Last week my brother and I were invited to a corporate sponsored "teaching clinic" that treated us to free lunch and personal baseball instruction by the A's coaches. It's kind of a cool deal for everyone that was lucky enough to go. The kids get to learn actual baseball techniques from big-league coaches and the adults (most of us anyway) get to meet, greet and ask questions of our favorite team's coaches.

After lunch, we go down to the field where we're promptly divided into 1 of 3 groups. One group was for the kids, another group was adults/A's fans and the last group was the douchebag group which for some reason my brother and I were forced into.

Our first "instruction" session was hitting with Ty Van Burkleo and Don Wakamatsu. The first thing I notice when they come out of the dugout is Wakamatsu and Van Burkleo are HUGE! I never thought if myself as a short dude before (I'm 5'10) but Van Burkleo must be at least 2 heads taller than me!

My brother, The Jolly Green Giant and me.

Reverse order with Wakamatsu

While my brother and I are pretty jazzed about being on a major league field and getting a chance to chat with Major Leaguers from our favorite team, somebody in the A's marketing in their infinite wisdom decided to place us with a couple numbnuts who treated the entire session as if they were talking to their peers.

Before I'm even finished taking pictures with the coaches, Douchebag number 1 jumps to the front of the "class,"  *spits* and introduces himself, "Hi, I'm John Wannabe Baseball Player and I played Division One baseball at Fresno State." *spits* Then Douchebag number 2 chimes in, oh I forgot, he needs to spit first, "I'm a Wannabe Wannabe Baseball Player because my brother played at Fresno State so never mind my bowling ball physique, by association that kinda makes me, like a Division one player too." *spits*

I've never played any kind of organized baseball before in my life but is there some rule that I don't know about that requires you to spit as soon as you step on a baseball field?

Of course my brother and I didn't get to ask a single thing about the A's nor about hitting because the entire "session" was monopolized by the douchebag twins and what great hitters they are/were and their incredulity that somehow they weren't drafted by a MLB team. I felt like Mumble Happyfeet at the back of the class. Oh well, I figured if there was one session I was going to get nothing out of anyways, it would have been hitting.

That's the physique of an athlete right there

That's Wannabes 1 & 2 swinging Travis Buck bats there in the pic above. Interesting note when I found out it was a Travis Buck bat, I commented, "Well he won't need it anymore anyways," Van Burkleo heard me and said, "Of course he'll need it. He'll be back. He's a great ball player." So there's hope for all the Buck fans out there. At least some in the A's brass still believe in him. I just don't see any room for another left-handed hitting outfielder with no power. But what do I know?

My brother, Curt Young, me and Ron Romanick

Next we get to go to pitching and in my opinion, the best session of the whole afternoon because I was going to be damned if my time was going to get wasted again. I took charge early and snapped my pictures and fired off a bunch of questions before our 2 resident ballplayers could join in (I honestly think they were asking Van Burkleo for a tryout or something.)

Curt Young is a genuinely nice guy and seemed enthusiastic (or at least he pretended to be) to be mingling with the fans. He and Ron Romanick compliment each other very nicely and both were very patient and very indulging for a bunch of corporate babysiters.

Curt Young started off by explaining the four seam fastball and the difference in the movement you get with a two-seam fastball. He then goes on to explain the cut-fastball and specifically Duke's cut-fastball and then the 12-6 curveball and the similarities between Duke and Zito's mechanics. Of course, I couldn't let go by the opportunity to chat with Curt Young and Ron Romanick and not ask about Harden.

Me: "So what does Rich Harden do that makes him so tough to hit?"

Curt: "Rich actually only throws two pitches, a four-seam fastball and a circle change. But his change gets so much movement it's almost impossible to tell which way it will move."

Me: "How does it do that?"

Ron: "Well he tucks the change way back into his palm and he gets full extension off his fingertips and thus the ball rolls off with decreased spin *something, something, something* and the ball dives as it approaches the plate."

Me: "Wow. He just throws 2 pitches?"

Ron: "Yeah. He's a special pitcher. Real, real special."

Me: "So next question, Why'd you trade him?"

(laughter from everyone, including Curt)

Curt: "Well, it's just timing I guess."

Me: "You guess?"

Ron: "Yeah." ::shrugs:: "We guess"

My inference. And NOTE, my inference ONLY, is I don't think Ron Romanick and Curt Young are that enthusiastic about losing Rich Harden neither. I guess it kind of echoes the theme we heard-a-plenty on AN huh? At the very least it confirms that we are NOT all idiots. Makes me wonder if Beane even confers with his coaches before he jettisons our best players.

Me, Ty Waller and my brother

In the outfield "session" we got to chat it up with Ty Waller. While I think Curt Young is the nicest of the A's coaches, I think Ty Waller has to be the funnest. He spent the whole session laughing and cracking one liners. Because of his personality, I know right away I could probably push the limits with him.

Me: "Hey coach, can we take a picture with you?"

Ty: "Sure thing."

::snaps picture::

Me: "Thanks coach."

Ty: "No problem guys."

Me: "Why on earth is Jack Cust playing left field?"

Ty: Laughs "I had Cust in San Diego with me and they didn't want him to play the outfield either."

Me; "I don't blame them."

Ty: "I've been working real hard with him everyday. Trust me, nobody shags more flyballs in all of baseball then Cust. But what do you want me to do? They tell me he has to play, what am I gonna do? What would you do? You want his bat in there don't you? Don't you?"

Me: "Me? Personally? No. I don't think he can hit neither."

We go on like this for pretty much the entire session. Ty refuses to even talk to me about Cust's hitting because he says, "...whether he hits or not is not what I'm responsible for. I just worry about his fielding. I don't worry about the other two (Gonzales and Sweeney ) Those two are just fine. It's Cust I have to worry about. All I want is for him to make the routine plays. That's all I ask for."

You and me both brother!

My inference? There are some on the A's enamored of Cust about as much as I am.

My brother doing his Jack Cust impersonation, back to home plate watching what the Central Gardner is doing

Our last session was on the infield with Tony DeFrancesco. This session was actually the only REAL session of the afternoon as Tony D wasn't going to put up with neither mine nor the douchebags' B.S. We actually received instruction on positioning, fielding and throwing. But since I have neither the aspiration nor the delusion of being a major league ballplayer, I just kind of tuned out and watched Patterson (who came out early) do his calisthenics and warm-ups for that long trip back to Sacramento.

With Tony D

All in all it was pretty fun for my brother and I though I don't think we made a particularly good impression with the coaches. Before we left, Ty Waller actually said to me, "No more Jack Cust questions. I'm not answering them."

We probably won't get asked back.