nothin' but nerds
Just a-playin' with toys
You reject running out of hand
And you scorn RBIs
And you run some regressions
When the bunt batters try

Like Boras so bold
You lie and deceive
A World Series can be won
You want me to believe
But I see three-true-outcome guys
And I see strike-swings abstained
Like I see runners not moved over
With productive outs again

[To be continued ...]